Washington, DC - December 2000
CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into this show, the WCW World Champion is Scott Steiner, the United States Championship is held by Hugh "General Rection" Morrus, the Cruiserweight Championship is held by Chavo Guerrera, and the Hardcore Title is held by Crowbar. Finally, the WCW World Tag Team Champions are The Perfect Event (Stasiak and Palumbo).
COMMENTATORS: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, and Scott Hudson
The final (real) Starrcade ever kicks off with a Number One Contender's Ladder Match for the WCW Cruiserweight Match between Jamie Noble, Evan Karagias, Shannon Moore, Jimmy Yang, Shane Helms, and Kaz Hayashi, essentially a continuation of the Noble & Karagias/Jung Dragons/3 Count feud that had been running for a few months. These six were pretty much the only acts in WCW with any buzz and it was largely because of the ahead-of-their-time spotfests they put on. There are some tremendous spots in this match, but like so much of WCW from this point, the commentary and general feeling of meaninglessness makes it impossible to call it "essential" viewing. Even if there's not a tremendous difference between this match and the ladder bouts that the Hardys and Edge and Christian were performing around the same time, the latter matches still feel big and important because of the storylines behind them - specifically the drive to win the World Tag Team Championships. It is just hard to buy into this match when the contract hanging from the ceiling has been rendered so worthless. Like, why would anyone fight so hard for the title that Oklahoma held not too long before? If the lack of gravitas doesn't bother you and you're just in the market for a match with lots of big crashes and some well-executed planchas and splashes, you won't be disappointed - but it takes more than that for me to consider something a "must watch." (3.5/5)
Next up, Lance Storm vs. Ernest "The Cat" Miller. As we get to the end of WCW, I can confidently say that while Miller's most well-known gimmick was this run, as the James Brown-aping dancing karate man, his most tolerable matches were probably the tags with Glacier against Mortis and Wrath. He's a decent comedy wrestler, but nothing more, and Lance Storm had to work extra hard to make this match remotely good. Storm's pre-match promo references the Gore/Bush election, which is kind of neat, and the crowd is undeniably hot for this (thanks to the teasing of a catfight between Miller's second and Major Gunns, who might've been going as Miss Canada now(?)). Miller does at least one cool move, lifting Storm up into the air for a would-be inverted atomic drop only to kick him right in the groin, but there's not much else to speak of aside from the finish - which sees Jim Duggan come in and tease a face turn before costing Miller the match. Afterwards, Storm and his buddy "Prime Time" Elix Skipper beat down on Duggan until Miller makes the save. Unrecommended. (1/5)
Backstage, The Filthy Animals cut a promo with WCW's newest interviewer, Buff Bagwell. They talk about their upcoming Bunkhouse Brawl against Jeff Jarrett and his crew. Eh, maybe it'll be decent?
Crowbar fought Terry Funk in a match for the WCW Hardcore Championship next. This one started out backstage, but eventually came to the ringside. Funk handcuffed Crowbar and destroyed him with weapon shots, a match structure lifted directly from the far more famous (and gruesome) I Quit Match between The Rock and Mankind at Royal Rumble 99'. For all the violence, including a spot that saw Funk get his head crushed by a door, this match was forgettable and frivolous and had zero heat. (1/5)
Big Vito and Reno vs. KroNik followed. The storyline leading into this match was that KroNik had been receiving large sums of cash to take out Vito and Reno but there was mystery around who their benefactor was. Before the match begins, Brian Adams makes comments towards Vito and Reno's manager, Lisa Marie, indicating that she is the one who paid them off. This wrinkle in the story isn't factored into any of the match at all, though I'm not sure it would've helped things much anyway. Vito plays the face-in-peril and the commentators hype up his toughness as KroNik beats him down. The Natural Born Thrillers come out from the backstage area, further confusing things regarding who has been paying off KroNik. When Vito is finally able to make the tag, Reno turns on him, and the match comes to an end with Vito getting laid out in the ring. WCW was at such a low by this point that pushing Big Vito as a popular underdog babyface wasn't even that far-fetched of an idea. Crazy, right? (1/5)
Mike Awesome fought Bam Bam Bigelow in an Ambulance Match next. On paper, this should be an easy Match of the Night candidate as Awesome and Bigelow are both great brawlers. Unfortunately, this is completely meh and lacks a single creative spot or moment (save for maybe the finish). The word "lazy" isn't really fitting because Bigelow and Awesome hit each other with chairs, send each other into the guardrail, and there's even a table spot. Even at the low speed at which these smashes and crashes are delivered, they hurt. But their efforts result in the opposite of an entertaining match. There's no heat, no suspense, and the gimmick itself is hard to work when calling this feud "lukewarm" would be generous considering how NOBODY in WCW was really over at this point. But about that finish - its not a bad one and I wouldn't be surprised if its been used again because it really is a great "cop out" to having one of your stars actually get shoved into the back of an ambulance. SPOILER ALERT: Early in the match, we get a crane shot that swoops over the ambulance, crowd, and into the ring. Its just a 2-second cutaway from the action. But its important. Its important because, when the finish happens, and Bigelow goes through the top of the ambulance, the viewer never sees the ambulance from overhead. This was likely because the ambulance was heavily "gimmicked" - there was likely a crash pad in the ambulance and its not clear whether Bigelow actually "crashed through" the roof or if the roof had been removed. Whatever the reason, the fact that we never see Bigelow writhing in the wreckage is the kind of small detail that would've at least helped this match a tiny bit in terms of presentation. A disappointment. (1/5)
Next up - Shane Douglas challenged General Rection (Hugh Morrus) for his United States Championship. Morrus is a guy that showed a ton of promise when he first came on the WCW scene in 96' or 97', but by this point, had to be one of the worst wrestlers in the company. I can't believe he was ever involved in training anyone. Despite Douglas heating up the crowd (with yet another knock about the Gore/Bush election), Morrus is so unsympathetic and unlikable that this match is just dull. In fact, there are audible "Boring" chants at one point during a sleeper segment - which they go back to because, based on their breathing, both guys are winded (or its actually me who was getting sleepy watching this match). Eventually, Chavo Guerrero makes his way down the aisle and helps his former Misfit-in-Action partner retain the title - despite getting booted out of the stable and subtly feuding with Rection before this. Credit to WCW for trying to develop an intricate storyline, but man, it is just incredible to think that, if they had bothered to build these sort of plots around the tremendous talent they had in 97' or 98' (instead of, often times, letting them just go out and wrestle meaningless matches), they could've really had something. People love to bring up Guerrero, Jericho, and Benoit when they talk about WCW's wasted talents - but the bigger wastes might've been guys like La Parka, Finlay, and Psicosis, who were rarely given real storylines and pushes (likely because of they were "international" talents). Anyway, this match is below even passable. (0.5/5)
A Bunkhouse Brawl follows - The Harris Brothers with Jeff Jarrett taking on The Filthy Animals (Rey Mysterio, Billy Kidman, and Konnan). There are all sorts of goofy weapons and props in the ring, which, I guess, makes this a "bunkhouse" match rather than just your average streetfight? Like the other hardcore matches on this show, this one is nothing special. There's only one cool spot in the whole thing - Mysterio getting powerbombed into a dumpster - and everything else is just tedium. The participants are putting in effort and there are even moments of actual wrestling out of Kidman and the aforementioned Mysterio, but the Harris Brothers are like the Worst Possible Road Warriors and Jarrett can only do so much in a mess like this. This isn't the worst match of the night, but its far from the best. (1.5/5)
Next up - The Insiders (Diamond Dallas Page and Kevin Nash) challenging The Natural Born Thrillas (Chuck Palumbo and Sean Stasiak) for the WCW World Tag Team Championships. I was pleasantly surprised by this match - and by the tag work of Page and Nash in the previous bout they had - as it is actually a perfectly fine, well put-together tag match. It begins with a crowd-pleasing announcement from Ric Flair that the NBT's manager (and WCW Commissioner) Mike Sanders is not permitted to get into the ring or the titles will change hands and, from there, we get a straight-up wrestling match. Nash and Page don't do anything remarkable, but its noticeable that they, despite the disaster that WCW had become, look to be having fun working together. They don't bury their opponents either, letting them build-up the heat with Page as the face-in-peril. The crowd is more alive for this than they have been for any other match on the card (save for maybe the big spots in the opener). It is a solid match among a night of duds. The final few minutes reward the audience by giving them what they want too - what a concept to not have the established babyfaces look like idiots! (2.5/5)
In another rematch from last month, Goldberg takes on Lex Luger. This might be Lex Luger at his most beefy. The commentators pretend he looks good, but he looks inflated, bulked up beyond belief like a cow pumped full of steroids. Goldberg comes in and Luger exits the ring, but Goldberg follows him and just beats his ass. Luger gets sent into the rails a couple times and then tossed into the ring. This is the loudest the crowd has been all night, but it is clearly piped-in noise as the audience is sitting on their hands and not a single mouth is open in any of the sections. The "sweetening" is not only obvious (as the crowd noise goes uninterrupted for the entirety of the match despite clear ebbs and flows in the action), it is also incredibly distracting. Buff Bagwell shows up to distract the ref. Meanwhile, Luger takes out the Sarge (who was also ringside by this point). Luger uses brass knucks to try to strike Goldberg - which, as even the ref points out - would've been legal to do at any point in this No DQ match (which is why its stupid that Luger hides it from the ref). Ditto for Bagwell's interference (a Blockbuster he "inadvertently" strikes on Goldberg, who was his ally at the time). Luger attempts a Torture Rack, but Goldberg escapes it and hits him with a judo throw. Meanwhile, outside the ring, in Goldberg's eye line, Bagwell completes his heel turn by attacking the Sarge. Goldberg hits a Spear and pins Luger. Then, despite getting hit with a Blockbuster earlier and seeing his friend (the Sarge) laid out on the outside, Goldberg still turns his back on Bagwell and practically begs him to hit him with a chair. I'm not sure if this was supposed to lead to a Goldberg/Bagwell match or another Goldberg/Luger match, but either one is far from appealing. After the match there's a nice moment where Goldberg picks up a fan with physical disabilities. Anyway, this match was not very good and the execution and booking of the "twist ending" was obvious. Poor. (1/5)
A clear +1 for the video promo hyping our main event. I can't believe that this was going on in WCW and nobody cared at all. A Sid/Steiner feud today would more entertaining than most of what we get today just because of the star power. (+1)
Main event time - Sid vs. Scott Steiner for Steiner's WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Sid is wearing long pants, a different look for him. Steiner is accompanied by Midajah. The crowd is on their feet, but it still sounds like the audio has been sweetened. A simple Google search reveals that the attendance for this show was barely 7k in an arena that holds 20+, so, yeah, I'm not buying that this motionless crowd of indifferent faces sounds like a sea of screaming fans. Steiner brings Sid to his knees during their test of strength, which definitely doesn't pack the same dramatic punch as when Warrior and Hogan did it. To his credit, Sid actually does bust out some basic wrestling moves as well as a big leg drop early on. Steiner takes a good spill to the outside but ends up in control of the match immediately after Midajah strikes Sid with a bat. Steiner breaks ups his very basic offense with poses and push-ups, then hits a belly-to-belly before putting Sid in the Recliner. Sid is able to grab the ropes and it makes no sense that he wouldn't have done it the very second the Recliner was applied. Steiner is able to re-apply it in the center of the ring, though, and Sid calls for the crowd to help him rally. Midajah tries to help, but ends up cross-bodying Steiner. Sid hits a chokeslam, but is too tired to make the immediate cover and Steiner gets his shoulder up at 2. They both sell like they've been through hell. Sid locks in a Cobra Clutch. The ref is knocked out, Sid hits another chokeslam and makes the cover but there's no one there to award him the win. Steiner then grabs a lead pipe and takes control. Charles Robinson runs down and Steiner makes the cover, only for Sid to kickout at 2. Jarrett shows up and attempts to hit Sid with a guitar, but Sid ducks, and Steiner is the one that eats it! Sid looks to have the match won, but Jarrett pulls Lil' Naitch out before he can make the 3 count! I gotta give them credit - its overbooked nonsense, but I did bite on that one. Robinson comes back in as Steiner counters a powerbomb attempt with two kicks right to the balls. He then hits him with another suplex and locks in the Recliner for the third time. Sid doesn't tap, though - he "passes out" from the pain, which is supposed to protect his character and credibility but doesn't. This wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but its definitely not good either. (1.5/5)
Starrcade 2000 is a sad end to a one-time great series of PPVs. By this point, there were probably less than 5 guys on the roster who were remotely over and of those 5, not a single one was as over as they once were (save for maybe Steiner, who was excellent as WCW's top heel but had also only really been put in that spot by default). There were still some talented guys on the roster, but the titles had been thoroughly devalued and no matter what the creative department tried, nothing was connecting. The show's Kwang Score of 1.5-out-of-5 tells you everything you need to know; If you put on any random match on this show, you will most likely be viewing something considerably below average. Aside from the opener, the best match of the night is a forgettable Nash & DDP/Natural Born Thrillers tag match.
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
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