WWE Unforgiven 2003

WWE Unforgiven 2003

Hershey, PA - September 2003

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Triple H holds the World Heavyweight Championship, La Resistance are the World Tag Team Champions, Christian is the Intercontinental Champion, and Molly Holly is the Women's Champion.

COMMENTATORS: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler

Did the Dudley Boys open every PPV from 2001ish through 2003ish or is it just me? This time around, they're challenging La Resistance and Rob Conway for the World Tag Team Championships in a Handicap Tables Match. Immediately the Hershey, PA crowd (not too far from Philly) lets the Dudleys know that they came for tables and have little time for any actual wrestling or story. After some decent back and forth, the tables come out and the match progresses through a series of relatively tame table spots except for Conway's elimination (I think it was Conway, could've been Grenier, who cares?) which looks like it nearly opens up his skull on the outside. A hot crowd and the Dudleys' dependability in keeping matches like this moving makes it watchable. (2.5/5)

Holy shit. Before the next match, we get a full music video for the song "Suffocate" by the band Cold (think Nickelback meets Puddle of Mudd) all about the Scott Steiner/Test/Stacy Keibler storyline. This has to be the most f'd thing I've seen since my brother showed me a video Sting (musician, not wrestler) in 2011. Incredibly terrible. (+1)

Test and Scott Steiner's feud in 2003 is kind of mind-numbing to think about. Was the idea backstage that these two couldn't be counted on to work with anyone else but that they'd invested so much in both that they needed to keep them on TV? Lawler can't be bothered to talk about anything but Keibler's features while Steiner and Test wrestle to relative crickets until Stacy starts hyping up the crowd. Steiner nearly botches a double-underhook powerbomb before we see the best executed move of the match - Stacy Keibler pulling Test's head onto the top rope. This is followed by a truly dumb spot where Keibler "distracts" Test by showing her ass to the crowd (usually the valet shows her butt to the wrestler because that would distract them). Keibler accidentally levels Steiner with a chair for the finish. At least this didn't go too long, but my god, I can't believe this storyline is going to continue. Not the absolute worst match I've ever seen and one has to admit that Stacy was not only over but able to get huge reactions as a valet. (1/5)

The legend Shawn Michaels vs. The Legend Killer Randy Orton is next. Fun start to this match with Shawn taking Randy to the mat and then one-upping him when Orton "skins the cat." Shawn hits a huge crossbody to the outside and they brawl in the ring, everything they're doing looking great. Shawn gets cheapshotted by Flair on the outside to a big reaction and the tide turns, Randy taking over and locking in an armbar on the mat. I just learned that "Resthold Randy" was always a thing, though at least here it makes sense as Flair had targeted Shawn's shoulder by sending him into the post. Randy continues to go to work on the shoulder as the crowd tries to rally behind HBK. At one point JR refers to this match as an "old school wrestling match" and he's spot on, especially compared to the two previous bouts which were full of weapons and gaga. After some decent offense out of Shawn, Orton changes the tide once again with a ridiculous irish whip into the corner that turns the Showstopper inside out. Orton tries to follow it with something (not sure what) off the second rope but eats Shawn's boot. Shawn attempts a Sweet Chin Music but Orton hits the RKO. Randy can't make the cover fast enough, though, and Shawn kicks out. Kudos to the WWE for re-establishing that finish as a game-ender when Shawn kicked out of it so early in Randy's push. Orton goes for a splash from the top, but Shawn dodges it and heads to the top himself. After decking Flair, Shawn hits his trademark elbow but can't capitalize on it. Michaels tunes up the band again and connects with an unreal, picture-perfect Sweet Chin Music. The ref counts three, but Flair puts Orton's foot over the bottom rope. Flair slides into the ring only to eat a superkick himself. As the ref tries to roll Flair out of the ring, Orton uses a foreign object (brass knucks) of some kind to knock Shawn out when he attempts a back suplex. Good match. (3.5/5)

Women's Champion Molly Holly teams up with Gail Kim (making her WWE PPV debut) against Trish Stratus and the returning Lita. Lita had been out for over a year with a neck injury prior to returning on RAW a week or so earlier. As expected, this is a sub-10 minute nothing match as was fairly common at the time, even when you have four of the roster's best actual workers in the same match (Lita being the least skilled, but still light years ahead of, say, Torrie Wilson or Sable). Much of the spotlight is put on Lita, who shows absolutely no signs of the serious spinal injury that took her out of action for so long, executing a pretty nice kip-up and then finishing the match with her signature moonsault. Nothing too offensive. (2/5)

A Last Man Standing Match follows - Kane battling Shane McMahon. The pre-match video gives us lots of context and craziness, including Shane superkicking Kane into a pit of fire, Kane electrocuting Shane with jumper cables, and Linda McMahon getting tombstoned on the steel entranceway. The match begins the way it absolutely should - with Shane just going nuts with a chair to Kane's skull. I like the logic there because in a straight-up fight, there's no way Shane would have no chance...in hell. More than a couple decent spots follow, including a Coast-to-Coast (Van Terminator) with the steel steps, a fun use of a boom, and in a nod to his King of the Ring showdown with Kurt Angle, Shane McMahon getting tossed repeatedly into the Unforgiven sign. The crowd eats up all of it and though I've definitely become less of a fan of Shane's work over the years, I found myself buying in until the final sequence when Shane needlessly destroys all the heat and tension he had built in order to perform a stunt. Ugh. A Last Man Standing match shouldn't end with a guy beating himself and that is what happens here. The bump he takes is respectable - but what separates what Shane does and what good wrestlers do is the story. Mick Foley didn't jump off the cage, Undertaker threw him off. Eddie Guerrero and JBL didn't bloody themselves, they bashed eachother's skulls open in the heat of battle. Ric Flair's blade jobs were often painfully obvious but at least he always tried to sell them as the result of an opponent's actions. Shane's stunts come off as inorganic and attention-seeking and the finish to this match is as perfect as an example as what he did against Taker a few years back. Its a real shame, too, because everything before that spot is pretty fun. (3/5)

Christian defends the Intercontinental Championship against Rob Van Dam and Chris Jericho next. "Vitamin C" as I believe they were once known take the boots to RVD first, but Mr. Monday Night ends up on offense, suplexing Jericho out of the ring and then hitting a moonsault onto both men on the outside of the ring. This, and RVD's legdrop on Christian back in the ring, get almost no reaction - somewhat surprising considering the crowd had been pretty vocal for previous matches featuring ECW alum. RVD maintains control for awhile until Christian pulls him to the outside and bashes him into the steps. From here, Jericho and Christian work together to try to destroy Van Dam, but eventually their partnership must end as they both seek to capture (or retain) the Intercontinental Championship. Loads of good spots here with all three men working hard and executing not only their signature spots, but some creative and (for the time) relatively fresh sequences, including a Tower of Doom spot that draws a "Holy Shit" chant. The match goes fairly long (close to 20 full minutes) and while the crowd is relatively cold for 3/4ths of the match, by the very end, they have effectively reheated the audience through nothing but in-ring actions and near falls. More than solid match and maybe even the Match of the Night. (3.5/5)

After a promo from Triple H, we get a video recapping the Jonathan Coachman/Jim Ross feud and how it led to the next match. Who thought this would make for good TV? In his years in the WWE, Jim Ross must've competed in a half dozen matches - which is about a half dozen too many by my count (and probably his). Anyway, Al Snow and Jonathan Coachman make their way down the aisle first while their opponents, Lawler and Jim Ross wonder who will be doing the commentary for this match (the answer: nobody). Lawler and Snow start things off because if you factor in the King's age and Al Snow's ability to work as a straight-faced heel and you plug them into a calculator, you might come up with one watchable minute. Snow dominates early and eventually locks in a grounded abdominal stretch because this match definitely needed a rest hold. Lawler eventually lands his piledriver, but Snow is able to avoid getting pinned by draping his foot over the rope with such ease that nobody bites on the near fall. He then immediately takes the match back, too, as the crowd, which was already giving tepid responses, goes completely silent (aside from the occasional "Boring" heckles). Coach gets tagged in to no response, which just goes to show how much heat his heel persona generated. Lawler is able to gain control once Coach gets in the ring and the crowd perks up a bit, chanting "We Want Jim Ross" (likely because everyone knows that his entrance into the match will mark its conclusion). Coach was pretty terrible in the ring and JR is that much worse, though at least he has the crowd behind him. Chris Jericho shows up because he hates Austin and JR is Austin's "Oklahoma Buddy." Actually kind of a clever finish, but also one that would've probably inspired me to stop watching RAW if I had been at the time. Half-point for Lawler's working punches and maybe the finish, which at least was an attempt at a swerve (even if it was one nobody wanted to see). (0.5/5)

Main event time - Goldberg challenging Triple H for the World Heavyweight Championship match. The stakes are particularly high here as Goldberg has put his career on the line, vowing to leave the company if he does not wrest away the title tonight. By this point in his run, Goldberg had been exposed at least twice - first as not charismatic enough to win over an already 50/50 anti-Rock crowd at Backlash, then as unable to maintain his aura over the course of a long match against Jericho, meaning that this match was going to require both men giving the performances of their lives and some smart booking to work after minute 5. Promisingly, Triple H bumps big early, taking a huge back body drop and then a suplex. The Game counters a spear attempt with his high knee, an admittedly cool spot, and takes control, though even when he's on "defense," this is H's show all the way. Your personal enjoyment of a Triple H match is what will make the difference between thinking this is good or bad because Goldberg is just a body being led through a series of ho-hum transitions. With almost no heat after 6-7 minutes, Triple H blades and we get a needless ref bump. The sledgehammer shows up but Goldberg pretty much no sells it - which I'll still blame Triple H for because as the "ring general," this match has his fingerprints all over it and the layout is atrocious. Goldberg sells an injured arm well towards the end - too bad Triple H had been attacking his knee up to that point. This needed to be a "Goldberg match," not a Triple H match. (1/5)



Earning a Kwang Score of just 2.25-out-of-5, Unforgiven 2003 is a show to avoid. The main event is tone deaf and below average, the JR/Coach match is so dumb one has to wonder why they'd revisit it with the JR/Cole feud, and while Kane/Shane starts out riveting, the finish is "anti-wrestling," a stunt for stunt's sake. The Intercontinental Title Match is a bright spot, but poor placement on the card seemed to prevent the crowd from getting fully invested. 

FINAL SCORE - DUDleyville