WWE No Mercy 2003
Baltimore, MD - October 2003
CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into this show, Brock Lesnar is the WWE Champion, Tajiri holds the Cruiserweight Championship, the United States Title is held by Eddie Guerrero, and the WWE Tag Team Championships are held by Los Guerreros.
COMMENTATORS: Michael Cole and Tazz
COMMENTATORS: Michael Cole and Tazz
Backstage, maybe my favorite backstage interviewer, frosted-tipped and earring'd Josh Matthews, catches up with Vince McMahon. McMahon tells the roster that if anyone interferes in his inter-gender match tonight, they'll be in trouble.
Chris Benoit vs. A-Train is next. Benoit was over with the Baltimore crowd so this match has more heat than I thought it would. A-Train uses his size to cut-off Benoit's offensive surges while the Wolverine works to chop him down with literal chops and stiff forearms. Albert dominates for a lengthy stretch and Benoit ends up with a busted lip, the blood giving this somewhat pedestrian big-vs-small match an extra (and needed) air of danger. Benoit's hope spots continue to be stalled by A-Train's powerhouse offense, including a belly-to-back suplex and a nasty spot where Albert lifts him for a guerrilla press slam but when Benoit tries to escape it, he lands head-first onto a steel chair. Despite the damage, Benoit rallies with a Crossface attempt and then his signature trio of German Suplexes, the crowd going wild as he heads to the corner for his headbutt dive. Albert slams him from the corner, though, and hits his Baldo Bomb finisher - but only for 2! Showing great ring awareness, Benoit dodges a front kick and A-Train jams his leg in the steel chair in the corner, allowing him the opener to lock-in a Sharpshooter for a clean win. Physical match and an obvious step towards further legitimizing Benoit as a World Champion-caliber worker. One of the better A-Train matches I've seen in that I didn't actively want to fast forward it every other second. (2.5/5)
Zach Gowen takes on Matt Hardy next. The story here is that Matt Hardy would suffer the ultimate embarrassment if he were to lose to the one-legged Gowan. Hardy is in the driver's seat for this and goes out of his way to make Gowen look good - unfortunately, the story of the match doesn't quite make sense as Hardy essentially "beats himself" until Gowen takes over on offense and scores a very clean pinfall. Couldn't Shannon Moore, who is on the outside the entire match, have accidentally caused Hardy to lose? Couldn't Hardy have gotten a bit cocky and somehow cost himself the match? The first 2/3rds of the match tell a clear, believable story - but Gowen's closing flurry, no matter how well executed, wasn't convincing enough. (2/5)
The APA vs. The Basham Brothers is next. On their YouTube channel, The Basham Brothers are archived on a video the WWE itself put out under the label "Boring Tag Teams," which tells you a good amount about what to expect in this match. Farooq plays the face-in-peril after the APA's initial onslaught. Despite a not so great first half, the closing stretch picks up quite a bit once Bradshaw comes in for the hot stretch. Its actually somewhat remarkable how over Bradshaw is and how dominant he is presented in the match. As shocking as it his main event singles push may have been to some, his work here, looking back, makes it seem like he was destined for that run even after spending so long on the tag team scene. The Bashams, according to Jim Cornette, were criminally underutilized and mismanaged, but I'll have to take his word on that because there's nothing here from them to make one think they were anything special. (2/5)
A bizarre promo follows from the Bashams and Shaniqua follows. Based on the segment, the Bashams' gimmick was that they were into sub/bondage play? 2003 was a disgusting, disgusting year for this company. But so was 2002. And 2001 had some grossness....
The grossness continues as we get a video hyping our next match - Vince McMahon vs. Stephanie McMahon in a No Holds Barred Match with the additional stipulation that while Vince has to force Steph to say "I Quit," Stephanie also has the option of pinning Vince. The stipulation of this match is if Steph wins, Vince will resign as Chairman of the Board. Steph arrives first with Linda in tow followed by Sable, who has been playing the role of Vince's on-screen mistress. As soon as Vince gets in the ring, Steph tries to choke him out, but Mr. McMahon is too strong for her, putting her to the mat with hair pulls and shoulder tackles. Sable gets involved early and is chased around the ring by Linda for a huge pop. Back in the ring, Vince takes Steph out with a clothesline that she takes a nasty back bump from. The "wrestling" in this match is hard to watch, the commentary is OTT, but one can't deny that the crowd is responsive to it. McMahon applies a half-crab that Stephanie sells like she's giving birth to conjoined triplets. Desperately, Stephanie rakes Vince's eyes while Linda attacks Sable (who was in the process of throwing in a lead pipe). Linda then slaps Vince and hits him in the balls with the lead pipe for a HUGE 2-count. Pipe in hand, Stephanie cracks Vince in the ribs, the back, straight to the face, and on the top of the head as the crowd goes insane. Looking like she has it sewn up, Steph makes a cover - but Vince somehow gets his foot on the rope. Sable causes a distraction, but Steph stays in control, bulldogging the chairman for another near fall. Vince miraculously comes back from all this and slams Steph to the mat with a choke before grabbing the pipe and bashing Steph in the stomach with it. The crowd audibly chants "Asshole" as Vince chokes her and this match goes at least 3 minutes beyond what it needed to go. Linda throws the towel in as Steph is getting choked out because Stephanie needs to be protected because...? There are moments of this that were actually pretty exciting, but there were also some glaring moments of self-indulgence and stupidity (including the post-match). Child abuse and spousal abuse as wrestling angles is not necessarily offensive (when you consider we're talking about the McMahons), but it also isn't good wrestling. (0.5/5)
Thankfully the next match has a storyline build-up I can get behind - John Cena taking on Kurt Angle. The lead-up to this match looks like it was fun (at one point Kurt Angle dressed as Cena and let loose with a rap on SmackDown). In the ring, though, things are all business from the bell, the rivals locking up with the Olympic Gold Medalist outwrestling Cena early. There is an audible "Let's Go Cena" chant early (noted by the commentators) which is somewhat interesting considering Cena is coming into this clearly booked as the heel. Angle continues to control as the match devolves into brawling until Cena escapes a corner and Kurt runs full speed into the post. I usually dislike that spot based on how often its used, but at least in this match Angle had used it successfully minutes earlier (which explains why he'd use it again). Cena takes over and drops Angle with a reverse neckbreaker and, over the next few minutes, a variety of moves - some dropped over the years, some still very much a part of his game. An even louder dueling chant breaks out before Cena lands a big spinebuster. Angle is bleeding profusely out of his mouth at this point, though I'm not necessarily sure from what. Cena attempts his legdrop from the top rope, but Angle shuts him down with a dropkick straight to the shin. Its a risky move that I'm not sure I've seen too many times since (if ever) - a wise choice by Cena because its also a spot that is more risk than reward. Angle hits a Russian Leg Sweep and then uses Cena momentum against him to lock in an Ankle Lock. Cena grabs the ropes and heads to the outside, but Angle follows him out with a baseball slide that shoves Cena into the announce table. Angle teases a German Suplex off the apron through an announce table, a spot that woud've been absolutely sick, but Cena escapes and basically DDTs Angle into the apron instead. Cena hits the guillotine leg drop as Angle tries ot get back in the ring for a close two count. Angle somehow gets up and hits a German Suplex, but Cena cuts him off again with a dropkick to the leg and then "The Throwback" (a rolling neckbreaker). Moments later, Angle busts out the hat trick of german suplexes for another 2 count - the type of sequence that Angle's critics love to note makes so little sense in this point of a match where he should be, ostensibly, running on fumes and selling more. Cena busts out a buckle bomb! Damn, didn't know that was in his arsenal back then. Cena sets him up for the F-U and connects...but Angle kicks out at two! Hmm...maybe its not a new phenomenon that a single F-U never gets the job done. Angle is back on his feet and this time its his turn to finish his ineffective finisher, Cena taking the Angle Slam but kicking out at two. Cena makes his way to the corner and grabs his trademark chain, but Jimmy Korderas takes it away. Cena has him outsmarted, though, because he's got the gold medals in his hands! Cena levels Angle with a big right, but again, only gets 2! Angle with a backslide for 2! Angle with a victory roll into the Ankle Lock and Cena's in trouble! Cena nears the ropes but Angle pulls him back and grapevines to force the submission! This match has plenty of flaws - in fact, if you're not a fan of his and were looking for a match that maybe exemplified everything wrong with Kurt Angle's in-ring work, you could base your entirely argument on a match like this. Angle sells only sporadically and there's little to no psychology in his attack. All the drama comes from finishers getting kicked out. The "Wrestler vs. Street Fighter" backstory is dropped almost instantly. Still, if you're like me and can actually just sit back and almost enjoy Angle for his absurdity, this is a pretty riveting watch. For starters, the crowd is absolutely hot - not just for Angle, but for Cena, giving this match an interesting twist as a 2017 viewing. Second, yeah there are a ton of false finishes, and yes that's a kind of cheap way to build suspense, but it works. Third, the storytelling and pacing may be flawed in a traditional sense, but Angle's "go-go-go" style prevents this match from ever slipping into tedium. Watching 6 matches in a row where this is the speed and style is very difficult in 2017 - but on this card, this match follows a "spectacle" bout (Vince vs. Steph), some tag team shenanigans (APA vs. Bashams), the unique Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy, a big vs. little match in Benoit vs. Albert, and is followed by Eddie Guerrero vs. Big Show. Really fun match that is definitely worth checking out if you're a fan of either guy and haven't seen it before. (4/5)
The United States Champion is on the line next with Eddie Guerrero defending the strap against a very heavy and sluggish Big Show. I went into this fairly high expectations as, when motivated, Big Show can be pretty good and Guerrero can always be counted on to carry his half of the match and then some (plus he was plenty over). Unfortunately, with Show in rough shape, Guerrero had to pull a miracle to make this as watchable as it is. Eddie is in full "Lie, Cheat, and Steal" mode, but the tricks he pulls in this one lack the creativity of his better known matches from this time. A ref bump adds excitement and brings the crowd fully into the action, though Nick Patrick might oversell the damage a bit as he's worthless for 5-6 pin attempts in a row, telegraphing the near falls a bit. The actual finish, while nothing innovative, is at least credible - the fact is, nobody should be kicking out of a single chokeslam let alone three. After a rocky start, they found their way, but this is no better than average. (2.5/5)
Backstage, Josh Matthews catches up with Big Show, who gloats about his victory. This is followed by a video package promoting tonight's main event - The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar in a Biker Chain Match. Lesnar and Taker get right to throwing fists to start things off, fighting their way into the corner. Lesnar ends up shoulder first in the post, one of the most overused transitions in wrestling. Taker hits a big boot, a legdrop, and then the Old School but Lesnar escapes to the outside. Taker follows him out and the brawling continues, Lesnar able to fight back with knees to the midsection. Moments later, Lesnar impressively hits Taker with a lightly-hooked fisherman's suplex, but Taker is able to get some rights and lefts in. Taker tries to hit him with a running boot in the corner but Lesnar dodges, the Deadman crotching himself on the top rope. Back to the outside they go, but this time around its all Lesnar. Back in the ring, Taker rallies again, taking to the ropes and launching himself with a signature flying clothesline for two. Taker puts some space between himself and Lesnar and takes off for the chain, but the lights go out as he gets closer! The distraction prevents him from grabbing the chain and Lesnar is able to capitalize with a powerslam. Brock grabs the steel steps and tosses them into the ring where the Phenom is waiting for him. They brawl a bit before the steps come into play, Lesnar drop-toe-holding him into them, but unable to utilize them any more before Taker fights back and clotheslines him over the top rope. Instead of grabbing for the chain, though, Taker continues his assault on the outside, hitting Lesnar with a piledriver on the steps! Even the safest version of that move is a risky one and the audience recognizes it, popping for the rare maneuver. Taker goes for the chain and Lesnar follows, but Taker applies the Triangle Choke. In desperation, Lesnar hits Taker with a low blow and grabs the steps once more, bashing them into the challenger. Lesnar grabs them once more, but Taker kicks them into his head. Taker goes to use them once more but Lesnar dodges and they end up on the entranceway. Lesnar goes for the chiain but Taker pulls him from the post and nearly lands the Last Ride. Lesnar escapes and both men go down in a double clothesline spot. From here, Taker is able to gain relative control, hitting the Snake Eyes-to-Big Boot before calling for the Chokeslam. Lesnar escapes the Chokeslam attempt, though, connecting with a Spinebuster. When he goes for the pin, Taker applies another Triangle Choke but in a tremendous show of strength Lesnar breaks out by lifting him up and powerbombing him back into the mat. A dazed Taker gets on his feet, but Lesnar knocks him back down with a stiff clothesline. Lesnar attempts a powerslam, but Taker reverses it into a dragon sleeper! Lesnar escapes though and hits an F-5! Taker gets his foot on the rope, though, surviving Lesnar's match-ender. Lesnar goes for the chain, but Taker catches him and chokeslams him off the top rope! Before he can grab the chain, though, the FBI - Nunzio, Johnny the Bull, and Chuck Palumbo - come out and prevent him. Taker isn't fazed, though, sending the stooges out of the ring and then hitting the Last Ride on the champion! Taker then takes out the FBI with a perfect tope over the top rope! Taker shoves Nunzio off the post and grabs the chain, but Vince McMahon himself shows up and shoves Taker, crotch-first, onto the top rope. Lesnar grabs the chain off the mat and hits Taker with a huge right hand to retain the championship. Fun brawl, lots of high spots, plenty of shenanigans but the stipulation was treated with respect. Very solid main event and one of the better Taker performances I've seen as he and Lesnar pulled out all the stops. (4/5)
With a Kwang Score of 2.63-out-of-5, the 2003 version of No Mercy is an overall decent watch. The main event delivers, Cena/Angle earned its reputation as a "career-maker" for the WWE's current franchise player, and the opener is very good. The rest of the card is hit-or-miss with the dependable Benoit and Guerrero making chicken salad out of chicken shit. Depending on your tolerance for McMahon Family drama, you may or may not enjoy the Steph/Vince match for its depravity. Overall, though, having this kind of variety on your card ends up working in its favor as the show flies by for the most part, each match offering something slightly different than the last.
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
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