The pre-show video package is ridiculous, but also sets the stage well for a show that mixes so many somewhat weird, very 2004 storylines: Cena in Word Life mode but already showing lots of the character he'd become within the next year, The Undertaker feuding with Paul Heyman (and the Dudley Boys??), and JBL in the role of the company's top heel seemingly out of nowhere (he'd still been doing APA shtick just a few months prior to this show).
Speaking of John Cena, he defends his United States Championship against three other superstars to start the show: Booker T, Rob Van Dam, and Rene Dupree. Before the match, Cena delivers one of his super-cringey raps. I'm not sure if what The Acclaimed do in 2023 is that much better, but its better enough. This match was an off-shoot from the on-going Kurt Angle/John Cena feud. At the time, Cena was not known for being a great in-ring worker, but he wasn't getting "You Can't Wrestle!" chants directed towards him like he would in 05'/06' either. This match is worked a bit oddly as Cena gets dumped to the floor early and then disappears, turning the match into essentially a 1-on-1 bout between RVD and Dupree for awhile as Booker T just watches from the floor. Working the match "gauntlet style," with only two guys working at any given time and the other two just watching from ringside - "waiting for an opportunity" - is an interesting choice and, arguably, a bold one as it blatantly exposes that, in your typical multi-man match, the same structure exists but the wrestlers at least pretend to be selling on the outside. Anyway, once Van Dam gets eliminated, Dupree and Booker work on Cena and the match becomes more of your "traditional" triple threat match as the heels' arguing ends up costing them the advantage. Booker T eliminates Dupree after he eats an F-U/Attitude Adjustment and then gets to work on Cena, applying a headlock to try to wear him down. Cena rallies and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle but its not enough and the battle continues with these two going into a pretty nifty finishing sequence that sees Booker almost win with a roll-up before eventually falling prey to the AA. Not a "must see" match or anything like that, but not a bad opener and a good spotlight match for Cena, a guy who, within a year, would be the top guy in the company. (3/5)
Backstage, Kurt Angle, who had become SmackDown General Manager somehow, is with Charlie Haas and Jackie Gayda, hyping up his new protege, Luther Reigns. Angle sets up a match between the two for later in the evening.
Cut to - Sable cutting a promo in a hot tub. Sable is obviously a beautiful woman, but her return in 2004 was weird and so was her delivery in this short segment.
Back to the ring we go for Haas vs. Reigns (Luther, not Roman). Reigns had potential as he had size, muscles, and wasn't *that* awful in the ring. Haas is clearly the better worker and is doing much of the heavy lifting of keeping this match on track, but its not as if Luther Reigns is lost out there. If anything, I wish Reigns was a bit more dominant and leaned more on his power advantage rather than bothering with submission holds. Haas deserved to get offense in and showcase his own talents, but Reigns would've looked stronger by winning a shorter match (and it also would've helped hide the fact that he looked totally gassed by minute 5). Decent enough for what it was, but not a PPV worthy match. (2/5)
JBL cuts a promo, talking about his match against Eddie Guerrero at Judgment Day and how it led to tonight's Texas Bullrope rematch.
Chavo Guerrero challenged Rey Mysterio Jr. for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship in the next bout. As expected, these two worked a crisp pace with lots of counters, reversals, and fast-paced action. I liked how both men targeted their opponent's arms and consistently went back to it to build a story, with Mysterio's offense looking particularly fierce and more vicious than one usually gets from him. Chavo wisely changed gears after dropkicking Mysterio off the apron and to the floor, targeting Rey's knee instead once he saw that he was hurt. Guerrero's control was really good but this crowd just didn't care as much as this match deserved, getting quiet at times despite the excellent effort and performances by both competitors. I loved one particular moment when Chavo went to whip Rey into the corner and Mysterio couldn't even make it to the ring before his knee buckled, leading to a textbook standing suplex from Chavo. From there, Chavo kicked out Mysterio's legs from under him as he went to the ropes, causing Mysterio to do multiple backflips. These spots popped the crowd but, moments later, they'd get quiet again and I'm not exactly sure why as, again, everything Mysterio and Chavo did was executed so well (especially Mysterio's hope spots). Rey ended up in the Tree of Woe but when Chavo went for a splash in the corner, Mysterio dodged him and then hit a huge sitting senton from the top rope all the way to the floor (which did cause a few audible audience members to chant "Holy Shit"). Back to the top rope they went, both men ending up landing hard, face first back into the ring. Mysterio continued to sell knee damage as he went into a series of signature offensive moves, Chavo eventually cutting him off with a backdrop to the apron. Mysterio hit another seated senton but only got 2 and ended up getting dropped by a Gory Bomb. Chavo only got a 2-count from it and the war raged on as Chavo stomped on Mysterio's left knee. An enziguiri from Rey led to a 619, but Rey's attempt at a West Coast Pop led to Guerrero catching him in a half crab, the submission drawing a huge reaction from the audience. Mysterio eventually got to the bottom rope and Chavo was forced to break the hold as Chavo drew loud "Chavo Sucks" chants from the Norfolk crowd. Chavo went for another Gory Bomb, but this time Mysterio countered it into a sunset flip and got the 3. A hotter crowd could've made this maybe an all-time great but, for what it was, it was an excellent match and maybe even the best one of Chavo's career (that I've seen). (4/5)
Back in the hot tub, Billy Kidman, Funaki, and Jamie Noble are hanging with Torrie Wilson. This was just an excuse to see Torrie Wilson in a bikini. Her and Kidman were married at the time.
Kenzo Suzuki (with Hiroko) vs. Billy "The Ass Man" Gunn next. This was one of Gunn's last matches in the WWE before getting released and going to TNA. I was surprised to learn he'd lasted so long with the company after the Billy & Chuck run, to be honest. Anyway, Suzuki had a cool entrance, but its fairly clear that he was just not very good in-ring and some of his offense is outright goofy. Billy is competent enough to make this work, but I'm not surprised that Suzuki didn't make it very far in the company despite the strong push. Suzuki's exaggerated facial expressions and mannerisms are just too goofy to have ever worked and building your matches around nerve holds didn't exactly make for thrilling matches. Suzuki hit a nifty Shining Wizard (which was a bit of a shocker) but only got 2 off it before Gunn came back with an equally great-looking tilt-a-whirl powerslam. Gunn called for the Fameasser, but Suzuki resisted it and then hit a reverse DDT-into-his-knee, which was not as good a finish as the Shining Wizard he hit. Not a PPV-worthy match. (1.5/5)
Backstage, Paul Heyman has Paul Bearer tied up and gagged. Again, watching a show like this really is a trip compared to what the WWE was like even just 3-4 years later (when things got noticeably more PG) and, to a lesser extent, what it was like 3-4 years earlier when the roster was much more star-studded and not divided into separate brands, which is the real reason why acts like Luther Reigns and Kenzo Suzuki ended up on PPV despite not even being successful TV characters.
Sable took on Torrie Wilson in the next match. I thought this would've been somewhat of a squash with Torrie Wilson getting the W (as Sable would be leaving the company in August), but Sable controls most of the match, actually applies a few wrestling holds, and gets the sneaky pinfall victory due to the referee not being in correct position to see that Sable was not only pulling Wilson's tights but that Wilson's shoulders were nowhere near the mat. This match also went 6 minutes, which was at least 2 minutes longer than I expected. This felt more like something you might see on TV than a PPV-worthy contest, but isn't that true for a bunch of this show? (1.5/5)
Backstage, Dawn Marie is by the jacuzzi and talking with Rene Dupree. Nunzio (Little Guido of ECW fame) shows up with Johnny Stamboli (aka Johnny The Bull aka Rellik) in tow. Hilarity does not ensue.
Back to the ring we go for Mordecai vs. Hardcore Holly. Mordecai was a bizarre character portrayed by Kevin Thorn who had come to the WWE to "purify" it by taking out people he believed to be sinners. Its not clear what Holly's sin was, but he was Mordecai's first target. The rumor was that Mordecai was being set up for a major push as a potential foe for the Undertaker but that never came to pass. I wouldn't call Holly an uneven wrestler, but I would say that I've never found him to be good at knowing his role. While it may not have taken much to overshadow Mordecai, Holly doesn't seem to go out of his way to make the newcomer look particularly strong. Instead, its Holly's offense that looks most devastating and its Holly's toughness that comes across rather than anything special about Mordecai. Is that Holly's fault? Maybe not...but it certainly doesn't get the job done if the purpose of this match was to establish Mordecai as anything more than a lower midcarder. (1/5)
Alright, here we go with the first our double main event - Eddie Guerrero defending the WWE Championship against John Bradshaw Layfield in a Bullrope Match. At the previous SmackDown PPV, Guerrero had bled an all-time gusher and had gotten himself disqualified against JBL to retain the title. This led to JBL demanding a rematch under a stipulation of his own choice. The rules of this match are fairly straightforward, though it takes a minute for Tony Chimel to get through them. JBL and Eddie Guerrero seem to be having a blast destroying each other in this match, pulling out all of the classic Bullrope Match tropes from when this sort of stipulation was commonplace in 'rasslin' territories across the southwest. Both guys wisely tag corners in the early going to establish the rules of the match before this gets into the violence. JBL gets cut on the outside early, which gives Guerrero a target for his offense. I really liked JBL's crafty tactics to prevent Guerrero from tagging the corners throughout the contest as they were highly effective and draw huge reactions from the crowd. JBL eventually gains the upperhand by pulling Guerrero from the top rope all the way into the Spanish Announce Table on the outside in a spot that draws a loud "Holy Shit!" chant from the crowd. The table doesn't break so JBL powerbombs him through it. This leads to the final struggle as Eddie prevents JBL from tagging all three using everything he's got, including hooking his whole body around the bottom rope (just as JBL had done earlier). The finish sees both guys tagging 3 corners and then, as JBL is about to get the fourth, Eddie launches himself into him with a splash and tags the corner himself. The crowd goes wild and Eddie's music plays, but his celebration is cut short as Kurt Angle demands they go to instant replay and its clear that JBL crashed into the corner before Eddie tagged it, thus making him the winner. Eddie's disappointment and then the crowd chanting for him is a nice way to end things, but this was a definite downer and, at the time, a somewhat controversial booking decision as JBL was not seen by many as a credible main event-level guy. I think its safe to say that, with this match and their Judgment Day match and a highly-rated SmackDown match I've never seen, Eddie was easily JBL's best opponent. Maybe not "must see," but not far from it. (3.5/5)
Main event time - The Undertaker vs. The Dudleys in a 2-on-1 handicap match. The story coming into this match was that Paul Heyman wanted the Undertaker to join forces with him and had kidnapped Paul Bearer in order to force the Undertaker to become his minion. In order to make sure the Undertaker "did the right thing," he had brought the Dudleys into the mix and also put Bearer in a large glass case that would slowly be filled with concrete until the Undertaker agreed to join Heyman. Its not necessarily clear what Heyman was going to do with the Undertaker as his new monster, but it didn't really matter because having monsters at his disposal was kinda Heyman's shtick in the years between 2002 and 2004 (starting with Lesnar and then Big Show). Anyway...the Dudleys were the WWE Tag Team Champions, but their run in the WWE was coming to a close as they had basically done it all in the company and didn't have any mountains left to climb (they'd be released and head over to TNA about a year after this). There was lots of starts-and-stops to this match, but I wouldn't necessarily say this more of an angle than a match because there was quite a bit of action too. The Dudleys knew their role and bumped and sold for the Deadman when they needed to. The crowd clearly wanted to see the Dudleys bust out the tables - which could've been a cool way to lead to the finish - but, instead, this is a straight-up match and eventually The Undertaker gets the relatively clean win when Paul Heyman distracts Bubba. In a relatively famous moment, The Undertaker ends up burying Paul Bearer in the concrete after the match anyway, which was a nice way to "kill off" the Bearer character. A bit boring, but not too terrible. (2.5/5)
Great American Bash 04' is maybe the most 04' PPV of all 04' (I say "maybe" because I honestly haven't seen every PPV from 04'). The JBL/Guerrero match is, at the very least, very good and the opening contest provides an ample spotlight from then-rising superstar John Cena, but its clear from the rest of the card just how thin the SmackDown roster had become after the departure of Lesnar, Angle's injury, and both Chris Benoit and Edge leaving the Blue Brand to go to Raw (one via the Rumble and the other via March's Draft). With Booker T and RVD in need of some rehab and not seeming too high on Vince's priority list for big pushes, much of this show is built around a trio of failed gimmicks - the young Frenchman Rene Dupree (who gets more screen time than Cena), the bizarre Mordecai, and the foreign heel throwback Suzuki, none of whom ended up being remotely successful. Though the wrestling on this show may not be riveting, it is at least interesting to see the crap the WWE was throwing at the wall at the time. With a Kwang Score of 2.38-out-of-5 but at least two matches in the good-to-great range (the Bullrope and Cruiserweight Championship matches), this show earns a...
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
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