WCW Bash at the Beach 2000

WCW Bash at the Beach 2000

Daytona Beach, Florida - July 2000

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into this show, the WCW World Heavyweight Champion is Jeff Jarrett, the United States Champion is Scott Steiner, and the Cruiserweight Champion is Chavo Guerrero (aka "Lt. Loco"). Big Vito is the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion while Palumbo and Stasiak are the WCW Tag Team Champions.

COMMENTARY: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, and Mark Madden

Bash at the Beach 2000 begins with some comedy via Commissioner "The Cat" Miller getting attacked by the Jung Dragons. I believe the gimmick here was that Ernest Miller had hired the Jung Dragons, who dress like ninjas, to attack him the same way Inspector Clouseau had Kato attack him in The Pink Panther movies? I wasn't watching Nitro at the time so I don't quite recall what was going on, but based on Miller and the Dragons' backstage segment later, it seems like that was the concept. Its ridiculous. 

To the ring we go for the opening contest - Juventud Guerrera challenging Chavo "Lt. Loco" Guerrero for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship. If you strip all the shenanigans and terrible gimmickry from this match, the 1-on-1 action on display is solid. Guerrera isn't quite as flashy as he was 3 years earlier, but he still busts out more than enough quality high spots to feel like he deserves the spotlight way more than, say, Corporal Cajun did. Guerrero also seems to benefit from an opponent that can actually perform at a breakneck pace and excels at the lucha style - something he didn't get from Disco Inferno a month prior. Sadly, the circus going on around this match muddies things up quite a bit. Juvi is supposed to be a heel (and wrestles that way, especially at the start), but its his squad - The Filthy Animals - who get to cut a crowd-popping promo before the match. Guerrero wrestles like the babyface, but the Misfits in Action were, up until a few weeks prior based on the commentary, affiliated with the Bischoff-and-Russo-backed New Blood stable. Both sides try to interfere by sporting goofy masks. It is a testament to the actual wrestling that this match keeps the audience's attention and comes off as a competitive title match despite all the nonsense. Not a bad start to the show. (3/5) 

The WCW Hardcore Championship is on the line next. Originally, Big Vito was going to defend his title against longtime teammate Johnny The Bull, but because Bull and Vito's other would-be opponent Terry Funk took each other out on Thunder, Vito has to take on a mystery man - namely the returning Norman Smiley and his second, Ralphus. This is your typical garbage brawl, loads of weapons, lots of corny jokes by Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone laughing at nothing funny...it's not nearly as entertaining as Vince Russo must've believed this stuff to be (though, to be fair, the WWE was producing just as much of this cartoonish terribleness and there was a segment of the audience that seemed to enjoy it for whatever reason). Eventually Vito isolates Ralphus and destroys him in the ring, putting him through a table in the match's best spot. This isn't good, but it isn't awful either - just dumb filler. (1.5/5)

After a promo from Kevin Nash where he hints at a full-blown Outsiders reunion (survey and all), we go to the ring for one of the worst, most embarrassing matches I've ever seen: Daffney vs. Ms. Hancock (Stacy Keibler) in a Wedding Dress Match. There's really not much to say about this except that the commentators treat it like a joke, referee Slick Johnson, David Flair, and Crowbar all end up in their underwear, and Stacy Keibler loses the match on purpose because she "knows what the fans want." I was watching this show at the gym on my iPad and I desperately wanted it to end almost as soon as it began out of fear that somebody would see me watching it. Insulting to both the audience and the performers. Again, this isn't an "anti-WCW" criticism at all - this sort of garbage was going on in the WWE at the same time and would continue for years onward. (0/5)

The WCW World Tag Team Championships are on the line next as KroNik challenge The Perfect Event - Chuck Palumbo and Shawn Stasiak. When KroNik came to the WWE, they famously had some of the worst matches in company history, but in WCW, they were decently over and the crowd loved the powerhouse moves (listen to that crowd when Adams press-slams Stasiak out of the ring). Unfortunately, those impressive powerhouse moves are separated by minutes of nothingness and not-up-to-snuff offense by the heels. WCW gets a ton of flak for not pushing their younger stars, but there's an important note to be made about that criticism. It wasn't just that WCW hadn't pushed their younger stars in 97' and 98', its that by the time they did get around to pushing some of that talent, that talent had upped and left for WWE (or went back to ECW). This forced WCW to call up a number of very green performers in 99' and 2000, guys with maybe 18-24 months of training. By 97', your Guerreros and Saturns and Ravens and Jerichos and Benoits were, comparatively, trusted veterans - even if they were all under 35 and, in some cases, had some of their best years ahead of them. WCW's call-ups and signees like Mark Jindrak, Sean O'Haire, and even Mike Sanders had youth and potential - but their inexperience meant that they had absolutely no chance of ever making Russo's inane storylines work (as compared to the WWE crew who, though they were often given storylines almost as bad as what WCW was producing, was loaded with experienced talents who had been around long enough to get just about anything over). Anyway...both teams show considerable energy in the closing minutes of this match, though the sloppiness level raises as they try more and more elaborate sequences. On one hand, you have to applaud the effort, but on the other hand, this isn't exactly a match that highlights KroNik's strengths or hides The Perfect Event's inexperience so, by the end, the effort isn't enough to counterbalance the low points. (1.5/5)


Booker T takes on Kanyon next. Watching Booker back in the late 90s is interesting to me just because, at this time, he was one of the more over guys in WCW and felt like someone who was being "held down" but, when you actually watch his matches, they aren't necessarily that great. I don't think anyone really considers Booker a "super worker" in 2018, but in 2000 (hell, even up to 2003), there was a feeling that he deserved bigger and better pushes when I'm not sure the resume ever supported it. Here, he's in there with another guy that is athletically impressive and has an excellent, innovative set of offense but somehow seemed to get less and less over with every tweak of his gimmick - from Mortis to "Who's Better Than Kanyon?" to the "Positively Kanyon" trolling gimmick he was doing here. There are some good spots in this, but the finish is a bit of a mess as Jeff Jarrett, the WCW World Champion, has no real reason to attack against Booker T aside from his promise of "ruining the show" to get revenge at Ernest Miller for something or other. This is like the 3rd or 4th segment to feature Jarrett and he's your World Champion - meaning, he really shouldn't be floating around the midcard getting involved in matches with outcomes that have nothing to do with him. If this was a Number One Contender's Match it'd be a different story, but it isn't. I mean, in 91', would Hulk Hogan get involved in a Bulldog/Warlord match? Or 98' Steve Austin in a Headbangers/Godwinns match? (2.5/5)

I was expecting the next match to be awful, but was pleasantly surprised at the straight-up stiffness and brutality of Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner. Steiner is the United States Champion and had only recently returned from a suspension (I'm not sure if it was kayfabe or not). Mike Awesome was in the process of being completely buried despite WCW going through all sorts of hoops to sign him. Say what you will about Awesome's abilities, nobody deserves a gimmick as intentionally-embarrassing as "The Fat Chick Thrilla." From the very beginning, Awesome and Steiner throw caution to the wind and beat the hell out of each other with moves I'm not sure were 100% safe. Awesome launches himself into the crowd early on, Steiner takes a wicked bump in the corner and then into the guardrail in what was surely a concussion-causer, and in one of the last moments of the match, the 6'1'' Genetic Freak half-nelson suplexes the 6'6'' Awesome into the mat. There's some noticeably brutal chairshots and a belly-flop frog splash at one point too. Steiner and Awesome either had some sort of mutual respect think going on or Awesome was out to prove he could hang with the notoriously stiff Big Poppa Pump because this one is a real brawl. Unfortunately, as the commentators had talked up every other terrible match on this show (not to mention Nitro and Thunder), they have no credibility so this match doesn't feel as barbaric as it actually is. Also, we get a screwy finish involving Ernest Miller who has been overexposed on this show even more than Jarrett. Russo's infatuation with some of these guys is mind-boggling. Did he really believe he could book Miller to become as popular as Austin or The Rock? He certainly gave The Cat enough segments for it. Disappointing finish after a surprisingly great match. (3.5/5)

The Graveyard Match between "The Demon" Dale Torborg and Vampiro is next. This match takes in an undisclosed graveyard and is shot like The Blair Witch Project so you can't see much of anything. They fight all around, Torborg's fiancee Asya (the engagement and marriage was real) gets put into a trance (the trance is clearly not), and they eventually end up in a pitch black river. The referee saves Torborg from drowning, which is a great way to give your babyface credibility as a tough guy. Its very hard to make out what exactly goes on minute to minute but the overall picture is clear: this "match" sucks. Vampiro spits blood at one point. Torborg and Asya are put into a coffin. You know the drill with this sort of macabre bullshit. This is almost a Network Nugget of Awesomeness (like the Black Scorpion stuff or Hogan in the Dungeon of Doom), but that stuff was cheesy in the right way and this is surprisingly boring. Maybe it would've worked if they had actually lit it properly? Worse than the Randy Orton/Bray Wyatt match where they fought all over a trailer park. (0.5/5)

Former WCW Tag Team Champions Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell do battle next. This match is about as dull as you'd imagine. Bagwell was back to being a babyface (I think?) at this point but because WCW didn't have agents (according to Jericho's book), nobody ever clued him in about switching up anything about his schtick to get cheered or appear less annoying and conceited. After 6 or so minutes of nothing really notable happening, Torrie Wilson appears. She distracts Shane Douglas with a slap...so you know she's now going to turn on Buff because if there's one thing Vince Russo loves more than an inexplicable swerve its an inexplicable double swerve. Torrie gets in the ring and kisses Buff but then kicks him square in the junk, giving Douglas the chance to snag the victory. But wait! Buff kicks out...only to lose a minute or two later after getting distracted by Torrie a second time. If you thought overdoing false finishes was just a 2010s things, you're wrong: they were pulling that shit in midcard matches 18 years ago too! (1/5)

Here we go - the WCW World Heavyweight Championship match: Hulk Hogan challenging Jeff Jarrett for the gold. This is one of the most infamous matches in WCW history, but unlike the classic Montreal Screwjob match (or even some of the parodies of that match, like the Survivor Series 98' main event), the entertainment value just isn't there. In a nutshell, Jarrett's music plays and Vince Russo walks out (followed by Double J). Hollywood Hogan then comes out acting as he typically would and Jarrett lays down so that Hogan can pin him. Vince tosses the title to Hogan and walks out. Jarrett gets up and leaves too, his face a bit blank. Hogan then grabs a mic and "shoots" on Russo, stating that this is the kind of "bullshit" that has put WCW where it is. He's not wrong either...and he would know considering he was the benefactor of the Fingerpoke of Doom match in January 99' that reunited the nWo (and caused irreparable damage to the WCW World Championship) and, less than a year later, was involved a near-identical angle at Halloween Havoc 99' when he inexplicably laid down in his title match against Sting. Hogan leaves with the title in a huff. I'm not going to rate this non-match or give it any sort of points...yet.

Vampiro shows up in the arena, but is basically swarmed by a bunch of "druids" in Sting masks. I'm a bigger Sting fan than most, but not of the psuedo-Undertaker gimmick tweaks. "The Crow" Sting character was all about a guy who, like the Crow, has undergone a post-death "resurrection" to avenge crimes committed against him and the ones he loves (in this case, WCW). There were moments in 97' when Sting showed borderline "powers," but it wasn't fantastical. He could speak through his eyes. He could send a bird to the ring. He could use a grapple line to drop from the rafters. Here, though, they're just recycling tired Taker tropes and its the least bit interesting.

And here we go again - Vince Russo is back. The crowd chants "Russo Sucks" again and Vince Russo proceeds to cut a promo so misguided and directionless, it was bound to confuse the live crowd (and probably many of the viewers at home). As the crowd boos, Russo explains why he came back to WCW, citing that he is working hard for the boys in the back that bust their ass for the company, namely Booker T, Jeff Jarrett, and the Misfits in Action. Russo "reveals" that Hogan was going to use his Creative Control to beat Jarrett for the title tonight, exposing the scripted nature of wrestling. Good idea! He calls Hogan a "bald piece of shit" and promises he'll never be seen in WCW again and then says that Jarrett is the real WCW World Champion and will defend the title against a guy that Hogan has been holding back for 14 years - Booker T. Mind you, Hulk Hogan debuted in WCW in 94' and Booker T debuted in 93', so that would mean Hogan held back Booker T from the set of Mr. Nanny and that it took 14 years to get from 1993 to 2000...Anyway, Russo's speech is delivered with passion, no doubt, but by praising Booker T (a face) then bashing Hogan (a face) then praising Jeff Jarrett (a heel) and revealing the scripted nature of wrestling, its not clear what direction Russo was going (and not in a way that makes anyone interested in seeing where its going). Also, he's wrong. His Hogan-bashing may have been what maybe 20% of the audience wanted, but Hogan was Hogan and this PPV, headlined with him challenging Jarrett for the World Champion, drew the biggest buyrate WCW had had in months. As crazy as it may sound now, even in 2000, there were still people willing to pay for a WCW product with Hogan and Goldberg on top. Was Hogan still drawing the huge ratings and numbers he'd done in 97' (let alone 87')? Of course not...but the Misfits in Action and Billy Kidman and Jeff Jarrett were even lesser draws. This isn't revisionism either. Before coming back to WCW, Jarrett was a Tag/IC/European Title-level guy, nothing more. Its also worth noting that Hogan, who was being characterized as a guy who was "holding down" other talent, had actually worked fairly hard in his feud against Kidman (and had even let no-namers like The Wall and Mike Awesome look like worthy adversaries on TV) in the previous months. Russo's promo ends up leading to a lawsuit against the company and Hogan (and Bischoff) never return. A surreal ending to Hogan's WCW run. (This getting a +1 just because it is kind of a "must see" moment.) (+1)

And now the show continues despite the crowd being thoroughly deflated and confused (and the commentators giving voice to that some feeling)...

Kevin Nash makes his way to the ring from the back, passing Scott Steiner on the way (this will be important in about 5-6 minutes). He's challenging Bill Goldberg for the rights to Scott Hall's contract. This match doesn't last long, but credit to Nash and Goldberg both - from an action perspective, they pack more into it than they probably needed to. There's a chokeslam. There's a missed spear. There's a Jacknife attempt. It ends in under 6 minutes when Scott Steiner, who had come out to root Nash on, turns heel. Steiner is certainly a better heel than face, but this is Screwy Finish Number What on this show? Besides, a guy like Steiner is so deplorable on the mic and so good at cutting down fans (which I'm not sure he ever stopped doing even as a babyface) that you really don't need to turn him so dramatically - he could do just by running down the people in the audience and ducking challenges. Plus, seeing as your scheduled main event consisted of one guy lying down for another in under a minute, your semi-main should probably actually be a competitive match. Also, Goldberg is a bit player now the same as he was pushed to the periphery in 99'. WCW gets knocked for not inventing new stars but even when they did have one in Goldberg, they seemed to bend over backwards to nullify his popularity. The first 4 minutes of the match aren't bad, but the booking of the finish is terrible. Extra half-point for Goldberg hitting the Jackhammer on Big Sexy. (1.5/5)

Main event time - not sure I mentioned it, but at the end of his promo, Vince Russo announced that Jeff Jarrett would defend the "true" WCW World Championship against Booker T tonight and "tear the house down" because that is what the fans deserve. I'm not sure they tear it down - the Mike Awesome/Scott Steiner is still the match of the night - but this isn't a bad match. Booker and Jarrett have chemistry and there are some great sequences, but its hard not to imagine this match as meaning more and having better emotional weight if it had been built-up and not just thrown onto the card at the last minute. The finish is well-executed with a couple of decent false finishes too. Again, its a bit hard to review a match like this without criticizing the booking surrounding it. On the one hand, Booker T was over and was a hard worker...but just like Scott Steiner's heel turn in the previous match, the "car crash" booking style meant that so much was thrown at the viewer that the lasting impression was dizzying rather than cathartic. Without adequate set-ups, the pay-offs don't feel as special as they should and Booker's first World Championship victory is a great example of it. Why not build towards this match for the August or September PPV? Why not have Booker score an upset victory over Goldberg to get him a title shot? Hey, why rush the title switch at all? Would Jarrett not be better served by actually having him be a credible World Champion after months of shady title defenses at this point? Remember, the idea was that Hogan would return in a month or two and challenge the World Champion (this would never happen). While this show needed a main event and I'm not 100% sure who was available/not injured at the time, a guy like Rey Mysterio or Kidman or, in what would've probably earned a huge pop, Ric Flair could've been used as a "surprise challenger." In any of those potential match-ups, Jarrett scoring a decisive win might've not given the fans their "feel good" moment, but it could've helped give the company some much-needed stability and legitimize the World Championship. Booker leaves with the gold, but the value of the title has been diminished so much that it doesn't feel like he really climbed his way to it. (2.5/5)


On a recent broadcast of What Happened When, the Tony Schiavone-led podcast that looks back on WCW, co-host Conrad Thompson questioned whether this was the worst pay-per-view of all time. Its a valid question, but I wouldn't rank it that low. There are at least 1-2 decent matches and the Awesome/Steiner match is a bit of a hidden gem.  The shit production values, commentary that is (justifiably) unable to make sense of what is going on or convincingly sell any of this as good, nearly every match ending in some sort of screwy fashion...its a show where nearly every step, from conception to execution, is a wrong one, a show where the only moments of decent entertainment come when the wrestlers are allowed to break away from the goofy gimmicks and just wrestle. Despite countless flaws, the show managed to score a 1.85-out-of-5 on the Kwang Scale, largely based on the relative strength of the opener, the train wreck enjoyability of the Hogan/Jarrett/Russo nonsense, and the hard work of Booker T.

FINAL RATING - DUDleyville