After a performance of "America The Beautiful" by longtime WWE announcer Lillian Garcia and a series of cool "WWE Goes Hollywood" videos (including an extended one featuring Stone Cold in Gladiator), the show kicked off with Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio. Eddie and Rey were the WWE Tag Team Champions at the time, but the story here was that Eddie had been goaded into challenging Rey by his nephew Chavo to try to snap his bad luck "jinx" as a singles wrestler. Anyway...Eddie and Rey start the match off with some good technical wrestling as Eddie tries to ground him. Good psychology there. They sprinkle in some high-flying and finisher teases, escalating and speeding things up, eventually leading to some really good sequences and spots (a nasty Eddie powerbomb, some very tight nearfalls) and an unexpected flash pin towards the end that didn't sacrifice Eddie's overness or credibility in the slightest. This isn't as good as their legendary Halloween Havoc match - very few matches are - but this was still really, really good and an excellent start to their rivalry. (3.5/5)
After a brief meeting between reigning WWE Champion JBL and World Heavyweight Champion Triple H, its time for the first ever Money In The Bank Match. These matches have become known for intricate, convoluted spots, eventually became the basis of their own PPV (on which you might see multiple MITB matches in the same night), and have given birth to a whole bunch of questionable booking decisions and failed pushes...but nobody knew that in 2005. And the spots in this match hadn't been done and done again and done dozens of times more. Every participant in this match had a legitimate chance of winning; Chris Benoit had slid back into the midcard but was arguably a heel turn away from challenging the expected titleholders at the end of the evening, Kane was the credible monster (and also someone who, at any point, could be slotted into a feud with whoever was champion whether it was 4 weeks later or 4 months later), Christian and Edge were on the cusp of the main event scene, Chris Jericho was a former World Champion and would wear the gold again within a few years, and Shelton Benjamin was the blue chipper and Intercontinental Champion and, if he could tap into the right gimmick, had all the skills to be a big star. And the crowd was HOT for this match from beginning to end, oohing and aahing at all the right moments and all the big spots. Highlights include Christian bumping like mad, multiple guys taking back bumps from the ladder (a "simple" bump but one that looks and sounds so much more intense and hard-hitting when you haven't seen it 1000 times before), Shelton Benjamin's absolutely incredible run-up on a ladder (imagine that going wrong), and Chris Benoit busting himself open by doing a diving headbutt from the ladder despite having stitches in his skull. This wasn't as bonkers as the TLC matches from a few years prior, but there was more psychology and it really did feel like guys were actively trying to win from beginning to end and not needlessly setting up ladders just to do convoluted spots. A match that was praised highly at the time and still holds up. (4/5)
Eugene comes out next - which just goes to show, for all the good things about the WWE during this era, there was some absolutely horrid shit going on too, including having a wrestler doing a "special needs" gimmick. Oh, and the guy who comes out to cut his promo short? A guy designed to capitalize on anti-Muslim sentiment, Muhammad Hassan. Now, to be clear, Hassan's gimmick wasn't that he was jihadist who hated America, it was that everyone assumed he was...which made him angry and caused him to hate America. See the subtle difference? No? Anyway, Hassan (who is seconded by Daivari) attacks Eugen, which brings out Hulk Hogan, who was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame the previous night. Hogan gets a MASSIVE reaction - no surprise there - and takes out Hassan and Daivairi before engaging in his classic posedown. No lie, 2005 was a big "nostalgia" year for me as I got back into pro-wrestling that summer and Hulk Hogan's return to the WWE was a big part of that (he'd go on to have a controversial but fun feud with Shawn Michaels later this summer). After 05', Hogan's body wouldn't allow him to do much of anything of note and he'd only compete about a dozen times between then and his retirement match in 2012 (which, sadly, wasn't really booked as his "retirement" match as much as it was just the last match of his career). A crowd-pleasing segment.
The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton was next. Taker's streak was only at 12-0 at this point, which seems slight knowing that he'd keep the Streak alive for several years to come. Orton was young here and clearly not as smooth as he'd become - there is at least one noticeable botch off the ropes where he and Taker collide and fall down in a heap and Orton hasn't yet developed the trademark snap to his powerslam or added the Punt to his arsenal - but, at this time, Taker might have been at his physical peak and does everything in his power to make Orton look good, including taking a great bump from the apron into the barricade. I was expecting more bells-and-whistles, but this is a fairly straight-up match and that's fine with me because it is good, borderline great. (3.5/5)
The first objectively bad match of the evening follows as Trish Stratus defends her Divas Championship against Christy Hemme. Hemme was a barely-trained pro-wrestler who was getting pushed because she was on the cover of Playboy. Watching this, its impossible not to feel a little bad for both women. This match was built around "eye candy" pin attempts and Hemme's revealing her butt in a microskirt, not "real" wrestling. Over the years, I've found that there are some matches that were able to strike a balance between blatantly sexist, gratuitous "T&A" teasing and genuine physicality, matches like the one Stratus would have the next year against Mickie James at WrestleMania XXII, but those are the exception to the rule. Oh, and they sorta botched the finish. A point for effort. (1/5)
Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle in something of a "dream match" followed. I wouldn't call this a masterpiece - there's just too much of Michaels' overselling and too little realism for me - but I'm not surprised that this match is often considered among the very best in WrestleMania history. The match starts off red hot with Angles taking down Michaels and showing him whose boss when it comes to mat-based wrestling. Michaels bounces back, though, and takes control with his own arsenal of submissions. While the announcers play up how unexpected of a strategy that is, I thought it was cool how Angle almost "accepted" Michaels' control but was never really in trouble, knowing full well that this match would not be won by either man in under 8 minutes. The match shifts when Angle hits a high Angle Slam into the post - but that's also when I caught the first hiccup. From one angle, it looks like Shawn's lower back takes the brunt of the punishment, which is what Michaels and the commentary team sell. However, when they cut to a replay from a different vantage point, it is clear that it's the back of the knee that hits the post - which actually makes sense as Angle is working towards the Ankle Lock. A minor criticism. Michaels' Asai Moonsault onto the table is an incredible spot, perfectly timed and executed, and I like that the table didn't break. I loved Angle hitting an Angle Slam off of the top rope later in the match. Shawn Michaels' out-of-nowhere Sweet Chin Music was great. These two guys "laid their shit in" as they say and it did feel like a war. However, both men are a little guilty of going from dead tired to miraculously full of spirit, a trope in wrestling that these two guys might rely on more than any other two main eventers in WWE history. Say what one may about the "Hulk Up," Hogan's end-of-the-match sequence was done during a more cartoonish, heavy-on-the-entertainment-light-on-the-sports time, while Michaels and Angle (especially) were putting on matches filled with high spots, big suplexes, multiple momentum shifts, and incredible feats of stamina and endurance. At a certain point, exhaustion shouldn't be undersold. The finish is not one that I found to be thrilling, realistic, or exciting. Angle's Ankle Lock should've been protected more. Instead of making it about how long Michaels could sustain the punishment, it should've been about Michaels accepting that Angle had him entrapped, in the middle of the ring, and that he had no choice but to submit after maybe 10-15 seconds of attempting to counter it. Instead, we get Michaels flailing around for so long that the Ankle Lock loses credibility. (4/5)
Another segment follows - this time with Roddy Piper, Steve Austin, and Carlito. It really is a shame that Carlito never really succeeded to the level that the WWE clearly wanted him to as he held his own here and looked very comfortable hanging with two of the all-time best on the mic. This was a fun segment and shows that, at least in 05', Piper could still do very well in a live situation with a live mic playing off the crowd. Austin was also sharp here and clearly having a great time with a guy he obviously admired in Piper. Fun sugment. (+1)
Akebono vs. Big Show was next and felt like more of a "segment" than an actual match. Absolutely zero heat. Akebono looked old, not imposing. Big Show looked like he was well aware that this was most certainly a "rib" based on Vince wanting to see him in a sumo diaper in front of 20,000 fans. The commentators do their best to treat this with a modicum of respect, explaining sumo traditions and talking up the size of the athletes, but there's only so much they can do. This isn't unwatchable, but it is forgettable filler. (1/5)
The WWE Champion JBL defended his title against John Cena in the next match. JBL controlled what felt like 90% of this match, punishing Cena from the start. I'm guessing the plan here was to build sympathy, but this audience seemed to turn on the challenger by the end, unhappy with how this match - which should've been a physical, back-and-forth brawl like the one they'd put in their bloody rematch - seemed to be an attempt to turn Cena into the modern-day Hogan rather than letting him actually show what he can do before going into his 5 Moves of Doom. A disappointing match that gave too much to JBL and not enough to Cena. (1.5/5)
Main event time - Batista challenging Triple H for the World Heavyweight Championship. Triple H gets a Motorhead-assisted entrance, while Batista doesn't even get pyro. This match felt like a major test for Batista and an attempt by Triple H to prove that he was capable of "carrying" a more one-dimensional powerhouse wrestler to a quality 20-minute match. I'm not sure he was successful to that end, but Batista didn't get lost and they had the crowd with them from beginning to end, plus Triple H did take some good bumps. The match doesn't drag, but it's not riveting either, at least not until it gets to its final few minutes and we get to the false finishes and Triple H's blade job. I didn't dig Triple H's cartoonish selling of Batista powering out of the Pedigree, but that's nit-picky. A good-not great main event that served its purpose and ended the show on a high note. (3/5)
Earning a respectable 2.81-out-of-5 on the Kwang Scale, WrestleMania XXI starts out relatively strong with a solid opener in Eddie/Rey, the first and arguably best Money in the Bank Ladder Match ever, and Orton/Taker in a strong match. From there, though, the show hits a lull that not even a great Angle/HBK match can pull it out of. The sumo exhibition, Trish/Hemme, and JBL/Cena are all bad and I could've done without the multiple Hulk Hogan appearances (though, to be fair, in 2005, the nostalgia for Hogan was incredible).
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
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