The first ever Taboo Tuesday event kicks off with Jonathan Coachman asking the fans in the arena - and at home - to vote for what sort of outfit the divas will wear in the evening's Battle Royal for Trish Stratus' Women's Championship. Why would the champion have to put up her title in a battle royal? I'm hoping there was a storyline to explain that, but it goes unmentioned and I'm skeptical that the WWE ever explained it. They announce the winning outfit: schoolgirl.
From there, Chris Jericho defends the Intercontinental Championship against one of fifteen candidates. Shelton Benjamin, who was in the midst of a fairly strong push, gets the vote and he and Jericho proceed to have a very strong match. To me, its kinda crazy that people think this match was 100% "called on the fly" when all signs were pointing to Shelton Benjamin getting the nod and I highly doubt that the voting on this show was above board. Still, even if they did know they were going to be up against each other, they still had to deliver in the opener and they absolutely did. Jericho worked really hard to make Benjamin look great, but Shelton was already a fairly smooth worker at this point, especially in terms of his athleticism and agility, and the crowd was excited to have a new face to get behind. An extra half-point for a finish that came a bit "out of nowhere" but not so much that it wasn't believable that Benjamin could win with an Exploder suplex. (3/5)
Backstage, Chris Benoit, Edge, and Shawn Michaels all cut short promos about why they should be the one to challenge Triple H. According to wrestling lore, this was a "legit" vote and Edge had been told that, were he to win, they would've had him beat Triple H on this night. He loses the vote to Shawn Michaels, though. I don't believe the story. Edge was certainly on the cusp of getting over, but it would actually take a hot feud with Matt Hardy over his real-life affair with Lita and then beginning an all-time great rivalry with John Cena (and a show-stealing hardcore match against Mick Foley at WrestleMania XXIII) to really cement his status as a main eventer.
The Divas Battle Royal is next. This is as awful as one might expect and, watching it, it is hard not to feel bad for the women involved, some of whom were actually better-than-decent workers. Trish Stratus, Molly Holly, Victoria, Gail Kim...all perfectly capable of delivering a serious, action-packed 10 minute match, but, instead, the match is all about giving the audience a peek up their skirts. Stacey Keibler is arguably given the most spotlight because she is the "hottest." Nothing to enjoy about this whatsoever, but I'll give a half-point to at least acknowledge that the women still went out and performed despite being trivialized to an egregious amount. (0.5/5)
Kane vs. Snitsky is next in a Weapons match where the fans voted for the weapon to be a...chain. The storyline building up to this match was about Snitsky causing Lita to have a miscarriage. If you expected the WWE to handle this sort of story with any kind of sensitivity, well, you'd have been expecting impossible things (especially in 2004). This match goes much longer than it needs to, but I'll give them credit in at least attempting to make Snitsky look like a monster. The finish is legitimately nasty-looking too as Snitsky puts Kane's head into the legs of a chair and "Pillmanizes" his neck. It would've been even better had he done it around minute 9 and not minute 14, though. This isn't as terrible as it could've been and the crowd was engaged, plus some of the chain and chair shots did look good. (2/5)
Next up: Eric Bischoff vs. Eugene. This was a comedy match, but wasn't very funny. Bischoff actually got some offense in. Eugene was a dumb character that was offensive then and is still offensive now. Eugene wins and the online vote was for Bischoff to get his head shaved, but Coachman and Bischoff try to get out of it. That leads to Vince coming out and demanding that Bischoff have his head shaved (and then forcing Coachman to put on a dress). Corny, too long of a segment, unfunny. This is bad. (1/5)
Edge and Chris Benoit challenged La Resistance (Sylvan Grenier and Rob Conway) for the WWE Tag Team Championship in the next bout. This was more about Edge's eventual heel turn and how distracted and "off his game" he was due to not being voted-in to challenge Triple H. Again, I don't subscribe to the theory - even coming from Edge's own mouth - that his character's turn on this night was based on a fan vote. The action isn't too remarkable, though Benoit's execution is great and his work during the closing stretch is remarkable. Edge abandons the Crippler, but Benoit's offense, timing, and efficiency allows him to not only win the match, but do it in a way that doesn't spit in the face of credibility or realism. Not a match I'd consider good, but easily the best wrestling this show had seen in over an hour. (2.5/5)
A Lingerie Pillowfight is the decided stipulation for Christy Hemme vs. Carmella. This is beyond words bad and embarrassing. It is painful to watch knowing now what Hemme was or would be dealing with backstage as her run in WWE went on. (0/5)
Its time for Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H for The Game's World Heavyweight Championship, which seems odd. The Game targets Shawn's left leg/knee, as the storyline was that Michaels had been injured on the previous night's episode of Raw. Giving Triple H a target for his offense and Shawn's over-the-top selling are positives that make for an engaging and dramatic story, but some "moments" are stretched to the point of absurdity almost (Michaels' selling of Triple H's figure four is comical). Shawn hits a low blow and then a big DDT before climbing to the top rope for an elbow from the top. Michaels calls for the Sweet Chin Music and is almost stopped by Batista. Edge hits him with huge spear when the ref is distracted by The Animal and, shockingly, Michaels sells it like death and Triple H makes the cover after a lengthy crawl. This wasn't "must see" and Shawn's selling is not going to be everyone's cup of tea as it is super dramatic, but I enjoyed it. (3/5)
Main event time - somehow - Ric Flair vs. Randy Orton in a stipulation match decided by the fans. The storyline here was that Orton, ostensibly a babyface, was in the running to possibly challenge Triple H for the title but got screwed over by Flair, who he had called out as an "ass kisser." However, Orton's gimmick was grating and Flair was beloved so the dynamic is at odds with the "story" a bit as the fans are sorta split, not necessarily booing either guy but also not decidedly in favor of one over the other. The fans did decide to make it a Steel Cage match, so we get a bit of a "Greatest Hits" out of Flair in what was probably one of his last decent performances. Orton bleeds a gusher and then Flair does too. When Flair tries to escape the cage, Orton practically pulls his tights to his ankles, exposing his entire buttocks. There's fists in the corner and an RKO "out of nowhere" when that gimmick was still in its infancy. The match doesn't overstay its welcome and it ends with the two former stablemates hugging it out, signaling Flair's eventually full-on face turn. At well under 15 minutes, they cut a brisk pace to get everything in, but it doesn't feel too short or particularly rushed. A good match, not a great one, and because of the blood, it felt violent enough to be a "score settler" in the cage. (3/5)
With a fairly weak 1.88-out-of-5 Kwang Score, Taboo Tuesday 2004 is not worth cueing up unless you're a weirdo completist obsessive like me. The Triple H/Shawn Michaels feels like a Raw match/segment, designed to fill time on the PPV and build up the Shawn Michaels/Edge feud, a rivalry that I don't recall ever really producing any great matches (Shawn wouldn't even rate in the Top 10 of Edge's best opponents and probably not even Top 20). The main event is good and violent, but its brief and probably would've worked better as a midcard match. The opener is the only other bout worth even considering to watch, while some of the rest of the card is offensively bad, the kind of "entertainment" where you just feel bad for the people involved having to follow Vince's script.
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
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