Again: David Arquette won the biggest prize a singles wrestler could ever earn in a tag team match.
The idea was that Arquette winning the title would not only be the kind of shocker that would demand viewers' attention, but that it would also help generate buzz for the WCW-produced film, Ready to Rumble (which starred Arquette, Oliver Platt, Joe Pantoliano, Martin Landau, and Rose McGowan - the oddest assemblage of B-movie talent in any film ever).
The dumbest thing about this, aside from the script itself, was that WCW couldn't even get the promotion of their $24-million garbage film right either.
Ready to Rumble was released on Friday, April 7th, 2000, and earned just a little over $5 million at the box office (good enough to make it the number six movie of the weekend), so nonsense described above happened THREE FULL WEEKS after wrestling fans made it clear they weren't interested in a wrestling-based buddy flick that mostly just made fun of wrestling fans.
In an act of desperation and stupidity, WCW doubled-down on their costly foray into film-making and opted to build the main event of Slamboree (held a full MONTH after the movie tanked at the box office) around the flop's leading man as well as its key set piece, a triple-cage structure that, unsurprisingly, was never seen again after 2000. Anyway, on with the show...
WCW Slamboree 2000
Kansas City, MO - May 2000
CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into this show, David Arquette is the WCW World Heavyweight Champion, the United States Championship is held by Scott Steiner, the WCW Television Championship no longer exists, and the WCW Hardcore Champion is Terry Funk. Chris Candido holds the WCW Cruiserweight Championship and the WCW World Tag Team Titles are held by Buff Bagwell and Shane Douglas.
COMMENTATORS: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, and Scott Hudson
The show kicks off the way many of the best WCW pay-per-views of the 90s began - with two cruiserweights in action in a "workrate" match sure to please fans eager for some exciting fast-paced action. This time around its Chris Candido defending his Cruiserweight Championship against The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea. Candido takes a handful of really dangerous spills in this match, really putting his body on the line and winning over the crowd with his efforts (there's a loud "You Suck!" chant when Iaukea takes control midway through the match, though, on second thought, that chant could've been for Candido's valet, Tammy "Sunny" Sytch). Iaukea is maybe my least favorite cruiserweights ever, a guy that was not great at any one thing, but also not really good at any one thing either. If one were ranking the cruiserweights that appeared in WCW between 96' and 2000, he would objectively have to rank somewhere in the late 20s, right? Maybe even late 30s? Just like at Spring Stampede, the finish is bizarre. Sunny hits Iaukea with a nasty, nasty chair shot (I'm guessing because she probably wasn't really trained in delivering them remotely safely) and Candido makes the cover and the bell is rung...but according to the ref, Iaukea kicked out at 2.99 (I must've blinked and missed it) and the match continues, even after Candido's music has begun playing. "Hard Knocks" Chris Candido then hits a piledriver and a splash off the top rope to officially defeat Iaukea. Was this a miscue or just a bizarre Russo-ism? I genuinely don't know. After the match, Paisley gets revenge for her man and eventually she and Artist strip Sytch down to her shapewear, which is much, much less "sexy" or "risque" than the usual lingerie that is revealed in these sorts of toxic segments. The wrestling in this match wasn't bad, largely due to Candido, but the finish and post-match was awkward. Still, arguably better than anything at Spring Stampede. (2/5)
The WCW Hardcore Championship is up for grabs next with Terry Funk defending the gold against Norman Smiley and a Mystery Partner. This is a sequel to their Spring Stampede match but is much less safe and features a completely impotent "mystery partner" who hits Funk with all sorts of weapon that have no effect on the old man. At one point, Funk starts tossing chairs high into the air and some of them look like they connect right to the Mystery Man's face (which is, fortunately for him, covered in a catcher's mask). Funk dishes out and takes several unprotected chair shots, but because this match is being treated like a joke on commentary and because both Funk and Smiley are essentially comedy characters, the gravity of two guys hitting each other with actual steel chairs straight to the dome isn't appreciated at all. In ECW, under Heyman's watch and Joey Style's commentary, one could see this match as a seriously violent war, but here, its like you can hear the faint sound of circus music beneath it all. Eventually they find their way out from the backstage area and end up in the ring, where the cartoonish ultra-violence continues and the Mystery Man is revealed to be Ralphus, who looks like he could die at any minute. Its hard to say whether this match is better or worse than their Spring Stampede bout, but at least this one doesn't end with a Dustin Rhodes run-in so I'm going to call that a plus. There is no sense in producing hardcore matches this dangerous and not treating them as dangerous. Even in 2000, when I was a teenager, I think I would've found this unenjoyable to watch because there's really no story beyond two guys hitting eachother with weapons while the commentators make bad jokes. At least in the WWE, where the hardcore division's matches were often built around far less dangerous weaponry (tin foil trash cans, phony fire extinguishers) and silly costumes/backdrops, no one was taking years off their career. Here, though, the risk-taking is needless and put on screen as fodder for Mark Madden's punchlines. Kudos to Smiley and Funk (and Ralphus) for putting themselves through this. Too bad the production around it is insulting. (2/5)
David Arquette shares some thoughts with "Mean" Gene Okerlund as he makes his way into the building. Arquette arrives alone, hinting at some friction with DDP. Arquette notes that Page doesn't think he's a "sports-entertainer." Ugh, why?
Shawn "The Perfect One" Stasiak makes his way down the aisle to the familiar sound of Mr. Perfect's old theme song (or a slight variation of it) for a match against Curt Hennig. This is a surprisingly tight match, in large part due to Hennig still being able to go and also knowing how to build a match around small details. Less surprising than Hennig's performance is how much the crowd is into the match, the first of the night not to feature any absurd shenanigans. Its almost like WCW fans, as late as 2000, still just wanted to see two guys have a wrestling match on a wrestling show. Stasiak ends up getting the clean victory, which was the right call in the sense that it got a younger, fresher talent over. On the other hand, Curt Hennig was both somewhat of a "name," had the audience behind him, and could still perform better than 90% of the rest of the roster, so him losing to a guy stealing his gimmick is risky if Stasiak ends up undeserving of such a push. This might be the best match WCW put on PPV in well over 2 months. (2.5/5)
Less impressive is the next contest, which begans with Hugh Morrus cutting a cringe-inducing promo whereby he states he will no longer be called "Hugh Morrus," a name designed to embarrass him, and will now go by "Hugh G. Rection." Even now, 18 years later, you can hear the echo of an entire viewing audience collectively groan. Rection is challenging Scott Steiner for his United States Champion, who comes out to a huge pop despite being the heel. These two have negative chemistry and there are multiple instances when someone looks like they met get legitimately hurt by a botched powerbomb or an errant moonsault. It is just an ugly, ugly match from beginning to end and Rection looks particularly dumb falling for some of the weakest heel schtick ever. I can understand people being Steiner fans based on his insane promos, but his in-ring work is lazy and sloppy in equal parts. Stinker. (0.5/5)
Next up - Mike Awesome taking on Kanyon. Like his debut bouts at the previous month's Spring Stampede show, Awesome gets ample opportunity to showcase his impressive offense here, hitting a huge splash onto the arena floor at one point and, later on, an absolutely sick Alabama Slam. He also nearly cripples Kanyon with a very slipshod powerbomb, but somehow the former Triad member fights on. Kanyon, no slouch in the ring either, gets great responses for his hope spots, including an excellent hangman neckbreaker in the corner. Awesome starts to tease that he is going to powerbomb Kanyon onto the bare arena floor and because Kanyon has been getting destroyed for the most part and this is a Russo-written show, I felt genuine suspense/worry over whether or not he was going to actually take what would've been a guaranteed concussion-causer (if not a career ender). Before Awesome can hit the move, though, the Wolfpack theme hits and Kevin Nash shows up. This brings the rest of the New Blood out, as well as Flair, and the match gets thrown out. Not a bad match and I'm not sure what the point of the anti-finish was. Sure, Kanyon was an above-average worker and had some potential...but he'd been in WCW for what? 3-4 years now? Mike Awesome was the fresh man, dominated the match, and should've gotten the pin. Then, in the post-match, to garner even more sympathy for Kanyon, we can get the powerbomb-on-the-concrete teases and the Nash run-in. (2/5)
Vince Russo pops up again, as annoying as ever, barking order at Miss Elizabeth as her main squeeze, Lex Luger takes on Buff Bagwell. I feel like I could write a college thesis about Bagwell's output and how he could've been a huge star had anyone in WCW, at any point in time, actually worked with him and taught him even a modicum of psychology. As is, Bagwell is probably underrated as an all-arounder, but he really could've been something if he'd been properly coached - not unlike his opponent, a guy who has had plenty of really good matches but always and *only* when paired up against a really good wrestler. Bagwell had mastered getting heat just by preening - and he does it just fine here - but by always resorting to this same tired schtick, his matches never feel meaningful or important. This was a much bigger issue during his awful babyface run, where his cocksure strutting made it impossible for most fans to ever get behind him as a relatable hero, but even as the villain it had become pretty tiresome by this point. It doesn't help that Luger, who we're supposed to cheer, does a silly, straight-faced posedown before the match himself - a holdover from when he was the arrogant prima donna that the crowd was supposed to hate. Luger is saved by a small contingent of male audience members that will cheer for him just because he's an "old school WCW guy" so the match isn't DOA, but the lazy, pedestrian action doesn't win anyone over as it goes on either. Eventually Miss Elizabeth escapes Vince Russo by striking him with a bat (if only she'd clubbed him in the mouth and shut him up) and runs down the aisle, interfering on behalf of Lex. I was actually surprised she didn't turn heel just because, by this point, not turning on your longtime partner/client/teammate/husband was the swerve. Luger gets the win with the Torture Rack because "DQ rules are still lax" from Spring Stampede, I guess. Chuck Palumbo shows up in the post-match sporting Lex Luger's tights and proceeds to beat down The Total Package with help from Bagwell. Great - they're going to run the exact same storyline pretty much only with Chuck friggin' Palumbo in the Buff role. The audience doesn't react at all because they have no clue who Palumbo is. (1.5/5)
Shane Douglas vs. Ric Flair is our next match. This match, like so many other angles going on in WCW around this time, was built on "real life heat" between Douglas and Flair dating back to Douglas' first run in WCW in the early 90s. To this day, Douglas and Flair and many on the internet like to talk about how this blow-off should've been "huge," but the fact is, workrate wise, Douglas' ECW run was more comparable to Triple H's style than, say, the revolutionary high-spots that Sabu did or the must-see go-go-go technicality of Angle and Benoit. Douglas, at his ECW peak, was an excellent promo and a very dependable performer, no doubt, but in 2000, this approach didn't pack much of a "wow" factor. It also didn't help that to a majority of WCW fans, the Douglas/Flair beef, no matter how much the commentators tried to build it up, was still a feud built around a really, really over guy (Flair) and a relative newcomer with few WCW accomplishments of note. To add some diarrhea sauce to this shit sandwich, Vince Russo believed that having Flair wrestle in dress clothes was a good idea. This minute detail shouldn't be a huge problem, but its kinda like that time the Ultimate Warrior showed up on RAW in a baseball cap and ponytail. Ric Flair, the consummate pro-wrestler, had been wrestling in trunks and boots for close to 30 years and that's the Ric Flair that should be showing up to this "dream match." Anyway, this is mostly just a brawl with both guys jettisoning anything resembling technical wrestling and trading fists and, in Flair's case, plenty of low blows. I'd like to believe that these two could've had a much better match, but this really might've been as good as they were capable of being. Flair and Douglas have obvious energy and the willingness to work nice and stiff, but this match desperately needed an agent that knew how to build suspense by playing to their strengths, the inherent story of the young lion challenging the old, and a healthy dose of smoke-and-mirrors - something that we would eventually get with Flair when he returned to the WWE (most notably in high profile matches against Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and The Undertaker). Around the 8 minute mark, Buff Bagwell shows up as does a man in a Sting mask who the commentators are 1000% sure is Vince Russo. The masked man nails Flair with the bat and Douglas gets the win (and also gets in some additional shots with the chain he'd pulled out of his trunks). Luger shows up to even the sides as Ric Flair basically "no sells" getting hit by a chain and a baseball bat and demands Russo comes out to face him anyway (the stipulation was that Flair would get 5 minutes alone with him if he beat Douglas). Melee ensues and Russo shows up, taking out Luger with a bat, and making it clear that Vince Russo is not the Masked Man (who attacks Flair again). Its a total clusterfuck of an angle as it is eventually revealed that the Masked Man is none other than David Flair. In case one was wondering if Vince Russo had ever really watched WCW before coming into the company, this is a pretty clear indication that the answer was "No." Not only was this a pretty blatant repeat of the last time David Flair turned on his father, but it also involved maybe the least talented "worker" on the roster, guaranteeing that the upcoming pay-offs would be absolutely terrible. Eventually Kevin Nash shows up to save Flair, but he himself is taken out by David Flair's psycho girlfriend Daffney. And that's basically it - Vince Russo, David Flair, and Daffney beat down Kevin Nash and Ric Flair, but all the pain is really felt by the audience back then and anyone dumb enough to watch this now (like me). (1/5)
Fortunately, Sting is up next, the only main eventer on the roster that was still even trying to have good matches. His opponent is Vampiro, who, despite being notoriously sloppy, could actually be pretty entertaining at times. Right from the start, Sting is throwing haymakers and bringing lots of fire to this match, Vampiro bumping and selling with equal spirit. These two came to steal the show and while doing so wouldn't be difficult, its still worth a tip of the hat for the effort. Unfortunately, what was probably a "looks good on paper" idea ends up hurting the match as a lead pipe is introduced and, like Triple H's famous sledgehammer, both guys proceed to use it like two guys who have never held or seen anyone use a lead pipe in their lives. At one point they end up on the top rope and Vampire attempts a hurricanrana, but Sting lifts him up into a powerbomb position and - more or less - well, maybe just less - "powerbombs" him into the middle of the ring. Again, this seems like an idea that was pitched to Sting, but just is so out of his wheelhouse that it doesn't look like he's really comfortable delivering it (dropping to both knees before bringing Vampiro to the mat). Sting then finishes him with some Stinger Splashes and his trademark reverse DDT in under 7 minutes. This match started out really strong, but then cooled off around minute 4. Too bad. (2/5)
In another major grudge match built up over the previous few weeks of TV, Hulk Hogan took on Billy Kidman in a match with Eric Bischoff serving as the guest referee. As anyone might've predicted, this match is all about watching Hogan toss Kidman around, though the former Flock member does at least get a little bit of offense in at various points. Like Sting/Vampiro and even Douglas/Flair, you can't necessarily call out Hogan or Kidman for not trying to have an entertaining bout. Kidman bumps his ass off and Hogan brings the fire, tossing the cruiserweight around with hiptosses and delivering (and receiving) some harsh belt shots too. There are fun moments when Hogan, who clearly has the match won, gets into Bischoff's face for not making the count. Chairs and tables are introduced and Hogan's anger and frustration registers. This was built-up to be a one-sided beatdown and, for most of its duration, that is exactly what it is. One can criticize the booking of this feud, sure, but the pay-off was always going to be Hogan destroying the pesky heel and the cowardly Bischoff and this match delivers it in entertaining-enough fashion. My biggest annoyance is with the runtime as there are noticeable gaps towards the end when Hogan fumbles around with the tables and Kidman and Bischoff just kind of writhe around while the commentators stretch for time. (2.5/5)
Main event time - Diamond Dallas Page vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. David Arquette in a Triple Cage Match for Arquette's World Championship. Before the match, a comprehensive video package goes through the events that led us here and then its time for the introductions. Arquette comes out wearing the uncoolest gear I've ever seen. I believe this was a tie-in to Ready to Rumble, but he looks so outrageously goofy that it has the effect of making the historically dumb movie (which I don't think I've seen in at least 15 years) seem even dumber. As one would expect, the majority of this match is just a Page and Jarrett brawl and because they're both aware at how much this entire angle didn't get over, they put forth a really strong effort to help people forget Arquette's involvement and focus on them. To that end, Jarrett blades early and Page gets color too later on. There are a handful of genuinely cool, exciting moments - Jarrett and Page crashing through the wall of the second age and nearly toppling into the crowd 15 feet below, a cool table spot in the second cage, and, during the post-match, one of the most crazy bumps of that year as Mike Awesome tosses Kanyon (who both show up in this match because I'm guessing Jarrett and Page had no interest in being involved such a stunt) off the 2nd level of the cage through the entrance ramp. David Arquette's heel turn doesn't make much sense, but its not as bad as Kimberly turning on him the previous month (which made even less sense). At least in this situation, one could point to DDP constantly treating Arquette like his "little buddy," though, even if that was the reason for the turn, wouldn't it have made more sense for Arquette to just want the title for himself? He had ample to win it, too, but decided instead to give it to Jarrett just to screw over DDP? Was that the angle? Whatever the plan was, it was a net negative for WCW, whose ratings continued to drop after the angle and it further discredited Jeff Jarrett, a guy who had a considerable legitimacy issue that, I'd argue, dogged him even when he was the "King of the Mountain" in TNA (in fact, he had even less credibility there as he was widely known to be the part-owner of the company). This is too interesting of a match to be considered just "average," but its not good enough to be considered worth watching either. (3/5)
Earning a Kwang Score of 1.70-out-of-5, Slamboree 2000 is an improvement compared to the last two WCW pay-per-views, but those shows were historically bad, especially the clusterfuck-filled Spring Stampede show that saw Russo and Bischoff attempt to reset the entire company. With that reset accomplished, Slamboree was essentially the first real show of the "new WCW" and while there are some bright spots on this show - Mike Awesome was fresh, Chris Candido had the potential to be a decent cornerstone for a new wrestling-centric Cruiser division, Scott Steiner was getting over, Kevin Nash was surprisingly still over, Sting could still go - there are far more negatives, specifically Russo and Bischoff inserting themselves into nearly angle, the David Arquette fuckery that killed their World Title's credibility, a midcarder in Jeff Jarrett being positioned as a top level heel when he'd never earned that spot, and maybe the worst color commentator of all time, Mark Madden, bleating and blabbing all over the show.
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
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