After viewing SummerSlam 93', I opted to go ahead and watch the follow-up PPV held a few months later - Survivor Series 93'. The show starts with a somewhat awkward video message from Lex Luger and his family. Its particularly awkward because I just listened to an interview with Luger from a couple years ago where he discussed his estrangement from the family largely due to the many years he spent on the road (though they weren't actually divorced until 2003 according to what I dug up online).
After a not-so-rousing rendition of "The Star-Spangled Banner," its time for our opening contest: an old school Survivors matching between Irwin R. Schyster, Diesel, Adam Bomb, and "The Model" Rick Martel and their opponents, The 1-2-3 Kid, Marty Jannetty, Intercontinental Champion Razor Ramon, and "Macho Man" Randy Savage (who was replacing Mr. Perfect as a crowd-pleasing surprise entrant). As Savage makes his way down the aisle, Vince refers to him as "legendary," but the crowd certainly doesn't regard him as some washed-up hasbeen. In fact, considering the ovation he gets, its surprising he wasn't on the card to begin with. Ramon and Martel start the match off, The Model coming off as much more of a throwback to the 80s than Savage did. Martel tags in Adam Bomb, his impressive size getting a big reaction from the Boston crowd. Ramon sells for the big man, bumping into the corner and across the ring from just some basic shoves. They lock up in a test-of-strength as Bomb isn't really capable of anything beyond this most basic of sequences it seems. As goofy as it is, it gets a huge response from the crowd and when Martel inadvertently hits Bomb, the heel squadron falls into complete disarray! Meanwhile, 1-2-3 Kid gets tagged in and tries to take the fight to Bomb but ends up sent across the ring with a chokeslam toss. Deisel comes in and he continues the assault on The Kid, tossing him from one corner to the other in a great spot. Deisel follows it up an awesome gutwrench powerbomb, relishing in getting to show off his power on his cruiserweight opponent. Deisel sends him back into the ropes, but The Kid surprises him with a flying headscissors and tags in Savage! Savage cleans house and ends up sending Bomb into Nash, eventually even hitting him with a bodyslam and then his trademark elbow and Deisel is outta there! Solid booking there as the heels go down 4-3, but Deisel got more than enough shine with the fireworks display he put on against Waltman. IRS comes in and takes a beating too, Ramon getting tagged in soon after. Interference from Martel allows the heels to take control as Heenan and McMahon argue about who the "real" Intercontinental Champion is - Ramon or Shawn Michaels. The heels perform a fun switcheroo at this point, IRS and The Model switching places mid-headlock when the ref's back is turned. While Savage and IRS go at it in the ring, Crush (who was feuding with Macho at this point) shows up and distracts Savage long enough for Schyster to pin him with a roll-up. Why not have Savage chase after Crush and have him counted out? Seems like that would've protected him a bit better. Jannetty comes in and after a brief flurry of offense, ends up getting beaten down by the heels. When Martel barrels into the post, Jannetty tags in Ramon and the Intercontinental Champion eliminates IRS with a beautiful Razor's Edge in the center of the ring. He attempts to hit Martel with the same move moments later, but IRS smashes him in the stomach with his briefcase when the ref tries to get control of the action. Ramon gets counted out and we're now down to a 2-on-2 contest with the least over guys in the match. A decent-sized "1-2-3" chant starts up in support of The Kid. After some nice exchanges with Martel, Bomb comes in. The Kid tries to catch him with a dive to the outside, but Bomb catches him and bodyslams him on the floor. The Kid shows some resilience, though, fighting back after Adam Bomb dominates him for awhile. He eventually makes the hot tag and the babyfaces regain control, eventually pinning both opponents in rapid succession with a series of sunset flips. Not a bad opener with some great work out of Waltman and Martel, as well as strong minutes out of Diesel. (3/5)
Backstage, Shawn Michaels stands with Todd Pettengill, claiming to be the real Intercontinental Championship. Pettengill cues up a video message from The Harts (who are standing with Family Feud host Ray Combs). The story coming into this match is that Shawn became a relatively last minute substitute for Jerry "The King" Lawler, who was under investigation for child rape. He was most likely guilty, by the way. As Michaels continues to taunt the Harts, making a comment about how Stu and Helen should be "in the ground," Combs heads to the ring.
In the ring, Ray Combs makes a lengthy, lengthy introduction of the Harts at ringside, makes a few jokes at HBK's expense, and then welcomes our team. This is like proto-RAW Guest Host filler and Combs gets booed by a significant portion of the audience of his efforts. Finally its time for some action - Shawn Michaels and his Knights (Jeff Gaylord in Black, Greg Valentine in Blue, and Barry Horowitz in Red) vs. Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Keith Hart, and Bruce Hart. For all the pomp and circumstance before the match starts, when it actually gets going it is a rather heatless, dull match. The wrestling is fine - even Keith and Bruce are solid - but with only one definable heel in Shawn Michaels, there's really no dynamic for the Harts to play off of. Its a bit like watching Batman and Robin fight the nameless henchmen in the 60s Batman show only it takes much, much longer for the Harts to beat them. Meanwhile, on commentary, Bobby Heenan runs down the Harts non-stop and while some of his quips are clever, with Ray Combs also at the desk and Vince trying to call the match, none of the drama of the match - if there was any - is sold effectively. Owen Hart's elimination and his post-match temper tantrum is the best thing about this whole affair, which goes on way too long and doesn't even end with a legit finish (Shawn Michaels takes a voluntary count-out and walks away from the match). A point-and-a-half awarded for some of the in-ring action and the masterful heel turn by Owen. (1.5/5)
After a commercial for WrestleMania X, Jim Ross and Gorilla Monsoon take over on commentary and we get a video package recapping the build-up to tonight's main event. There were actually some twists and turns in the build-up as Tatanka was replaced on the face side by the Undertaker and Jean Pierre of The Quebecers was replaced by Crush.
Up next, though, was another Jim Cornette match - his Heavenly Bodies taking on the Rock n' Roll Express in a spotlight match for Smoky Mountain Wrestling, which Jim Ross notes on commentary before the bell rings. Jim Ross also mentions that these teams have been feuding for a decade, which isn't really true, though the Bodies were essentially the "sequel" to the Midnight Express (who had feuded with the Rock n' Rolls for that long). Because neither team is really established, the crowd is a bit dead and don't react to much of anything in the early going. There are moments when the Express show their age a bit, some of their antics coming across a little stale, but the Heavenly Bodies' offense is almost the exact opposite as Jimmy Del Ray delivers multiple moonsaults and Dr. Tom Pritchard hits a sit-out powerbomb, maneuvers you did not see very often in the WWE in 1993. As the action intensifies, at least part of the audience seems to care - but a more noticeable part of the crowd can be heard chanting "boring" too. When Morton finally makes the hot tag, the reaction is minimal and Gibson's usual heroic comeback doesn't elicit anything either. There are false finishes and the Express getting confused by the rules and in front of a crowd that cared, one can imagine all of this working, but in this context, its DOA. (2/5)
One of the hokiest matches in Survivor Series follows - Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger, and the Headshrinkers taking on Doink, Mabel (dressed as Doink), Mo (dressed as Doink) and also dressed as Doinks, The Bushwhackers. A loud "We Want Doink" can be heard from the crowd, the audience seemingly bothered by the fact that the actual Doink is not involved in the match. I'm not surprised - Matt Borne was a better bell-to-bell worker than anyone not named Bigelow at this point (though Fatu would go on to be dependable as Rikishi). Anyway, the most noticeable thing about this match might be how 90s it is - the crowd chanting "Whoop! There It Is" early on in a nod to the classic Tag Team single. The "wrestling" in this match is atrocious and dumb, but it gets big responses, especially from the younger fans in attendance. There's food involved and scooters and this whole match is just too childish to enjoy if you're over the age of 7. Bigelow is the clear MVP, the only guy treating this match like an actul contest and win-or-lose situation. At one point McMahon describes it as a "cartoon" and that's probably the best description of this joke. At least they don't bother stretching it with headlocks or any sort of other restholds. A half-point awarded for Bigelow's effort and the fact that, as crazy as it may seem, the crowd actually popped for this more than they did for the solid tag bout before. (0.5/5)
Main event time - Yokozuna, Ludvig Borga, Crush, and Jacques Rougeau of The Quebecers vs. Lex Luger, The Steiner Brothers, and the Undertaker. This one is a sloppy mess, but that's an apt description of the WWE in 94' in general. The first elimination occurs when Ludvig Borga botches a spot and somehow pins Rick Steiner. A few minutes later, Randy Savage appears and lures Crush outside of the ring, leading to Crush getting counted out (when in any other match this would've led to one of the faces getting DQ'ed). Jacques gets eliminated when Luger comes off the top with a top rope splash, making the heels the underdogs for some reason. Borga gets some time to shine, but not much before Scott Steiner tosses him halfway across the ring with a ridiculous superplex. Yoko comes in and attempts an elbow drop, but Steiner rolls away and (stupidly) tries a Frankensteiner only for Yoko to dodge it and then hit a leg drop to even up the sides. Yoko and Luger trade slaps in the middle of the ring before the Champ takes control. Borga takes over and Luger works hard to get sympathy. The crowd goes wild for the hot tag, which is unsurprising considering how popular Taker was at the time and the fact that - if I'm not mistaken - he and Yoko had not squared off up to this point. They would go on to main event Royal Rumble 94' a few months later and its no surprise why as the crowd goes abslutely insane for their exchange here. Taker no sells all of Yoko's best offense and the two men eventually get counted out as they brawl outside of the ring, a real lackluster ending. Back in the ring, Luger is still selling damage from multiple minutes earlier for some reason and Borga tries to finish him with some basic offense. He doesn't botch anything else too badly, but nothing he does is particularly smooth either. We get a double-clothesline spot and some hijinks involving all 3 managers, Borga eventually clocking Lex with Mr. Fuji's wooden bowl. How lame. Borga goes for the cover but barely gets 2, Lex rallying and getting some nearfalls with a back elbow and then a bodyslam. Luger finally gets the win with the flying forearm. The crowd enjoyed this match considerably more than I did watching at home 27 years later. An extra half-point for the ridiculousness of having Santa Clause show up during the post-match. (2.5/5)
With a Kwang Score of 1.90-out-of-5, the bright spots of Survivor Series 93' are not in abundance but they are there if you search for them. The 1-2-3 Kid shines in the opener, the Undertaker/Yoko confrontation during the main event feels like a big moment, and if you're a fan of old school tag wrasslin', the Heavenly Bodies/Rock n' Roll Express match will scratch that itch (though the crowd's indifference definitely detracted from it for me). The low points of the show are undeniably bad, though. The Harts/Knights Survivors match is dull and overlong. The Team Bigelow/Team Doink match is absolute dreck (though at least it doesn't last too long). If you're nostalgic for this era, I'd sooner check out the 94' Rumble (which is far from a masterpiece but at least has slightly more fun moments). This show offers not a single match that's really worth your time.
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
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