After the disappointing 2024 Royal Rumble, I knew I need a bit of a palate cleanser so I opted to treat myself to a show that I probably watched at least a dozen times as a kid (if not more)...
The 1992 Royal Rumble kicks off with one of my favorite old school traditions: Vince McMahon rattling off the names of all the main event's participants. Hearing Vince run down the roster after learning how much of a sex criminal he is doesn't hit the same as it used to, but I'm not going to go back and revise all my previous entries about the rundown or Vince in general. The truth is, we always knew he was a scumbag and I could always disconnect his awfulness with my enjoyment of him as a performer. Its just way harder to do that now.
And speaking of "Vince McMahon Was Always A Scumbag," our opening contest is between The Orient Express and The New Foundation, Owen Hart and Jim Neidhart. This was the second incarnation of The Orient Express as original member Akio Sato had left the WWE and was replaced by "Kato" (aka Paul Diamond in a mask). At the previous year's event, the Rockers and the original Orient Express had one of the more beloved "hot openers" in WWE history, a match I rated a strong 3.5-out-of-5 not too long ago. This match isn't as good, though its clearly an attempt to recapture the magic with Owen Hart playing the face-in-peril for a lengthy strength and the Express constantly cutting down the babyfaces and slowing things down. At close to 20 minutes, this match ran too long for me, though, and as good as his technical wrestling is, Owen was a colorless babyface at this point and not particularly over with the crowd (certainly not as over as the Rockers were a year prior). (2.5/5)
Prior to this show, Bret Hart had dropped his Intercontinental Championship to The Mountie on a house show (the story was that Hart was suffering from the flu) and now The Mountie has to defend the title against Roddy Piper, who was making WWE history by challenging for both major singles titles on the same night. Piper's pre-match promo insinuates that the Mountie is a homosexual, something I didn't catch when I saw this when I was 7 years old. I love Bobby Heenan on commentary, arguing that the Mountie shouldn't have to defend the title so soon after winning it. Anyway...Piper was never a particularly great in-ring worker, but his charisma and energy carried him very far and, against certain opponents and in certain contexts, his brawling could be top-notch (especially when he was allowed to engage in matches of the more violent variety in the NWA). This isn't much of a match, which is disappointing because I've come to rate the Fabulous Rougeaus highly and really think Jacques Rougeau fell off considerably by doing less flashy moves and being just your typical boring heel as The Mountie. Piper gets his big moment, winning with his sleeper hold, and the crowd loves it, but it does feel a bit "out of nowhere" and sudden. This match doesn't overstay its welcome and Piper brings enough energy to make things work, plus, as noted earlier, Heenan and Monsoon's commentary work on this whole show is incredibly strong. (2.5/5)
It's time for another tag team match as The Bushwhackers (with their nerd sidekick Jameson) take on The Heavenly Bodies (with their manager, "The Genius" Lanny Poffo). The early minutes of this match are pretty bad and draw a "boring" chant. For a match that goes nearly FIFTEEN minutes, there is a real dearth of actual wrestling. On Cagematch, this match has an average rating of less than 1, which is abysmal. I wouldn't go that far...but this is a bad aside from the few moments when the Bodies are in control and acting delivering wrestling holds. Jameson is unfunny and a really dated gimmick that seems to be based off of Eddie Deezen, whose own cult comedy movie career had died at least a year or two before this. Take Jameson away, cut off 7 minutes of this match, give the Bodies a more decisive victory and this would've been tolerable because the interaction between the cocky Bodies and the silly 'Whackers isn't all that bad. (1/5)
The WWE Tag Team Championships are on the line as The Legion of Doom defend the straps against The Natural Disasters. Credit to the Road Warriors here for selling for their opponents and building up the idea that, against the Disasters, they may have met their match because they can't rely on power moves. Unfortunately, in order to stretch this match out, we get some lengthy rest hold segments. The LOD were so over with the live crowds that the audience doesn't really turn on the match, but that doesn't mean its a match worth watching. It's an improvement from the previous match but the finish is a disappointment as the match spills outside and the Disasters get a countout win. I forget where the story went from here, but if I'm not mistaken, these teams would clash again at SummerSlam 92' maybe? (2/5)
From here, we get the classic pre-Rumble promo package, with "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Ric Flair, Jake Roberts, the Undertaker, Sid, and Hulk Hogan all getting a little bit of promo time. Fantastic. (+1)
Main event time - the 1992 Royal Rumble Match, the first of only two times the WWE Championship has been on the line in the legendary 30-man over-the-top battle royale (the title would be on the line again in 2016). The British Bulldog enters at number one, followed by Ted Dibiase. This is a hot start to the match and somewhat of a farewell to Ted DiBiase as a major heel in the WWE, at least as a singles performer. Within a couple years, DiBiase would work tags as Money Inc. (with Irwin R. Shyster) and then become a manager/commentator in both the WWE and, later, WCW. The Bulldog, meanwhile, was coming off a big battle royale victory in his home country so he had some storyline momentum. DiBiase gets clotheslined out of the match within 2 minutes and, on his way out, brushes by the man who drew number 3....Ric Flair. This was a huge shocker at the time as nobody had ever won the Rumble having entered from the first five positions. Flair drawing such an early number allows Bobby Heenan to proceed to spend the next 40+ minutes just going wild on commentary. One has to tip their hat to Pat Patterson and sex criminal Vince McMahon for the booking of this match. By having Flair enter so early, you get to see him mix it up with not only a bunch of young WWE stars he'd never worked with before - the aforementioned Bulldog and Shawn Michaels - but also a slew of guys that he had history with dating back to the 80s (though none of it is referenced on-camera) like Kerry Von Erich, Greg Valentine, Jimmy Snuka, and in one of the coolest twists, a brief segment where he is up against only Roddy Piper after the ring is cleared. Speaking of which, the man who comes in after Piper and Flair have their moment is Jake "The Snake" Roberts and I really liked how, for a few minutes, the match turned into a bit of a proto-triple threat. Speaking of Roberts, a master of ring psychology, there are some moments when logic goes out the window as there are far too many instances of heels helping heels and faces saving faces in a match where every man is for himself...but its not super gratuitous and the amount of entrants and eliminations happening ebb-and-flow in a way that the match stays interesting even when guys who had little chance of winning, like the Repo Man or Nikolai Volkoff, showed up. Once The Undertaker arrives, the match definitely transitions into focusing a bit more on the "heavy hitters" and we get some good storyline/feud-pushing moments between Randy Savage, Jake Roberts, and the Deadman. I wish they had made a bigger deal out of Piper and Hogan having some back-and-forth, but, at this point, the WWE really didn't acknowledge their own history, especially when it went against the narrative that Roddy Piper was now a "good guy" and that all the good guys were friends. There's a cool moment when The Undertaker, Flair, and Piper are all choking each other that I forgot about. Hogan and Sid come in to big ovations. People talk about Hogan getting booed at the end of this match, but I think that's been overstated a bit as he is definitely over with the crowd. Speaking of the finish, its a legendary one as Sid dumps Hogan over the top in a shocking twist and then Hogan tries to pull him out because he's a sore loser. I'd be curious to know who came up with this ending and if they were aware at how much of a sore loser it made Hogan out to be. As Hogan is pulling on Sid's arm, Flair pushes him over and we have our winner with Ric Flair managing to last over an hour in the ring. To me, this match still holds up and, despite seeing it so many times over the years, I always catch something new and interesting either in the ring or on commentary (this is widely regarded as Bobby Heenan's career-peak performance at the desk). A masterpiece. (5/5)
Though its Kwang Score of 2.8-out-of-5 may not seem like an all-time great score, Royal Rumble 92' is a beloved classic for a reason. There's a great atmosphere in the Knickerbocker Arena for this show and Heenan and Monsoon have career nights at the desk. If this show doesn't feature the best Royal Rumble match ever, it is at least in the top 2-3 (though I couldn't, personally, name a better one). Unfortunately, it's the undercard that underdelivers. The opening contest runs a bit long and doesn't have the energy of the Rockers/Orient Express tags that had opened the previous few shows, Piper/Mountie is fine-but-forgettable, and the Heavenly Bodies/Bushwhackers match is outright bad. Save yourself some time and skip the inconsequential first half of this show.
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
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