WCW UnCensored 96'

UnCensored 96’ – March 1996

Tupelo, Mississippi

COMMENTATORS: Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes, and Tony Schiavone

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into tonight’s show, the WCW World Heavyweight Champion is Ric Flair, Lex Luger and Sting hold the WCW World Tag Team Champions. Johnny B. Badd had lost and then won and then lost the Television Champion to Lex Luger after SuperBrawl VI (snapping what had been a decent run with the title dating back to October 95’) and the United States Championship belt was around the waist of Mexican superstar Konnan.

The second annual UnCensored kicks off with a montage of words from The Four Horsemen, the Dungeon of Doom, and Lex Luger, otherwise known as The Alliance To End Hulkamania.

In the opening contest, the United States Championship is on the line with Eddie Guerrero challenging the reigning US Champion, Konnan. At the start, Eddie and Konnan showcase some nice mat wrestling, Konnan holding onto Eddie's arm for a sequence, followed by Eddie working on the champ's legs. Not every submission is applied expertly, though, and the crowd doesn't really come alive until both men raise the level of intensity (which leads to the crowd splitting into two in terms of cheering sections). Some fans will like the realistic stop-and-go of this match, the two evenly matched competitors countering eachother's best efforts and taking breathers to "regroup" in a way that makes logical sense. Others might find the action a bit slow, though. The fact that there is not a clear heel hurts the story, making it come off as a bit more like an exhibition than a heated battle. Still, it's not as if the audience is sitting on their hands - at various points the crowd is audibly behind both men (though Eddie is noticeably more popular, likely due to him being a more natural underdog). The finishing sequence is well-executed in its subtlety, with the announcers making it clear that while Konnan had hit Guerrero with a low blow, there is still the question of whether it was intentional or not. This one’s a very strong match, but not an all-time classic; one that earned a respectable 3-and-a-quarter rating from Dave Meltzer, but might’ve earned an even higher score if the crowd had the ability to really get behind one guy over the other. (3.5/5)

In a grudge match, Steven Regal takes on "The Belfast Bruiser" Fit Finlay next. From the moment Finlay walks down the aisle and cheap shots Regal's manservant, this one is a highly physical, no nonsense affair. The submissions are bone-grinding, the striking is concrete stiff, and, unlike the opening contest, there are no breaks in the action. Unfortunately, the crowd is pretty dead for most of it - likely due to the fact that Finlay was a newcomer and definitely not a natural babyface. At no point does Finlay do anything to curry the favor of the crowd, either, which works well at establishing his stern character, but not at popping an audience that will usually root for just about anybody opposite the pompous Regal. Fans of tooth-and-nail wrestling won't mind the quiet crowd, though. There are a number of great moments in this, specifically the violent kicks, forearms, and uppercuts that are dished out. Unfortunately, the final minute is an incredible disappointment as not only does the camerawork and commentary betray and undercut the work of the two men by offering no mention (or close-ups) of the crimson mask that Regal ends up with, but the run-in ending is lazy and unsatisfying. Why did Eaton and Taylor wait so long to come out? It makes no sense. Too bad - the action in this match deserved a better conclusion. (3/5)

The next bout is a mixed gender match as Colonel Robert Parker takes on Madusa, the woman who destroyed his and Sherri’s wedding at Clash of the Champions XXXII. As to be expected, this one is all about Madusa embarrassing Parker, bodyslamming him to the crowd’s chagrin and following that up with some stiff kicks. The finish is interesting, with Parker taking a pretty horrendous looking german suplex before, with the help of Dick Slater, turning onto her and weighing her down for 3. At under 5 minutes, what I may like most about this match is its brevity - the performers hit their spots (and they hit them hard) and then get out of the ring before the crowd can turn on them. Smartly-booked, well-executed filler. (2/5)

Lee Marshall is backstage - the first time I've seen him on PPV, I think - and is quickly joined by the Road Warriors. Animal and Hawk may not have been very impressive in the ring during this run in WCW, but on the mic, when they were comprehensible, they delivered excellent promos. This is a pretty strong example of that, with Hawk making some very specific threats about removing Sting and Booker T's brain stems.

Before the next match, Tony Schiavone and Dusty Rhodes catch up the audience with the ongoing storyline between Diamond Dallas Page and The Booty Man (formerly Brutus Beefcake, the Man With No Name, and the Zodiac). DDP is trying his best to win back the love of "The Diamond Doll" Kimberly (as well as a large sum of money that he believes belong to him). As Page is introduced, the announcer makes it clear that if DDP loses, he will be forced to retire. After spending some time jawing with the audience and avoiding contact with his opponent, DDP final gets serious and the "action" begins. While the crowd admittedly does pop for some of the Booty Man's act, which mostly consists of him strutting and hamming it up, his offense is so mild and limited that this match gives the audience nothing to care about. To make matters worse, at one point Page begins walking down the aisle, seemingly willing to accept a count out loss - which would have resulted in forced retirement. Why would he give up so easily? Heenan opines that it is because he has lost so much already. Regardless, it irks me – especially considering that Page had gone the distance with much better wrestlers for months leading up to this. Kimberly arrives midway through the match sporting the same colors as Beefcake, a nice way to pop the crowd but a poorly timed one - it would've been much more effective if her arrival had been held off by just 30 seconds or so when Page applies a headlock and the crowd deadens. During one particularly botched spot, Schiavone audibly groans "What was that?" as the match slows down even more from its alabored pace to a lengthy headlock segment leading to a lame Booty Man hope spot and cut-off by Page. After DDP kisses Kimberly (and gets slapped for it), Booty Man hits his "High Knee" finish, ends Page's promising career, and plants a big wet one on his girlfriend. At times, this one hits “so bad it’s good” levels, but not nearly enough to warrant a higher rating. (1.5/5)

The Giant vs. Loch Ness is next. There is one excellent spot where the Giant flies into the corner and over the top rope, but the rest of this is just tedious forearms and very basic offense with an ugly, ugly leg drop ending. (0.5/5)

A Chicago Street Fight is next between The Road Warriors and the team of Sting and Booker T. What's interesting here is that Booker T, even as early as March 96', was obviously being groomed for a more prominent spot on the roster, given an opportunity to partner up with a much bigger star than his brother Stevie Ray. The brawling in this match is exactly what one might expect, stiff and basic, but far from the gruesome work we saw out of teams like the Nasty Boys and Cactus Jack and Maxx Payne in the past. Even after the chairs come in, the Finlay/Regal was a way more violent match. Hawk's no-selling of the piledriver is classic, but it doesn't add suspense to the match. The MVP is probably Sting, the only guy who doesn't perform any particularly awful spot. Animal isn't far behind him, but he's not an incredibly engaging worker. Booker T's performance is a mixed bag - there are bright moments of offense followed by overselling and maneuvers that defy logic. As the match goes on, Schiavone and Dusty's exhaustion becomes palpable, the bout overstaying its welcome by at least 10 minutes. A good editor could probably make this match look like an absolute classic: Booker T's scissor kick to Hawk, Animal catching an airborn Sting and dropping him with a powerslam, and Hawk's use of the chair late in the match are all picture-perfect moments - but at other times, the match and its production gets silly (Sting wandering to the back of the arena only to return with a pair of...brooms, Booker T "quitting" the match momentarily, Animal's acting during the post-match). Dave Meltzer gave this one 3-and-a-half stars, but I just don’t see it. (2.5/5)

The legendary Doomsday Cage Match is tonight's main event, with Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage taking on The Alliance to End Hulkamania - Arn Anderson, Ric Flair, The Faces of Fear (Meng and Barbarian), Kevin Sullivan, and Lex Luger in a ludicrous three-tiered battle. In terms of set pieces, the Doomsday Cage is video game-worthy - but that doesn’t make it a good setting for a wrestling match. In its steel doors, heroes and villains slug it out, trading rights and lefts and absolutely nothing else – the structure provides no surface where an actual wrestling maneuever, even one as basic as an atomic drop, can be applied. The awkwardness of this match is hard to bear, with the wrestlers fighting against each other just as much as they seem to be working together. At other times, they just aimlessly wander the cage and pretend not to let each other escape. The rules are unclear too, as even after Hogan and Savage do escape, the bell never rings. The never-before-seen Z-Gangsta and  Ultimate Solution are hyped throughout the match, but don't debut until the crowd is already thoroughly tired of it. Unsurprisingly, the best stretch of the match (if you can call it that) is the most straightforward, when Hogan and Savage engage in a simple, weapons-heavy brawl with Sullivan and Luger in the middle of the ring, at least 30 yards from the cage (where everyone else just pretends to be knocked unconscious or stuck). It is in these few minutes that Savage can finally sell proper and Hogan can "Hulk Up" in front of the crowd. When the aforementioned Z-Gangsta and Ultimate Solution arrive, they bring Hogan and Savage back into the Doomsday Cage, but instead of physically dominating the heroes (who, at this point, have engaged in battle with 6 other men), the Mega-Powers hold their own and bounce back from everything their opponents throw at them. When Flair and Anderson return, it should be the end of the match, with the 4-on-2 advantage being too much to overcome. Instead, The Booty Man arrive, hands the goodies two of the flimsiest frying pans on the market and, after an embarrassing spot involving Lex Luger, helps the heroes eke out a victory. This is, without a doubt, one of the worst matches I've ever seen and the second consecutive WCW PPV to end with a main event score of 0. (0/5)

The perfect structure to put on a true mat classic.

With an average match score of 1.86-out-of-5, UnCensored 96' is impossible to defend. The main event is a horrendous, overbooked, underwhelming mess that not only crushes the Dungeon of Doom as a viable threat to Hogan, but throws Anderson and Flair in for good measure. Lex Luger's confusing pseudo-turn at the end is executed so poorly that I'm not convinced it wasn't just a pure botch on his part. Z-Gangsta and The Ultimate Solution make their first appearances, but are immediately treated like jobbers. When you build a show around one match, as this show essentially was, and that one match is this terrible, the rest of the show takes the hit too. My recommendation would be to catch Guerrero/Konnan and Regal/Finlay, the show's first two bouts, and then hit the stop button. Nothing else worth watching.

FINAL RATING - DUDleyville