WWE Royal Rumble 94'

WWE Royal Rumble 94'

Providence, RI - January 1994

CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into this show, Yokozuna is the WWE Champion, the WWE Tag Team Champions are The Quebecers, and the Intercontinental Champion was Razor Ramon. The Women's Champion was Alundra Blayze, the title having been revived just a month's later after 5+ years on the shelf.

The 1994 Royal Rumble pay-per-view kicks off with Vince McMahon welcoming his co-host - "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase. Bobby Heenan had left the company just a few weeks prior in a famous segment on Raw. 

Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow is the opening contest. This was supposed to be Tatanka/Ludvig Borga but Borga suffered an ankle injury in the midst of his big push. I read on one site that the original plan was for Borga to win this match and then somehow become World Champion only to drop the title to Luger at WrestleMania 10, but in 30 years of wrestling fandom, I had never once heard of that and believe it to be utter bullshit. This match was probably designed for the opposite reason - to give Tatanka his win back (Borga had ended Tatanka's 2-year winning a streak a few months before). Anyway, this match is shitty. I'm a BIgelow fan, but the crowd stopped giving a crap after minute 2 and nothing looks good or particularly impactful. At one point, Bigelow locked in a bearhug and it looked like the entire arena, wrestlers included, might fall asleep. The best part of the match is about 8 seconds long and its when Bigelow mocks Tatanka's rain dance. Bigelow should've done much more of that to keep the crowd engaged. Speaking of Tatanka, he would turn heel later that summer but it didn't lead to anything special. (1/5)

Next up, Bret and Owen Hart vs. The Quebecers (with Johnny "Raven" Polo) for the WWE Tag Team Championships. I wanted to like this match more than I did. There's good stuff in it - Owen showing his agility, Bret playing the face-in-peril, some of the Quebecer's double-teaming, both times a Hart gets dropped neck-first on the ropes - but the match also runs a loooong 16 minutes (feels closer to 25) and the most important part of the match (the Quebecers injuring Bret Hart's knee on the outside of the ring) is not captured well by the camera crew or executed well. The WWE was in a very PG mindset at this point so I wasn't expecting a "Pillmanizing," but this match needed a big visually-shocking moment to get the injury angle over and it never gets one. Even once Jacques Rougeau grabs Johnny Polo's metal golf club, we don't get anything resembling a big strike (even Triple H's weak sledgehammer shots look like death in comparison). The finish doesn't make a ton of sense to me either, even years later. The commentary team and audience clearly want to see Bret get the hot tag to Owen, which is 100% what a babyface in his position would do, but when he finally does get a chance, Bret does opt to a spotlight hog and attempt to win the match with a Sharpshooter before collapsing and taking the "TKO" loss. I understand that Owen needed a motivation to turn and that this was, to its credit, a clever way to make Owen somewhat sympathetic - a gray-area storyline ahead of its time - but Bret's actions are so clearly selfish that they run counter to his character and, to get real nerdy, his experience as a tag wrestler (when tagging in Neidhart for the hot tag was kind of the deal). The post-match scene is good but not great. Bret is terrific at getting a beating and I like everything Owen does in the ring. Unfortunately, his post-match promo, while spirited, gets away from him a bit by the end. Again, I'm going to chalk part of that up to the production, which just doesn't know when to cut him off. This was better and more interesting than the opening match but that's not necessarily saying much. A disappointment, but not a total disaster. In fact, I've seen reviewers give this whole shebang 4 stars before. (2.5/5)

Jim Ross and Gorilla Monsoon take over for the next match - Razor Ramon defending the Intercontinental Championship against Irwin R. Schyster. Mike Rotunda is one of those guys that I didn't particularly like when I was a kid, believed to be better than I thought he was as I grew older, and now know to be one of the most boring workers ever after watching so many of his matches from the late 80s and 90s. I get that was he was dependable, but only because you could depend on him filling 10 minutes with heatless filler. JR and Monsoon don't have great chemistry, but why would they? Both guys work best with strong heel voices to counter. They succeed at playing up this match as a huge one for IRS and hyping the importance of the Intercontinental Champion which, at least prior to 94', was a major championship. While I started this write-up by criticizing Rotunda, I'm gonna add Scott "Razor Ramon" Hall to the list of guys that don't really have all that great a track record of good matches. Hall throws a good working punch and shows energy at times, but even for a big man, there's not a ton of variety, innovation, or high impact offense. Meanwhile, over in WCW at this time, you had guys like Vader, Sting, Steamboat, Austin, Regal, and others really delivering bell-to-bell. Hall, for all his charisma (and he had a ton), is pedestrian in-ring more often than not from what I've seen. I still love the guy but, yeah, any talk about how he should've been a World Champion is ridiculous. This match was a miss, though I did like the ridiculous false finish. (1/5)

The WWE Champion, Yokozuna, defends the title against The Undertaker in a Casket Match next. This match is often considered to be one of the worst ever, but I wouldn't go that negative on it. The brawling at the start of the match isn't amazing, but its not that bad either and certainly not any worse than one might expect. Taker and Yoko don't move fast ever, but its not like they're stuck in molasses here. Before things can get slow and boring and filled with countless lame versions of the same thing (wrestler gets rolled into casket, wrestler blocks lid from closing, repeat), a whole slew of heels come down the aisle and take out the Undertaker. This is the part of the match that usually gets shit on because, at various points, the Deadman is able to hold his own against 4-5 superstars at the same time. That being said, if you actually look at the guys he manages to overcome, its not exactly a rogue's gallery of major players. Did you know The Great Kabuki was on the WWE roster in 94' (and looked like absolute shit)? What about Tenryu? Bigelow, Adam Bomb, the Headshrinkers, Jeff Jarrett, and even Deisel show up to try to get the Undertaker into the casket, but can't overpower him until they spill out the ashes from his urn (which then produces a huge cloud of green smoke). This is all hokey wrestlecrap and it gets even campier as the Undertaker gets wheeled down the aisle, only for his face to appear on a video screen and give a bizarre speech about being reborn and not resting in peace. With the lights in the arena out, the ghost of the Undertaker then "floats" out of the video wall and to the ceiling. Its ridiculous. The Undertaker beatdown goes on longer than the "match" portion of this spectacle, but that's rnot really a negative as everything is so crazy that it kept my attention (and that includes Vince's over-the-top commentary). I still wouldn't call this "good" or even average, but its the funnest 15 minutes on the show so far. (2.5/5)

Main event time - the 1994 Royal Rumble begins and Vince McMahon tells fans keeping track at home that due to time constraints, entrants will now come in every 90 seconds instead of every 2 minutes. If I'm not mistaken, the following year they would make it every minute in an effort to make things more exciting. Unfortunately, you can speed up the process all you want, but without star power (and, as we'd learn in the 2010s, a fair share of surprises), the match can become a real snooze. Scott Steiner and one of the Headshrinkers are out first, followed by Rick Steiner at #3. While this should've led to a scenario where the Steiners use their superior strength and partnership to throw out everyone that comes down the aisle, the WWE opted not to tell that simple story and, instead, we get Kwang The Ninja (the namesake of this very blog!), Owen Hart, and Bart Gunn coming in. Things get more interesting when Deisel comes in at #7 and takes out everybody. I'm not sure if anyone had had a run like that before in the Rumble, though it would be replicated again after (most recently with Brock Lesnar just this year). The Macho Man comes in at #8 to a huge pop and it feels a bit weird to see him in this context as, by this point, the WWE was clearly heading into its New Generation phase and Savage, despite having some great matches still in the tank (as we'd seen in WCW), looks out of place sharing the ring with guys like Diesel and Jarrett (who comes in at #9). The irony, though, is that Savage still moved around the ring and had more spirited, exciting offense than 90% of the roster, if not more. Savage gets unceremoniously eliminated by Diesel and Crush while Doink is making his entrance. Bigelow comes in next, welcomed into the ring by the heels. After working together to eliminate Savage and Doink, the heels turn on each other before we see the arrival of Mabel, a babyface at this point. A "Whoomp! There It Is" chant starts up (the chant would also be used for Ron Simmons and, if I'm not mistaken, 2 Cold Scorpio - which just makes me think little kids in 94' thought "Whoomp! There It Is" was some sort of universal theme song for black people). After Bob "Sparky Plugg" Holly comes in, Shawn Michaels shows up and immediately he and Diesel look like they're going to have an issue. Distracted by Michaels, Diesel ends up eliminated by everyone else in the match. I'm not sure what the issue was between Michaels and Diesel as I believe they'd stay attached as a duo for a little while longer, but I could be mistaken. There's a sizable "Diesel" chant from the crowd after his elimination too. Mo comes in next, the forgotten Man on a Mission. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine comes in next to a surprisingly big response. Maybe they thought he was someone else? Tatanka comes in next and immediately goes after Michaels, the ring filling up with bodies. The Great Kabuki comes in next, followed by "The Total Package" Lex Luger. Luger goes right after Kabuki and eliminates him relatively quickly before leveling just about everyone in his sight with clotheslines and axehandles. Tenryu is in next and goes right after Luger, the story here being that he (and Kabuki and Crush) are all under explicit instruction from Mr. Fuji to make sure Luger does not win the match. In another moment that they would repeat multiple times in the future, the next entrant is...is...is...nobody, with Vince McMahon noting that this was most likely Bret Hart's spot but because he suffered an injury earlier, he is not able to make it into the match. Another 90 seconds pass and "The Model" Rick Martel comes out to a smattering of boos. Martel, like Savage, seems out of place sharing the ring with Mabel, Mo, and Sparky Plugg, though, also like Savage, he could still go in the ring and would end up proving it once he got to WCW. It doesn't make total sense to me, but Bret Hart comes in next - which means that the mystery non-entrant from earlier wasn't Bret. Fatu - who would go on to greater fame as Rikishi - comes in next. Marty Jannetty comes in at #29 and gets a huge response as he goes right after longtime rival Shawn Michaels, raining down on him with huge right hands in the corner. Michaels attempts a superkick (not yet the Sweet Chin Music), but Jannetty ducks and lands one of his own. The final entrant is Adam Bomb and McMahon immediately declares that he is going to win. Plugg gets eliminated next as McMahon explains that the mystery non-entrant was Bastion Booger who did not come out because he wasn't feeling well. Okay. The match goes into a bit of a lull here as nobody gets eliminated for awhile despite there being guys that have zero chance of winning and no real reason to be lasting this long (Mo, I'm looking at you). Valentine gets eliminated in rather clumsy fashion by Martel, who gets eliminated soon after. Luger takes out Adam Bomb as Tenryu goes after Bret Hart's knee. Bigelow eliminates Tatanka in the background and the numbers are getting thin. Bigelow attempts a cannonball in the corner on Luger but ends up flipping over the top rope and getting clotheslined out of the ring by Luger. Its a cool idea for a spot but wasn't executed as well as it could've been. We're now down to 5, with Fatu, Tenryu, HBK, Luger, and Bret all still in this one. Bret sells the knee damage as he moves, he and Luger teaming up and dumping Tenryu out of the ring. Michaels and Hart have a very good exchange that overshadows everything that Fatu and Luger are doing. The heels gang up on Luger, but Lex overpowers them both as Bret gets back to his feet. In a brilliant bit of mirror work, Luger and Bret send Michaels and Fatu to each other and they both end up hip-tossing their foe out of the ring! Wow, that was cool. As Bret and Lex trade blows, they spill out of the ring and we get the WWE's first Co-Winner announcement. Luger's music plays first and after an initial pop, there is a huge amount of boos. The music shuts off and now it's Bret Hart who is declared the winner. Hart gets a much bigger pop than Luger, but his music is cut off too as the referees argue about who should be declared the winner. Jack Tunney makes his way to the ring and we get a series of replays, none decisive. The Fink begins to announce a winner but pauses before he can declare it, asking Tunney again for clarification. I love Bret's intensity here as he is so clearly pissed to be sharing the victory with Luger, the Hitman really living up to his character's competitive spirit. I did not expect this to be a great Royal Rumble based on the company's lack of starpower, but there are some really great moments in this match, enough for me to call it one of the better, more watchable Rumbles I've reviewed. (3/5)


With a Kwang Score of 2-out-of-5, the 1994 Royal Rumble may not feature a single match I'd consider a "must see," but as a whole show, its a "breezy" watch, light fun with some surprisingly cool moments. The Rumble, like most Rumbles, ebbs and flows in its entertainment value as the talent level in the ring rises and falls. The lack of starpower is the biggest weakness, but the 90-second interval keeps things moving. There are just enough moments to keep this out of DUDleyville, but not enough to move it too far out of that general territory...

FINAL RATING - High Risk Maneuver