WWE Bad Blood 2003
Houston, Texas - June 2003
CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into tonight's show, Triple H is the World Heavyweight Champion, Christian is the Intercontinental Champion, Rob Van Dam and Kane hold the World Tag Team Championships, and Jazz is the WWE Womens' Champion.
COMMENTATORS: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler
Is there a team with more curtain-jerkers on their resume than the Dudley Boys? The story coming into this contest is that D-Von has been targeted by Teddy Long's Thuggin' and Buggin' Enterprises stable, specifically Chris Nowinksi and Rodney Mack, as an "uncle tom" always doing the bidding of his brother Bubba Ray. Surprisingly, this match is actually pretty solid - good layout, fast-paced, and Nowinski can actually take a bump. I can't believe the Dudleys were still over in 2003, but they are. Slightly below average only because the average Dudleys match at least has one table spot. (2/5)
It is now time for Round 1 of tonight's Redneck Triatholon between RAW's co-General Managers Steve Austin and Eric Bischoff. Unfunny, lowest common denominator, disgusting stuff. Austin walked out of the WWE months earlier for being asked to put over Brock Lesnar on a random episode of RAW, but this is the kind of shit he should've been much more embarrassed of. Austin wins the burp contest and my stomach's upset. (-1)
Back in the ring, Test arrives to take on Scott Steiner in a match where the winner will earn the managerial rights of Stacy Keibler. Like the first match, I was surprised by how good this was. Steiner's bouts with Triple H earlier in the year were historically underwhelming (though, I'd argue their first match doesn't deserve the hate it gets) and one wouldn't expect someone like Test to get something better out of him, but the two roid monsters actually have chemistry. Steiner lands a few suplexes that look like they're inches away from paralyzing the former Motley Crue bodyguard, which isn't a good thing if you're Test, but is quite alright if you're like me and tend to enjoy near-death high spots. Solid, well-executed finish. I hate to admit it but Test, despite generally being one of my least favorite workers, has surprised me with how many average-to-good matches he actually has under his belt (my favorite still being the slugfest with Lesnar at King of the Ring 2002). (2.5/5)
Eric Bischoff introduces Steve Austin to the bevy of beauties that will be part of the second event of the Redneck Triathlon - the (poontang) Pie-Eating Contest. And the taste level sinks lower...
Christian defends his WWE Intercontinental Championship next against the man he cheated out of it a month or so prior, Booker T. Tonight's show is in Booker's hometown so its pretty much guaranteed he'll be losing. Somewhat pedestrian match out of these two, but the crowd's alive for most of it and everything is executed well (save for a near-botch on a victory roll in the corner by Booker). Back-and-forth story without an over-reliance on signature spots. Decent ending to continue the feud and good heel work out of Christian, but this came off more like a TV match than a PPV-worthy title bout. (2/5)
Jerry "The King" Lawler is in the ring for Event #2 of the Triatholon, welcoming Bischoff and Austin for the Pie-Eating Contest. In the previous backstage segment, Bischoff had agreed to "eat the pie" of a woman of Austin's choosing and *big surprise* the lucky lady is none other than Mark Henry's ex, Mae Young! Bischoff refuses to engage at first, but when Austin reminds him that he will then lose the Triatholon by forfeit, Sleazy E kisses Mae Young and then takes a Bronco Buster from a barely-covered Mae Young. Bischoff tells Austin its his turn, but instead of participating, he gives Young one of the weakest Stunners ever and lets Bischoff win.
Bizarre Gail Kim video package. Was she supposed to be from The Matrix? Network Nugget of Weirdness. (+1)
The World Tag Team Championships are on the line next, with Kane and Rob Van Dam defending the straps against La Resistance. In the build to this match, Kane and RVD's partnership had hit some potholes, with Kane not coming to the aid of his tag partner on a recent episode of RAW. Van Dam and Kane don't show any signs of splintering for the majority of the match, but the finish is a different story as Rob Van Dam accidentally takes out his own partner with a Rolling Thunder splash to the outside. La Resistance take advantage and score a quick pinfall to become the new champions. I wasn't expecting a classic, but this was well below even average. (1.5/5)
In a match years in the making, Chris Jericho takes on Goldberg next. The angle leading up to this match seems pretty cool based on the video package, with Jericho getting the best of Goldberg repeatedly and using his legitimate issues with the guy from their WCW days to fuel his promos. Goldberg's bout with The Rock at April's Backlash was awful, but I still went into this with some optimism. Jericho comes out first and then we get the familiar arrival of Goldberg, still one of the best entrances ever. Goldberg goes right after Jericho to start, the two tumbling to the outside of the ring through the ropes. Jericho attempts a crossbody but ends up bodyslammed for his trouble before getting tossed into the corner. A small-but-audible "Y2J" chant starts, which is a bad sign considering Goldberg had only been in the WWE for a couple months. Goldberg continues to dominate with his strength but makes a terrible mistake in attempting a spear on the outside. Back in the ring, Jericho takes control with Goldberg's head busted open from his collision with the barrier. Goldberg cuts Jericho off with a nasty kick when Y2J comes off the ropes and, again, the crowd boos when they should've popped. One might expect reactions like this in New York or anywhere in Canada, but since when is Houston a town full of Jerichoholics? A small "Goldberg Sucks" chant can be heard as the match wears on well past the length of most Goldberg matches. Jericho hits a Lionsault for two and follows it with a bulldog. Jericho attempts another Lionsault and Goldberg tries to catch him, but imperfect positioning leads to a botch. Goldberg hits his spear but can't make the cover. That small "Goldberg Sucks" chant grows in volume as he attempts his Jackhammer. Jericho hits a low blow to escape as the crowd chants "Y2J" (noted by Jim Ross on commentary). He locks in the Walls of Jericho, but Goldberg uses his leg strength to break free. Spear two! Jackhammer to finish with a respectable, but certainly not incredible, pop. Interesting match, but not a great one. I'd still call it better than average considering the average Goldberg match is usually sub-5 minutes. (3/5)
A video package brings us to our next bout - recently heel-turned Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels. The first half of this match is decent but eventful, which makes the second half a bit confusing as Michaels decides, without really needing to, to raise the stakes and bust out a table. Its out of character for the Heartbreak Kid and as he was pretty handily beating Flair anyway, its even more jarring. A second ref bump (the first is maybe best described as a "half bump" and is meaningless) signals the finish with an appearance by Evolution member Randy Orton brandishing a chair. I would say that this is just about the best match you could get out of Flair in 2003, that's not true - a year earlier he had some generally entertaining matches that didn't rely on too many smoke and mirrors (I gave individual matches against Jericho, RVD, and Eddie Guerrero in 2002 respectable 3-star ratings). Considering the built-in emotional pull of a match like this, it didn't live up to expectations. (2.5/5)
Eric Bischoff "serenades" the crowd by lip-syncing his own theme song. Austin appears on the Titantron and tells him to sing for real. Bischoff does so and the crowd boos as he butchers a song that was already pretty terrible. Bischoff tries to escape but a "deputized fan" tosses him back over the barrier as Austin makes his way down the aisle. Austin proceeds to stomp a mudhole in him and then hit his second (much better than the first) Stunner of the night. Austin then brings Bischoff up the ramp and tosses him into the pig sty set up near the curtain. I get that the WWE was trying to use Austin to the best of their ability but these segments were woefully tasteless and Bischoff, great as the smarmy "brains" behind the nWo in WCW, was so castrated and weak in the WWE that these segments were comedy-for-comedy-sakes (which always stinks in pro-wrestling). I won't deduct another point, but I almost should.
Main event time - Triple H vs. Kevin Nash in a Hell in a Cell with Mick Foley as the guest referee. Before the match begins we get a video package that runs for maybe 2-3 minutes feels like at least 20. Sorry, when it comes to a Nash/Triple H match, if you want me to get excited, your best bet is to not remind me that I'm about to watch a Nash/Triple H match. Foley comes out last and the match begins, Nash taking control early and sending The Game into the cell walls. Credit to Helmsley, he actually takes those collisions with gusto and does the same for a back drop onto the floor, obviously trying to single-handedly carry this match into entertaining territory by bumping like there's no tomorrow. Nash brings in a chair and slams it across the champ's back, knowingly or not preparing him for a Jacknife. Helmsley is sent crashing into the stairs but manages to put some distance between himself and the big man and get a few shots in. Nash attempts a Jacknife on the outside but can't muster enough strength, allowing Triple H to connect with some rights and then grab a somewhat comically small hammer. This is where my strong dislike for Triple H might seep through - I hate the large sledgehammer because Triple H wields it like no one whose ever used a sledgehammer in their life, but when he busts out a slightly undersized hammer in this match and uses it realistically, it is goofy for the opposite reason. Easy solution - stop using hammers, Paul. Foley takes it from him (because this is a no DQ match, but a small hammer is "going too far"?) but Triple H maintains control, busting Nash open on the outside. Triple H grabs a screwdriver and starts driving it into the skull of Nash, opening him up even more. Helmsley then busts out a barbwire 2x4, a not-so-subtle nod to his ultra-violent battles with Foley. Nash ends up in control of the 2x4 and connects with a big swing to Triple H's forehead (cue the crimson mask for The Game). Nash secures the 2x4 on the top rope, seemingly setting up Triple H for a "snake eyes" (which is actually a fairly clever spot and one that Triple H does a great job of taking). Nash tries to put Triple H down with the stairs, but the champ outsmarts him, hitting the challenger with a wooden crate he's found under the ring. Now we get the sledgehammer. Despite this being a No DQ match, Triple H opts to knock Foley out anyway, though, he's not even able to do that well because Foley is right back up and making the count for a Kevin Nash near fall. Nash is back up first and has the chair in hands, but Triple H cuts his knee out and then uses the weapon himself, not only knocking out Nash but busting Foley open as well. For his crimes, Foley eats Socko and the crowd pops huge. Nash grabs the stairs but accidentally knocks out both men, essentially costing himself the Championship. Foley then takes the nastiest bump of the night (and one he really shouldn't have had to take), bouncing from the apron into the cage. Nash hits the Jacknife, but Triple H kicks out at 2.9999 and the match continues. I'm not sure why Nash is so fatigued from almost winning, but he's worse for wear than Triple H, who connects with a sledgehammer shot to the midsection and follows it up with the pedigree to seal it. I've seen this match get bashed, but I didn't find it too offensive at all. It is not for everyone - but Triple H fans will dig it and you can't say that Nash or Foley didn't work hard either, both taking some nasty weapon shots, blading, and, in the case of Foley, taking a bump into the cell wall that would deserve placement on just about anyone else's Greatest Hits list. (3.5/5)
I was glad to see that Dave Meltzer rated the main event a respectable 3-and-a-quarter stars. As I don't rate with quarters, I leaned closer to enjoying the match than not. As for the rest of the card? More miss than hit. Only Jericho/Goldberg could be considered better than average and part of that score comes from the unexpected crowd reactions, which make the match more interesting than outright good. Flair/HBK is a disappointment while the rest of the card is essentially TV matches. Given more time and a better finish, Christian/Booker T might've been good, but that isn't what happened. There's been plenty of shows with a Kwang score similar to Bad Blood's (that would be a 2.43-out-of-5), but very few I would recommend less...
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
Eric Bischoff "serenades" the crowd by lip-syncing his own theme song. Austin appears on the Titantron and tells him to sing for real. Bischoff does so and the crowd boos as he butchers a song that was already pretty terrible. Bischoff tries to escape but a "deputized fan" tosses him back over the barrier as Austin makes his way down the aisle. Austin proceeds to stomp a mudhole in him and then hit his second (much better than the first) Stunner of the night. Austin then brings Bischoff up the ramp and tosses him into the pig sty set up near the curtain. I get that the WWE was trying to use Austin to the best of their ability but these segments were woefully tasteless and Bischoff, great as the smarmy "brains" behind the nWo in WCW, was so castrated and weak in the WWE that these segments were comedy-for-comedy-sakes (which always stinks in pro-wrestling). I won't deduct another point, but I almost should.
Main event time - Triple H vs. Kevin Nash in a Hell in a Cell with Mick Foley as the guest referee. Before the match begins we get a video package that runs for maybe 2-3 minutes feels like at least 20. Sorry, when it comes to a Nash/Triple H match, if you want me to get excited, your best bet is to not remind me that I'm about to watch a Nash/Triple H match. Foley comes out last and the match begins, Nash taking control early and sending The Game into the cell walls. Credit to Helmsley, he actually takes those collisions with gusto and does the same for a back drop onto the floor, obviously trying to single-handedly carry this match into entertaining territory by bumping like there's no tomorrow. Nash brings in a chair and slams it across the champ's back, knowingly or not preparing him for a Jacknife. Helmsley is sent crashing into the stairs but manages to put some distance between himself and the big man and get a few shots in. Nash attempts a Jacknife on the outside but can't muster enough strength, allowing Triple H to connect with some rights and then grab a somewhat comically small hammer. This is where my strong dislike for Triple H might seep through - I hate the large sledgehammer because Triple H wields it like no one whose ever used a sledgehammer in their life, but when he busts out a slightly undersized hammer in this match and uses it realistically, it is goofy for the opposite reason. Easy solution - stop using hammers, Paul. Foley takes it from him (because this is a no DQ match, but a small hammer is "going too far"?) but Triple H maintains control, busting Nash open on the outside. Triple H grabs a screwdriver and starts driving it into the skull of Nash, opening him up even more. Helmsley then busts out a barbwire 2x4, a not-so-subtle nod to his ultra-violent battles with Foley. Nash ends up in control of the 2x4 and connects with a big swing to Triple H's forehead (cue the crimson mask for The Game). Nash secures the 2x4 on the top rope, seemingly setting up Triple H for a "snake eyes" (which is actually a fairly clever spot and one that Triple H does a great job of taking). Nash tries to put Triple H down with the stairs, but the champ outsmarts him, hitting the challenger with a wooden crate he's found under the ring. Now we get the sledgehammer. Despite this being a No DQ match, Triple H opts to knock Foley out anyway, though, he's not even able to do that well because Foley is right back up and making the count for a Kevin Nash near fall. Nash is back up first and has the chair in hands, but Triple H cuts his knee out and then uses the weapon himself, not only knocking out Nash but busting Foley open as well. For his crimes, Foley eats Socko and the crowd pops huge. Nash grabs the stairs but accidentally knocks out both men, essentially costing himself the Championship. Foley then takes the nastiest bump of the night (and one he really shouldn't have had to take), bouncing from the apron into the cage. Nash hits the Jacknife, but Triple H kicks out at 2.9999 and the match continues. I'm not sure why Nash is so fatigued from almost winning, but he's worse for wear than Triple H, who connects with a sledgehammer shot to the midsection and follows it up with the pedigree to seal it. I've seen this match get bashed, but I didn't find it too offensive at all. It is not for everyone - but Triple H fans will dig it and you can't say that Nash or Foley didn't work hard either, both taking some nasty weapon shots, blading, and, in the case of Foley, taking a bump into the cell wall that would deserve placement on just about anyone else's Greatest Hits list. (3.5/5)
I was glad to see that Dave Meltzer rated the main event a respectable 3-and-a-quarter stars. As I don't rate with quarters, I leaned closer to enjoying the match than not. As for the rest of the card? More miss than hit. Only Jericho/Goldberg could be considered better than average and part of that score comes from the unexpected crowd reactions, which make the match more interesting than outright good. Flair/HBK is a disappointment while the rest of the card is essentially TV matches. Given more time and a better finish, Christian/Booker T might've been good, but that isn't what happened. There's been plenty of shows with a Kwang score similar to Bad Blood's (that would be a 2.43-out-of-5), but very few I would recommend less...
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
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