WCW Clash of the Champions XVI: Fall Brawl 91'

WCW Clash of the Champions XVI: Fall Brawl 91'

Augusta, GA - September 1991

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into tonight's show, Lex Luger is the WCW World Heavyweight Champion, Sting is the United States Champion, and the Television Championship is held by "Stunning" Steve Austin. The World Tag Team Titles are vacant due to Scott Steiner's injury, while The Patriots hold the US Tag Team Championships. Finally, Big Josh, Dustin Rhodes, and The Z-Man are the Six Man Tag Champions.

COMMENTATORS: Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone

Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone welcome us to the show before sending things over to Eric Bischoff, Paul E. Dangerously, and Missy Hyatt on the walkway. They hype up tonight's show and, on paper, it certainly looks pretty loaded - a Luger/Simmons contract signing, a battle royale, and the finals of the World Tag Team Championship tournament.

The Georgia Brawl is our opener, a 20-man over the top rope battle royal featuring The Z-Man, Thomas Rich, "Beautiful" Bobby Heenan, Ranger Ross (he was still in the company??), Tracey Smothers, Oz, PN News, The State Patrol's Buddy Lee Parker, WCW Television Champion "Stunning" Steve Austin, Dustin Rhodes, Terry "Terrence" Taylor, Big Josh, El Gigante, One Man Gang, and Barry Windham. If I had a time machine, I'd for sure make a stop at a WCW house show in 91' to grip the tee shirt that Big Josh is wearing. Big Josh nearly skins the cat, but as he works to get back in the ring, Terry Taylor and Ranger Ross get eliminated beside him and bring him back to the floor too. Tommy Rich and Parker go out next and we're down to 15. The Z-Man is eliminated off-camera. Steve Austin back body drops Smothers out of the match and we're down to mostly the monsters now. Bobby Eaton gets tossed in a cool spot that sends him right into a cameraman on the walkway and then PN News gets tossed too, the big man taking a decent bump over the turnbuckle. Windham and Austin eliminate each other and continue brawling on the floor. We're down to four in the ring - Oz, Gigante, Dustin Rhodes, and the One Man Gang. The heels start teaming up on the babyfaces, but Gigante fights back to a decent applause. The heels toss Dustin Rhodes over the top, but as they gloat, Gigante hits them with a double clothesline to get the victory. Was this his last appearance or did he appear at Halloween Havoc? I forget. Regardless, WCW should've booked someone else to win this because it would've been somewhat prestigious and could've helped revive or build-up a better talent. Not the worst battle royale ever. (1.5/5)

The Fabulous Freebirds accompany Badstreet (Brad Armstrong) down the aisle for his match against the returning Flyin' Brian Pillman. Randy Anderson sends the Birds to the back to keep this one on the level. This match was part of the inaugural Light Heavyweight Championship tournament, a great idea for a title and tournament that didn't really pan out as WCW lacked legitimate stars to fill the division. This match is definitely a Pillman showcase, the former Bengal controlling the early going before taking a heinous suplex from the ring apron to the floor and then his signature chest-first bump onto the steel barricade. Pillman recovers, but gets sent into the ring post in another impressive bump. Back in the ring, Badstreet hits a reverse neckbreaker, but when he heads to the top rope it gives Pillman the opportunity to knock him to the floor and then hit an INSANE suicide dive through the middle ropes and Badstreet, nearly knocking himself unconscious by hitting the steel rail too. Pillman attempts a top rope splash, but Badstreet blocks it. Pillman with a spinning kick for two. Badstreet with a DDT for two. Pillman attempts a crucifix, but Badstreet drops back. They both go up to the corner and Badstreet falls back. Pillman hits a crossbody off the top for the win. This match wasn't perfect, but some of Pillman's spots were just absolutely insane. (3/5)

Tony Schiavone reviews the WCW Top Ten. I loved these segments and part of it had to be the faux Bon Jovi music that plays in the background. 

The United States Championship is on the line next as Johnny B. Badd challenges Sting. Before the match begins, we see a short video of Abdullah the Butcher attacking Sting after bursting out of a "mystery box." I really loved that angle as a kid. Sting and Badd start things off at a frantic pace, the Stinger wrestling with serious urgency. Johnny B. Badd hits an impressive sunset flip off the top rope, but Sting counters quickly with an inside cradle and then a sunset flip of his own. Badd works a wristlock, forcing him into the corner. Sting avoids a back elbow in the corner and applies a wristlock of his own. After a fun start, this match has lost some of its luster. Sting hits a vertical suplex, but both men are back on their feet quickly. JR notes that another man-sized gift box has been delivered on the walkway. There's some confusion in the ring as they blow a spot. Sting misses a Stinger Splash, but is able to block Badd's big right hand. Badd hits him with a shot to the ribs, but Badd wants to see what's in the box (giving Sting time to recover). Sting is up too and sees the box. The match basically stops here before Sting brings Badd to the mat and pins him with a very ugly inside cradle. Cactus Jack runs out and attacks Sting. Jack then hits a crazy elbow drop from the top turnbuckle, over the announcer table, onto the floor! Jack hits a DDT in the ring before heading back down the aisle. This match started out really strong, but then deteriorated at a rapid pace. The Jack run-in helped, but not enough to really consider it a great match. At least it didn't last too long. (2/5)

After a commercial break, we see a video recap that helps explain what happened. Jack had emerged out of the box (this wasn't clear at first) to attack the Stinger. 

Mike Graham takes on the York Foundation's Richard Morton in the other half of tonight's pair of semi-final matches of the Light Heavyweight Championship tournament. By this point, Morton had changed his attire a little bit from his Rock n' Roll Express days, but I think he really should've done even more to make it clear that he'd sold out and "gone corporate." The crowd is dead for this, likely because Mike Graham was a nobody in WCW. Schiavone notes the difference in styles between the first pair of semi-finalists and these two (the first match having innovative spots and high-flying and this match being mostly just your typical wrestling match between two guys who aren't just your standard bout). There's nothing not "sound" about the action - obviously Morton and Graham are experienced, capable workers - but as JR might put it, you need some sizzle with your steak. York distracts the ref as Graham gets the visual pin, but Morton kicks out and sends him into the corner hard. Morton rolls him up for the win. I understand having Morton get the dirty win to add to his heel persona, but I'm not sure it was the right call as it protected Graham for no apparent reason. I would've liked this to go a bit shorter too. (1.5/5)

After a commercial break, JR talks up Bill Kazmaier, the World's Strongest Man according to the Guinness Book of World Records. Eric Bischoff welcomes him to the ring to attempt to break a world record. Kazmaier performs an incredible feat of strength, bending a thick steel rod  around his neck. After performing the feat, though, The Enforcers (Arn Anderson and Larry Zybysko) attack him, ramming a huge weight into his ribs. Did he actually set a record here? Was that legit? I don't know and I don't really care. This segment was too short to earn a point, but it was still kinda cool. 

The Fabulous Freebirds are up next which means we're likely to get a shitty match as the team was well past their prime at this point. Their opponents are The Patriots - Firebreaker Chip and Todd Champion. This wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, mostly because it was kept under 6 minutes and the Freebirds didn't eat up too much time with their tiresome schtick. I must admit to being a bit surprised that both Patriots' career basically ended as quickly as they started, especially Todd Champion, who had the kind of size and look that one would think would've at least warranted him a cup of coffee in the WWE. Maybe the steroid scandal prevented it? Maybe its just that Vince thought nobody would buy a superstar named Todd? Inoffensive match, but not worth seeking out. (1.5/5)

Paul E. Dangerously's guest on his Danger Zone segment this evening is none other than Cactus Jack. As Jack mourns the death of Sting's career, a large box is delivered. Jack makes his way towards the mystery box, expecting it to be his buddy Adbullah The Butcher, but, whoops, its the Stinger! Cactus Jack takes his second crazy bump of the night getting back-dropped off the walkway and onto the arena floor. This segment didn't make any real sense (How did Sting get a box so fast? How did Jack not expect it to be Sting?), but I like the concept of Jack playing mind games with Sting, Sting playing them right back, and the inherent suspense of the "mystery box" (even if the contents of the box were predictable to anyone over the age of 8, which I wasn't at the time). 

The number one contender for Lex Luger's WCW World Championship, Ron Simmons squashed The Diamond Studd (Scott Hall) next. Simmons was getting a big push at the time while Studd was floundering in the midcard after debuting with the company just a few months before. When Hall struck it big as Razor Ramon a year later in the WWE (and then got even more famous as one of the original members of the nWo), there was a long-held belief that he was ready for a more prominent spot in the company as early as 91', but after rewatching his work from this time period (as well as his nWo years), I'm not sure I buy it. Hall's natural cool was the perfect fit for the genre in the late 90s, but his in-ring work could be sluggish and the knock-off Rick Rude gimmick he was working here felt like well-trodden territory. Was Hall being wasted by the company as his buddy Kevin Nash famously claimed? No more than nearly everyone else on the roster burdened with a one-dimensional gimmick or having to carry immobile 7 footers (like El Gigante and Kevin Nash). This did what it needed to do and, though he wasn't a top level guy, beating Studd did mean more than squashing your average Power Hour jobber. (1/5)

After a brief interview with Simmons (that gets interrupted by Harley Race and Curtis Hughes) and a commercial break, Terrence Taylor makes his way down the aisle to get beaten by Van Hammer. After seeing this match, I'm surprised Terry Taylor stayed with WCW for even a single show after having to job to Hammer, who is beyond terrible here. Despite being completely jacked, Hammer's finishing move is a knee drop from the corner, which he performs atrociously. I'm not even a Terry Taylor fan, but he deserved better. This match is more embarrassing than any of that Red Rooster garbage. Van Hammer would improve over time (though, he was never actively "good"), but this was an awful showing. (0/5)

Lex Luger is hanging out backstage with his posse, Harley Race and Mr. Hughes. Ron Simmons barges in, but is shoved out. Rollins then busts into the room by tackling his way through the door. For its time, this was a pretty good way to build heat between these two. 

"Stunning" Steve Austin defends his Television Championship against "The Z-Man" Tom Zenk next. Austin was building up his reputation at the time and Z-Man, on his best nights, could be good, but this match is just meh. It gets better as it goes along, but really the only great moment is the finish: Lady Blossom giving Austin a pair of brass knucks, Zenk ducking the first roundhouse and getting Austin up for a back suplex (and sure victory) only to get clocked in the skull and pinned all while the ref suspects nothing. It is one of the best cheap victories I've seen recently, so simple yet so believable without making the babyface look foolish. (2/5)

Before the big contract signing segment between Luger and Simmons, a series of videos air from Ron Simmons' trips to the Atlanta Boys and Girls Club (I think it was?). We then cut back to the arena for the official Halloween Havoc contract signing. I love the giant paintings of Luger and Simmons; The set design is clearly aping the Rocky movies but it works. Unlike the hundreds of times the WWE has shot similar angles, I love the brevity of this one. Simmons signs, then Race reads it over, and then Luger signs...but not before making a short comment congratulating Simmons on his accomplishments and letting him know that after he beats him, he will gladly take him on his chauffeur. Simmons' response is so quick that the words don't really have time to resonant, but it works. 

Main event time - The Enforcers, Arn Anderson and Larry Zybysko, taking on Rick Steiner and Bill Kazmaier in the finals of the WCW World Tag Team Championship tournament. When it rained on WCW in mid-91', it really, really poured. Not only had they lost their World Champion, Ric Flair, prior to their last big PPV (the disastrous Great American Bash that saw Luger turn heel win the gold in a tournament final against Barry Windham ), but when Scott Steiner came down with a bicep injury in the summer of 91', the World Tag Team Titles were also vacated. Keep in mind, when Luger won the World Title, his United States Championship was also vacated (Sting defeated Steve Austin in a tournament final for that title in August). With the company's three biggest titles shuffled around in the space of 4 months, championship credibility was an issue - and the fact that WCW's roster was thin on talent and star power didn't help matters. Anderson and Zybysko come out first escorted by a dozen club-wielding SWAT members because that's what an "enforcer" is, I guess? Kazmaier and Steiner arrive next and Bill's ribs are wrapped up. This is basically a two-on-one match (and not a great one at that). Kazmaier eventually tags himself in to relieve his partner, but this ends up costing them the match as after bodyslamming Anderson, Zybysko's power gives out on him when he tries to hoist up Zybysko in a press slam. Not a good match, but like the Austin/Z-Man finish, I have to give credit to the booking here as it wisely protects Rick Steiner (Kazmaier's blind tag instantly upsets the Dog-Faced Gremlin) while still making it clear that The Enforcers were in the driver's seat the whole time and knew how to capitalize on Kazmaier's naive bravery. Their post-match promo is pretty good too. (1.5/5)

I enjoyed Clash of the Champions XVI, but won't deny much of that enjoyment stems from how many great memories this show brought back. Its Kwang Score, a lowly 1.5-out-of-5, isn't a ringing endorsement but its not like your average Raw episode would earn anything too much better. The fun of this show is its time capsule quality and the bevy of mini-moments it provides - from the "What Happened To That Guy?" cameos of the opener to the pair of classic Sting/Cactus Jack segments to the quaint production tricks throughout the whole thing. It might be an acquired taste, but if you were a fan during this oft-forgotten period of WCW history, this is a breezy 2 hours to revisit.

FINAL RATING - High Risk Maneuver 

WCW Great American Bash 2000

WCW Great American Bash 2000

Baltimore, Maryland - June 2000

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into tonight's show, Jeff Jarrett holds the WCW World Championship, the United States Champion is Scott Steiner, and Chavo "Lt. Loco" Guerrero holds the Cruiserweight Championship. The WCW World Tag Team Champions are Chuck Palumbo and Shawn Stasiak (aka The Perfect Event). Finally, both members of The Mamalukes were recognized as the WCW Hardcore Champion. 

COMMENTATORS: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, and Mark Madden

The show kicks off with Chavo Guerrero, aka Lieutenant Loco, taking on Disco Inferno (now just "Disqo"). This was part of the Misfits in Action/Filthy Animals storyline which is right up there with the D.O.A/Nation of Domination/Los Boricuas angle as one of the worst stable feuds ever. At least that storyline led to the emergence of The Rock, while the MIA/Animals angle created not a single new star - in fact, it actually hurt the star power of Rey Mysterio and (briefly) Booker T (the "G.I Bro" gimmick was fortunately short-lived). This match is wrestled more like a lumberjack match than a standard match and it suffers because of it. Chavo is a solid technician, but has always been better served as the "base" for more dynamic, more spot-oriented workers that can dazzle with their offense. Inferno is an underrated worker, but by this point, he had not only dropped "Inferno" from his name but the "disco" from his in-ring style (meaning he no longer dances or primps his hair between moves). Bland worker vs. bland worker is not the recipe for a hot opener. Eventually, an old man named "Pops Rection" (get it?) shows up and distracts some of the Animals on the outside, including the referee, allowing for Juventud Guerrera to come in the ring and hit Chavo with a not-so-great Twist of Fate-like move and then the absolute worst imitation of a People's Elbow ever. Why Juvi, one of the best cruisers on the planet at one time, would be performing People's Elbows instead of a cool flippy-dippy move more in his wheelhouse is a great question. Chavo avoids the elbow but  Disco connects with his Last Dance (a Stone Cold Stunner because just one reference-per-match to the competition's main eventers wouldn't have been enough). Corporal Cajun (Lash Leroux) runs in and lands his Cajun Leg Sweep on Disco, allowing Chavo to retain as Pops lies unconscious outside the ring. MIA's Major Gunns (you might lie about knowing her as porn star Tylene Buck) is told by Hugh G. Rection (Hugh Morrus) to give the old man mouth-to-mouth to revive him. I think it would've been more entertaining to have Savage drop an elbow on him the way he did to revive Hogan at that one Clash match in 95'. Mark Madden makes some tasteless jokes and I feel dumber having watched this. A point for the effort. (0.5/5)

Backstage, Eric Bischoff is hanging out with Ernest "The Cat" Miller. They're nervous about Goldberg showing up. I'm not quite sure why Goldberg isn't "New Blood" (or like Booker T - a babyface New Blood guy who doesn't like Bischoff & Russo) and Rick Steiner and Tank Abott are New Blood. Steiner was 39. 

The Mamalukes (who are kinda both WCW Hardcore Champion because that angle hadn't already been done to death in the WWE) take on KroNik in a Number One Contender's Match for the WCW Tag Team Championships. Brian Adams shows some impressive offense for the very first time I've ever seen him do that. On the other side of the equation, Johnny Stamboli continues to be a pleasant surprise in the ring, showing a lot of energy and generally moving well around the ring (though he does botch his signature springboard splash towards the end). I wasn't surprised that when I looked up "Underrated Johnny Stamboli" a number of sites popped up with messages about how much he had improved by 03' and arguably deserved a better push. I'm not sure I'd go that far just based on his year 2000 matches, but he certainly showed potential. Too bad WCW's developmental system and coaches/agents on the main roster were historically inept. This isn't a bad match, but the crowd doesn't care because The Mamalukes were cartoonish "tweeners" and the KroNik were super-serious heels (sorta?). You can get away with two tag teams just having a match when the match itself is really, really good - but this wasn't special enough to make it PPV worthy. (1.5/5)

Next up - an Ambulance match between Diamond Dallas Page and Mike Awesome. Page wheels out Kanyon, who is in a wheelchair and sporting a full neck brace and halo. His mere presence means one of two things will happen: he will inexplicably turn on Page or Mike Awesome will inflict further damage on him. This one starts hot with Page and Awesome trading blows and Page slugging the referee too. As the match goes on, the big spots all look hokey, though. Mike Awesome's powerbomb sends DDP through a table, but the move is delivered without any force, preventing it from seeming dangerous at all. Kimberly shows up too and whacks Page with what the announcers call a "lead pipe" but looks more like a slightly smaller, slightly thinner foam bat. Page no sells it a minute later and hits a Diamond Cutter, which incapacitates Awesome for far, far longer than it should (especially considering he hadn't really taken too much damage up to that point). As Page is wheeling Awesome towards the ambulance, Eric Bischoff shows up and looks to cost Page the match by going after Kanyon (thus distracting DDP), but when Page goes to make the save - Kanyon turns on him! Called it! The announcers are confused by this turn of events when, sadly, they really shouldn't have been: DDP had been turned on by both his wife and David Arquette over the past 2 months so not turning on him would've been the real swerve. Kanyon hits Page with a Diamond Cutter off the stage and Awesome is declared the winner even though he comes out of this looking totally impotent. Page was obviously a Team WCW guy, working hard to not only get Awesome over but also Kanyon (and even Jarrett the previous month), but this storyline made him look naive and even unlikable. At a certain point, when your wife, your best friend, and David Arquette are all abandoning you, you've got to look inward, right? Page was now playing the opposite of the character that had gotten him over HUGE in 97' when he was, despite the numbers, often one step ahead of the nWo, picking his spots and forming alliances with Sting and The Giant and Karl Malone and Goldberg. Nobody wants to cheer for a DDP that is getting played left and right. (1.5/5)

GI Bro (Booker T) vs. Shawn Stasiak in a Boot Camp Match follows. If the previous bout wasn't a big enough disappointment, this might be one of the worst matches of Booker T's career. For starters, the GI Bro gimmick is abhorrent and Booker does not look the least bit interested in it. I think he was a member of the Misfits in Action, but if you watched this match (and ignored the commentary), you would never know because the rest of the MIA is nowhere to be found and, later, when Stasiak's tag partner Chuck Palumbo shows up, none of the other MIA members come out to make the save. What makes this match so bad is that its essentially a Texas Death Match, but because they were seemingly "saving the big spots" for the myriad of other stipulation matches on the card, Booker and Stasiak have a very standard brawl with a little bit of wrestling tossed in. The most "boot campy" thing about this match is Stasiak's face paint and camo pants, mirroring Booker's attire. This is a way less entertaining version of that awesome Craig Pittman vs. Cobra PPV match from 95'. If they had just wrestled a straight up match, I think this could've been decent, but because they're saddle-bagged with wacky costumes and "Texas 10 Count" rules, it draws "boring" chants from the crowd. As mentioned earlier, Palumbo shows up and attacks Booker, which is permitted because of the No DQ rules, striking him with Luger's flex/workout thingy. Despite being outnumbered, Booker T fights both men off and wins the match clean a minute or so later. Way to make your World Tag Team Champions look strong. (1/5)

Shane Douglas makes his way to the ring and cuts a promo trashing the crowd. He then announces that his next match against, The Wall, is no longer just your standard Tables Match - it is now a 5 Tables Match. The commentators aren't exactly sure if this means someone is going to go through 5 tables (meaning, its a Best of 9 situation) or a 3 tables, but whatever: the allure here is that we're going to see multiple table spots. Sounds good. The Wall comes out looking like a less impressive BikerTaker (a look that the Deadman had debuted just a few weeks earlier at WWE Judgment Day 2000). I'm not sure if The Wall's look predates BikerTaker, but it doesn't really matter because one was over and the other wasn't. Douglas and The Wall brawl around but have zero chemistry. The Wall puts Douglas through two tables as the commentators announce that this is, in fact, a Best of 5 situation. Neither of the first two table spots look that great. The basic ingredients that make up a good table spot (lots of force and lots of height) haven't been present for any of the table spots on this show so far. Douglas shrugs off the damage and leads The Wall over to the stage(d) area where there are 5-6 tables stacked up and a 20 foot ladder. Hmmm...I wonder what will happen next? Douglas starts to climb the ladder and, for no reason at all, The Wall climbs up the ladder too. This isn't a ladder match, mind you. In fact, had The Wall just waited till Douglas reached the top and then tipped over the ladder, he could've easily sent Douglas crashing through the stack. Instead, because he's not smart, The Wall climbs up the ladder where Douglas hits him with a pair of brass knucks. The Wall then jumps back (he doesn't just fall, he puts some obvious effort in) and goes through the tables. We had force. We had height. What we didn't have was a good vantage point, though, until the replay (which, sadly, makes it even more obvious how much The Wall threw himself through the tables). Douglas wins the match and walks away. The Wall spends about 20 seconds looking hurt and then no sells it too, getting his "heat" back by attacking the referee. Another all-time bad match. (0.5/5)

As we've reached the halfway point of this show, its worth noting that throughout the night there were not only cuts to Eric Bischoff in the backstage area fretting over the unwanted arrival of Goldberg, but also constant references by the commentators about Bischoff and Russo's much-hyped "big surprise." This wasn't just mild hype either - Bischoff and Russo promised that tonight's surprise would change the landscape of the entire wrestling industry. What could it be???

The next match, like the last one, begins with a non-advertised pre-match stipulation change as Tank Abott vs. Scott Steiner in an "Asylum Match" becomes a handicap bout once Rick Steiner is added to the match (on Abbott's side) by Russo and Bischoff. Rick Steiner, the 40 year old, 16-year veteran was part of young, insurgent New Blood stable because he'd been "held back" despite getting famously overpushed as TV Champion in 99'? Sure, fine, checks out. In the ring, Big Poppa Pump gets beaten down 2-on-1 as the Asylum cage lowers. Tank Abbott pulls out a steel chain to inflict even more damage, but Rick Steiner thinks this is going too far and shoves his brother away before Abbott can strike him (putting himself in harm's way in the process). At least this is what the commentators say happens because the timing and execution is a muddled mess. Why wouldn't it be, though? An elaborate dramatic twist like this relies on good camerawork and expert timing by the performers and we already know WCW's production crew were dogshit and Tank Abbott was, to put it mildly, "unpolished." Scott Steiner gets up, grabs the chain, and clobbers Abbott with it and then puts him in the Steiner Recliner to win the match in under 5 minutes and destroy any remaining tough guy credibility that Abbott had. What a waste of time and money to set up a cage for this match. Another candidate for worst match of the year. (0/5)

The first of two retirement matches is next - Hulk Hogan putting his career on the line against Kidman (with the incentive that should the Hulkster win, he will get a shot at the World Championship at the next PPV, Bash at the Beach). The guest referee is Horace Hogan, Hulk's nephew, who had turned on his uncle a few weeks earlier. Kidman bumps and sells for the majority of the match, barely ever putting Hogan in any sort of danger. This feud was supposed to turn Kidman into a main event heel but because he never posed a threat to the Hulkster, there's no heat in this match. A very prominent sign in the crowd reads "Please Hogan Retire" which will also let you know how much this rivalry revitalized Hogan too. After a tiresome match with only one good spot (Hogan hiptossing Kidman through a table), Torrie Wilson (Kidman's girlfriend) shows up and hands Hogan a pair of brass knucks. Kidman bumps him from behind, though, and Wilson hits the floor. Kidman then pulls out his own pair of brass knucks - which I think was supposed to imply that Torrie handing the knucks to Hogan was an attempt at the old "double-swerve" whereby Hogan would be fooled into a false sense of security that would allow Kidman to bust out his own foreign object and use it before the Hulkster could use his own. Kidman hits Hogan, but only gets a 2 count. Again, this entire feud was supposed to make Kidman look like a main eventer, but being unable to knock out Hogan even with brass knucks is just character castration. Kidman gets upset with Horace Hogan for the slow count (that wasn't slow) and clobbers him too. Torrie Wilson then enters the ring and turns on her man, allowing Hogan to deck him with the brass knucks and make cover. A predictable match that showcased none of Kidman's athleticism or any of Hogan's remaining strengths with a woefully overbooked finish. (1/5)

In the second retirement match of the show, Ric Flair puts his career on the line against his son, David Flair. I've written it before but David Flair is fascinating. No wrestling skill. No mic skills. Not particularly handsome. Unless I'm mistaken, not a ratings draw. And yet, through multiple regime changes, David Flair stayed on WCW TV for two full years, generally just sucking at everything he did. This would make some sense if Ric Flair had backstage power and was using his pull to give his boy a job, but The Nature Boy was famously not in a position of power during the last years of WCW. Here, Ric has to carry his talentless son for roughly 10 minutes, all the while also selling for Vince Russo, a guy delusional enough to believe that he could be WCW's version of Vince McMaho" despite not having an ounce of McMahon's natural charisma or experience in front of the camera (its easy to forget that before Vince became Mr. McMahon, he was on-screen for 20+ years as an announcer and pitchman). As one would expect, this match is mostly chest chops before Russo places a pair of handcuffs on Naitch. David controls from here, attacking his old man until two audience members jump in - a young Ashley (Charlotte) Flair and her little brother, Reid. The physicality between Reid and Vince Russo gets a big pop, as does Charlotte putting the cuffs on him. Reid gets into the ring to square off with David and gets his head shaken in the corner. Ric then takes David to school (as the commentators repeat excessively) and gets the win with his Figure Four. This is not a good match but it features enough smoke-and-mirror bullshit to make it bearable. Vince Russo calling both Ashley and Reid Flair "bitches" is cringe-inducing, though, in fairness, its not like the WWE in 2000 or even 2004 wasn't filling their content with foul language and overtly misogynistic angles. After the match, Russo promises to retire Flair on Nitro the next night. I'm glad I'm not reviewing those shows because the PPVs alone have given me all the Vince Russo moments that I'd ever want. (1/5)

Again, before the next match, we get even more hype over Bischoff and Russo's "big surprise"....

The Human Torch/Inferno Match is next - Sting vs. Vampiro. Vampiro comes out first and lights a torch on fire. He gets in the ring and Sting's music hits, but he doesn't come down the aisle. Instead, Sting stands atop the huge video wall (their version of the Titantron) and uses a pulley system to bring the torch to the top of the arena. Sting taunts Vampiro about his fear of heights and Mark Madden confirms that this is one of Vampiro's few weaknesses. Okay. Sting rappels down and the two have a spirited exchange in the ring. They then start brawling down the aisle, working their way towards the stage. Classic Russo booking here: the finish of the match relies on someone getting set on fire, which should be a huge moment, but because it is legitimately very dangerous and requires the work of a stunt double, they can't actually deliver it in a conventional/natural way and thus the "match" is really all getting to an elaborate stunt rather than a struggle between two characters. After taking a good (but poorly filmed) bump into the stage, Sting chases Vampiro up to the top of the video wall and the two trade forearms and punches. The lights go out for no apparent reason (well, actually, so they can trade out Sting with a stuntman) and then come back on. "Sting" is set on fire and as he waves his arms, he leaps off the wall, does a flip, and falls through the stage some 20-30 feet below. Minus the fire and the flip, this is not too different than the kind of stuff Shane McMahon did/does, but because of the fire and the flip, it comes off very obvious that WCW had contracted this match out to coordinators of the Waterworld stunt show. There's maybe some entertainment value in seeing a stunt like this in that sort of environment, but in the context of a wrestling show, especially one this awful, it sucks. (0.5/5)

Backstage, Eric Bischoff tells an interview that there will not be a big surprise tonight after all. In Russoland, of course, this means there will be a surprise, but he believed it would add to the suspense if Bischoff swerved the audience into thinking there wasn't going to be a surprise after all. Why hype a surprise for 3 hours and then pretend there is none only for there to still be one? Why not just not hype a surprise at all so that it truly is a surprise when it happens? I mean, can you even call something a "surprise" when you've built your entire show around the idea of there being something surprising happening at a later time?

Main event time - Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash for Jarrett's WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Before the match can begin, the odds are stacked against Nash as Ernest Miller and the Filthy Animals take the roles of "second ref," time keeper, and whatever job Juvi was given. The point is, they're out there and they get involved a lot. Before I get down to reviewing this match, I must admit, this entire stretch of WCW viewing has made me feel a little bad for Jeff Jarrett. I'm still not much of a fan, but for the longest time I actively disliked him for his role in WCW's awfulness. In retrospect, Jarrett doesn't deserve any real blame for this garbage. He was over-pushed and put into an undeserved main event spot, sure, but he wasn't writing this - his idiot friend Vince Russo was. Bischoff was equally clueless. Many of the other top talents were phoning it in and, as bland as Jarrett could be, were less dependable than he was. As Schiavone points out, in storyline, Jarrett was essentially "made" champion after failing to defeat the reigning champion (Sid) at the start of the year. He was also saddled with the role of being the leader of the worst version of the nWo ever. After he did finally win the title (with help from Kimberly of all people), he was then entangled in one of the worst storylines ever with David Arquette. Even in this match, a major World Title defense, he ends up overshadowed. Speaking of this match, it's not very good. The brawling in the crowd is okay and Rey Mysterio takes some decent bumps, but the rest of it is just too basic and tedious ever get exciting. Jarrett goes after Nash's knee, Nash sells it pretty well, there's loads of interference and a ref bump caused by Disco Inferno...it's all just the same crap that we'd seen throughout the rest of the show. A little before the 20-minute mark (again, some credit should be given to Jarrett and Nash for trying to actually deliver a main event level World Championship match, even one this sub-par), all hell breaks loose and we get interference from both Steiners, Tank Abbott, and then, the guy folks had been chanting for all night: Goldberg. Instead of spearing Jarrett, though, Goldberg has to wait for Nash to get on his feet, telegraphing his heel turn. After watching Goldberg spear Nash in disbelief, Jarrett makes the cover and Bischoff and Russo arrive to celebrate as the crowd fills the ring with garbage. When Hulk Hogan turned heel in 96', it was such a seismic moment that WCW became the hottest wrestling company in the US and the WWE basically spent the next 15-18 months playing catch up. Of course, as the WWE themselves would find out a little less than a year later with their ill-advised attempt to turn Steve Austin heel, when you take your top babyface and turn him, you need an incredibly fresh new story to tell to back it up. Goldberg turning on the fans and joining Russo and Bischoff made no sense, just as Austin teaming up with Vince McMahon and Triple H went against every fiber of the character's being. Worse than that, it happened at the end of a complete shit show of a PPV where we'd already seen one inexplicable turn - by Kanyon - and cheap interference finishes in pretty much every other match. This gets a point just because, if you were ever curious how bad WCW was, this match would serve as a great one-stop shop for Russo and Bischoff's terrible booking. (1/5)


With a Kwang Score of 0.85-out-of-5, WCW Great American Bash 2000 continues WCW's descent into unwatchability. The matches aren't just bad, they're insulting and because there is zero quality control, the bad ideas in one match pop up again and again in other matches throughout the card (brass knucks everywhere, convoluted "stunt" high spots, heel turns for shock value, man-on-woman violence, run-ins during run-ins during run-ins). The production is wacky with money being spent on ridiculous set pieces while "the basics" like good camerawork are forgotten. Mark Madden is a terrible announcer too. The awfulness of this show is astounding, but never in that "So Bad Its Good" territory. If you're interested in that kind of show, go back 10 years and watch some of the cheesy-but-fun stuff WCW was producing in the early 90s (like Clash of the Champions XVI, for example). This will not make you laugh. This will not entertain you. Avoid at all costs.

FINAL RATING - DUDleyville