RATING SCALE:
Curt Hennig Level – A “GOAT” Show
Watch It – A consistently strong show worth watching in its entirety
Watch It…With Remote in Hand – Imperfect, but fun, with at least a few great matches
High Risk Maneuver – Mostly filler, salvaged by an awesome match or two, for die-hards only
DUDleyville – Zero redeeming qualities, chore to watch
WWE Survivor Series 2016
Toronto, Canada - November 2016
CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into tonight's show, the WWE World Champion is AJ Styles while the Universal Championship is held by Kevin Owens. The United States Champion is Roman Reigns of RAW, while The Miz holds the Intercontinental Championship on SmackDown. RAW's World Tag Team Champions are (still) The New Day. On SmackDown, the Tag Team Champions are Heath Slater and Rhyno. The Womens' Champions are Charlotte (RAW) and Becky Lynch (SmackDown). Finally, the recently restored Cruiserweight Championship is held by The Brian Kendrick.
COMMENTARY: JBL, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Mauro Ranallo
The Intercontinental Championship was defended next, reigning titleholder The Miz of SmackDown getting challenged by RAW's Sami Zayn. The Miz has been having a hell of a 2016 and this match was yet another feather in his cap, the Awesome One doing everything possible to draw heat, acting as the perfect foil to the lovably scrappy Zayn. Not since his matches with Kevin Owens earlier this year have I found myself as engaged in a Sami Zayn outing and a lot of that credit should go to Miz who has finally raised his in-ring abilities to the level of his mic work. The story here was simple but effective - Miz targeted Zayn's legs while also taking the time to needle the fans through his mockery of longtime rival Daniel Bryan. Meanwhile, Zayn did what he does best, selling damage but digging deep to bust out some great babyface hope spots and dazzling offensive, including a somersault plancha to the outside and a Blue Thunder Bomb. The finish was brilliant and has me hoping that Zayn ditches RAW for SmackDown to prolong the feud. My biggest gripe was with the fans, though, as their incessant "10" chants distracted from what was a very good match. (3.5/5)
A 20-man tag followed, The New Day captaining a squadron that included Enzo and Cass, the Shining Stars, Cesaro and Sheamus, and Gallows and Anderson against The Usos, Breezango, The Hype Brothers, American Alpha, and Rhyno and Slater. Fandango and Breeze were cast out almost instantly following a comedy bit that I didn't get (probably because I haven't watched any of their matches), swiftly followed by The New Day, a team that is simultaneously over and stale. Mojo Riley's extended boogie into his corner splash is awful and drew an immediate "We Want Gable" chant. Gallows and Anderson got to deliver more than a couple Magic Killers, finally scoring pinfalls on a major show - too bad its been repeatedly established that they can't win the gold or else they'd make a decent pair of challengers for The New Day. Later, American Alpha delivered a Steinerizer, though, Jordan forgot he was the legal man, nearly botching the pinfall after. After a flurry of signature spots from the remaining participants, a Magic Killer led to the Alphas' exit, while Gallows fell victim to a Rhyno Gore. Enzo landed a Cass-assisted splash to eliminate the former ECW star before his team got eliminated as well, leaving us with a semi-awkward Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Usos final. After not getting many minutes in the "meat" of the match, Cesaro finally got his time, running around the ring like a man possessed and almost single-handedly taking out the Samoan twins. Cesaro's feats of strength and agility (his dropkick to a seated Uso on the top turnbuckle, for example) are marvelous no matter how many times one sees them, though, I do wish he'd drop the 619 from his arsenal - it's just not necessary. Thanks to a strong finish and wise booking that kept things moving, this one exceeded my admittedly low expectations. (3/5)
After a lengthy, lengthy, lengthy amount of downtime, the Cruiserweight Championship was on the line in the next contest - Brian Kendrick defending against Kalisto. Last December, at the 2015 TLC show, Kalisto performed a Salida Del Sol off a ladder and through another ladder and it seemed like a star was born. Then, at April's WrestleMania 32, Kalisto defeated Ryback on the Pre-Show to retain his United States Championship (now around the waist of Roman Reigns) and it seemed like the semi-strong push would continue. Since then, though, Kalisto hasn't been doing too much, this being his first Network special match since Extreme Rules in May. Eager to impress (and maybe help save the crashing cruisers division), Kalisto and Kendrick through a ton of nifty and risky high spots into this match, but they didn't amount to anything and some legitimately insane maneuvers were sold like transition moves (for example, Kalisto's Standing Spanish Fly to the outside of the ring would've been a CAREER ENDER in 1980s Jim Crockett NWA). The finish was a bit of a mercy killing as the crowd wasn't too into this match. As I've written a number of times in the past few months, I'm a fan of Kendrick and believed that he wasn't the worst pick to help build the cruisers division, but the WWE missed an important opportunity to hit the reset button here by putting the title on Kalisto and bringing the whole concept to SmackDown. With word that they'll be taping 205 Live after SmackDown, I'm guessing that is still the plan. (2/5)
One of the more divisive matches of the year followed - Chris Jericho, Kevin Owens, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, and Braun Strowman of RAW teaming up against SmackDown's AJ Styles, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, Dean Ambrose, and Shane McMahon (with James Ellworth serving as "mascot"). Styles and Jericho were mega over, drawing huge cheers upon their respective arrival, while Roman Reigns got a very cool (as in, chilly) reception. While The Undertaker had claimed he would seek vengeance on SmackDown's representatives if they lost this match, those were the only real stakes and were barely mentioned by the commentators. The crowd was hot for the start of this but mellowed out until we got all ten men in the ring duking it out inside and outside of the ring. Speaking of outside of the ring, Strowman and Ambrose performed one of the absolute dumbest spots I've ever seen, the former Wyatt Family member carrying the ex-Shield member around the ring for no apparent reason just to get hit by an AJ splash. Fortunately, things turned around from that low-point, the next several minutes built entirely around Strowman, with the former strongman choke-tossing the WWE Champion over the top rope like a piece of human garbage and then going through the rest of the Blue Brand's roster, eventually eating an RKO and getting put through a table via a Shane McMahon signature elbow drop. The sequence culminated in a brilliant elimination and the big man sending the world's most famous jobber off the stage and through a table (and even more "Holy Shit!" chants). I'm expecting Strowman to get plenty of eliminations at January's Rumble and, based on his work in this match, he has some upside beyond just squashing no-names each week on RAW. Back in the ring, Chris Jericho fought through a bloody nose, but his list didn't survive nearly as well, eventually destroyed (purposely or not) by his best friend, Kevin Owens. Speaking of Owens, his elimination seemed a little silly considering the chaos that had been going on inside and outside of the ring for the 10 minutes prior and the crowd felt so too, audibly chanting "bullshit" at the ref's call. Soon after the match settled into a 2-on-4 situation with Rollins and Reigns up against Orton, Wyatt, and Shane. Here, the WWE gave us two of the greatest moments of the night - Shane McMahon getting hit with a huge spear on a Coast-to-Coast attempt and a really fun Shield reunion. The former was vicious and it looked like Shane might've legitimately suffered a broken rib or two while the latter provided a memorable, crowd-pleasing exit for AJ Styles. Unfortunately, with Styles and Shane out, the match fell to the four least over guys in the whole contest - Reigns and Rollins squaring off against Bray Wyatt and Randy Orton in a battle of brand supremacy. The finish was all about furthering the Wyatt/Orton alliance storyline and I'm curious what the endgame is for that particular thread - maybe they'll somehow flip roles and Wyatt will end up the babyface? Around minute 35 or so, I was ready to call it the best modern day Survivors match I'd ever seen - largely due to the insanity of certain spots, Braun Strowman's spotlight performance, the Jericho/Owens comedy, and the mini Shield reunion. The lackluster closing stretch, involving the four guys that I cared about least in the match, hurt this one for me, but all in all, a very fun match that featured more than enough fireworks to keep my eyes glued to the screen. (4/5)
Main event time - Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. How should one rate a match like this - which was more of an "angle" than anything? Reviewing SummerSlam 2014, I gave the equally one-sided Cena/Lesnar match a glowing 4-star rating two years ago, but that bout went nearly 20 minutes and felt like something I'd never seen before. This match is different (and unworthy of equal praise) because it barely lasted 20 seconds. It also wasn't something "never seen before" - it was a squash not dissimilar to the Sheamus/Bryan title match at WrestleMania 28 or the squashes that made Goldberg famous in the first place way back in 1997. I can fully understand the knee-jerk reaction to call this the worst WWE main event in years (maybe even ever) - but there are things to enjoy about what we got. For starters, the pre-match introductions and "big fight" feel set the stage for an unforgettable match and, though there were less than 4 "moves" in the (very brief) match, all four got HUGE responses. Also, though he didn't have to do much, Lesnar was fantastic with his facial expressions (that smug smile after getting pushed down by Goldberg told the whole story of the match) and body language. As for Bill Goldberg, he did the three things he had to do here - 1. Look Good, 2. Spear Good, 3. Hit a Respectable Jackhammer. I often say that what separates a 4-star match from a 3.5-star match is the replay value, but while this one has plenty of replay value, it's basically a cool GIF. As a match, this one warrants maybe a 1, but as an angle, it was a spectacular, unforgettable event that, due to the whole build of the match being that Lesnar would underestimate his opponent, actually made more kayfabe sense than many critics are giving it. Rating it as just average seems like missing the point. (3/5)
With an overall Kwang score of 2.92-out-of-5, this year's Survivor Series earned an almost-identical score as last year's show despite vastly different cards (last year's show featured almost no Survivors matches and was sold primarily based on the return of the Brothers of Destruction and a mini-tournament for the vacant WWE World Championship). Booking-wise, Survivor Series was an imperfect show featuring a number of glaring holes - including the fact that a 50 year old man waltzed into the ring and promptly bested the most credible monster the WWE has on its roster. Ignoring the booking, though, there was plenty to love on the show. Miz/Zayn may eke its way onto my Top 10 Matches of the Year list, while the Team RAW/Team Smackdown match delivered at least a close to a dozen cool moments. Like the WCW pay-per-views of the late 90s, though, fans will probably remember this show most for its falsely-advertised main event, a "mega match" that ended before it began.
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
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