MY FAVORITE NETWORK MATCHES OF 2017

The WWE Network's

Ten Best Matches of 2017

For the third year in a row, I've written up my favorite matches from this past calendar year. On with the list...

BUT FIRST...

In a close race, Rusev vs. Randy Orton from SummerSlam 2017 edged out this year's Survivor Series main event, the Breezango/Ascension match from Money in the Bank 2017, and the Big Show/Big Cass match (also from SummerSlam) to earn the unwanted recognition of 2017's Worst Match of the Year. Non-congrats to the severely underrated Rusev!

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The Velveteen Dream vs. Aleister Black - NXT Takeover: WarGames
In 2017, Aleister Black arrived in NXT to a ton of hype. I was unfamiliar with the European indy vet and criticized his derivative gimmick in my review of his debut. Then, in August, he and Hideo Itami almost stole the show with a super stiff slugfest that left Black with a bloody nose. At WarGames, Black had an even better showing against the comparatively inexperienced Velveteen Dream. The Dream's Prince-inspired gimmick is goofy, but the juxtaposition with The Dutch Destroyer's black metal dude character resulted in an undeniably great clash of personalities and styles. Everything these two did before, during, and after the match served the story, elevating this from typical midcard filler to a deeply personal, high-stakes affair. 

Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens - Hell in a Cell 2017
I should've hated this match. Shane McMahon's previous Hell in a Cell match, against The Undertaker at WrestleMania 32, was my least favorite match of 2016 and this match wasn't all that dissimilar. However, the differences were important enough to win me over. For starters, unlike the supernatural Deadman, Kevin Owens is the most "human" Superstar in the WWE, a bully but not a super-athlete, not a highly-trained grappling specialist, not a 7' foot monster or a high-flying, lightning-quick cruiser. Owens is a gruff-and-tough Everyman, which means that seeing him sell for Shane doesn't require nearly as much suspension of disbelief as it did to believe the untrained 45 year-old businessman could go toe-to-toe with the WWE's mythical Phenom. Plus, unlike his MMA-cosplaying at WrestleMania 32, Shane O-Mac kept the poorly-applied submission moves to a minimum here, saving the audience from having to see him try to win a blood feud with a Sharpshooter. The obligatory minutes spent atop the cage added to the central conflict and felt justified too, another glaring difference between this match and the WrestleMania 32 debacle. 




Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman - Payback 2017
Anyone puzzled by why a growing portion of internet wrestling fans came around on Roman Reigns in 2017 owes it to themselves to watch (or re-watch) this match. Hovering around the 10 minute mark, its also the most digestible matches on this list. Just as his Royal Rumble 2007 performance against Umaga helped John Cena silence his harshest critics, Reigns' tremendous selling and fiery flurries of offense in this match were pitch perfect. This is how a top babyface performs. Meanwhile, Strowman is Strowman here - the WWE's first real Next Big Thing since their last real Next Big Thing. 

And now...the actual list....

10. Cena v. Styles v. Ambrose v. Wyatt v. Corbin v. The Miz - Elimination Chamber 2017

Unlike your typical cage match, the Elimination Chamber's awkward physical structure and equally awkward match structure puts a bit of a ceiling on the stipulation's potential. This year, though, the WWE wisely hedged their bets, opening the match with the company's aces, John Cena and AJ Styles, running through a greatest hits before the brand-mates were introduced. A match like this relies on constant barrages of signature offense delivered in rapid succession and, fortunately, Wyatt, Corbin, Miz, and Ambrose all have recognizable, crowd-popping arsenals at their disposal. In large part thanks to yet another captivating performance by Styles and the gutsy-in-hindsight decision to give Wyatt the strongest showing possible, this match was deservedly hailed as the best Elimination Chamber in company history. 

9. AJ Styles vs. Brock Lesnar - Survivor Series 2017

A few years back I participated in a Greatest Wrestler Ever Poll on the ProWrestlingOnly forum, a more nerdy hive of wrestling dweebs one could not find in this or any galaxy. The posters at "PWO" put my WWE/WCW-centric wrestling knowledge to shame. Required to rank 100 wrestlers to even have their ballot counted, you were in the minority if Kurt Angle found a spot in your top 75. These are fans that can talk the intricacies of obscure lucha and Japanese wrestling from 20 years ago like it happened last week. 

I, meanwhile, put Brock Lensar somewhere around #5 and ranked Diamond Dallas Page at #27. To put it in cinematic terms, that's like arguing Gone Girl deserves to be in the same conversation as The Treasure of Sierra Madre. 

I include this detail only to say that tasked with writing a new list, I'm not sure where Lesnar would rank - but his work since 2015 would likely push him out of my top 10. His matches against the Wyatt Family, Dean Ambrose, and Randy Orton were underwhelming and gimmicky. The guarantee that he'd be taking his opponents to "Suplex City" was a terrific selling point in three years ago, but is a tired trope now. While his WrestleMania match against Goldberg was a fun sprint and his matches against Samoa Joe and Braun Strowman showed shades of past glories, Lesnar's legacy as the must-see performer of his era needed some rehabilitation going into Survivor Series.

Enter AJ Styles, the WWE's resident miracle worker, capable of pulling career matches out of just about anyone (save for maybe Kevin Owens). Like his bouts against Reigns,  Ambrose, and Corbin, Styles brought out the best in his opponent here, bumping with gusto and delivering arduous, strategic offense in return. If the outcome, like most every Lesnar match, was never in question, Styles refused to let that limit his performance or the story that could be told. While not quite long enough to be called a timeless epic, its brevity may be the only valid criticism one could levy against it.

8. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman - Great Balls of Fire!

At Payback 2017, Reigns and Strowman gave us a truncated version of a 92' Sting/Vader classic. Reigns played the vulnerable babyface and Strowman the dominant monster. It was fantastic.

Two months later, though, the roles had shifted a bit. Braun came into the awfully-titled (but otherwise excellent) Great Balls of Fire! show with more credibility, while Reigns was no longer in just survival mode. Their Payback match benefitted from a tried-and-true framework (injured face valiantly battles monster heel), while this one was saddled with one of the harder stipulations to pull off, the Ambulance Match gimmick that, to my knowledge, has never yielded a match as entertaining as this one. 

With the use of weapons legal and the goal of the match to shove your opponent into the back of an ambulance, it was unavoidable that this "wrestling contest" would break down into a wild brawl. Still, without adequate escalation of violence, wild brawls don't always equate to thrilling matches. Reigns and Strowman (and whoever the agent was for this match) wisely build the suspense and intensity by bringing the match to new settings, introducing fresh firepower, and refusing to stop the chaos even after the victor's arm has been raised. 

7. Reigns vs. Lesnar vs. Joe vs. Strowman - SummerSlam 2017

In a year full of very fun multi-man matches from the WWE, this one was the best of the bunch. If you're looking for nuanced storytelling and a slow burn, look elsewhere, but what this match does do incredibly successfully is give the audience moment after moment of intriguing pairings and hard-hitting action. The physicality between Lesnar and Reigns nods to their unfinished business from WrestleMania 31 while Strowman and Lesnar's segments point to the still-untapped potential of a months-long rivalry between the behemoths. Samoa Joe takes a bit of a backseat, but he's subtly brilliant as the spoiler throughout, the dark horse picking his spots, practically salivating at the chance to lock in his Clutch knowing it's his best and only chance to leave with the Universal Championship.

The added bonus was that, going into the event, there was a question mark hovering over The Beast, rumored to be returning to the Octagon at the time. While the behind-the-scenes Lesnar drama certainly helped make the match less predictable, re-watches hold up thanks to a star-making performance out of Strowman, Lesnar's undeniably excellent selling, and a red hot Brooklyn crowd.

6. Tyler Bate vs. Pete Dunne - NXT Takeover: Chicago

Full disclosure: I didn't watch the WWE's UK Tournament. I also didn't watch the Mae Young Classic or the Cruiserweight tournament in 2016 either. A look at my blog posts reveal its not that I didn't have the time to watch these universally lauded events, I just chose to watch shit like WCW Capitol Combat 90': Return of Robocop instead.

So, Tyler Bate and Pete Dunne were nobodies to me when they came out for their grudge match at NXT Takeover: Chicago. Fortunately, the rabid Chicago crowd let me know early on that I should keep my eyes on the ring. They start things off with a dazzling sequence of mat wrestling before proceeding to put on absolute clinic of every other style imaginable. These two fought like their careers were on the line, refusing to have anything less than the best match of their careers. Bridging the gap between "indy spotfest" and WWE main event style, this match earned a warranted "Fight Forever" chant before it was all said and done. The fact that the WWE didn't immediately push Pete Dunne to the moon after this show was one of the great mysteries of 2017.

5. Asuka vs. Ember Moon - NXT Takeover: Brooklyn III

One of the smartest worked matches of the year, Ember Moon arrived with a clear strategy to do the impossible against the undefeated Asuka, this through line lending the match a story structure impossible to not get sucked in by. Unable to score a quick fall early, Moon went for broke at every turn and, wisely, worked intensely to avoid Asuka's deadly kicks. As I noted in my original review, there were some questionable moments, but instead of getting disoriented, the slight miscues seemed to inspire both of the women to put more oomph in their next big slam, take an even harsher bump, and extra force behind their strikes. By the end of the match, Asuka had clearly been pushed to her limit and Moon had established herself as her greatest challenger, the final minutes containing some of the best false finishes of the year. Throw in excellent character work that revealed emotional depth where there hadn't necessarily been any before and you have one of the division's all-time best matches.

4. John Cena vs. AJ Styles - Royal Rumble 2017

Considering how well-received their matches at SummerSlam and Money in the Bank were in 2016, it was no surprise to learn that John Cena would challenge AJ Styles for his WWE World Championship at the Royal Rumble last January. Like a video game cheat code, putting this pairing on any bill practically guarantees you'll have at least one stand-out, must-see match on the show. 

Still, like many storied rivalries of the past, there's always some question as to when enough is enough. Mick Foley had to hurl himself off the top of a cage to make his dozenth match against the Undertaker seem special. In 2015, crowds actively booed the announcement of a John Cena/Randy Orton match. While Cena and AJ hadn't worked as extensively as those other pairings, their first bouts featured so much bomb-throwing that it was hard to imagine what new heights they could even reach. 

Somehow, their match at the Rumble topped everything they'd done before. Their previous bouts could never be called sloppy, but here, the transitions and execution was impeccable. AJ Styles, as over as he was in August 2016, was much more established 4 months later thanks to a strong heel run with the World Title. Cena, having been usurped as "The Face That Runs The Place," used his time away recharging his batteries and looked more driven and spirited at the Rumble than he'd looked in years. 

For 24 minutes, Cena and Styles tried to dish out every signature spot they had only to find their opponent had it scouted, leading to several awe-inspiring counters and unique variations on old stand-bys. When that didn't work, Cena would toss in JBL-esque clotheslines and Styles would straight-up backhand Cena in the face, the brutality of the strikes almost overshadowing the incredible array of maneuvers both guys busted out. The best one-on-one match of the year.

3. #DIY vs. The Authors of Pain - NXT Takeover: Chicago
After consistently having the best match of the night on several NXT specials in a row, #DIY were given a huge opportunity at Takeover: Chicago, slotted into the main event spot for a ladder match against The Authors of Pain. Knowing they'd have to take to the air and scramble for the gold before the Authors could dish out too much punishment, #DIY went for the ladders early. The strategy led to some glorious, crowd-pleasing babyface shine in the first third of the match, but when the tide turned, the AOP became merciless brutes and the drama escalated exponentially. 

While Gargano is typically cited as #DIY's more sympathetic half, Ciampa does a masterful job as the face-in-peril in this match, manhandled by the AOP to the point of near-death. In one of the most heinous acts I've seen a heel duo perform in a long while, the Authors nearly decapitate him only for Gargano to make the last minute save and eat the steel himself. The match could reasonably end there, with Gargano knocked out cold and Ciampa frozen in shock and fear. Instead, Ciampa continues to fight, planting one of the Author's through a ladder and buying enough time for Gargano to make a comeback as well. With the Authors on the mat, #DIY attempt to secure the titles together, symbolically climbing in unison to achieve what one could never do alone. Their bond ends up costing them, though, the ladder giving way beneath them, their bodies now literally hanging like fruit to be picked by the monstrous AOP. 

Had the story ended there, with the Authors of Pain retaining their titles in a hard-fought ladder match, you'd still likely find this bout making my list. What makes it a top 5 match of the year, though, is the tremendous post-match angle, a heart-wrenching heel turn that generated enough heat to keep the NXT brand hot for months to come. Unfortunately, a knee injury suffered during the match sidelined Ciampa just as he was set to become the brand's most hated villain. The eventual clash between Gargano and Ciampa in 2018 is easily the most anticipated match in NXT's, and maybe all of wrestling's, future.

2. The Usos vs. The New Day - Hell in a Cell 2017

Hell in a Cell matches aren't what they used to be. While only a handful have been truly awful (I'm looking at you, Big Bossman vs. Undertaker), the days of these matches being guaranteed crowd-pleasers ended at least a decade ago. The original was an instant classic, the Foley/Undertaker bout remains unparalleled in its chaos, and some of Triple H's best matches took place between the cell walls, but over time, the WWE went to the well too often and the concept became watered down. John Cena and Randy Orton have had two equally unmemorable Hell in a Cell matches. Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose had a better lumberjack match than Hell in a Cell match and it wasn't even close. Can you name all of CM Punk's opponents in his cell appearances? I couldn't and I'd wager you can't either. Even the idea of placing tag teams in the cage is nothing new seeing as DegenerationX wrestled in the structure twice. 

Plus, considering the WWE's anti-blood policy and the fact that one of the teams in the match, The New Day, are colorful, cheery cereal box cartoons come to life, most expected this match to spend most of its time floating in the entertainment area of the sports-entertainment pool. This, mind you, wouldn't have even been a bad thing as this was one of two Hell in a Cell matches on the card. Booking logic would dictate that you'd want to save the real carnage for the main event. 

So we expected to see Big E launch himself with a spear into the cage. We expected to see the Usos take to the air with reckless abandon and maybe hit a few hip attacks into the cell wall. We knew at least one trombone would be destroyed. What nobody predicted was for the fun-loving New Day to use kendo sticks to build a bamboo prison in one corner. What nobody called was Xavier Woods getting handcuffed, hanged, and beaten with kendo sticks. What about Big E sidewalk slamming one of the Usos off the apron onto the knees of Woods on the floor? That was some stuff I don't even think you can pull off in a video game. 

One of the best Hell in a Cell matches ever, probably the best one of the decade. 

...drumroll please...

1. #DIY vs. The Authors of Pain vs. The Revival - NXT Takeover: Orlando

Filled to the brim with "mark out" moments, this match for the NXT Tag Team Championships was the funnest 23 minutes of wrestling all year. Sound psychology throughout, focused storytelling, all three teams getting equal times to shine, this match was a pure joy to watch until its heartbreaking (but, in retrospect, necessary) finish. 

To start, #DIY and The Revival were in it for themselves, but as the match progresses story becomes all about the longtime rivals (who had two of my favorite matches of 2016) banding together to try to dispatch a shared enemy. Now this isn't the first time we've seen babyfaces and heels form an uneasy alliance (we see it all the time in battle royals, for example), but #DIY and The Revival made it special by cribbing from each other's playbooks and rewarding the fans with not-so-subtle callbacks to their storied history. The result was the best triple threat tag match of all time, a roller coaster ride of brilliant mirror spots, dazzling double-team maneuvers, and nasty suplexes, and stunning superkicks, and whiplash-inducing clotheslines...

Like their series last year, what elevated this beyond just being a cacophony of nifty high spots and crowd-popping cut-offs was the emotion and storytelling provided by Gargano, Ciampa, and the Revival. That being said, the Authors of Pain proved their mettle here too, dishing out plenty of damage but showing they're unafraid of taking their fair share of it too. In a year of excellent tag team wrestling on the main roster and NXT both, this was the pinnacle. 

WCW Road Wild 99'

Road Wild 99'

Sturgis, SD - August 1999

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Hulk Hogan is the WCW World Champion coming into the show, while the US Championship is held by Chris Benoit. Rick Steiner is the recognized Television Championship (though his match is, inexplicably, a non-title one). Rey Mysterio Jr. is the Cruiserweight Champion and the World Tag Team Championships are held by the 3-man Triad (Bigelow, Kanyon, and DDP).

COMMENTATORS: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Mike Tenay

Before I review this show, its worth noting how the main event came up to be. The night after Bash at the Beach, "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan returned and wrestled Randy Savage in the main event for Savage's World Championship. After run-ins from Sid (in support of Savage) and Sting (in support of Hogan), Savage looks like he's about to retain the title but Kevin Nash plants him with a Jacknife Powerbomb and Hogan makes the cover. Nash then cuts a poor promo challening Hogan for the title, the two finally set to square off a good year or so after this would've been a meaningful and "big" match. Whoops. 

Onto the show....

A video promo hypes our opening contest - The Deadpool (Vampiro and Raven with support from Jekyll Brother Era the Insane Clown Posse) taking on Eddie Guerrero, Billy Kidman, and Rey Mysterio Jr. I'm not sure the high flyers were going by their eventual name (The Filthy Animals) yet, but they do work well together, the teammates arguably being the most consistently great workers WCW had on their roster at the time. Mike Tenay erroneously refers to ICP's Great Milenko album as their first album (its like 4th or 5th, I think) before plugging their new album. Violent J comes in and gets to live his fantasy, even hitting a jawbreaker. Shaggy lands a respectable vertical suplex too, so, say what you will about ICP's presence here, its not like they didn't at least try. Vampiro comes in and after a brief flurry from Eddie, maintains control with a vicious chokeslam. Shaggy 2 Dope comes in and tries to hit a move from the top but ends up dropping onto the turnbuckle scrotum-first. Eddie makes the hot tag to Rey who takes out pre-diet and exercise Violent J. Finally Raven gets involved for his team and Vampiro hits his Vampiro Spike on the outside of the ring. Vamp sends Rey into the steps and sends him back into the ring soon after where Violent J hits him with a sideslam. It is somewhat remarkable how many more wrestling maneuvers ICP perform than what I'm guessing we'll see in tonight's main event. Still, giving them so much offense in this match, regardless of how well it is performed, is a bit much for me - I mean, in small amounts when its obvious that Raven and Vampiro are really doing the dirty work I can stomach it, but nobody needs to see Shaggy 2 Dope dominating the best three cruiserweights of the 90s. The finishing sequence is action-packed and exciting - too bad the production crew misses some of it. With a better layout, less ICP dominance, and a better throughline, this would have been considerably better, but as it is, it is only slightly below average. (2/5)

Again a video promo sets the stage for our next bout - Harlem Heat vs. The Triad for the Triad's World Tag Team Championships. Harlem Heat had reunited just a few weeks prior, relegating Booker T back into the tag scene after looking like one of the company's best emerging singles talents in 98'. The Triad are represented by Kanyon and Bigelow this time around with DDP prepping for his US Title Match later in the show. Not too bad of a match, but really nothing special. Booker T was over with the crowd (and Stevie was over by proximity), which is somewhat shocking considering the epithets they endured at the first Road Wild show. DDP eventually comes out and accidentally costs the Triad the match and their titles. (1.5/5)

The West Texas Rednecks are up next to take on Saturn, Dean Malenko, and Shane Douglas. Was Douglas joining WCW supposed to be a big deal because he certainly doesn't come off as one in this context...? As expected, Hennig shines, Malenko and Saturn hold their own, and everyone else is just kinda there. Like the match before this, there's not anything outright horrible going on in the ring, but being the third match in and being the third tag match on the show, it just feels samey and any real heat that this match starts with pretty much evaporates the second the bell rings. Another sub-average, instantly forgettable, and seemingly purposeless match. (2/5)

The Cat vs. Buff Bagwell follows in a match that I did not enjoy but did please the fans regardless. They lay the schtick on very heavily, The Cat playing to the crowd constantly and Buff Bagwell doing his own obnoxious taunts repeatedly throughout. The Cat's incessant whining got good heat, but it still strikes me as a very thin veneer of "it"-factor charisma coating an otherwise green and one-dimensional performer. Bagwell, meanwhile, was failed by the WCW producers who didn't have the foresight or creativity to expand the Buff character into something that was able to be rooted for. Instead, Bagwell, who maybe could've shined as a strong babyface ass-kicker, didn't drop a single ounce of the pompous arrogance he displayed as a heel, making him almost impossible to cheer for. Another not so hot match, but at least it doesn't run that long. (1/5)

The United States Championship is on the line next - Chris Benoit defending the strap against Diamond Dallas Page of the Triad. Page controls early and even commandeers Charles Robinson's belt at one point to whip on the Crippler in the corner. As heelish as this is, part of the crowd seems to enjoy it, cheering on DDP's villainous acts. On commentary, Schiavone finally explains that the match is "No DQ," which I must've missed in the pre-match announcements. Benoit's comeback is amazing, Page taking a trio of nasty suplexes after a flurry of furious blows. Just as Benoit looks like he's headed for the winner's circle, Bigelow and Kanyon show up to make it a 3-on-1. Inexplicably, Benoit's buddies, The Revolution, decide *not* to help their comrade and just watch from the back. Miraculously, Benoit is able to survive the numbers game and get the W. Not a bad match, but again, the booking is puzzling as the Triad end up looking incompetent and while Benoit winning "on his own" is good for his credibility, it sure doesn't make The Revolution look like a true band of brothers. (2/5)

Chad Damiani of WCW.com gives away a customized Road Wild motorycle next with the President of Iron Horse at his side. The winner ends up being Darnell Potter of Cleveland, Ohio, the name "Darnell" getting some laughs from Bobby Heenan. 

Back to the ring we go for Sting vs. Sid. Schiavone notes that Sid has the best record in WCW and Heenan chimes in that he is "undefeated" - which is true because WCW only counted his matches that month and ignored the rest of his decade-long career. The idea of Sid being "undefeated" was designed to build him up for a match with Goldberg, which wasn't even a bad idea in theory. As for Sting, his biggest claim to fame at this time was being the man that wrested the Presidency away from Flair and Piper and putting the power back in the hands of the trusted JJ Dillon. Sid is more athletic here than I remember him being in WWE, stumbling over the top rope and the guardrails and selling for the Stinger in a way he never had to against Michaels and Hart in his last run in the WWE. "More athletic" doesn't mean graceful, but at least the effort is there. Sting's 99' work is, to me, underrated considering how uneven (or outright terrible) the rest of the main eventers were performing, but there are some questionable design elements in this match, Sting's offense lacking any strategy and, at times, defying what should be a match built on the idea of Sid's size vs. Sting's resiliency. I'd call this sub-average just because of Sid's general sloppiness and the logic-confounding offense that makes up Sting's comeback, but at least you get a clean finish. (2/5)

A pre-match video package highlights the return of Goldberg and his feud with...Rick Steiner. Only WCW would bring back a star the magnitude of Goldberg (maybe the *only* true in-demand star they had at the time) and immediately have him feud with someone as irrelevant as Rick Steiner instead of literally anybody else. Seeing Goldberg stiff the hell out of Steiner is a little fun, but it also brings to mind how this sort of recklessness ended up costing Bret Hart his career. Steiner exposes Goldberg's left knee by ripping off the brace and using it as a weapon (which, as Schiavone explains, doesn't qualify as a foreign object because Goldberg wore the brace into the ring). Steiner gets in some good shots, but Goldberg doesn't stay down long and things get wrapped up soon after. I would've enjoyed this more if it was even more one-sided. Nothing match. (1.5/5)

Dennis Rodman makes his way down the aisle for the next match. Without the nWo fanfare and ticker tape, Rodman does not come off as a huge star the way he did in previous appearances. It being the summer of 1999 too, Rodman was a good 18 months beyond the days when he even resembled a big deal on court or off. His opponent, Randy Savage, was in the midst of his worst year yet, the one-time storytelling master remarkably bad at this point. He can still take a back bump and, against an actual credible opponent and if he was a face, his selling might actually work, but in this context, its a bit odd how much Rodman dominates early on. The Worm goes after the ref and ends up costing himself the advantage. When Mach takes over, he hits Rodman with a pretty good stun gun across the top of the rope before going after the ringside photographer and some referees. Rodman back body drops Savage out of the ring in a surprisingly risky high spot for the injury-ridden Macho Man, but when he follows him to the outside, Savage takes back control and sends him into the guardrail. They brawl up the ramp and to the back where even more innocent bystanders and pulled into the fray. A "Bullshit" chant briefly starts up as the audience can seemingly not see the action, though they must have some view of it because Rodman getting tossed into a porta-potty (that ends up halfway tipped over for good measure) gets a good pop. Rodman makes his way back towards the ring and Savage strikes him from behind. Some no-selling and telegraphed moments follow, but considering how bad this match began, its actually somewhat impressive that they were able to win over the crowd and make this somewhat entertaining thanks to loads of ref bumps, weapon shots, out-of-the-ring brawling, and an appearance by Gorgeous George. This was better than I expected it to be in that I expected it to be really, really bad. (2.5/5)

Main event time - Hulk Hogan vs. Kevin Nash in a Career vs. Career World Championship Match. Hogan comes out in his old Red & Yellow and has the crowd behind him. He and Nash lock up and, at least initially, its actually kind of cool to see the Hulkster back to his tried-and-true babyface routine. Nash applies a headlock and Hogan is only able to break it with a back suplex, the Outsider rolling out of the ring to collect his thoughts. Back in the ring we get a test of strength and the crowd rallies behind Hogan. Nash cuts it short though and hits Hogan with a series of strikes in the corner. Heenan calls these two "the biggest draws in the sport" and should've been reminded that its 1999 not 1996. Nash continues to control the majority of the match, these two working this like its an epic the scale of Hogan/Warrior or Hogan/Andre but without the benefit of any sort of aura (which is kind of the very reason those two matches worked at all). Predictably, Nash hits his Jacknife Powerbomb but Hogan kicks out and hulks up to beat him clean with a single leg drop. This has to be one of the few retirement matches where the guy in his late 40s "retired" the guy in his early 40s but I don't think anybody believed that the retirement stipulation would hold up anyway. (1.5/5)


While an improvement from the all-time terrible Bash at the Beach show the previous month, Road Wild 99' is still a wretched way to spend 2+ hours. The best match on the show is Rodman/Savage but only because it exceeds one's expectations by featuring some surprisingly fun and hard-hitting spots after starting off very sloppy. The main event is basically the opposite of everything it could've been had it been done in 98' or even 7 months earlier when these characters were still interesting. Even if Hogan was over with the live crowd, from a storytelling perspective, the return to the red and yellow was a band-aid on a gunshot wound for WCW's main event scene. Goldberg's return seems like an afterthought despite him maybe being the only game-changer talent the company had left. Benoit/Page seems unimportant in the midcard, like WCW's best idea for a "reboot" was just to pretend 98' didn't happen and put these guys back on the hamster wheels they'd been fighting to escape in 97'. The same can be said for reuniting Harlem Heat too. Horrid booking and unremarkable wrestling combine to earn this show a Kwang score of 1.78-out-of-5...

FINAL RATING - DUDleyville

WWE Clash of the Champions 2017

WWE Clash of the Champions 2017

Boston, MA - December 2017

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: AJ Styles is the WWE World Champion, Charlotte holds the SmackDown Women's Championship, the United States Title is held by Baron Corbin, and the SmackDown Tag Team Championships are held by the Usos coming into tonight's show.

COMMENTATORS: Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, and Tom Phillips

Our opening contest was a pretty odd match - Baron Corbin defending his United States Championship against fellow heel Dolph Ziggler and the popular-but-not-super-babyface-ish Bobby Roode. Unlike the triple threat between Corbin, Styles, and Tye Dillinger back at the Hell in a Cell pay-per-view, this one lacked a clear story and clear hero (though Roode was ostensibly the "fan favorite" just because of his entrance) and while the audience popped for the big moves and near falls, this just didn't have any emotional weight. The finish was as odd as the ingredients, Dolph Ziggler scoring the victory (and the title) despite being the one guy here that I thought everyone assumed was the most directionless. Corbin is green, to be sure, but he proved himself a decent base against Styles and Kalisto and continued to push him wasn't nearly as offensive as his haters like to claim. Roode, meanwhile, is a natural heel who has always benefitted from being paired with a more colorful personality (Eric Young and Scott D'Amore in Team Canada, James Storm in Beer Money, etc.) but his entrance is so beloved that they've seemingly decided to just let him spin his wheels until he can officially turn heel. I'm not even a big Roode fan, but even I would call this a cynical use of a could-be solid midcard performer. A fine match that, at one point, even got an unwarranted, mild "This is Awesome" chant, but nothing special. (2.5/5)

In a questionable decision, one multi-man was followed by another - this one for the WWE World Tag Team Championships held by The Usos. Their opponents tonight in a fatal fourway (with new enhanced rules that guaranteed pandemonium from the very start) were The New Day, Benjamin and Gable, and Rusev and Aiden English. Rusev was very over with the live crowd - which isn't surprising considering his batting average of taking shit sandwiches and turning them into delectable dishes is almost 1000. Remember that League of Nations stuff? Or the feud with Ziggler? Or the two feuds with John Cena? The fact that any of those things were as bearable as they were was routinely thanks to Rusev. Anyway, I found this match to be too muddled and "spotty," but it did have its moments - especially the spotlight moments given to the aforementioned and Chad Gable, who stole this match entirely with his sick displays of unexpected stretch. The Usos and The New Day need new dance partners, for sure, but especially after the pace of the opening match, I wasn't ready for another wild, structure-less match with multiple saves and cut-offs. Had they put this match later on the card I think the audience would've reacted even stronger to it. With this match talent in the ring it'd be almost impossible for it to fail, but this one just too all over the place for me. (2/5)

The SmackDown Women's Championship Match was up next - Charlotte defending the strap against longtime rival Natalya. This was a lumberjack match (not a "lumberjill" match, mind you) featuring all heels on the outside save for Naomi (Becky is selling an injury so she wasn't on hand). I've actually enjoyed some of the Charlotte/Natalya matches from the past, but this was an off night for everyone involved and the stipulation was probably the key reason why. Lumberjack matches are tough to get over, but it certainly help when the combatants have tremendous heat - like Rollins and Ambrose in 2015 (I think?) or if Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart had worked one in 96' or 97. Charlotte and Natalya are rivals, but their feud peaked what feels like months if not years ago in NXT and when they were on RAW. Meanwhile, aside from Naomi, the majority of the lumberjacks are either wholly unproven (the Riot Squad) or basically just jobbers that serve no purpose beyond filling out the division (the Lana-As-A-Wrestler experiment sure petered out quick, huh?). There were spots here and there that were good - but the best one of the match was delivered by Naomi (her crossbody to the floor from the top looked great and got a huge pop). Natalya's post-match promo made little to no sense, either, as she whined about the fans turning on her as if this was some sort of new statement. Didn't she cut the same promo when she turned months ago? I expect she'll be off TV for a little while to sell the idea that she "stormed out" of the company, but I also expect that when she comes back, she'll probably be a babyface and this whole last run will be forgotten. I put more blame on the writing staff than the performers here as there was almost no way, even on paper, this would ever have worked to produce good TV. (1/5)

Cramming your first three title matches into the first half of the show meant that we would be treated to some serious filler before the bigger matches of the night and that's exactly what we got next - The Bludgeon Brothers squashing Breezango in under 5. Earlier in 2017, I wrote about how Luke Harper getting in the best shape of his WWE career should've earned him a serious reconsideration as a singles guy and I stand by that - but I do have moderate hopes for the Bludgeon Bros. Unlike The Good Brothers over on RAW, Rowan and Harper actually have a good track record when paired up with the likes of the Usos and The New Day. There's no reason to believe they won't mesh well with the American Alphas Redux or even Rusev and English, who may be headed to a face turn sooner than later based on the crowd responses they've been getting. Whereas the Good Brothers were almost immediately lost in the shuffle upon their arrival and had to dance with the dinosaurs of Team 3D, the Bludgeon Brothers are actually in a division rife with young, over talent. Still, once the Authors of Pain get the call-up from NXT, they could just as easily get overshadowed by the Next Big Things. Regardless, this was a good showcase for them and Breezango bumped like hell to make them look great, but this was TV fodder, not a PPV worthy match. (1.5/5)

The next match was a big one - Randy Orton and Shinsuke Nakamura teaming up to take on Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn in a match where both Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan were serving as guest referees. If that wasn't enough of a stip for you, Owens and Zayn were fighting for their careers. This one isn't going to make anyone's 2017 Best Of list, but it told the story it needed to...or at least it almost did. I'm not sure if they're leaning into the popularity of Owens and Zayn, but it definitely felt like Bryan's involvement was more justified than Shane McMahon deliberately not counting a clear 3-count. Before we got there, though, the action was solid and I liked seeing Bryan back in the ring - even wearing stripes. The crowd was fully into the match and even the commentators did a decent job of highlighting D-Bry's history with Orton and Shane's penchant for inserting himself where he doesn't belong. Again, this may have put a bit too much sympathy on the ostensible heels, but they certainly weren't fibbing or adding any emotion into the match that the crowd wasn't already putting there. The biggest spot of the match saw Nakamura get put through a table after being somewhat protected in the rest of the contest. I'm thinking that Nakamura will be cycled out of this storyline sooner rather than later and maybe even end up on RAW in 2018 so they can see if those waters better serve his character. Orton, meanwhile, wouldn't surprise me as AJ Styles' next challenger, though, I wouldn't be surprised if they held off that match until WrestleMania. Whatever direction they go, this match didn't offer enough in the way of great chemistry for me to be too eager to see these four paired off repeatedly over the next 4 months. Only slightly above average thanks to a hot crowd and an interesting ending. (3/5)

Main event time - AJ Styles defending his WWE World Championship against former champion Jinder Mahal. This was another feather in the cap for Styles, as pure a carry job as I've seen since the days of Cena and Michaels making the Great Khali look like a threat. Honestly, it blows my mind to read and hear reports about how far Mahal has come when his improvement can only be objectively described as "slight." Does he work hard? Sure, I mean, it must be challenging to skirt the WWE's Wellness Policy. All kidding aside, I respect Mahal's drive and obvious passion - but before he joins the ranks of guys like Mark Henry and The Miz, who started off as maybe the worst workers on the roster in their early years and became, years later, dependable, solid performers, Mahal is going to have to actually do what The Miz and Mark Henry did: have good matches. This was AJ Styles fearlessly bumping all over the ring, over the top rope and onto the arena floor, and through a wall at one point just to get reactions that Mahal had little to no role in generating. At this point, it is nearly impossible for Styles to have a truly bad match - his work ethic and athletic skills mean that you will always get something worth seeing in his matches, but this match was not in the same league as the magic he delivered against his true main event peers like Lesnar, Cena, and Reigns. Hell, even his not-so-hot series against Owens, which may have failed just because they were too ambitious in trying to deliver constant thrills and spills, were more entertaining than this. (3/5)



Some of the WWE's best shows of the year out-performed the card presented. Unfortunately, this was not one of them. Though the main events were good, they weren't great, and neither was anything else on the show. The Womens' Title Match was actually actively bad, somewhat surprising considering Flair and Neidhart have shown they have chemistry in the past. With a Kwang Score of 2.16-out-of-5, this was easily the WWE's least must-watch show of the year - and the card going in was the first hint. Recommended only to completists and those that need video evidence of how much Rusev and Gable have been underserved in 2017.

FINAL RATING - High Risk Maneuver

WCW Bash at the Beach 99'

WCW Bash at the Beach 99'

Ft. Lauderdale, FL - July 1999

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into tonight's show, Kevin Nash is the WCW World Champion, the United States Champion is David Flair, Rick Steiner holds the Television Title, and the Cruiserweight Champion is Rey Mysterio Jr. The World Tag Team Champions are the Jersey Triad. 

COMMENTATORS: Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan

After Tony and Bobby hype tonight's main event contests and "Mean" Gene plugs his hotline, we cut to Mike Tenay, who informs us that thanks to a secret source, he has found the location of tonight's first even Hardcore Invitational match, a junkyard somewhere near Ft. Lauderdale. 

Back to the arena we go for tonight's opening contest - The Cat taking on The Disco Inferno. After cutting down the crowd, The Cat challenges Inferno to a dance contest. Miller's dancing is awful, but you gotta love a guy who promises to "put on his karate gi and kick everyone in the arena's ass." Inferno follows and gets the crowd behind him but is almost immediately cut off by The Cat. This isn't a bad match necessarily - but its hard to get excited about Disco Inferno as a babyface (but no discernible difference in his gimmick) and Sonny Onoo pulling the same shit he did when he managing Ultimo Dragon. In the end, your enjoyment of this match relies completely on your feelings about The Cat. While I can see the potential in his work, with just two years of experience, he's no ring general and there are some moments when he leans into Disco's offense, re-positions himself too blatantly, and just doesn't look any better than what he is - a relatively green worker whose charisma and character were coming together much quicker than his in-ring skills. Again, not terrible, but nothing worth watching in a hundred thousand years. (1.5/5)

Mark Madden is backstage in the WCW's internet area interviewing with Judge Mills Lane. Did anyone ever order a boxing match to see Judge Mills Lane? WCW was sure hoping so. 

The World Television Title is on the line next with Van Hammer (who had to pull the tights of Disco Inferno to defeat him) challenging titleholder Rick Steiner. This is a bizarrely booked match, or at least it seemed bizarre back then and still today because pushing Rick Steiner as a singles star in 1999 over younger talent is just an insane feature to put on PPV. I mean, its not like Steiner was working circles around the admittedly not-so-hot Hammer, so if you're going to argue that keeping the strap on a veteran was a good idea, it still doesn't explain why that veteran was Rick friggin' Steiner. Anyway, the match begins and from the first minute its obvious that these two do not have chemistry and, at certain points, seems like they just flat out don't want to work together. Steiner dominates, Van Hammer fights back (and, maybe inadvertently, gets a stiff shot in), and then Steiner just clobbers him again until they get to the lackluster finishing stretch. There goes the Van Hammer push - way to make your fans not care about a rising TV talent. (0.5/5)

A video package helps us relive the Ric Flair Presidency and sets up our next match - Dean Malenko vs. David Flair for Flair's US Title. Unlike the previous match, where the booking didn't make a single lick of sense, here, its obvious that WCW believed they could generate tremendous heat by having David Flair, propped up by Ric, Double A, Asya, and Torrie Wilson, score cheap wins over respected grapplers like Dean Malenko, Chris Benoit, and Sting. The problem was that David Flair, at this point in his wrestling career, was awful. Every ounce of charisma Flair had, David lacked. Even playing the untrained, outmatched deer-in-headlights, David Flair's expressions and movements don't register anything beyond blankness. When this was happening, David Flair was often (and unfairly) compared to Shane McMahon, a guy 10 years his senior and much more eager to put himself on screen and in a major role, but the comparison is still an apt one to consider in regards to what WCW was attempting and how off the mark they were from the very origin of their derivative "evil boss" concept. Extra negative points for Arn Anderson being the guy who comes out of this looking the toughest. (0.5/5)

Fortunately, something actually fun follows - the music video for the West Texas Rednecks' "Rap is Crap" video. I wouldn't necessarily call this a Network Nugget of Awesomeness just because the video is so readily available via Youtube, but its definitely the best part of this show so far and worth digging up. (+1)

Rey Mysterio Jr., Konnan, Brad "B.A" Armstrong, and Swoll represent the No Limit Soldiers next, taking on the aforementioned West Texas Rednecks - Curt Hennig, Barry and Kendall Windham, and Bobby Duncum Jr.. One of the worst, most poorly designed matches I've seen in ages, just an absolute mess that is only saved, for very short moments, by the fact that Mysterio, Hennig, and, to a lesser degree, Barry Windham are such pros. Brad Armstrong, a solid hand for sure, is ridiculously miscast as a camo-wearing hip-hop head and Heenan and Schiavone are completely unable to explain why he's even involved here or why his new nickname is "B.A." The very premise of the match is spoiled by the fact that Konnan and the No Limit Soldiers are booed during their entrance, though its not like the fans are so overwhelmingly in support of the Rednecks either, giving the match practically no heat. Also, inexplicably, the Soldiers outnumber the Rednecks in a bizarre flip of how one typically tries to get sympathy and support for the good guys. As this is an elimination match, it goes longer than it should by a good 4-5 minutes. Another dud. (0.5/5)

Things go from bad to worse in the next match - the Junkyard Invitiational. Featuring such notables as Jerry Flynn, Public Enemy, Hak, and Knobbs, this match is nothing more than a dozen guys brawling in a junkyard, hitting and no-selling weapon shots between moments of just aimlessly walking about captured by a helicopter cam and some handhelds. While you can certainly make out who most everybody is and what they're doing - making this a step up from, say, the original Boiler Room Brawl - I can't imagine anyone actually caring about anyone involved or what they're doing - making this a step down from the original Boiler Room Brawl. There is no story at all and the one attempt at victory by Johnny Grunge is idiotic, the Public Enemy member dragging Horace Hogan over to the fence just so he can *surprise surprise* prevent him from escaping the Junkyard, which is the object of the match that apparently only three guys involved even know is the object of the match. Finlay ends up winning the thing, but this is 13 minutes that feels like 30. One of the worst "matches" I've ever seen. (0/5)

The WCW World Tag Team Championships are on the line next - Saturn and Benoit challenging The Jersey Triad. As Schiavone and Heenan explain, the Triad are able to wrestle as a 3-man unit because of their friendship with Flair. Just like at the previous month's Great American Bash, these two teams against each other feels like the night's first actually competently-performed wrestling match...and we're over an hour into this event. I wasn't taken in by this match, but I'll give credit where its due as the teams have a tough task at hand in trying to save this awful show by giving them an actual match with a real beginning, middle, and end. When the heels control, they might do it well as the crowd interest seems to flatten a bit and Benoit's hot tag gets only a mild response. Page tries to bring the crowd back into it with huge gestures and, at one point, standing on the guardrail and shouting into the crowd for no apparent reason. Their match at Great American Bash lacked structure, but this one might suffer from sticking to the script too much, the match featuring two face-in-peril stretches that the crowd only intermittently seems to care about. By time time we get to the closing stretch, the crowd is biting on the nearfalls, but it certainly helps that we're now getting some shenanigans in the form of powder clouds and weaponry and a ref bump. The best match on the show thus far, but at over 20 minutes, this is not one I'd ever want to rewatch. (2/5)

Here we go...Buff Bagwell vs. Roddy Piper in a Boxing Match with Judge Mills Lane serving as the guest referee. The Bagwell face push was just so mishandled as Buff, while popular with some of the women in the crowd, wasn't tweaked nearly enough to help him win over the many males in the audience. Bagwell himself also didn't have the sense to rein in his smug, corny schtick either. Piper has Flair in his corner so Bagwell brings out his own cornerman, nee "cornerperson" - his mother, Judy Bagwell. The fact that Bagwell can't quickly dropthe very old-looking Piper (in fact its Hot Rod that lands the first big shot and takes Bagwell off his feet) further solidifies his impotence. After the first round, Schiavone explains that Flair has doused Bagwell's gloves in some sort of liquid that burns Bagwell's eyes and that's the story for round two as Piper dominates and Bagwell takes another drop to the mat. Bagwell finally lands a big enough shot to put Piper down towards the end of the 2nd Round but as the commentators note, anyone scoring this would have to give the first two rounds to Roddy Piper. At the start of the 3rd Round, Judy Bagwell gets involved and thus begins the end of Buff Bagwell's career. Judy's interference ends up leading to the Blockbuster finish (since when do boxing matches end with pinfalls?) and Schiavone calls it a "big win" for his career when, really, its the opposite of that. More wrestlecrap in case you hadn't had enough by this point. (0.5/5)

A video package hypes tonight's main event match, explaining how we ended up with such a convoluted mess involving so many main event guys with so little in-ring ability. It also presents Kevin Nash as a bit of a creep who is only able to get female companionship by winning it in a match or kidnap.

Main event time - Kevin Nash and Sting vs. Sid and "Macho Man" Randy Savage in a match where any man who pins Nash, including in some sort of twist I can't fully comprehend his own partner, will become WCW World Champion. This stipulation turns the match into a weird pseudo-fourway/not-quite-handicap match and practically guarantees overbooking. The match starts off with Sting and Macho in the ring and Gorgeous George walking over to the babyface corner, perplexing the commentary team and nobody else as this is quite obviously a mindgame from Team Madness. Sting doesn't just do the lion's share of the work in this match, he does all of it as, and I could've blinked and missed it, I don't believe Nash gets tagged in until the final 2 minutes of what is a 10+ minute match. Savage can do nothing more than throw punches at this point, so obviously hobbled by age and injury. Sid is really no better, the slow-moving big man a real attraction in his day, but his day was at least 7-8 years before this. Again, I can't reiterate enough how hard Sting works to keep this match together, something I don't believe he gets nearly enough credit for when people look back at his career or discuss how terrible WCW was during this spell. Out of Sting, Hogan, Bret, Nash, Luger, Sid, Macho, Hall, Flair, Piper, etc., its really only Sting that looked to be remotely interested in putting on good matches at this point. Unfortunately, even the Stinger can't make this awful match work. Also, that stipulation that was supposed to be add intrigue to the proceedings? It doesn't play into the finish whatsoever so it was completely unnecessary anyway. A new champion is crowned because Sid doesn't want to be champion even though he could've made the pin on Nash instead of letting Savage hit him with the elbow drop? Who knows and who cares. (1.5/5)


With an all-time low Kwang Score of 1.00-out-of-5, Bash at the Beach 99' has to be, hands down, the WORST wrestling show I've watched in my journey through WCW and early 00's WWE. Even if you're like me and enjoy heaping helpings of wrestlecrap, I'd strongly advise you to look elsewhere as, though this show is, at times, laughably terrible, it is also excruciatingly dull for much longer stretches. The Junkyard Invitational is a bad joke that goes on for 15 minutes. The main event is Sting getting beaten down while a portion of the crowd chants "Goldberg" until Nash gets tagged in to get pinned despite being completely fresh. The No Limit Soldiers/West Texas Rednecks match features frustrating, self-defeating booking and, like the main event, one or two guys trying to salvage a multi-man clusterfuck. Malenko/Flair is insulting while Van Hammer/Steiner and Cat/Inferno just plain suck. A terrible, terrible event - but on the bright side, I'm not sure it'd be possible to put on a worse show so I actually look forward to seeing what comes next.

FINAL RATING - DUDleyville

WCW Great American Bash 99'

WCW Great American Bash 99'

Baltimore, MD - June 1999

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into the show, Kevin Nash is the reigning WCW World Champion, the US Championship is held by Scott Steiner, his brother Rick Steiner is the TV Champion, Rey Mysterio is the Cruiserweight Champion, and the team of Chris Benoit and Saturn are the WCW Tag Team Champions.

COMMENTATORS: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Bobby Heenan

Master P and the No Limit Soldiers arrive in a limosuine and are welcomed by Curt Hennig, who pretends he's a fan of the band before breaking their CD apart. Its unclear why the Soldiers, who outnumber him 6-to-1 don't just beat him down, but Hennig certainly showed guts insulting them to their face. No wonder he'd end up getting cheered by the end of this storyline. This is the kind of crap I love. (+1)

A video package goes over the build to tonight's main event and, again, I'm just amazed at what WCW was building their company around at this point. Randy Savage and Kevin Nash's feud isn't too dissimilar to the worst stuff WWE has done, its just striking that all these awful tropes exist within a single feud - and that it also involved a contortionist in a leading role and that Kevin Nash was dumb enough to believe that Mach's harem was doing anything other than leading him into a trap. 

In the ring, things start off with a hardcore bout pitting Knobbs (now reunited with Jimmy Hart) against Hak. Based on some of the signage in the arena, Hak is fairly over, but once the bell rings, there's not really any heat for this match. It doesn't help that the action is so one-note, essentially just weapon shots and Hak prat falling into a ladder. On the one hand, Knobbs and Hak wrestling an obviously safer style (the ridiculous chair shots to the skull from their first match are nowhere to be found) was a necessary step in preventing countless injuries in the future, but if the one thing that their previous contest had going for it was ultra-violence, the tameness of this match makes it a disappointment (and the crowd itself makes note of it through incessant "table" chants). I'm not going to say that not giving Hak any sort of personality was a major mistake, but it certainly doesn't help in a scenario like this, where giving us a reason to like him might help the audience care about his post-match fate. Sub-average match between two uninteresting characters. (1.5/5)

Backstage, Buff Bagwell thanks Roddy Piper for booking him in a "big match" against Disco Inferno. There was a time when Marcus Alexander Bagwell seemed like, at the very least, a US Title-level star, so the feud with Inferno definitely felt like a step down for Buff more than a step up for Disco.

Van Hammer vs. Mikey Whipwreck is next. This match has some surprisingly clever spots in it, though general sloppiness and the lack of either guy being very over prevents it from being considered anything more than passable. Whipwreck is a legendary bumper, at good at selling near-death as anyone, and he puts that skill to good use here. There's a great moment when Hammer lifts Whipwreck up in body slam position and then climbs to the steel steps only to drop him next first onto the guardrail that should've led to a countout finish but didn't. I'm not sure I'd seen that particular move before but with better camera work it would've been even nastier. Van Hammer's finishing move isn't too bad either. Whenever I wonder why Hammer never got a run in the WWE despite a great look and years of experience, I remind myself that those years of experience never resulted in him ever being smoother than sandpaper and it makes sense. Squash matches like these are not squashy enough to really elevate the guy getting the push. (1.5/5)

Buff Bagwell takes on Disco Inferno in the next match-up. Bagwell has some crowd support and Inferno has decent enough heat but for this match to be billed as the first step Bagwell is taking towards being regarded as a "serious" challenger seems bizarre when he was feuding with the far more legitimate and credible Scott Steiner before this. To make matters worse for Bagwell, Inferno owns him for large portions of the match, at one point almost winning by an embarrassing count-out. Over-selling neck damage, it almost seems like Bagwell is playing possum - which would've been stupid, but would've at least shown the Buff Daddy to actually have a strategy coming into the match - but instead, he just hits a routine comeback that makes him look like the better wrestler but not by much. I'm a Disco fan and Bagwell isn't nearly as bad a worker as the haters like to paint him, but this was not good. (1/5)

A video package airs hyping the Konnan/Curt Hennig feud which led to the contest that follows - Curt Hennig and Bobby Duncum Jr. ("The West Texas Rednecks") squaring off against Konnan and Rey Mysterio Jr. This match earns a bonus point just for featuring Hennig's amazing "Rap is Crap" theme song, maybe the single greatest thing WCW did in 1999. Master P is shown at ringside before Konnan cuts his usual pre-match promo. For no apparent reason, Mysterio is sporting a gas mask on his head. Was that hip in urban circles at the time? Even before the bell rings, the babyfaces are on attack, pleasing the crowd and cutting Hennig off from further insulting the No Limit Soldiers. This one doesn't run very long and the in-ring action isn't too shabby either, no surprise considering half the equation is Curt Hennig and Rey Mysterio Jr. Even Konnan, who I find, even at his best, is no better than slightly annoying, is much more tolerable in a tag scenario. The crowd comes alive whenever the faces dominate and Hennig and Duncum wisely never bog things down with rest holds or too much cutting the ring in half. The final stretch is fun, though one has to wonder how the West Texas Rednecks having the last laugh is supposed to make the No Limit Soldiers (who run off in rather cowardly fashion) come off as tough guys. Good enough to be the best match of the show thus far. (2.5/5)

Ernest "The Cat" Miller and his manager Sonny Onoo make their way down the aisle for the next bout. The Cat was doing a James Brown gimmick at the time and his entrance music is comically corny. His advertised opponent was Scott Norton, but Horace Hogan shows up because he has unfinished business with Miller from screwing him over on Nitro or Thunder that week. I, like most everyone in the arena, would've preferred to see the powerhouse Norton in action. Miller and Hogan proceed to put on a passable wrestling match that, like Bagwell/Inferno, inexplicably goes 50/50 when it would've been far more effective in getting The Cat over to have him soundly beat his bigger, stronger opponent. The best thing about this, aside from The Cat's music, is that it doesn't last too long. (1.5/5)

In a fight for the Presidency of WCW - Ric Flair, the President of WCW, takes on Roddy Piper, the Commissioner of WCW. Its important to remember that, in the build-up to this, Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko essentially quit the Horsemen and supported Piper, who promised to let younger talent (like Buff Bagwell) get their shot in the spotlight. Flair, meanwhile, is seconded by Arn Anderson and Asya. The crowd is hot for this despite the fact that is in a complete joke of a match, Flair flopping around from Piper's awful "boxing" strikes for minutes on end. At least its obvious they're going for comedy and not credible grappling, the two past-their-primers busting out all the prat falls they can think of (including Flair very nearly exposing himself to thousands of people on a sunset flip spot). Eventually, Flair strikes Piper with a pair of brass knucks and locks in the figure four. Arn Anderson assists him, but before Piper can tap, Buff Bagwell shows up to make the save! Like an idiot, though, Buff climbs in the ring and goes after Flair, costing Piper the match. Piper, instantly realizing that Bagwell has inadvertently screwed him, joins Double A and Flair in beating down on him as the crowd cheers. This was, I believe, designed to jumpstart the "New Blood" angle, but Buff Bagwell's actions are so moronic that it'd be impossible to get behind him after this (and the fans didn't, at least in this arena). A half-point for Arn Anderson's spinebuster. (0.5/5)

Sting vs. Rick Steiner is next. Sting is in tremendous shape at this point, which is a shame because I'm not sure his stock in the company had ever been lower. This Sting, motivated and healthy, is the one that would've been the Dream Match opponent for the Undertaker. Steiner, meanwhile, is just generic - he's ditched the headgear and the colorful singlet and though he still throws a mean suplex, he's about as interesting in this context as Road Warrior Animal was in 2006. Sting hits a huge splash at one point, literally doing everything he can think of to make this more interesting than it is, while Steiner works a surfboard knee to the back to make sure the audience doesn't enjoy this one too much. The Stinger hits two Stinger Splashes and locks in the Deathlock in what should've been a clear, clean victory, but the Gremlin is able to grab the ropes to survive. Sting tosses him to the outside and Schiavone reminds us that pinfalls count anywhere...even though that stipulation hasn't mattered at all until now and common sense would tell you that Sting basically had the match won within the ropes. Sting hits him with a suplex on the floor as they make their way backstage, where Tank Abbott, Sting, and a pack of dogs (yes, dogs!) attack the Stinger. WCW production here is just unbelievable - honestly, it can not be accurately put to words what watching the 15-second angle is like. "Must watch" doesn't quite do it justice because it is just so, so stupid and maybe too poorly produced and brief to really be worth seeking out. We don't see Sting take a pinfall (because he's presumably being attacked by a doberman) but the Steiners make their way down the aisle and proclaim victory via a meandering-but-somewhat-entertaining promo. I don't know how to rate a match like this, but I will say, for about 15 seconds, it is an incredible piece of wrestling. (3/5)

Cut to a video promo hyping the next match - the World Tag Team Champions, Benoit and Saturn defending the straps against the Jersey Triad's Diamond Dallas Page and Kanyon. Bam Bam Bigelow is in his team's corner, giving them a distinct advantage in the match. Finally, a match wrestled competently by everyone involved. A bit more reminiscent of the type of tag matches we get in the WWE today than any sort of "classic southern tag," Page and Kanyon are at least wise enough to know their role is to cut corners and cheat at every tunr and they do so effectively throughout. Benoit and Saturn, meanwhile, do a solid job of stringing together hope spots but wrestling from underneath the whole time, never dominating but also never slipping so far behind that they're out of the match entirely. Getting the basics right means that the crowd's interest never really lulls, even when Kanyon locks in a front facelock for a stretch. That being said, there's an unfortunate repetitiveness to some of the sequences, the constant breaking up of pinfalls seeming to irritate the crowd more than impress them. Benoit ends up landing a headbutt from the top as Page hits a Diamond Cutter simultaneously, but neither men can make the cover. Malenko comes down the aisle to try to even the playing field but ends up distracting the referee as Bam Bam Bigelow gets involved again and he and Page hit a two-man Diamond Cutter to wrap things up. Lots of good action here but maybe a touch too over-booked for its own good. (3/5)

Main event time - Randy Savage challenging Kevin Nash for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Michael Buffer is out to welcome the combatants because WCW were still in the money-burning business as well as the pro-wrestling business. Savage is accompanied by a bevy of beautiful including Madusa. Nash controls early as Mike Tenay reminds us that Savage's top rope elbow drop is legal again. Savage, with help from his harem, is able to get the upperhand as this match lurches on with very little action and neither guy looking good at all. Say what you will about the Undertaker's workrate or how basic Steve Austin and Mick Foley's movesets were around this same time, Vince at least had the good sense to double down on the gimmicky stuff (announce table spots, in-the-crowd brawling, screwjobs and bird-flipping) in order to keep the crowd interested. Here, and throughout the show, the most frequent transition seems to be a kick to the balls. Madusa's kicks to Nash's arm and ribs are the best maneuvers perfomed all night, though Mach's elbow drop isn't bad (its just the rest of his performance thats hard to watch). Eventually we get a schmozz ending featuring the return of Sid Vicious to an (unsurprising) pop. Sid had a real knack for coming into promotions and getting a huge ovation because he was almost always inserting himself into arguably stale situations (for example, as the anti-Hogan during the tail end of Hulk's feud with Sgt. Slaughter or even, oddly enough, in the HBK/Deisel feud of 95'). Sid hits a fairly garish powerbomb on Nash to drive his message home and then exits with Team Savage. With about a 10-minute runtime and very little good wrestling, this could be considered an all-time bad main event if WCW hadn't already had so many main events over the course of its run that were even worse. All the points earned in this match go to Madusa and Sid and maybe a touch for Nash's effort in trying to sell enough to give the match a story. Sadly, Savage was so past his prime here that he actually made Flair and Piper look better comparatively. (1/5) 

With a pitiful Kwang Score of 1.83-out-of-5, Great American Bash 99' is the worst show I've ever reviewed, but its close. Its few saving graces are so minor and brief that its impossible to recommend, though if you're a fan of WrestleCrap, there's probably a YouTube playlist out there that would include some of the highlights related to the No Limit Soldiers in WCW, Sting getting attacked by dogs, and the ridiculousness of the Randy Savage/Kevin Nash feud. The only good wrestling on the entire 2+ hour show come from the places you'd most expect - Rey Mysterio, Chris Benoit, DDP - with the biggest disappointment being that Sting, in the best shape and fighting with the most spirit he had in at least a year or two, has to be involved in such a terrible, terrible angle. Mostly unwatchable.

FINAL RATING - DUDleyville