Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - December 2002
COMMENTARY: Tazz and Michael Cole (SmackDown), Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross (RAW)
Armageddon kicks off with a fatal fourway elimination match for the World Tag Team Championships - Chris Jericho and Christian defending against The Dudley Boys, Lance Storm and William Regal, and the popular odd couple of Booker T and Goldust. The crowd desperately wants tables, but the reunited Dudleys don't provide them, getting eliminated (along with Storm and Regal) in rapid succession within the first ten minutes or so of the match. From here, we get a good-not-great 2-on-2 contest, the crowd fully in support of the babyfaces (particularly Booker T). Signature offense leads to some close near falls before a well-executed final sequence to crown new champions. Solid opener. (2.5/5)
Edge vs. A-Train is next. This is the type of match that might've benefitted from context - but I've never been an Albert fan and Edge, even at his best, has always been someone I've enjoyed most when he's been paired with an elite worker or someone that is at least as over as he is. Albert is neither. The final minutes are strong, but the finish doesn't make a ton of sense. The post-match is fun, but I feel like if you take the last act and restructure it, you'd have Edge coming out hotter and Albert not looking any worse than he already does when we fade to black. (1.5/5)
After a quick segment with Heyman and Big Show, we get one half of the World Tag Team Champions, Eddie Guerrero, taking on Chris Benoit. Cole and Tazz play up how important this match is as the winner will inch even closer to a World Championship shot. Guerrero hits a huge splash from the top rope to the outside in the match's first big spot, giving him the advantage back in the ring. Guerrero spends a ton of time working on Benoit's left leg, slowing the pace but, after a some nifty reversals, ending up locked in for a series of nasty german suplexes from the Crippler. Benoit calls for the headbutt, but Guerrero is on his face before he can get to the tough rope, causing him to come back to the mat and hit Latino Heat with even more germans! Guerrero gets a rope break and, in an impressive show of strength, its Guerrero who starts tossing out the suplexes in rapid succession, following them with a picture perfect frog splash for two. Chavo Guerrero rears his ugly head to assist his uncle, but the tough-as-nails Benoit stays alive, even after Eddie locks in his Lasso from El Paso submission. Miraculously back in control minutes later, Benoit hits a huge powerbomb and, despite interference, a flying headbutt. Exhausted, he's unable to capitalize in time, Guerrero wisely returning to the Lasso. However, it's the technical prowess of Benoit that enables him to eventually lock in his Crippler Crossface for the win. A tough, physical match with great sequences, but even with Cole and Tazz's quality commentary, the match doesn't necessarily feel consequential - it feels more like the WWE had found a lever reading "automatic great match" and just pulled it, knowing full well that even at their worst, these could two tear the house down. Better than average because these everything these guys did was usually better than average. (3/5)
Thanks to a lengthy video package, we are provided some context for our next segment - Dawn Marie's revelation concerning her hotel stay with Torrie Wilson. The story here is that Dawn Marie's romance with Torrie Wilson's dad, Al Wilson, was all just mind games to get Torrie's attention. Dawn Marie comes out with Al and proceeds to hype the footage she has of their hotel tryst and call out Torrie, who she claims is in hiding (classic wrestling trope). Cut to the video footage from Room 357, a large percentage of which had already aired on SmackDown based on the video package. After initially resisting Dawn Marie, Torrie downs a glass of wine and eats a strawberry out of Dawn Marie's hands, the video segment getting creepier and less erotic with each passing minute. The crowd pops big for the big kiss as Dawn Marie freezes the footage to survey the crowd about whether they want to see more or not. As expected, the crowd does - but Al Wilson doesn't, drawing "asshole" chants from the crowd. At this point, all the heat that was on Dawn Marie is now on Al Wilson, the wet blanket, while Marie actually comes out of it looking less like a bitch and more like your run-of-the-mill pervert. Embarrassing segment. (0/5)
Batista, with Ric Flair in tow, makes his WWE pay-per-view debut next - squaring off against Kane. The two monsters trade power moves and work at a much quicker pace than one might've imagined, neither guy wasting any time with restholds or over-dramatic selling. Flair tries to get involved on the outside, but Kane no sells him and maintains control on the inside with a big boot and a rather overtly-choreographed sidewalk slam to Batista, looking greener and greener as the match wears on. Batista botches a powerbomb attempt (or was it just supposed to look like he did?) and the crowd lets him hear it before Kane connects with a clothesline off the top. Batista regains control with a spine buster, but this match went off the rails minutes earlier and the repetitive sequences are doing it no favors. Not even the Nature Boy getting involved can truly save it, though, the Batista Bomb that ends it is a considerably impressive move (that Kane proceeds to no sell by sitting up from almost immediately after the bell). This one started out much stronger than it ended. (1.5/5)
John Cena and Bull "Bling Bling" Buchanan are here! Cena spits a "freestyle" in the entrance area. Based on the crowd's reaction (or non-reaction), Cena's shtick wasn't quite as hot as it would become yet. For the novelty of it, I'm gonna reward it a point. (+1)
The Womens' Championship is on the line in the next match-up - Victoria defending the strap against Jaqueline and Trish Stratus. While the execution here is not nearly as fluid as the kind of action we see out of the women in the WWE today, the performances are no less passionate, brave, or physical. In fact, some of the sequences attempted here are as risky and physically-demanding as the high spots that Sasha Banks busts out. Unfortunately, aside from just the fact that the work is sloppier all around (Jacqueline, for example, was always known more for her in-ring toughness rather than how smooth she was), the finish shows that the bookers had much less confidence that the women could actually tell a fleshed-out story that wouldn't bore the audience. Their low expectations seem quaint now as, even on this show, I'd have shaved off 1-2 minutes from Edge/Albert and Batista/Kane to see what else these ladies could've accomplished. (2/5)
The WWE Championship is on the line - Kurt Angle challenging The Big Show. The story around this match really revolves around Brock Lesnar, though, the guy screwed out of the title by Paul Heyman at Survivor Series. For some reason, Show comes to the ring first, followed by Kurt Angle, who comes out to a somewhat muted response - the crowd not quite sure if they should cheer or boo the guy. Once the match begins, though, a "Let's Go Angle" chant starts up, maybe inspired by the fact that Lesnar (the true babyface in this storyline) isn't around for them to root for. A motivated, dominating Big Show is my favorite Big Show and Angle, like Triple H, is almost always just a tad funner to watch when paired against a guy with a dramatically different size or style (for example, against a high-flyer like Mysterio or monster like Undertaker). Forced to use his speed and agility, Angle may not execute his dropkicks and moonsaults perfectly, but it makes a ton more sense than trying to suplex a 500-pounder (though, it's not as if Angle doesn't hit some of his signature offense, including an Angle Slam early on). A ref bump allows Big Show to escape the Ankle Lock and the shenanigans begin, the crowd chanting "We Want Brock" in unison. A chair shot isn't enough to end things and, for the second time in a matter of minutes, Mike Chioda goes down. We then get a run-in from the one guy I think everyone can agree had no business even doing a run-in during a Championship match and the match goes on before we get the finish that everyone in the crowd saw coming (but also paid to see). A kitchen sink of a match that featured a little bit of everything - good action and sloppy action, logical storyline development and illogical storyline development, acceptable bullshit and disappointing bullshit. (3/5)
Rob Van Dam is at The World in New York City despite being one of the most over guys on the roster at the time. He says he's really looking forward to seeing Triple H get his ass kicked. Me too.
A video package provides context for our main event, a 3 Stages of Hell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship, Shawn Michaels defending against Triple H. Ric Flair gets tossed out of the match instantly, Earl Hebner trying to keep the first fall - a streetfight - at least somewhat even. For two guys known for storytelling and execution, the first round is far from flawless; there's a botched roll-through, a lazy Sweet Chin Music sequence, and very little in the way of psychology. Neither guy wrestles with any sort of strategy, even when it would make the most sense for Trips to target Michaels' back (instead, he goes after his knee). The fight heads on over to the entrance, Triple H grabbing a barbed wire 2x4 and then, moments before he goes to strike Michaels with it, lighting it on fire! Michaels is able to boot it out of his hands, though, and ends up hitting Helmsley with it himself in a well-intentioned, but not necessarily believable spot. The Game, now sliced open, ends up back in the ring, where Michaels hits him with a trash can lid but doesn't have the sense to actually go for a pinfall (after, again, a FLAMING, BARBWIRE 2x4 spot). The streetfight continues, Michaels eventually succumbing to a Pedigree for the first fall. As the cage lowers, Triple H goes to grab yet another table (despite neither of the first two, on the outside of the ring, getting utilized yet). In a bizarre and illogical decision, Triple H opts not to simply walk out of the cage the minute it lowers, setting up a table in the corner instead. Michaels ends up busted open a few minutes later after a slingshot into the cage. The combatants end up near the top of the cage as Ric Flair returns to stack up even more tables on the outside, teasing a huge fall from the top of the cage. Instead, Helmsley ends up back in the ring where Michaels hits him with an elbow from the top. Having seen enough, Flair gets involved, his interference backfiring to the point that the Nature Boy ends up a bloodier mess than either of his proteges. Despite connecting with a huge Sweet Chin Music, Michaels opts not to take the surefire pinfall, choosing instead to risk his own wellbeing to drive The Cerebral Assassin through a table with a splash from the top of the cage. As one could've predicted, we get Round 3 - a Ladder Match (which Lawler points out should favor the match's creator, the Heartbreak Kid). As one might've also predicted, the crowd seems somewhat exhausted by this point, likely because, after 30+ minutes, they'd seen just about every big spot possible - all except the one that had been teased and set-up from minute one (someone going through the growing collection of tables on the outside of the ring). After Michaels misses a splash from the top of the ladder, a sizable part of the audience becomes more interested in something happening in the audience than Triple H's second Pedigree and dramatic rung-climbing, brought back only after Michaels connects with his own second finisher of the night. From here, we get the only conclusion that could exist, a spot that actually benefits from being seen from afar (as the replay shows) rather than up close (where Michaels is clearly seen kicking a table away before the leg bounces directly into his face). An exhausting match both for the competitors and the audience, but undeniably brutal and certainly worth catching if you're a fan of these two's other vanity matches. (3.5/5)
With Kwang score of 2.25-out-of-5, Armageddon 2002 closed out the year for the company on an overall sour note. This show really does seem like the WWE limping to the finish line with Undertaker, Austin, and The Rock no longer around, Hogan and the nWo having come and gone, and Brock Lesnar and Rob Van Dam purposely "chilled" so as to build towards bigger moments at the Rumble (in the case of Lesnar) or not to overshadow Triple H and HBK (in the case of RVD). Benoit, Guerrero, Jericho, Christian, and Edge are all around, but are positioned no higher than they were a year prior (actually, Jericho is positioned lower on the card at this point). In a vacuum, the show has redeeming qualities - the Women's Championship match is pretty great before it gets cut needlessly short, Guerrero/Benoit is solid, Angle/Show is fun, and if you crave a ridiculous, convoluted "epic," Michaels and Triple H deliver one with fists full of ham. I, personally, am not a fan of these self-conscious, logic-bending vanity matches and have seen enough "just good" Benoit and Guerrero matches that this card didn't appeal to me much (and I doubt it will appear to others). The less said about the eye-rollingly dated Torrie Wilson/Dawn Marie angle the better.
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
After a quick segment with Heyman and Big Show, we get one half of the World Tag Team Champions, Eddie Guerrero, taking on Chris Benoit. Cole and Tazz play up how important this match is as the winner will inch even closer to a World Championship shot. Guerrero hits a huge splash from the top rope to the outside in the match's first big spot, giving him the advantage back in the ring. Guerrero spends a ton of time working on Benoit's left leg, slowing the pace but, after a some nifty reversals, ending up locked in for a series of nasty german suplexes from the Crippler. Benoit calls for the headbutt, but Guerrero is on his face before he can get to the tough rope, causing him to come back to the mat and hit Latino Heat with even more germans! Guerrero gets a rope break and, in an impressive show of strength, its Guerrero who starts tossing out the suplexes in rapid succession, following them with a picture perfect frog splash for two. Chavo Guerrero rears his ugly head to assist his uncle, but the tough-as-nails Benoit stays alive, even after Eddie locks in his Lasso from El Paso submission. Miraculously back in control minutes later, Benoit hits a huge powerbomb and, despite interference, a flying headbutt. Exhausted, he's unable to capitalize in time, Guerrero wisely returning to the Lasso. However, it's the technical prowess of Benoit that enables him to eventually lock in his Crippler Crossface for the win. A tough, physical match with great sequences, but even with Cole and Tazz's quality commentary, the match doesn't necessarily feel consequential - it feels more like the WWE had found a lever reading "automatic great match" and just pulled it, knowing full well that even at their worst, these could two tear the house down. Better than average because these everything these guys did was usually better than average. (3/5)
Thanks to a lengthy video package, we are provided some context for our next segment - Dawn Marie's revelation concerning her hotel stay with Torrie Wilson. The story here is that Dawn Marie's romance with Torrie Wilson's dad, Al Wilson, was all just mind games to get Torrie's attention. Dawn Marie comes out with Al and proceeds to hype the footage she has of their hotel tryst and call out Torrie, who she claims is in hiding (classic wrestling trope). Cut to the video footage from Room 357, a large percentage of which had already aired on SmackDown based on the video package. After initially resisting Dawn Marie, Torrie downs a glass of wine and eats a strawberry out of Dawn Marie's hands, the video segment getting creepier and less erotic with each passing minute. The crowd pops big for the big kiss as Dawn Marie freezes the footage to survey the crowd about whether they want to see more or not. As expected, the crowd does - but Al Wilson doesn't, drawing "asshole" chants from the crowd. At this point, all the heat that was on Dawn Marie is now on Al Wilson, the wet blanket, while Marie actually comes out of it looking less like a bitch and more like your run-of-the-mill pervert. Embarrassing segment. (0/5)
Batista, with Ric Flair in tow, makes his WWE pay-per-view debut next - squaring off against Kane. The two monsters trade power moves and work at a much quicker pace than one might've imagined, neither guy wasting any time with restholds or over-dramatic selling. Flair tries to get involved on the outside, but Kane no sells him and maintains control on the inside with a big boot and a rather overtly-choreographed sidewalk slam to Batista, looking greener and greener as the match wears on. Batista botches a powerbomb attempt (or was it just supposed to look like he did?) and the crowd lets him hear it before Kane connects with a clothesline off the top. Batista regains control with a spine buster, but this match went off the rails minutes earlier and the repetitive sequences are doing it no favors. Not even the Nature Boy getting involved can truly save it, though, the Batista Bomb that ends it is a considerably impressive move (that Kane proceeds to no sell by sitting up from almost immediately after the bell). This one started out much stronger than it ended. (1.5/5)
John Cena and Bull "Bling Bling" Buchanan are here! Cena spits a "freestyle" in the entrance area. Based on the crowd's reaction (or non-reaction), Cena's shtick wasn't quite as hot as it would become yet. For the novelty of it, I'm gonna reward it a point. (+1)
The Womens' Championship is on the line in the next match-up - Victoria defending the strap against Jaqueline and Trish Stratus. While the execution here is not nearly as fluid as the kind of action we see out of the women in the WWE today, the performances are no less passionate, brave, or physical. In fact, some of the sequences attempted here are as risky and physically-demanding as the high spots that Sasha Banks busts out. Unfortunately, aside from just the fact that the work is sloppier all around (Jacqueline, for example, was always known more for her in-ring toughness rather than how smooth she was), the finish shows that the bookers had much less confidence that the women could actually tell a fleshed-out story that wouldn't bore the audience. Their low expectations seem quaint now as, even on this show, I'd have shaved off 1-2 minutes from Edge/Albert and Batista/Kane to see what else these ladies could've accomplished. (2/5)
The WWE Championship is on the line - Kurt Angle challenging The Big Show. The story around this match really revolves around Brock Lesnar, though, the guy screwed out of the title by Paul Heyman at Survivor Series. For some reason, Show comes to the ring first, followed by Kurt Angle, who comes out to a somewhat muted response - the crowd not quite sure if they should cheer or boo the guy. Once the match begins, though, a "Let's Go Angle" chant starts up, maybe inspired by the fact that Lesnar (the true babyface in this storyline) isn't around for them to root for. A motivated, dominating Big Show is my favorite Big Show and Angle, like Triple H, is almost always just a tad funner to watch when paired against a guy with a dramatically different size or style (for example, against a high-flyer like Mysterio or monster like Undertaker). Forced to use his speed and agility, Angle may not execute his dropkicks and moonsaults perfectly, but it makes a ton more sense than trying to suplex a 500-pounder (though, it's not as if Angle doesn't hit some of his signature offense, including an Angle Slam early on). A ref bump allows Big Show to escape the Ankle Lock and the shenanigans begin, the crowd chanting "We Want Brock" in unison. A chair shot isn't enough to end things and, for the second time in a matter of minutes, Mike Chioda goes down. We then get a run-in from the one guy I think everyone can agree had no business even doing a run-in during a Championship match and the match goes on before we get the finish that everyone in the crowd saw coming (but also paid to see). A kitchen sink of a match that featured a little bit of everything - good action and sloppy action, logical storyline development and illogical storyline development, acceptable bullshit and disappointing bullshit. (3/5)
Rob Van Dam is at The World in New York City despite being one of the most over guys on the roster at the time. He says he's really looking forward to seeing Triple H get his ass kicked. Me too.
A video package provides context for our main event, a 3 Stages of Hell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship, Shawn Michaels defending against Triple H. Ric Flair gets tossed out of the match instantly, Earl Hebner trying to keep the first fall - a streetfight - at least somewhat even. For two guys known for storytelling and execution, the first round is far from flawless; there's a botched roll-through, a lazy Sweet Chin Music sequence, and very little in the way of psychology. Neither guy wrestles with any sort of strategy, even when it would make the most sense for Trips to target Michaels' back (instead, he goes after his knee). The fight heads on over to the entrance, Triple H grabbing a barbed wire 2x4 and then, moments before he goes to strike Michaels with it, lighting it on fire! Michaels is able to boot it out of his hands, though, and ends up hitting Helmsley with it himself in a well-intentioned, but not necessarily believable spot. The Game, now sliced open, ends up back in the ring, where Michaels hits him with a trash can lid but doesn't have the sense to actually go for a pinfall (after, again, a FLAMING, BARBWIRE 2x4 spot). The streetfight continues, Michaels eventually succumbing to a Pedigree for the first fall. As the cage lowers, Triple H goes to grab yet another table (despite neither of the first two, on the outside of the ring, getting utilized yet). In a bizarre and illogical decision, Triple H opts not to simply walk out of the cage the minute it lowers, setting up a table in the corner instead. Michaels ends up busted open a few minutes later after a slingshot into the cage. The combatants end up near the top of the cage as Ric Flair returns to stack up even more tables on the outside, teasing a huge fall from the top of the cage. Instead, Helmsley ends up back in the ring where Michaels hits him with an elbow from the top. Having seen enough, Flair gets involved, his interference backfiring to the point that the Nature Boy ends up a bloodier mess than either of his proteges. Despite connecting with a huge Sweet Chin Music, Michaels opts not to take the surefire pinfall, choosing instead to risk his own wellbeing to drive The Cerebral Assassin through a table with a splash from the top of the cage. As one could've predicted, we get Round 3 - a Ladder Match (which Lawler points out should favor the match's creator, the Heartbreak Kid). As one might've also predicted, the crowd seems somewhat exhausted by this point, likely because, after 30+ minutes, they'd seen just about every big spot possible - all except the one that had been teased and set-up from minute one (someone going through the growing collection of tables on the outside of the ring). After Michaels misses a splash from the top of the ladder, a sizable part of the audience becomes more interested in something happening in the audience than Triple H's second Pedigree and dramatic rung-climbing, brought back only after Michaels connects with his own second finisher of the night. From here, we get the only conclusion that could exist, a spot that actually benefits from being seen from afar (as the replay shows) rather than up close (where Michaels is clearly seen kicking a table away before the leg bounces directly into his face). An exhausting match both for the competitors and the audience, but undeniably brutal and certainly worth catching if you're a fan of these two's other vanity matches. (3.5/5)
With Kwang score of 2.25-out-of-5, Armageddon 2002 closed out the year for the company on an overall sour note. This show really does seem like the WWE limping to the finish line with Undertaker, Austin, and The Rock no longer around, Hogan and the nWo having come and gone, and Brock Lesnar and Rob Van Dam purposely "chilled" so as to build towards bigger moments at the Rumble (in the case of Lesnar) or not to overshadow Triple H and HBK (in the case of RVD). Benoit, Guerrero, Jericho, Christian, and Edge are all around, but are positioned no higher than they were a year prior (actually, Jericho is positioned lower on the card at this point). In a vacuum, the show has redeeming qualities - the Women's Championship match is pretty great before it gets cut needlessly short, Guerrero/Benoit is solid, Angle/Show is fun, and if you crave a ridiculous, convoluted "epic," Michaels and Triple H deliver one with fists full of ham. I, personally, am not a fan of these self-conscious, logic-bending vanity matches and have seen enough "just good" Benoit and Guerrero matches that this card didn't appeal to me much (and I doubt it will appear to others). The less said about the eye-rollingly dated Torrie Wilson/Dawn Marie angle the better.
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
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