After the usual lengthy video package, the show kicks off with John Cena spitting a "rap" before welcoming his partners in Team Angle - Chris Benoit, Bob Holly, a babyface Bradshaw, and captain Kurt Angle. Their opponents are a team of monsters - Brock Lesnar, rookie Matt Morgan, Big Show, A-Train, and Nathan Jones. I dug this match. I liked the hot opening with Bob Holly, who had had his neck broken by Brock Lesnar 9 or so months earlier, going right after Lesnar and getting himself disqualified. I liked that Bradshaw and A-Train also got eliminated rather quickly (though we did get to see Bradshaw throw one of his signature lariats). With the babyfaces down 4-3, the rapid-fire eliminations stopped but the action was good overall. The story was simple as the big men tried to wear down their relatively "small" opponents but everyone did their job effectively, not necessarily what one might expect considering how green Morgan and Jones were. Angle was very over with the crowd and match's final minutes were terrific once he got involved. I also liked the unexpected finish with Lesnar tapping out to Benoit's Crossface. I'm not sure if Vince was fully behind Benoit's eventual World Championship push in 2004, but this was certainly a big win for him. (3/5)
Molly Holly defended her WWE Women's Championship against Lita in the next bout. This isn't very good. Holly is a solid hand in the ring, but I wouldn't necessarily call her the most exciting or innovative and Lita was never very polished in the ring. This match lasted about 6 minutes but felt longer because of how slow and unexciting it was. Towards the end, Holly gets a nearfall that came across more like Lita kicked out late and the audience makes it known. The actual finish felt tacked-on after that. I appreciate the effort, but this was far from either's best work. (1.5/5)
Shane McMahon vs. Kane in a rematch from the previous RAW-exclusive PPV was next. This time around it was an Ambulance Match and not a Last Man Standing but it was basically the same match. Shane came out big with an elbow from the top through an announce table as these guys wasted no time at all trying to "steal the show" with big spots. Unfortunately, very little in this match felt "fresh" and I'm not sure there was enough emotional pull to really warrant this rematch. Sure, the crowd popped for the big moments, but this was a "stunt show" more than it was a heated battle. We got a ridiculous car spot when they brawled in the back, something the WWE did all too much in the late 90s and into the 00s when, honestly, these sorts of stunts are best used sparingly. Things got better when Shane and Kane made their way back into the arena as we got Shane launching himself from the top of an ambulance to deliver a Coast-to-Coast on Kane, who was on the floor (Shane broke his fall on a crash pad, but it still looked cool and got a huge reaction). Ultimately it was a piledriver on the floor that allowed Kane to get the victory. Not terrible and certainly entertaining at times, this felt like a vanity sequel to the Last Man Standing match and not something unique and special in its own right. (3/5)
After a segment that saw Randy Orton hit Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban with an RKO, the World Tag Team Championships were on the line as The Basham Brothers (with Shaniqua) took on Los Guerreros. This was about as average a tag match as one could get, but because Eddie was in it, it was serviceable. (2.5/5)
Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff was next. Fighting to save Steve Austin's career was Shawn Michaels, The Dudleys, Rob Van Dam, and Booker T, while Bischoff was repped by Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Christian, Scott Steiner (who I could've sworn was a babyface a week earlier?), and Mark Henry. This is a terrific "old school" Survivors match that benefits from a red hot crowd and real drama about the outcome. This match also gives us some interesting match-ups that probably happened on Raw around this time...but as I wasn't watching, I'm not sure I'd seen as much interaction between, say, Michaels and Christian or RVD and Scott Steiner. Everybody gets a chance to shine, but this becomes The Shawn Michaels Show once the numbers whittle down and it becomes all about how Michaels will somehow overcome the odds down 3-on-1 against Christian, Orton, and Jericho. Michaels bleeds a gusher after getting sent into the post which heightens things even more and makes it clear how far he's willing to go to save Austin's job. The eventual finish is absolutely brilliant and heart-crushing and surprising in the best way as Batista appears out of nowhere to hit Michaels with the Batista Bomb while Austin is distracted by Bischoff and everyone in the arena believes Shawn has the match won (after an all-time great Stunner by Orton). The post-match segment is fine for what it is, but I kinda wish they would've left the Coachman part out. I understand why they wanted some finality with Austin getting his hands on Coach, but it turned a "genuine" farewell that felt special and turned it a bit into just another segment you'd get on your average episode of Raw from that time (and not a particularly great segment because Coach was not entertaining). A hair short of "must see." (3.5/5)
Next up - Vince McMahon vs. The Undertaker in a Buried Alive Match. This one is somewhat infamous for the blade job that Vince does after a single punch from Taker, who was still in Bikertaker mode. It is stomach-churning, grotesque stuff as Vince is leaking blood out of his head at an alarming rate. This is a completely one-sided beatdown, which makes 100% logical sense. I also liked how they could explain away McMahon relying on outside interference because of his arrogant belief that a "higher power" would protect him. Vince doesn't get a lick of offense in until they end up by the burial site where is able to blind Taker with a fist full of dirt. The finish is a bit silly as Undertaker goes to dumb the payload of dirt onto Vince (who is in the grave) but gets stopped by a huge explosion/fireball that is set off/thrown by Kane. Kane then helps McMahon out of the grave and Vince dumps the dirt onto the Deadman. This earned 1 star in the Observer but that seems more like a condemnation of Vince McMahon as a person/character rather than a fair assessment of the entertainment value of this match. I, personally, don't get super into bloodbaths like this...but there is an audience for it and the internal logic of the match did work. Vince got absolutely destroyed by one of the toughest, most badass characters in WWE history and could only survive because another "supernatural" superstar came to his aid. The crowd was into it too, clearly invested for the duration of the match (which didn't overstay its welcome at a relatively quick 12 minutes or so). (3/5)
Main event time - Goldberg defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Triple H. This was Triple H at his most physically bloated and, arguably, his least interesting. People look back at Evolution with weird, undeserved fondness in my book, especially when it comes to Triple H's run as World Champion. There was a better story to this match than their fight at the previous Raw PPV but this is still Goldberg having to work a "Triple H match" and not Triple H changing his style to better suit Goldberg's strengths. Goldberg's ankle had been destroyed by Batista in the build-up to this match, which adds some drama and allows Triple H to focus on a limb. There is a bit of poor refereeing on display as Hebner doesn't break a hold when Goldberg clearly has his arm under the bottom rope (there is no rule that says you need to literally grab the rope despite Lawler's insistence) and, later, Hebner saves Goldberg by not making a 3 count and waiting for him to lift his shoulder instead (this one is on ol' Billy boy and not Earl, if you ask me). The finishing stretch was good as Goldberg essentially annihilates Evolution and throws any semblance of long-term selling out the window, ignoring all the previous work Triple H had done to his leg. The crowd - and I - don't really care, though, because Goldberg works best as an asskicker and not a sympathetic babyface who has to sell limb damage for extended stretches. I also think the live crowd was shocked by the finish after a night of Austin, Michaels, and Taker all getting screwed. I know I was expecting a Triple H victory here too. (2.5/5)
Earning a Kwang Score of 2.71-out-of-5, Survivor Series 2003 is an interesting show/time capsule that really highlights the best and worst of the WWE at the time. Now a few years removed from the peak of the Attitude Era, McMahon was, at least partially, in "throw shit against the wall and see what sticks" mode, testing the audience's interests in new names while still trying to provide his audience with the most star-studded show possible. And so we get Kane and Shane and Taker and Vince in matches explicitly designed and promoted to be outrageous "spectacle" bouts. We get Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, Goldberg, Shawn Michaels, and Triple H in prominent spots (not to mention Steve Austin as the centerpiece of the evening despite not being able to actually wrestle). But we also get Randy Orton, Batista, and John Cena all being made to look like the next class of Superstars. It doesn't all work. Both McMahon matches feel a little rote and desperate. Goldberg and Triple H's main event isn't very good. The Women's Championship match isn't very good either. But the Team Austin/Team Bischoff match is well above-average and one of the better straight-up Survivors matches ever.
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
No comments:
Post a Comment