WWE No Way Out 2003

WWE No Way Out 2003

Montreal, Canada - February 2003

With the sound Evanescence's "Wake Me Up Inside" booming out of my TV's speakers - WWE No Way Out 2003 kicks off. My god this song. 2003 seems so long ago and yet this song remains almost just as inescapable today as it was back then (or it just feels that way because the horribleness of this tune has been ringing in my ears like white noise for 13 years). Maybe THE absolute worst "heavy metal" or "alternative rock" song ever and I'm not forgetting Jackyl or Nickelback or Puddle of Mudd. Still, a bonus point just for, in the span of a half second, contextualizing the ENTIRE promotion and what it stood for in February 2003. Even with a card this good on paper, I'm preparing myself for the worst here thanks to this song. (+1)

Our commentators tonight are Jerry Lawler and Jonathan Coachman, The Coach replacing Jim Ross, who had suffered a (storyline, I think) concussion on RAW a week prior. Coach is one of my least favorite commentators and, even as early as 03', Lawler was well beyond being a reliable "heel" color guy, his major function being to make crude remarks about whatever female was last seen on the screen.

Jeff Hardy takes on Chris Jericho in the night's opening contest, a far better match than I was necessarily expected. Jericho takes a great bump over the post and Hardy hits a corkscrew somersault off that ropes that's equally awesome. The Montreal crowd is pretty firmly in Jericho's corner, but Hardy has his fans and the Rainbow Warrior's sympathetic daredevil style is impossible to boo. We get a number of Walls of Jericho teases and spread throughout the match are high-impact, high risk spots (a huge hip toss off the top rope, a super vicious dropkick in the corner) and the kind of signature moves that the crowd adores and bites on hard (Hardy's Whisper in the Wind). A sloppy powerbomb from the top rope and the fact that, with his feud with Shawn Michaels obviously building towards a WrestleMania showdown, the winner was well-known ahead of the actual finish keep this match from being a real classic, but it is certainly not far from it. A match that, put on exactly the same way today, would probably garner some deserved "This is Awesome" chants. I actually prefer that one can enjoy the match without that unnecessary crowd validation. (3.5/5)

Kane and Rob Van Dam team up to challenge Storm and Regal for the WWE World Tag Team Championships in the next bout. Lawler and Coach play up the "odd couple" factor of Kane and Van Dam while RVD and Storm go through an incredibly athletic sequence in the ring. Regal comes in, after some exchanges with Van Dam, takes an awkward powerslam from Kane that seems like it may have concussed him. Storm comes in and gets press slammed for his troubles, the Big Red Machine dominating while Regal tries to regain his composure on the outside. The babyfaces get a ton more offense in before Storm is finally able to cut Van Dam off, tossing him from the top rope where he was preparng to hit his Frog Splash. Cutting the ring in half, the heels inflict some punishment, building towards a hot tag for Kane. There's a faint "We Want Regal" chant that breaks out, soon hushed by the more audible support for Van Dam playing face-in-peril. Kane comes in and obliterates, but Lance Storm cleverly blinds him with his own mask, leading to an unexpected twist finish. A slightly-above average bout with a cool ending. (3/5)

The Cruiserweight Championship Title match follows - Billy Kidman defending the strap against Matt Hardy (in his Version 1.0 gimmick). The story coming into this match was that Hardy worked frantically to lose weight in order to challenge for the title, the commentators doubting that he'll maintain that weight (and questioning whether, even in this match, he has sufficiently kept the weight off since a weigh-in on SmackDown). Weight issues aside, Kidman and Hardy have strong chemistry together, both working up to their reputations as solid technically-proficient workers (if not the most exciting to watch). Hardy controls a majority of the match, though Kidman does get in some good-looking offense himself (an on-point dropkick to the jaw, a plancha to the outside, some nice reversals). The finish is a touch "much" if you ask me, but its obvious that Hardy wanted to help keep Kidman strong in a losing effort instead of going over him with his "usual" finisher. If Kidman was more over and the crowd was more enthusiastic I can see this match being worthy of more respect, but as it is, I'm calling it average. (2.5/5)

Backstage, Edge has been attacked and Chris Benoit and Brock Lesnar don't know who did it and what this means for their 6-man tag match tonight.

A video package hypes the next match - The Undertaker vs. Big Show, a continuation of their months-long rivalry (Big Show injured Taker roughly 4 months later). Surprisingly, this is not the slow-paced slugfest I expected. Taker is arguably in the best shape of his career and Big Show is obviously driven not to stink up the joint for the Deadman's big return. They cut a decent pace (or at least as good as two super heavyweights are going to cut) and there's a surprising number of big spots, including a huge plancha to the outside from the Phenom and a respectable standing vertical suplex (not a move I've seen the Undertaker take the brunt of very often). The finish isn't great, especially considering that the WWE would have this program last all the way to WrestleMania but by exceeding my low expectations and actually staying engaging from bell to bell, I'm going to call it one of the better Taker/Show matches I've ever seen. (3/5)


If you stop watching this show after the next match, Lesnar and Benoit vs. Team Angle, you'd be making a wise choice. Designed to wrap up the Benoit/Angle feud and transition the focus of the WWE Championship scene onto Lesnar/Angle, the match serves it purpose while simultaneously delivering some very solid action. The crowd is hotter for Lesnar than anyone else that comes out the remainder of the night (save for Austin, 'natch), but are also supportive of Benoit and seem to delight in watching Haas and Benjamin get tossed around and tangled up. The exclusion of Edge surprisingly adds to the match - having him around would've made it too lopsided when, really, any team that includes a young Brock Lesnar is never going to be seen as underdogs. Not my pick for match of the night, but not far from it. (3/5)

The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line next in a rematch from January's Royal Rumble show - Scott Steiner challenging Triple H. That match has been decried as one of the worst main event title matches in WWE history, but this one is much more deserving of that dishonor. If their initial match could skate by on what appeared to be respectable effort from both men (Triple H especially) and the thrill of seeing Steiner dish out a half-dozen suplexes on the champ, this one doesn't even reach those unimpressive heights. Again, the heel is the babyface here, Triple H coming in bandaged up and Steiner targeting the injured area and, at least initially, punctuating his offense with sit-up exhibitions and taunts instead of, y'know, trying to score a pinfall. There are restholds here where there were strength spots a month earlier and the Montreal crowd, which certainly wasn't overly enthused in Boston, actively shits on the match with chants of "Steiner Sucks" and "Boring." There are noticeable times when signals are crossed and they stumble through the same repetitive actions (Steiner's offense is 90% clubbering forearms) but not all the blame can be placed at the feet of Big Poppa Pump (even if that is what Triple H wants you to believe with his pinballing). Mid-90s Shawn Michaels has been criticized for the same unnecessary and illogical bumping, garnering sympathy from an audience instead of making us want to see his comeuppance, so its not surprising Triple H would do the same here, essentially upstaging Steiner the way Michaels (then a heel) upstaged Razor Ramon and Kevin "Diesel" Nash at WrestleManias 10 and 11 respectively. Some friend, huh? Shocking as it may seem, while Steiner would not compete at WrestleMania, this does not mark his exit from the WWE - he actually stuck around the rest of the year and even competed in January 2004's Royal Rumble. The more you know. (0.5/5)

The triumphant return of Steve Austin was next, the Rattlesnake make his long-awaited return to face the man who had fired him from WCW almost ten years earlier, Eric Bischoff. If this was 1997, Bischoff would've gotten some offense in and maybe even won the match - but its 2003, WWE, and Bischoff is no Vinnie Mac, so this is as one-sided as it should realistically be. Austin seems to be having fun coming back to play the hits, but its a sadder experience to watch than even his infamous SummerSlam 97' match. Incapable of really performing in-ring, Austin was brought back by the WWE just to say "Hey, Austin's back." Unlike his wars with Vince McMahon, which led to some heated, intense, and wildly over matches (1999's Royal Rumble and their cage match at the following month's St. Valentine's Day Massacre shows come immediately to mind), this is a silly whooping that gave Austin an excuse to hit a couple stunners (he drops Bischoff with THREE) and pour some beers all over himself. For fans in attendance, it would've been a fun way to cap off an evening - in fact, I'm guessing they could've run this same exact contest every night for months on the house show circuit and left the crowd happy - but that doesn't make the segment interest or worthwhile viewing, especially when there are so many other highlights to enjoy in Stone Cold's career. Months later, thanks in part to a last-minute trip to a Seattle hospital, Austin would "do the honors" and end his career in a match against The Rock that defied his ailing physical condition and worked based on the size of the personalities involved and Austin's willingness to nearly cripple himself rather than go out on a bad match. That is the finale fans should revisit. (1/5)

Main event time - The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan in a rematch from WrestleMania XVIII. Reviewing that match several years ago, I wrote, "It's hard not to love this match...Even without the [hot] Toronto crowd, this one would be above average based on the size of the personalities and Hogan's respectable effort." While their first encounter won me (and many fans) over by delivering a near-perfect vision of big attraction "sports-entertainment," this one stumbles from the very second it starts and then, like the words of Hogan's original entrance music, "comes crashing down" to lower and lower levels of awfulness. Where to start on this trainwreck of a match? Maybe with The Rock, working one-legged because he had one foot kicking desperately into Hollywood. While the Rock and Hogan essentially switching their roles could have led to some fun sequences, The Rock doesn't bother to do much but jaw at the crowd and take a handful of bumps. Where are the facial expressions that made time stand still in Toronto? The Rock, inarguably one of the most larger-than-life characters the WWE ever produced, is noticeably "smaller" here, doing the same gimmick The Miz does now but less awesomely. If The Rock was trying to be "meta" in order to draw heat, he may have over-succeeded because he sucks in this match. Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan, who had somehow tricked father time and pulled out some passable matches against Triple H, Lesnar, and Undertaker six or so months prior is completely out of gas and looking every bit of his age here. While one can watch The Rock's performance and criticize him for half-assing it, with Hogan, you just have a guy that has no business being in the ring. Everything he does looks like it is happening in a vat of baby oil. The power of nostalgic crowds had willed his first comeback into being passable entertainment, but a year later, the magic had run out - and an uninspired Rock certainly wasn't going to make up for it. Even the finish of this match manages to pale in comparison to their first contest (the finish of that match being one of few major criticisms levied against it). Possibly explaining his less-than-stellar performance, the conclusion not only relinquishes any credibility The Rock had left after having to sell for a 50-year old man for ten minutes but also makes sure to cast him as Sylvan Grenier's equal when, ostensibly, this is the guy you're counting on to help sell your biggest show of the year in a month or two. Anyone who considers Goldberg/Lesnar from Survivor Series the worst rematch to ever headline a PPV needs to revisit this one and see just how bad things could've truly went. Goldberg/Lesnar may have felt like false advertising, but this one goes beyond that level of disappointment - The Rock's worst character work since his forgettable rookie year Blue Chipper paired with a staler-than-stale Hulk Hogan wrestling like he was 10 years older than he actually was. The wrestling equivalent of Jaws II. (0/5)


When the inclusion of an Evanesence song on the show is one of the bright spots, you kind of know that you've got a real dud on your hands. The opener is the Match of the Night and, from there, things just tend to get from passable to decent to worse and worse and worse. Still, No Way Out 2003 is an interesting show to talk about historically. When today's fans complain about how the company tends to revive old timers and sign big name free agents to short-term deals just to pad the WrestleMania line-up, this show (and the Mania that followed) proves this is nothing new. Looking at the roster the WWE had signed up and performing regularly at this time and the word "stacked" barely does it justice; Shawn Michaels, The Rock, Steve Austin, The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, Kurt Angle, Triple H, Hulk Hogan, Rey Mysterio, Big Show, Ric Flair, Steiner, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Chris Jericho, and even Vince McMahon himself were all featured consistently on TV (not to mention Batista, Orton, Cena, Eddie Guerrero, Benoit, and Edge all waiting for their shot at the top). Lack of star power wasn't what was killing the WWE at the time and making shows like No Way Out so unbearable. No, it was plain old bad booking (the HHH/Steiner feud), unmotivated, burned out workers (The Rock), and a tendency to present cards that actually worked against what the fans, through their reactions, were pleading for (basically, the SmackDown storylines were over while the RAW ones weren't). Hmmm...sounds a bit like the same situation we're experiencing today, where an AJ Styles consistently gets the loudest response of the night, but RAW is still consistently presented as the "A" brand thanks, in no small part, to the idea that it consistently features the most stars from yesteryear (Goldberg, Lesnar, and Triple H spring to mind, but let's not forget that the Undertaker may have also made more appearances on RAW this year than SmackDown). No Way Out 2003 is fascinating in how misguided so much of it is, from casting the genuinely unlikeable Scott Steiner as a babyface to believing you could recapture lightning in a bottle for what would've been at least the fourth time by reheating the bandana-wearing Hulkster to trying to push the hideously hairy Albert as a legitimate heel, the ineptitude is just staggering. 


FINAL RATING - DUDleyville