After a country singer I've never heard of sang "America the Beautiful" and the Dallas Cowboys danced to "Thunderstruck," it was finally time for our opening contest of Night #1 - The Usos defending the SmackDown Tag Team Championships against Nakamura and Rick Boogz. Nakamura started things off for the face team as the Usos worked to cut the ring in half. Boogz came in for a hot tag and got to show off some his insane strength, hitting a big vertical suplex on Jey Uso after dropping to a knee and then, moments later, nearly landing a double Samoan drop on the, err, Samoans. Boogz tagged out and Nakamura hit a splash to maintain control but the Usos regained control and got a 2 count after an Uso splash. It looked like the babyfaces might make a comeback, but the Usos kept the pressure on, Jimmy hitting a brilliant superkick while Jey held Nak's hair and then both Usos teaming up to hit their finish, the 1-D, to get the clean W. The right team won as the Usos really are in the discussion for being one of the best tag teams in WWE history (or at least the past 20 years). (2.5/5)
Drew McIntyre vs. "Happy" Corbin was next. This match and all the pre-match discussion centered on Corbin, which just goes to show how irrelevant McIntyre feels after a rather ho-hum 2021. In the ring, though, McIntyre still brought the energy and excitement, popping the crowd huge with a somersault splash to the stadium floor that nobody his size should be performing. McIntyre missed the Claymore, though, and Corbin was able to hit the End of Days for a great nearfall (as Cole noted on commentary, it may have been the first time anyone has ever kicked out of the End of the Days). McIntyre hit a DDT and then the Claymore to end the match decisively. For what this was, it was good and, again, the right man won. (2.5/5)
The first of the weekend's "celebrity" matches followed as The Miz and Logan Paul took on The Mysterios. I really loved Dominik and Rey's outfits with Rey rocking gear inspired by the Mexican flag and Dom wearing gear that not only represented the US but almost came across as Eddie-influenced (Guerrero wore a sick US flag jacket at the When Worlds Collide PPV in 94'). Not to be outdone, Logan Paul came out wearing the most expensive Pokemon card in the world around his neck, which is a brilliant bit of heeling. The wrestling itself was solid, throughout - which is unsurprising considering Rey and Miz's experience level, Dominik's steady improvement over the past couple years, and Logan Paul clearly coming in having "put in the work." Though I doubt the WWE could afford to really hire him, Logan Paul looked more than competent, not just by delivering some fancy moves - a blockbuster here, a powerslam there - but "the little things" like playing to the hard camera, breaking up a tag, and "disappearing" at the right time (a WWE trope that can't be unseen in multi-man matches but is clearly the type of thing Vince and Kevin Dunn coach their wrestlers to do). Paul got a huge reaction for hitting the Three Amigos and then got even more mileage out of it by hitting a frog splash. Again, Logan's heeling was remarkable and the finishing sequence got a huge reaction as the heels somehow pulled out the victory. This match exceeded my expectations and I loved the post-match work by The Miz as he hit Paul with the Skull Crushing Finale to "out-heel" one of the biggest jerks on the planet. A very, very good match, borderline "must see." (3.5/5)
A very strong Becky Lynch vs. Bianca Belair match followed with Lynch defending the RAW Women's Championship. Coming into this match, Lynch had guaranteed that these two would steal the show and I'm not sure they didn't (though there was some stiff competition). Lynch and Belair have great chemistry and this was an all-out back-and-forth war that featured both women pulling out every move they may have in their arsenal. I got a little nervous at the outset of the match as Lynch and Belair both went for their finishers, fearing that this match would be a "bomb-throwing" contest, but things got much, much better once they got away from all the SummerSlam flashback business and created a match that stood on its own. I've been somewhat lukewarm on Lynch's heel work - I still think there is something too naturally likeable about her for this role to really work - and I would've liked to see her try a few more crafty, corner-cutting moves to try to steal the victory (especially as the match went on), but Belair is so over and so hard to root against that I still found myself pulling for her even as an admitted Becky Lynch fan. I'm not surprised that I've seen people call this the Match of the Night and maybe even a Match of the Year candidate, though I think I kinda preferred the Belair/Sasha Banks match from last year a touch more. Still, an excellent contest that is well worth watching if you're a fan of WWE, either woman, or just women's wrestling in general. (4/5)
Cody Rhodes returned to the WWE after 6 years away (and also helping to start the biggest rival company the WWE has had in 20+ years, but I'll be like the commentators and not mention that) to take on Seth Rollins next. Like the match before it, Rhodes and Rollins were given 20 minutes to tell their story. Unlike the match before it, this was completely unwarranted and made for a match that, while loaded with kickouts and counters and even some fun callbacks to Rhodes' Stardust character and both guys history - on-screen and off - with Triple H, felt like it was being wrestled entirely for the "internet" and not for the audience or for the benefit of future stories. Cody's return felt huge - no doubt - but it also seemed a bit spoiled by him having his finisher kicked out of and for Seth Rollins, who could have actually sold being unprepared for Rhodes, treating the return with a laugh and then proceeding to wrestle as if he knew who his opponent was going to be all along. I've written it countless times before but Seth Rollins is a guy who can do everything and anything in the ring...except actually tell the story that needs to be told. Instead, we get Crossfit Jesus wrestling the same kind of self-conscious epic that we've seen him do countless times before. In some instances - vs. Cena, vs. Mox, vs. Reigns - it absolutely works. Here, it felt a bit like Rollins wanting to inexplicably make a point about the WWE being a place where you can still find "real" wrestling like what AEW promotes instead of actually telling the story which should've been told, one of a returning star coming in and making a statement. There's an old saying in showbiz that you want to leave the audience wanting more, but Rhodes and Rollins did the opposite and I found it to come off as more egotistical than impressive, especially considering that there really was no storyline reason for this match aside from Rollins wanting a match and Vince opting to just give him one with a mystery man. Now, it'd be impossible to call a match like this outright bad...but it still felt like the wrong match to have, at the wrong place in the card, and for the wrong reasons. (3/5)
Night 1 continued with the SmackDown Women's Champion, Charlotte Flair, defending her title against Ronda Rousey. This was one of the more controversial matches of the night and, based on reactions on social media and the wrestling sites I frequent, the reaction was mostly negative...though not for any particular reason, really. At this point, Charlotte has become one of the least popular performers in all of wrestling, arguably the most despised on-screen character since the heyday of Triple H hate in the mid-2000s. Rousey, meanwhile, came across as entitled and almost antagonistic towards wrestling fans after her last run in the company, going as far as to call WWE fan "ungrateful idiots" in 2021. While Rousey still gets some cheers when she appears - mostly because she still does come across as a huge star - this match was maybe the most genuinely, real life heel/heel match in WWE history. Fortunately, wrestling in a huge stadium in Dallas effectively curtailed any sense of the crowd "hijacking" the match the way they did Goldberg/Lesnar at WrestleMania XX, but I'd also argue that the match itself, physical and violent, was good enough to keep any potential negativity at bay. This wasn't the "trainwreck" that some envisioned, but it also didn't have the unpredictable "anything can happen" vibe that their Survivor Series match had years ago. For better or worse, this was Flair and Rousey having a match built around submissions and takedowns and some of Flair's characteristically sloppy, trolling offense (there's no way Flair doesn't know what fans think of her moonsault) and if you disliked it, well, that may have been by design. Or maybe this was somehow designed to get Rousey over as a face? I'm not sure...but what I do know is that is that I was invested in it and did question who was going to win, the match absolutely having the Big Fight Feel that these two didn't get enough credit for delivering on. As for the finish, I'm not sure the right woman won, but I'm curious where things go from here. (3.5/5)
From there, it was time for the night's "main event" - an episode of the The Kevin Owens Show that eventually turned into a "real match" against Steve Austin. I thought the KO Show part of the segment dragged a bit as Austin basically just sat back and listened to Owens get more and more heat from the Texas crowd. Of course, the crowd was so molten hot for the segment that the anticipation and suspense never dissipated even though I kinda wish Austin had gotten in a few more verbal jabs himself before accepting Owens' challenge for an impromptu No DQ match. I'm guessing Austin didn't want to hype a return match knowing that he would be unable to work a standard bout or a "main event caliber" one (especially in 2022, when the athleticism put on my even your average heavyweight is way beyond what it was 20 years ago), but to his credit, Austin didn't just hit Owens with a few boots and a Stunner - they actually brawled all around the ring, into the crowd, and up the ramp, with Austin even taking an absolutely insane suplex on the concrete (just to prove he could? It was crazy). Owens may have "oversold" a few things here and there, but unlike when HBK did it for Hogan, this was clearly out of hero worship and not because he was remotely trying to upstage Stone Cold. Austin showed some ring rust - who wouldn't after 16 years? - which made the "You've Still Got It" chants a bit corny as this wasn't remotely his best work in any way, with even his body language and facial expressions paling in comparison to the intensity that he could be counted on even at his most broken down. But did it work for this show? For the live audience? For the fans sitting at home craving one last match out of the Texas Rattlesnake? Sure. My expectation was the same ol' segment we got out of Austin for years - come in, stun a McMahon or some other heel, drink some beers, leave - and this clearly surpassed that, over-delivering partly because the WWE didn't oversell anything. The opposite would be true the next night. I'm not going to go "must see" with this, but it was almost there. (3.5/5)
After another rendition of "America The Beautiful" and another video narrated by Mark Wahlberg, Night #2 began with the RAW Tag Team Champions, RK-Bro, defending the titles against Alpha Academy (Chad Gable and Otis) and The Street Profits. Six dependable workers in the ring out there to essentially just have some fun, this was a good match even if it was a little "heatless" and a perfectly fine opener. I like the Gable and Otis and act but don't see the main event potential in Gable simply due to his height. As with any major Orton PPV match, you knew this wouldn't end until someone ate a crazy RKO and we got two of them (one delivered by Matt Riddle) to wrap up the match. A fun opener, but nothing more. During the post match, Gable Stevenson showed up and got into it with Chad Gable, eventually hitting him with a german suplex after being "shuuushed." Typing this out made me think that once Stevenson actually joins the main roster, Chad Gable is going to have his name changed. (3/5)
Lashley vs. Omos followed. This wasn't the worst match of the entire WrestleMania or even of Night #2 but it was clear the WWE booked themselves into a corner in more way than one here. Lashley couldn't afford another loss after his quasi-feud with Lesnar (which felt more like just "background" for the Reigns/Lesnar rivalry) but Omos couldn't really afford a loss either this early in his career. The right decision was made to give Lashley the W as, ultimately, he's already proven time and time again to be a capital-S Superstar while Omos hasn't exactly lit the world on fire, but to be fair, Omos is a 27-year old monster with only 3 years under his belt and was tasked with having a featured match on WrestleMania. As I've written before, the WWE's roster is so stacked with experienced talent (and AEW's is not much different) that you could throw two darts at a roster printout and you'd still likely be guaranteed a good-to-great match. Unfortunately, this also means that guys like Omos stick out as particularly aloof and clumsy, stilted, and out of step because he's essentially a "Single A" player on a major league team. Anyway, the match itself wasn't terrible, but it was noticeably a step down from everything on the previous night's show. (2/5)
Johnny Knoxville vs. Sami Zayn was next, a PG version of a "death match" featuring lots of bells and whistles, some of Knoxville's Jackass cast mates, and two awesome Helluva Kicks to Knox and Wee Man (the second one was enough to bump the match up a half-point by itself). I was not expecting much out of this match and even questioned the notion of putting Knoxville and Zayn together during the build. Their chemistry during the comedy segments was never the issue - Zayn is gold and Knoxville has always been the most effortlessly charming and likable of the Jackass crew - but I questioned whether it wouldn't have been wiser to pair Knoxville up with someone like Sheamus or Lashley or some other legitimate monster who could toss him around and really put him in the kind of danger he puts himself into in the Jackass movies. I mean, this is a guy whose taken punches from Butterbean, been gored by wild animals, and been kicked in the balls more times than any human male should be. What was Sami Zayn gonna do to make this match feel "dangerous"? In the end, they didn't have to answer that question because they went the other way with it. This was just straight-up fun. Some of the props looked weak and the finishing "stunt" was the most glaring fail of the whole match, but Knoxville-as-Bugs and Zayn-as-Fudd overcame whatever "offensiveness to 'real' wrestling" one might have through sheer lunacy. No, this wasn't Steamboat/Flair, but this audience wasn't expecting nor did it want what would've been a pitiful attempt at a "real wrestling match." Just straight-up fun and arguably the best match of Night #2. (3.5/5)
Carmella and "Queen" Zelina Vega defended their Women's Tag Team Championships against Liv Morgan and Rhea Ripley, Naomi and Sasha Banks, and Natalya and Shayna Baszler in the next match. For being a "thrown together"/"get everyone on the card" match, this was better and got more time than I expected it to get. Extra credit is awarded here because, despite the titles really not meaning all that much, the urgency, action, and emotion made this feel like a much bigger deal than it was. I'm not sure the right team won - Ripley and Morgan seem like a more natural and interesting pairing than Banks and Naomi to me - but Banks and Naomi were easily the biggest stars of the match so the decision to put the titles on them makes plenty of sense. (2.5/5)
In what has become a tiresome pattern, Edge went long, battling AJ Styles for 25+ minutes in a good-not-great match that only proved what we already knew: AJ Styles is outstanding. This match built to its big moments, but it took time to get to each one (arguably too much time). The physicality was there and it did absolutely feel like Edge and Styles had been through war by the end...which made the Damien Priest finish all that more deflating and disappointing. A truly great match is worthy of a re-watch, worthy of telling your friends about, worthy of consideration for a Year-End Best Of list. This fell way short of every single one of those criteria despite the effort put in and AJ's masterful bumping and selling. A cleaner finish (with AJ winning, mind you) might've nudged this up for me. (3/5)
Ridge Holland/Sheamus vs. The New Day wrestled for 2-3 minutes for no apparent reason after having their match bumped from Night 1. What can one say about a 2-3 minute match? It was inoffensive and I'll give some credit for the amount of action they squeezed into the brief time, but there's something icky about seeing Ridge Holland out there that will be tough to shake for me and, even if Big E hadn't been injured, this feels like a "TV feud" and not one worthy of a WrestleMania spotlight. I guess the reunion of the New Day might've felt like a big deal...if they ever actually split up, which never really seemed like the case. (1/5)
Pat McAfee vs. Austin Theory was next. I've gone on record multiple times with my lack of enthusiasm and interest in Austin Theory (now just going by "Theory" because Vince hates first names, by the way) and I mistakenly believed Pat McAfee was unworthy of a WrestleMania match, but I can't deny how over this match was with the live crowd. McAfee got a HUGE response for his entrance and every big spot delivered, something I would've never imagined possible for a guy whose just a commentator. I guess not watching the weekly TV has made me miss McAfee getting over to a Jesse Ventura level? Theory doing the job was to be expected, but I don't see it doing much for his credibility. After McAfee got the win, Vince McMahon entered the ring and challenged McAfee to an impromptu match, defeating him after a Theory-assisted beatdown. This signaled the arrival of Steve Austin, who delivered such an awful Stunner to Vince that all Stone Cold could do was laugh. From there, we got the expected "beer bash" with McAfee ending with Austin delivering another Stunner to cap things off. Nothing here was "must see," but it was all fun, which sorta feels like the best way to summarize the entirety of both nights (save for maybe the Lynch/Belair match, which was the strongest match of the 2-day event). (3/5)
Main event time - Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar in a match that was billed as the biggest WrestleMania match ever and had the highest stakes possible as both men put their respective championships on the line. This wasn't the disaster that their Mania match a few years ago was, but it also wasn't the homerun that their first meeting was. It didn't exactly land in the middle either as, despite a very solid build, this match lacked any real gravitas or drama. Lesnar was ostensibly the face (having been backstabbed by Paul Heyman), but we didn't get any sort of Lesnar/Heyman moment that would've likely drawn a huge reaction and added a much-needed new flavor to the mix. Instead, we got the suplexes and Superman Punches and spears that everyone expected without any new wrinkles or interesting twists. While I found Rhodes/Rollins and Styles/Edge to go too long, this match seemed too short by at least a few minutes, the "epic" that was hyped never actually feeling all that epic. We've seen Reigns have countless better matches over the past two years and, while Lesnar's formula has grown tiresome, we've seen that he's still capable of far more memorable and motivated performances over the years (namely against Daniel Bryan, AJ Styles, and even Finn Balor). This was Reigns and Lesnar on auto-pilot and was a real flat ending to the show. (2/5)
With an overall Kwang Score of 2.83-out-of-5, WrestleMania XXXVIII had more good than bad to offer across two nights. While the Reigns/Lesnar match was disappointing (though not as bad as their last Mania match, which was historically terrible), Lynch/Belair was terrific, the Knoxville/Zayn and Owens/Austin matches were fun, and McAfee/Theory over-delivered. While some fans loved Rhodes/Rollins and Edge/AJ, I found Flair/Rousey more riveting and deserving of its runtime. Overall, this show won't go down as one of the all-time great Manias (mostly because the main event of Night 2 was such a letdown), but splitting up the show into two separate events has certainly made it more watchable and both nights had highlights worth checking out.
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
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