WCW Starrcade 99'

WCW Starrcade 99'

Washington, DC - December 1999

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into tonight's show, the WCW World Champion is Bret "The Hitman" Hart, the United States Champion is Scott Hall (but not for long), Evan Karagias holds the WCW Cruiserweight Championship, and the TV Title is vacant. The Outsiders hold the WCW Tag Team Championships and last, but not least, Norman Smiley is the Hardcore Champion.

COMMENTATORS: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Scott Hudson

For all the terrible things that the Vince Russo Era brought to WCW, I must say that, production-wise, WCW had taken a step in the right direction and the start of this show is proof of it - not only do we get a video recapping all the major angles and storylines that are leading to this show, but the segments transition into each other quickly, a pace much more akin to what the WWE was doing at the time but arguably even faster and more dynamic. 

Our opening contest is Disco Inferno and Lash Leroux taking on Big Vito and Johnny The Bull (aka The Mamalukes). I just read in Bret Hart's book that he was once told to work a 17-minute match with Inferno and felt like it was a blatant attempt to undermine his star power by working such a competitive match with a "comedy character." Hart's not wrong - but only because, as much as I think Inferno is an underrated hand in the ring, WCW never bothered to transition his gimmick from the "disco"-obsessed doofus to the hard-working underdog when such a change, in 97' or 98', could've been executed somewhat naturally simply by dropping the "Disco" part of his name and having him work a more serious babyface character. I made the same criticism about the way they handled Buff Bagwell over the years, neglecting to provide him the guidance and development that probably would've saved his career and made him a major player when WCW needed new stars in 99' and 2000...Anyway, the commentators hype Leroux and talk about how impressive Vito and The Bull are despite their inexperience, but this match takes far too long to get going and Leroux is definitely the worst worker of the bunch. Vito and The Bull are supposed to be brawlers that have never seen a ring before, but as the commentators note (and their maneuvers show), they must've been watching lots of 'rasslin' on TV because they hit some pretty serious moves. The second half of this match is significantly better than the first and actually nudges it close to "good" territory (even The Bull botching a standing jump to the top rope into a turn-around splash is such a brave spot for a debuting worker that its more charming than pathetic). The post-match is ridiculous with Tony Marinara squirting a water bottle full of "ether" into Disco Inferno's mouth, Disco not selling it at all and clearly staying awake as they shove him into a bodybag, and then The Bull carrying his not-so-lifeless body to the back where they then take him out of the bag (why?) to shove him into the back of a car. Some friend Lash Leroux is. (2/5)

Evan Karagias defends the WCW Cruiserweight Championship next against Madusa. Madusa has more credibility than your average women's wrestler, but unlike Chyna, that credibility had really only been put to use in matches against comedy managers like Paul Dangerously and Colonel Rob Parker - not against legitimate workers that WCW was ostensibly trying to push as money-making talents. Madusa brings the fight to Karagias early and Karagias draws plenty of heat knocking her on the ground with a right hand and then, moments later, a bodyslam, but one gets the sense that he's as uncomfortable performing in this match as most would be watching in 2018. This isn't necessarily surprising considering Karagias was only in the business for a year or so at the time (by the way - believe it or not, Evan Karagias is his real name). Karagias' on-screen girlfriend, Spice (of the Nitro Girls) distracts him on the apron and turns heel (or face?), eventually striking him with one of the most poorly executed low blows ever. Madusa gets the win and we have our first ever female Cruiserweight Champion. (0.5/5)

Backstage, Norman Smiley is interviewed before his Hardcore Championship title defense against Meng. This is nothing more than a brawl and not a very good one at that. These sort of matches were commonplace in the late 90s in both WCW and WWE and while I've probably sat through a hundred of them in my lifetime, I honestly can't recall more than one or two from that era being anything worth watching. This "match" is no different, though, to his credit, Smiley does put gusto into some of his pratfalls. Finlay and Knobbs show up to take out Meng - I presume because they view him as the only "real" threat in the division and want to take him out before he wins the title? - and Smiley escapes with the championship. (1/5)

Backstage, Oklahoma hypes up his main man, "Dr. Death" Steve Williams, in preparation for his match against Vampiro. Oklahoma walks out of the locker room and is kidnapped by the band The Misfits.

A video airs hyping the next match - Jim Duggan and his mystery partners (Mike Rotunda, Kevin Sullivan, and Rick Steiner) vs. The Revolution (Shane Douglas, Dean Malenko, Asya, and Perry Saturn). Duggan was the WCW custodian at this point, a gimmick that always struck me as Vince Russo trying to somehow emulate the success of Mick Foley by taking an aging, under-appreciated, "buffoonish" talent and trying to repurpose them as a fun babyface. For a number of reasons this was never going to work - for starters, Foley was in his 30s during the Attitude Era and Duggan was in his 40s. Foley was also a remarkably creative storyteller, in the ring and on the mic, willing to huge risks to get over while Duggan, as good as he was in his prime, was a one-dimensional character with a very traditional working style. Shane Douglas joins the commentary team, making this essentially a 4-on-3 match. Duggan stays in the ring for so long, though, that its almost a 2-on-1 contest, the Varsity Club ignored on the apron while Duggan gets beaten down. Surprisingly, the Varsity Club get a decent pop when they come in, though, its probably mostly for the high spots they perform (Rick Steiner suplexing Saturn and Kevin Sullivan hitting Asya with a big knee in the corner). The Club then turn on Kevin Duggan because...Douglas leaves the commentary table and makes the cover. This means Duggan will have to come out on Nitro and denounce the United States. Another not so great match with an inexplicably overbooked finish. (1.5/5)

Backstage, The Misfits have locked Oklahoma in a cage (that they will wheel down to the ring). Jerry Only explains they did this to make sure Vampiro, who comes down the aisle, gets a fair match against "Dr. Death" Steve Williams. Oklahoma is wheeled down and, because he's wearing a wireless microphone, we can now hear him on commentary (which automatically knocks a few points on this match because Ed Ferrara is just awful in this seriously unfunny role). The match itself starts hot enough with Vampiro flying off the cage and hitting Williams with a big splash on the floor. He then sends him into the barricade and attempts a pedigree, but Dr. Death back body drops him. Into the ring they go as Oklahoma blabs on. Watching this match on silent wouldn't actually be too bad as Williams could still go and Vampiro was game to take some big bumps (including a huge over-the-head belly-to-belly off the top turnbuckle). The crowd is mostly dead for this, though there are a few brief moments when they react to a specific spot or two. By the end, though, they're just glad its over - and they're not even the ones that had to listen to Oklahoma's commentary. Williams ignores the referee and gets DQ'd, meaning that Vampiro gets 5 minutes alone with Oklahoma. Security makes their way down the aisle to get Williams out of the ring, Dr. Death's "heat" secured by the fact that he didn't really lose and he didn't leave the ring of his own volition. Oklahoma begs to be let out of the cage as his opponent, Vampiro, is not looking too well in the ring. Oklahoma hits him with a kick and then a DDT following by some stomps. Vampiro gets back up and strikes him with a big slap to the chest but when he tries to catch him with a boot, Oklahoma dodges and ends up back in control momentarily. Vampiro catches him with a urinagi (side chokeslam) and then The Misfits get their licks in too, ripping off his shirt and leaving him destroyed in the middle of the ring. Again, overbooking hurts what could've been a good match with an easy story. In an effort to protect Dr. Death but still get the pay-off they wanted (Oklahoma getting beaten down), they opted to throw in a BS DQ that made Vampiro look weak. A star and a half for the actual match, but nothing more. (1.5/5)

Backstage, Curt Hennig and Creative Control (including Vincent and La Parka) ask the Powers That Be what they want them to do tonight. Then we hear from Harlem Heat, who Mike Tenay notes seem to be having some issues. The story here is that Stevie Ray doesn't trust their third member, Midnight. 

If you're counting, this is the third match to feature a woman competing against men as Harlem Heat and Midnight take on Hennig and Creative Control (aka The Harris Brothers). Stevie Ray does not come out, though, too upset with Midnight being on their team. Booker T is over with the crowd and this match is laid out okay, but Midnight getting beaten down by three men should get a much bigger response and just doesn't. Maybe its because she's just not over? Maybe its because she's looked so dominant in her minutes that the crowd doesn't view her as being a "victim," even as Hennig steps on her neck and Creative Control hits her with multiple elbow drops? Stevie Ray comes down the aisle and my first reaction is "He's turning heel" because that sort of "swerve" has occurred more often than not in these sorts of matches. Booker T comes in for the hot tag, but it only gets a mild reaction because Midnight hadn't garnered any sympathy. Hennig strikes with an illegal object and the heels win - though the camera doesn't really capture it. Inoffensive match, but also ineffective. (2/5)

Dustin Rhodes vs. Jeff Jarrett in a Bunkhouse Brawl is next, the culmination of a months-long feud between the two. Rhodes is in the back talking with Tenay when Jarrett ambushes him, the two brawling backstage before making their way into the arena. The bell sounds and the match is on. Jarrett uses a wheelbarrow to take out Rhodes' knee before running him into the guardrail and then striking him with some wooden kendo-like sticks. The brawling and action is actually pretty good between these two, but the match takes a nosedive once they abandon the weapons and the shenanigans start (the ref getting duct-taped to the ropes and then Curt Hennig interfering but not interfering enough to actually help his man win). Eventually Rhodes and Jarrett end up by the entrance way and Double J hits TAFKA Goldust with a guitar shot from atop the ladder. Its a good visual and a strong way to end the match, but not enough to make this a must-see affair. (2/5)

David Flair sneak attacks Diamond Dallas Page (with a crowbar) to kick off their Crowbar-On-A-Pole Match. I'm almost scared to look at the WCW roster in December 1999 and see all the talent they decided to leave off the show so that they could make sure there were minutes for untrained or relatively untrained "talent" like David Flair, Midnight, and Oklahoma. Known for working tirelessly on layouts to make his matches memorable and give them tons of suspense, DDP clearly must've been in "don't give a shit" mode for this feud because his matches with both Flairs have been among the worst of his career. This one might actually take that non-coveted prize as Flair can't even take the Diamond Cutter very well. This match runs under 4 minutes but feels like a long 8. In fact, no match on this show runs longer than 15 minutes, but getting through this show is still a total chore - just goes to show that Vince Russo's "blitzkrieg"/"crash TV" writing style not only needed someone handling quality control, but was incredibly detrimental to producing 3-hour pay-per-views (even if it was arguably strategically sound for episodic television) as every single pay-off they attempt to deliver is void of any rewarding emotion. What should've been a huge moment of vindication for Page, a pay-off to a months-long rivalry that saw his wife sexually and physically assaulted a number of times, ends with the debut of a new character nobody could ever care about (Daffney) and Page looking like he just realized, months too late, how much of his life he wasted pursuing revenge from this punk. In better hands, even that could've been a cool story to tell, but those better hands certainly weren't writing WCW TV at this time. (1/5)

Before the next match, Sting trades mace cans with Elizabeth, the former manager of his opponent (and one-time best friend) Lex Luger (who was going by The Total Package at this point). On paper, Sting vs. Luger has promise. After a lackluster run with the title in the early part of 98', Sting had bounced back in 99' and become one of the company's few reliably good and over main eventers. Of course, over exposure and rocky booking took a ton of shine off him - the same way it had for Hart and Goldberg - but there was still something there. Luger, meanwhile, looks to be in the best cosmetic shape of his life, but I'm willing to wager it was chemically derived as he's practically gassed just walking to the ring. After a not-so-great match between the two that lacks any of the gravitas that should accompany a match between two blood brothers, Elizabeth gets involved and - what a surprise - turns back heel by trying to spray Sting with the mace. Sting saw this swerve coming (as the commentators point out using "insider terms") and filled the can with silly string, though! Sting attempts to end the match with a Scorpion Death Lock but Elizabeth rocks him straight in the face with a baseball bat! It actually looked pretty stiff. I'm not sure if it was a gimmick bat or Liz was supposed to hit him in the chest, but it was an ugly looking shot. Of course, what would've been an all-time vicious move is then muted a bit by Luger "pillmanizing" Sting's hand. In isolation, this would've been a great angle to run on this show - but when you've already seen Disco Inferno dragged out of the ring in a bodybag, David Flair incapacitated and saved by Daffney, Spice turn on her boyfriend, and Oklahoma, even an all-time great post-match angle would've flopped. (1.5/5)

Here we go - Match Number Ten: Sid vs. Kevin Nash in a battle to decide who the Master of the Powerbomb is. The build-up to this match is infamous for Sid's "I've got half a brain" promo (which is, sadly, not shown in full). Despite being the heel, Nash gets most of the fan love because he was still doing his "too cool for school" Outsiders shtick and talking down about how much of a dump WCW was would routinely get cheered more than booed by this point (even in a half-filled arena of people who paid to see a WCW show). Nash controls early with some labored offense before Sid gets the upperhand and tries to win over the crowd by getting them to chant "powerbomb." The ref goes down in what has to be at least the eigth or ninth ref bump of the night and Sid attempts a powerbomb but doesn't have the strength to lift Nash, so it just comes off horribly. And because one Jeff Jarrett moment on PPV isn't enough, Double J runs in to help Nash by striking Sid with a guitar. Nash attempts to hit a powerbomb on Sid to end the match (with the ref still down, mind you), but can't lift him up so Nash just decides to lie to the ref instead. I sound like a broken record here, but this was just an overbooked mess. Why would Nash even attempt to powerbomb Sid (not once, but twice) when the ref was down? Wouldn't the more heelish thing to do be to just go ahead and lie to win the match from the get-go? Not good. (0.5/5)

Chris Benoit makes his way down the aisle to defend his United States Championship in an open challenge and because two Jeff Jarrett moments on PPV isn't enough, Jeff Jarrett accepts the challenge. The ladder match that proceed to have is actually quite good, maybe one of the top 5 or 10 WCW matches of the year. It runs under 12 minutes, but it feels way more epic as Benoit and Jarrett deliver a contest full of high-risk spots and intense use of the ladder as a weapon. There are some nifty moves here, including Benoit locking Jarrett up in a Tree of Woe on the ladder but then both guys suffering from the precarious imbalance that causes, Jarrett hitting a big dropkick onto the ladder to knock Benoit neck-first into the bottom rope, and Benoit doing a sweet forward roll under the ladder before springing off the ropes and dropkicking the steel into Double J's face. Unlike most of the other matches on the card, this one also actually delivers a satisfying ending that isn't weighed down by a run-in, excessive ref bumps, or a "shocking" post-match angle. Instead, Benoit gets the clean W after hitting a super dangerous headbutt from the very top of the ladder. This is how you book a babyface, by the way, as I was 1000% convinced that Jarrett would somehow leave with the title due to shenanigans (which would've made Benoit look really, really stupid for getting handed the title and then immediately losing it out of pride). Too brief to call it a true classic, but definitely the Match of the Night. (3.5/5)

Main event time - Bret Hart defending the WCW World Championship against Goldberg. This match was built up as a face/face contest but I think most fans expected a Bret Hart heel turn, which kills much of the suspense that there is supposed to be. Goldberg dominates early, destroying the Hitman with a military-press-into-a-powerslam combo. In his book, Bret really takes Goldberg to task for not protecting him more, but in hindsight, I wonder if there weren't a few things at work here - Goldberg not necessarily toning down his style (though, to be fair, he didn't tone it down for Sting or DDP either), Bret Hart taking pride in his work and wanting to make Goldberg shine (compared to, say, Hogan and Nash, who definitely weren't game for having this sort of match with Goldberg), Goldberg being an unpolished worker, and Bret Hart not being as on-his-game as he was in his prime (its obvious how emotionally exhausted Hart was at this point). That being said, Hart does a pretty masterful job of getting some of his heat back - even if it is in a roundabout way. Goldberg attempts his rolling leg lock, but Bret nearly turns it into a Sharpshooter before heading out of the ring to regroup. I wouldn't call this subtle heel work, but it is definitely a veteran move and gets over the idea that Bret is going to need to outsmart Goldberg if he's going to keep the gold. Out of the ring they go and this is where we get our first ref bump (of three!). Goldberg maintains control outside the ring and back in they go, now with Charles Robinson getting taken out. Goldberg attempts a spear and Hart steps away, the challenger going into the corner with a full head of steam! Online, people say the Goldberg chant that follows was piped in, but in his book, Bret seems to believe it was real. Regardless, Hart then attempts a figure four on the post (definitely a more heelish move) and the crowd rallies behind him (because, in 99', just like today, ruthless aggression appealed to at least 50% of the crowd). In his book, Hart notes that Goldberg didn't adequately protect him either as his head bounced on the floor (I wonder if this move had more of an effect that he remembers considering what would come next). Back in the ring they go and the "Goldberg Sucks" chants are clear (probably in reaction to the pro-Goldberg chants from a minute earlier) as Bret works on Goldberg in the corner. The commentators explain that the ref trying to break the hold (which they shouldn't because this is a No DQ match) is because the ref wants the match to proceed and Bret can't technically win with Goldberg tied up in the ropes - it's a nice save of a minute detail that doesn't make sense, but really, this match just shouldn't have been fought under a No DQ stipulation because, as it plays out, nobody really does anything to warrant a DQ anyway. Bret rears back to punch Goldberg and the third referee goes down. At this point we get one of the more infamous spots in wrestling history, "The Kick" that he often cites as being the boot that ended his career (in truth, Hart would wrestle a half-dozen or so other matches, including a hardcore match against Terry Funk and a bout with the even-less-trained-than-Goldberg Jerry Flynn for some reason). To me, "The Kick" looks vicious, but no more vicious than the ones Goldberg was hitting everyone else with. Now, that doesn't excuse Goldberg's stiffness, but Hart also (admittedly) didn't get his hands up to block the brunt of the kick very well either and, as was his style, comes off the ropes with the same kind of intensity and purpose as he legendarily ran into the turnbuckles all those times. Hart can (and has) blamed others for not protecting him, but couldn't an ounce of the fault also go to the Hitman himself with his relentless and sometimes risky desire to "make it look real" at all costs? Any which way, Roddy Piper marches out solemnly and the last WCW PPV of the 90s ends with a Montreal Screwjob finish two years after Survivor Series 97' (and a full year after the WWE had already beaten them to the punch with their own retread at Survivor Series 98'). Hart doesn't look happy with winning the gold in such a BS fashion and the crowd doesn't appreciate it either. Who would've thought they would? (2/5)

With a Kwang Score of 1.58-out-of-5, Starrcade 99' is an improvement on Russo's historically terrible Mayhem and Halloween Havoc shows, but that doesn't make it good or even close to good. Like his previous two attempts to put on a quality WCW PPV, this show is marred by innumerable bad decisions - from logic-defying booking to just straight-up misuse of talent. The irony is that, while I repeat this match is all kinds of awful, this slight improvement was nullified when Hart and Jarrett (who would win the US Title the next night on Nitro, I believe) both suffered injuries (career-ending in Bret's case) that would put a huge whole in Russo's nWo reunion angle and ultimately lead to his firing (after famously suggesting Tank Abbott win the WCW World Championship at the next pay-per-view, Souled Out 2000). With only one match above-average and everything else ranging from below average to far below average, Starrcade 99' can only be recommended to WCW history buffs and masochists.

FINAL RATING - DUDleyville