WWE WrestleMania XXXIII

WWE WrestleMania XXXIII

Orlando, FL - April 2017

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into tonight's show, Bill Goldberg is the reigning WWE Universal Champion while Bray Wyatt holds the WWE World Championship. The United States Champion is Chris Jericho, while, on SmackDown, Dean Ambrose is the reigning Intercontinental Champion. Neville holds the Cruiserweight Championship, while Alexa Bliss holds the Blue Brand's Women's Championship and Bayley holds the RAW brand's Women's Title. Finally, the team of Gallows and Anderson are the RAW Tag Team Champions and The Usos are the SmackDown Tag Team champions.


COMMENTATORS: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, and Byron Saxton (RAW), JBL, Tom Phillips, and David Otunga (SmackDown)



After a fairly entertaining bit from our WrestleMania hosts, The New Day, it was time for the main show's opening match - AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon. Unlike last year, Shane's match only overstayed its welcome by a couple minutes (not 20) and the layout was only a slight insult to wrestling fans' intelligence (not one that would make one ponder life choices from decades' past). These improvements in presentation allowed me to enjoy this for what it was - Shane cosplaying as a wrestler, but at least positioning himself earlier in the night and against an opponent of comparable size. Haters are gonna hate Shane McMahon forever and there was plenty to hate here as McMahon, but that Taker/Shane match last year is untouchable in its horribleness. This match was at least fun and, to his credit, Shane took a hell of an ass whupping, including some extra stiff strikes out of Styles. Styles, by the way, gets to add another feather in his cap as he went out and worked hard (and selflessly) to make the match as enjoyable as it was - his status as the best worker in the company stands. (3/5)

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho followed - lots of counters, lots of Owens telling Jericho that he was never his friend, Jericho sporting light-up gear, pretty much everything one would expect except for an ultra vicious finish (the only vicious thing that happened in what should've been a very personal, intense, emotional fight). I get that Jericho has signature spots he should work into his matches, but there's no room for Lionsaults in a straight-up, no-nonsense brawl. I'm glad we got a clean finish, but I'm not sure where the feud goes from here when you consider how decisive the ending was. I've seen some people call this a "good TV match" but an underwhelming Mania one and I'd agree. What about this match made it feel like the finale to a months-long, highly personal and heated feud? (2.5/5)

Defending RAW Women's Champion Bayley arrived first for the RAW Women's Championship match because, as the nWo used to say, tradition bites. Nia Jax came out next, followed by Sasha Banks, who showed up in a pretty slick Rolls Royce-ish ride. Finally, it was time for Charlotte, arriving (as Michael Cole pointed out) with the same entrance as her old man for his legendary retirement match against Shawn Michaels. Nia controlled early, but was taken down by Charlotte hiting her with a big boot and Banks and Bayley combining their strength for a back suplex. Nia wouldn't stay down, though, forcing the three women to team up again to eliminate her with a 3-woman powerbomb around minute 3 or 4. In a clever comedy spot, Charlotte asked her opponents for a high five before opting to slide out of the ring and allow the friends to square off. Moments later, Sasha hit an impressive front-flip splash to the outside that Flair followed with a corkscrew moonsault of her own. Charlotte attempted to eliminate Sasha with a Natural Selection but Banks countered. Frustrated, Charlotte went to expose the middle turnbuckle, the first truly heelish thing any heel had done all night. Sasha locked in her Bank Statement, but in a flurry, ended up eating the exposed corner and eliminated. Bayley, who had been on the floor outside the ring for awhile, came back in, and the match entered its final stage. While they botched the spot leading to Charlotte's Figure 8, they nailed the next major moment - Bayley hitting Charlotte with a crowd-pleasing back body drop from the top rope. Bayley followed with an elbow drop for the victory - an innocuous, anti-climactic maneuver to end a match that, while better than your average match, felt minor and almost designed to be forgotten. (3/5)

Kurt Angle and the rest of the 2017 Hall of Fame class got their moment and then it was time for the RAW Tag Team Championship Ladder Match - the champions, Gallows and Anderson, defending the straps against Enzo and Cass and Cesaro and Sheamus...and a mystery team announced by The New Day who, in a brilliant swerve, wasn't The New Day - The Hardy Boys! This would've been just okay without the inclusion of the Hardys - but having the Hardys' around to do their signature spots moved it into memorable and near-greatness territory. Not as ultra-violent as the tag ladder matches of 15+ years ago, but its not like there weren't some hard hits and dangerous sequences. I don't think re-watches will yield anything great in terms of storytelling or nuance, but this over-delivered by surprising the audience with a welcome return. (3.5/5)

Al Roker welcomed the participants of the next match (while Jerry Lawler joined the commentary team) - The Miz and Maryse taking on John Cena and Nikki Bella. The crowd was definitely not behind the babyfaces, John Cena getting a deafening "John Cena Sucks" chant during his entrance. The build-up to this match was fantastic, as the pre-match video made clear, so it was going to be tough to match its intensity given the telegraphed post-match angle set to happen and the limitations of the match type and workers themselves. Bella and Maryse started things off, or at least seemed like they would, before Cena and Miz tagged in (the crowd chanting "Let's Go Miz" for the villains). This was never going to be a mat classic, but to their crowd, at least for its first half, it had a more serious, more  heated feel than any match that had come before it - the participants getting lots of mileage out of playing to the crowd, facial expressions, and basic tag match ingredients. By the time the Daniel Bryan mocking started, the crowd was completely loving the beatdown Miz was delivering. I'm not sure if the audience has turned or will ever turn around enough on Miz to make him a fan favorite, but they rallied behind him strong on this night. Thanks to Bella slapping the taste of The Miz's mouth, the faces got the upperhand and the final minutes seemed to happen in fast forward. The Double Five Knuckle Shuffle and Rack Attack/Attitude Adjusment finish were too cutesy and unearned (Miz took almost no damage in the match). I knew going in that this match would always be about The Proposal that followed, but The Miz's performance and the fan response to his work deserved better. I think this one could've gone an extra 5 (while some of the other matches would've benefitted from having their runtimes cut the same amount). Speaking of The Proposal, it wasn't nearly as magical as it should've been, Nikki looking unsurprised and only about half as emotional as any soon-to-be-bride I've ever seen in her reactions to Cena's obviously scripted lines. Underwhelming stuff and not even a fraction of the "moment" of the Savage/Liz Proposal from 20 years ago or so. (2/5)

Triple H arrived atop a tough-looking motorized trircycle, accompanied not only by his leather-clad wife on the back but by a string of motorcycling cops, all with their sirens blaring. Seth Rollins, meanwhile, got an equally grandiose entrance with a flaming torch (I'm guessing some sort of allusion to him being a phoenix rising from the ashes of knee surgery). I've been very critical of Rollins and Triple H, but this match exceeded my expectations with how riveting it was from start to finish (even with a runtime that pushed close to 30 minutes). The No DQ stipulation helped, especially as Jericho/Owens, the Tag Ladder Match, and Styles/McMahon were considerably less extreme than one might've predicted. Critics will find fault (and plenty of ammo) in Rollins even being able to walk as the match wore on and Triple H continuously targeted Rollins' knee, but, to his credit, the Architect never stopped selling and the whole build has been about Rollins' unending drive for revenge. While I don't think the drama or build-up of the feud deserved to lead to one of those times where the hero "felt no pain," where their anger fueled them to become more than human, obviously the participants felt differently and opted to make this match as epic as humanly possible. This was, by design, as realistic as a Fast and the Furious fight scene and you're either a fan of that style, someone who disdains or it, or someone like me who can stomach it once a night as long as its not too audience-insulting. The "epic-ness" may have been overdone, but I wouldn't put this in the same league as last year's disgraceful Taker/Shane match. In fact, I dug the almost endless finisher countering in the last third and, earlier, the teasing and eventual pay-off to the buckle bomb, even as they actively betrayed the match's basic premise. Steph's table bump looked like it happened through invisible jello, but all in all, I found this to be noticeably better than Reigns/HHH from last year and my favorite Seth Rollins match in a long time. (3.5/5)

I usually loathe the musical performances at these events, but Stephen Marley, Pitbull, and Flo Rida's performance wasn't the worst thing ever.  It wasn't good enough to warrant a +1, but I'm not going to damn it with a -1 (which was I usually do). It helps that this year's WrestleMania theme song is actually from this year, and not a year old like last year's inescapable and widely overused "My House."

The WWE World Championship was on the line as the show rolled (or lurched) on - relatively newly-crowned champion Bray Wyatt defending the strap against Randy Orton. The crowd was definitely not too alive for this, but remember, this match occurred somewhere around hour 5-and-a-half for the people that had been in attendance since the Pre-Show (and hour 3-and-a-half for those that wisely showed up just for the "main show"). Even the bizarre and innovative superimpositions on the mat (of maggots, worms, and roaches), which should've popped the crowd, were met with initial interest and then just relative silence as they went on. On commentary, JBL tried to play up that the crowd was "in shock," but it was clearly exhaustion, something that wasn't helped with the in-ring action itself, which featured some good, impactful spots spaced out by lots of labored movement and selling. Even an RKO on the outside of the ring drew only mild cheers from the fans sitting directly in front of it. Later, Wyatt was able to regain control and even connect with a Sister Abigail, but ultimately an "outta nowhere" RKO (that didn't come out of nowhere as much as it just came) sealed Wyatt's fate. I would've preferred this match actually stepping into "overbooking" territory with appearances by Luke Harper or Erick Rowan, especially as no other match featured a single run-in. Considering that this storyline was built up for something like 5 months, the fact that the match barely went 10 minutes seems like a wasted opportunity. Like the Cena match before it, a disappointing, underwhelming bout. (2/5)

A lengthy video package signaled the start of the next main event match - Bill Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE Universal Championship. Paul Heyman woke up the live crowd with his introduction of Lesnar, a very wise embellishment to a match that would have otherwise started in front of a thoroughly tired crowd. From the onset, absolutely no time was wasted with "feeling each other out" or any sort of pacing - this match was suplexes, spears, a jackhammer, and a ridiculous leap by Lesnar (as a counter to a spear that led to Goldberg spearing a corner)...and it was glorious, at least compared to the overwrought and considerably less crowd-pleasing action of the matches that preceded it. This one could never be called it an epic, nor could it be called shocking or historically important - but it revived the crowd, cemented Lesnar's return to the throne of world-beater king, and even allowed Goldberg to bow out rather gracefully (I'm not even sure the door isn't open for Goldberg, in the right situation, to wrestle one more match against someone like Reigns). An above-average "sprint" match that was smartly booked, but likely won't stand the test of time as any sort of all-time great or even Match of the Year contender. It was, however, the clear Match of the Night (even with a runtime under 5 minutes). (3.5/5)

In the biggest surprise of the night (other than that Hardys return), the 6-Woman SmackDown Championship Match wasn't cut! It was, however, only 30 seconds longer than Goldberg/Lesnar. Defending Champion Alexa Bliss arrived first, followed by her challengers - Mickie James (sporting a Tatanka headdress for some reason), Carmella, Natalya, Becky Lynch (in some bizarre facepaint), and hometown hero, Naomi, who got about three times the amount of time for her entrance than her fellow women. No glaring miscues and not too many convoluted spots - I found this a fine, inoffensive, but obviously rushed match. If one were to list every womens' bout in the history of WrestleMania, this would likely rank somewhere in the top 10, but that's only because prior to 2016, I'm not sure there's been more than a handful of womens' matches that could even be contenders for such a list. (2.5/5)

New Day announced tonight's attendance as 75, 245 people, a new record for the Citrus Bowl...that will probably be disproven in a few weeks by Meltzer.

Main event time - Roman Reigns vs. The Undertaker with Jim Ross joining in on commentary with JBL and Cole. Reigns came out first to a mostly negative ovation while the Deadman got cheered (and gifted by the production team who wisely had him rise up from halfway down the runway, saving him a good 40 yards of walking). Undertaker dominated early, tossing Reigns to the outside and announcing "This is my yard." Reigns sprung back into action and sent the Phenom to the outside, but Taker landed on his feet and pulled Roman to the outside for a toss into the stairs that inspired a "Roman Sucks" chant. Back in the ring, Reigns hit a Samoan Drop and a kick to the ribs that the crowd disapproved of, following it up with a Drive-by on the apron minutes later to dead silence. Back in the ring they went, trading blows to the delight of the crowd building towards a Snake Eyes-into-a-Big Boot combo. Reigns rolled to the outside and attempted a second Driveby, but this time Taker caught him with a big right hand. Minutes later, Taker landed one of the first major spots of the night - a chokeslam into (but not through) one of the nearby announce tables. As Taker contemplated his next move, Reigns recovered and speared the Deadman through a table! Back in the squared circle, Reigns took control in the corner of the ring, but ended up eating a (predictable and imperfect) Last Ride for two. Taking advantage of the last minute No DQ ruling, Undertaker grabbed a chair and went to work, drilling it into the spine and back of Reigns with reckless abandon. As Taker geared up for a chokeslam, Reigns rolled out of the ring - a cowardly move that he used to buy time and set up for an unexpected Superman Punch. Reigns hit a second (kind of) and then went for a third, but Taker caught him for a chokeslam into the chair for another two. This was followed by a Tombstone...that Reigns kicked out of, the crowd disapproving and chanting "Bullshit." Well, didn't Shane McMahon take as much last year? Taker went for a second Tombstone, but Reigns countered with a...with a...completely ugly, botched attempt at his own Tombstone that he abandoned and turned into a Superman Punch as the crowd sat on their hands in disapproval. Unfortunately for the combatants, this unfortunate moment tarnished nearly everything that came after it. Reigns called for a Spear but, again, Taker had Reigns' best maneuver scouted, turning it into a Hell's Gate. Reigns was able to use his legs to grab the bottom rope as the match continued, the Deadman looking dead tired. Reigns was up first and grabbed the chair, taking it to the Phenom on the mat repeatedly as the crowd booed. As Undertaker pulled himself up, the crowd's "Undertaker" chant grew, possibly because it was at this point that the finish became a foregone conclusion (even as Undertaker kicked out of yet another big Reigns spear). For at least the third time of the night, Reigns signaled and connected with a spear for two (and again, the crowd came alive, this time with both a huge "Yes!" and a massive "Undertaker" chant). Reigns busted out a Superman Punch, but instead of making the pin, he stood back and watched as the Undertaker sat up...and fell over in almost comical fashion. Moments later, Undertaker got to his feet, jawing and pulling at Reigns, who ran the ropes and then...bumped into Taker in an awkward, mis-timed collision that couldn't have been the planned spot, improvising by hitting him with a right hand. Reigns hit the ropes again, though, resetting the table for a final spear to end the career of an industry legend. Multiple ugly or outright botched moments, a telegraphed and crowd-deflating finish, and ambiguous character work out of Reigns kept this from achieving what it likely could've and should've achieved. This was Reigns sloppiest match in years (whether he's to blame for the flubs or not). Donning his cloak and hat one last time (and then removing them like some sort of zombie stripper), the Undertaker bid farewell to the WWE in his final WrestleMania moment. Too bad it couldn't have come after a match more befitting his legacy as one of the company's most reliable "big match" performers. (2.5/5)


With a final Kwang score of 2.8-out-of-5, WrestleMania 33 managed to hover in a very respectable above-average zone for lengthy stretches. Even the somewhat sub-par matches offered moments of greatness or, at the very least, unique twists (the SFX during Wyatt/Orton made a "meh" match memorable, as did the finish to Owens/Jericho and the triple-teaming in the RAW Womens' Championship). Somehow, some way, last year's show actually earned a higher score than this year's edition (by .01, but still), despite me enjoying this year's edition considerably more overall. Though this show didn't feature any match I'd call a Worst Match of the Year contender, it also didn't feature a single one as good as the Womens' Championship match or the night's underrated Intercontinental Championship ladder match (I'd also take Jericho/AJ over Jericho/Owens, even if the outcome of the latter was much better than the outcome in the former). Last year's show might have hit higher peaks, but it was filled with awful stretches of advertisements, music, and guest appearances, a 5 hour show that could've been condensed into half that length. This year, we got 10 matches (versus 8 last year), but The New Day sketches were kept mercifully short and The Rock didn't show up to eat 30 minutes with basking in his own overness. In fact, WrestleMania 33 could really be broken down into three distinct acts - a fairly strong opening series of contests, a fairly dreadful sequence of over-dramatic garbage from The Proposal through the WWE World Championship match, and then a nearly show-saving final third that, had the execution in the main event been better, would've ended the show on an outstanding, unforgettable high.

FINAL RATING - High Risk Maneuver