Survivor Series 94' kicks off with The Bad Guys (Razor Ramon, The 1-2-3 Kid, The British Bulldog, and the Headshrinkers) taking on The Teamsters (Diesel, Shawn Michaels, Jeff Jarrett, Jim Neidhart and Owen Hart). This match could've and should've been great, but because its used primarily - maybe even exclusively - to build up Diesel as the next WWF Champion and further his storyline with Shawn Michaels (the two would split soon after this and face eachother at WrestleMania XI), most of the talent in this match, namely the 1-2-3 Kid, Owen Hart, Jarrett, and a very over Bulldog, are underutlized. There's also some really silly shenanigans going on with the Headshrinkers beyond the fact that The Barbarian had been renamed Sione (his actual name) and was being treated like an entirely new wrestler despite maybe being on TV regularly from roughly 1988 through 1992 and then, in WCW, was also prominently featured under this name. No, the Headshrinkers were having issues with their boots that caused them to not be able to perform to their best ability. After Diesel eliminates nearly the entire babyface side single-handedly, Razor Ramon is left to fend for himself but an errant superkick causes dissension among the heels that leads to them walking out on the match. This match could've furthered some other interesting storylines, but this is all about Diesel and Michaels and that's a bit of a shame considering how much heat the Owen/Bulldog segment got and that guys like The Kid and Jarrett arguably deserved to be highlighted at this point in their WWE runs. (1.5/5)
Next up - Jerry "The King" Lawler and his team of wrestling little people vs. Doink and his team of little people in clown gear. This was supposed to be a comedy match but there was nothing funny about and, even in the 90s, when I would've been 10, I doubt I would've found much enjoyment in this sort of thing. A straight-up Jerry Lawler/Doink match would've been much, much better as both guys could actually work and then they could've utilized Doink's sidekick Dink in an interesting way. Instead, this was a "one note match" and that one note was sour. And it somehow went 16 minutes. I guess the little bit of Doink action keeps it from being a zero, but this was just not good. (0.5/5)
The WWE World Champion Bret Hart defends against Bob Backlund in a "Throw In The Towel" match next with British Bulldog serving as Bret's second and Owen Hart as Backlund's. This, like the Bret/Owen match from SummerSlam a few months prior, is a weird one to review and somewhat "notorious" in certain circles. Older fans tend to really dig this one, especially if they were old enough to understand the Backlund character and maybe even had seen him work in the late 70s and 80s. Fans like myself, who were just 10 years when this storyline happened, didn't have much knowledge of Backlund and mostly just felt like he was an old doofus. Then there's the issue that Backlund feels oddly "thrown in" to the ongoing Hart drama and the fact that this match ends up being almost the last chapter of their feud (though Bret and Owen would wrestle in a No Holds Barred match on RAW in March 95', one would think Bret would've wanted vengeance much sooner against Owen). Fans of technical wrestling, counters, and a grinding pace will enjoy this match, but at 30+ minutes and with a very, very, very long closing angle (it feels like Bret is locked in the chickenwing as Owen pleads for his parents to throw in the title for a good 10 minutes), its understandable why modern fans may not dig this nearly as much. If the SummerSlam cage match is a "must see once" type match, this is something slightly underneath it (and Dave Meltzer, in his original review, was even less glowing, giving this match just 2 stars). The live crowd is into this, no doubt, but that's mostly because of how over Bret is and how much Owen was hated. Ultimately, Backlund was a transitional champion anyway, which also rubbed me the wrong way as a kid. There are some excellent sequences in here, including the nasty bump Bulldog takes into the steps that incapacitates him, but I wouldn't consider this "Must See" even if that would be blasphemy to some longtime fans. (3.5/5)
The Million Dollar Team of Tatanka, King Kong Bundy, Bam Bam Bigelow, and The Heavenly Bodies took on Lex Luger, Mabel, Adam Bomb, and The Smoking Gunns next. Somewhere in here there was a good match to be had, but this was just tedious. Part of the problem is that they kicked things off with Luger and Tatanka, arguably the two guys that the fans wanted to see square off most, which caused the match to peak right out of the gate. Mabel got some shine here but was still a year away from his brief monster push, eliminating one of the Heavenly Bodies before getting counted out. Bigelow eliminated Adam Bomb, a guy whose gimmick I always thought was cool but was destined to lifetime midcarderdom (at least before his own brief monster push in WCW in 2000 or so?). Speaking of Bigelow, its unclear if he was already pencilled-in to main event WrestleMania but looking back, if he was, one would've thought Vince would've let him dominate this match even more. The heels went up 3-2 and then eventually 3-1 with Lex Luger as the sole survivor for his team. Its really hard to think of someone who fell off from being a SummerSlam and WrestleMania main eventer to a complete nobody more than Luger from 94' to 95'. Here, he doesn't even get the big hero victory that one might think he'd get, taking the L to Bundy. Maybe Bundy was the original choice to face Lawrence Taylor and Vince realized that match would be a disaster? Who knows. This wasn't good. (1/5)
Main event time - The Undertaker vs. Yokozuna in a Casket Match with special guest ringside enforcer Chuck Norris. Taker and Yoko's match at the Royal Rumble some 10 months earlier is widely regarded as a horrendous affair, but I gave it an "average" rating of 2.5-out-of-5 stars because I found it to be the "funnest 15 minutes on the show," wacky and silly and entertaining on a show that featured such hum-drum matches as Tatanka/Bigelow and Ramon/IRS. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris shows about as much emotion and interest in the proceedings as Robocop did at that one WCW pay-per-view. The Undertaker and Yokozuna had decent chemistry, but Yokozuna was no longer the monster heel he'd been a year earlier having now been beaten by Bret Hart. To be fair, the WWE kept Yoko strong in the months, rarely having him lose and usually by DQ or count-out, but the aura was mostly gone and never came back. The Deadman, meanwhile, was as popular as ever after taking several months off earlier in the year. Norris's eventual involvement is a real letdown but I'll give some credit to Yoko and Taker as they go much longer than they arguably had any reason to and attempted some big spots. This isn't a total disaster or anything but its not good and I'm not surprised it would be quite awhile before either guy was back to wrestling in the main event. (1.5/5)
With a Kwang Score of 1.6-out-of-5, Survivor Series 94' is difficult to recommend. The best match on the card is Backlund/Hart, but its also a divisive match, one that many fans and reviewers have called dull and boring and overly long in the past. Bret and Backlund's technical prowess - especially compared to the rest of the card - stands out as unique but doesn't quite measure up to "must see" level, preventing this show from really even being in High Risk Maneuver.
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
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