WWE Royal Rumble 2003
Boston, Massachusetts - January 2003
CHAMPIONSHIP RUNDOWN: Coming into the show, the WWE World Champion was Kurt Angle, while the World Heavyweight Championship was held by Triple H. Lance Storm and William Regal held the World Tag Team Championships, while the WWE Tag Team Champions were Los Guerreros. Billy Kidman was in the midst of his third Cruiserweight Championship reign and Victoria held the WWE Womens' Championship at the time.
COMMENTARY: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler (RAW), Michael Cole and Tazz (SmackDown)
The 16th annual Royal Rumble kicked off with a match that would have serious consequences later in the show - The Big Show taking on Brock Lesnar for a spot in the evening's 30-man battle royale. Lesnar was over huge as a babyface while The Big Show was huge at this point, lumbering through this match. Of course, Show being noticeably heavy makes Lesnar's feats of strength even more impressive. I'm not sure the finish was ever in question, but after Show lands a chokeslam the crowd does bite hard on a near fall. A sub-par match that could've been at least average if Show was able to move faster than 1 mile per hour. (2/5)
The Dudley Boys take on the World Tag Team Champions, Lance Storm and William Regal, in the next bout. Within the first 15 seconds, the fans are demanding tables. A fun match, but nothing particularly memorable. Storm and Regal are near-flawless workers and the Dudleys were still over - but this is the type of solid-but-unspectacular match that these two teams could've essentially accomplished in their sleep. I'm not knocking the lack of creativity (or even tables), but average ain't exciting. (2.5/5)
Extra point for a video package hyping the debut of Nathan Jones. Jones was a "can't miss" prospect to some degree - 7 feet tall, 300+ pounds, legitimate villainous background, scary look - but his career would collapse almost as soon as it began, his run not even reaching El Gigante heights of notoriety. (+1)
Oh my - Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson. Where does one begin in describing this feud and match? For starters, a cursory search on Google reveals that this rivalry began in October - meaning that this was the culmination of a 4 MONTH FEUD. Compare that to Angle and Benoit, who wrestle later in the evening but were tag team partners for months earlier. Anyway...a half-point must be awarded for the incredible video package that precedes this match and captures some of the most distasteful moments in WWE history, including Torrie Wilson's father, Al Wilson, suffering a heart attack during his honeymoon with Marie and then the out-and-out BRAWL that occurred at his funeral between our two leading ladies. If the Katie Vick storyline is RAW's unparalleled low point, the Al Wilson storyline is SmackDown's nadir. The match that ensues is sloptastic, but they at least try some moves beyond hair tosses and forearms. Surprisingly, though, what really hurts the match is that it is worked like any other (poorly choreographed) womens' match of its time. Dawn Marie should be enjoying the beatdown she administers while Torrie Wilson should be an emotional volcano, erupting with anger to the point of destroying Marie beyond recognition. Instead, we get a rather rushed finish to a feud that, again, lasted four months and involved the DEATH of one woman's father at the hands of her opponent. I'm not saying this should've been a 60-minute Hell in a Cell match, but if you're going to give us an overwrought soap opera build, give us an overwrought soap opera conclusion. (0.5/5)
Hey - the matches of tonight may not be anything special, but we do get some great vignettes. This time its Sean O'Haire who breaks up the monotony with his fun Devil's Advocate gimmick. I'd love to see a guy like Austin Aries get similar spotlights prior to his debut on the main roster because a segment like this gets much more accomplished than a cold match in front of an indifferent audience. (+1)
The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line when Scott Steiner challenges Triple H. Scott Keith gave this negative stars. Dave Meltzer gave this one star. Me? I don't know...I mean, it's a bad match. The layout is questionable as Triple H fights from underneath so much that the crowd, which was 50/50 anyway (due to this being pretty much The Game's hometown), is definitely rooting for him by the end. At one point, Triple H bleeds needlessly and so gratuitously that it comes across as overreaching. Steiner sports a whale tail that would make Lita blush and he botches an underhook powerbomb. The finish draws huge boos from the crowd....but Flair's involvement is great, Triple H and Steiner sell for each other well, and the other dozen or so power moves that Steiner executes are crisp. If you think this is one of the worst matches on PPV ever, I'd draw your attention to some of the crap WCW put on their Battlebowl cards or basically just about every match on the InVasion pay-per-view. For a World Title match, this one underwhelms, but its not a slap-in-the-face insult the way so many other critics have described it. In fact, as Act II of a storyline, the finish (and post-match) makes total sense, even if the crowd wanted a clean ending. (2/5)
And on the opposite end of the spectrum we have the next bout - Kurt Angle defending the WWE Championship against Chris Benoit. At the time, this match was praised heavily - including earning near-masterpiece status from Dave Meltzer in the Wrestling Observer (he gave it a rare 4.75 stars) - and I must admit that, the first time I saw it (this would be in 06'/07'?), I believed it to be one of the best matches I'd ever seen, right up there with Bret vs. Perfect at SummerSlam 91', one of my go-to "Favorite Matches Ever" as a remarkably great match rife with emotion but never overdramatic or corny. The emotion is earned in this match through nothing more than wrestling. Subsequent viewings have taken some of the luster off the match - its one of those bouts that, on first viewing, feels much longer, like a true epic, but tends to get shorter every time I see it. Similarly, the post-match scene comes off as far more genuine when you don't see it coming after a lengthy commercial for the WWE Anthology CD. But these are small, slight criticisms. The timing, the counters and reversals, the struggle put into every submission, the way the crowd's interest and emotions are built up from a respectable rumble (no pun intended) to raucous ovations...this match is just undeniably terrific. Modern viewers unfamiliar with this match may see it as a harbinger of the "self-conscious epic" of today and may even criticize the sheer amount of high spots and "movez" - but I find that criticism invalid for this particular match. To me, Benoit and Angle (especially) had their fair share of matches with each other and others where they seemed more interested in proving how much they could do instead of telling a story, but this one actually seems edited to me, like they decided to purposely let their biggest spots breathe and didn't hesitate to take two extra breaths with their selling. For being, arguably, the quintessential match of both guys' WWE careers, I have no issues scoring this one high. 13 years later, it remains a must-see match, the execution flawless and the finish standing as one of the most definitive endings to a title fight ever. (4.5/5)
Main event time - the 2013 Royal Rumble kicks off with the arrival of our number one and number two entrants - Shawn Michaels and Chris J...Christian, rather. With the distraction in place, Jericho attacks the Showstopper from behind, bloodying him with a chair and tossing him as Chris Nowitski (the number 3 entrant) watches from outside. As a start to the Rumble, its an awesome, attention-grabbing sequence that is only strengthened by Jericho's strong work over the next 30+ minutes (save for one moment when, at least to these eyes, it looks like his feet do hit the ground during one of his many "skin the cat" moments). Elsewhere, we get a nice callback to the previous year's show when Undertaker and Maven share a moment and John Cena cutting an R-rated promo to the delight of the crowd (Batista also has a respectable showing in his first Rumble appearance). Unfortunately, what hurts the match is its lack of consequence beyond birthing the Michaels/Jericho feud and providing a storyline explanation for Brock Lesnar to compete for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 19. In fact, examining that card, one sees a plethora of names that don't appear anywhere on this show, specifically Steve Austin, The Rock, Vince McMahon, Hulk Hogan (3 out of 4 would appear at February's No Way Out show). While the finish was likely never in question to most fans in 2003, the lack of star power or even a single surprise entrant hurts the replay value considerably (throughout the match, Ross essentially admits to knowing every expected entrant [but not what number they drew], telegraphing the idea that there will be no shocking debuts or returns in this match beyond the advertised re-emergence of the Undertaker). A decent edition of the company's most popular annual speciality match, but far from worth revisiting. (3/5)
With a Kwang score of 2.75-out-of-5, the 2013 Royal Rumble is a one match show that is buoyed by a handful of good production choices (love those Nathan Jones and Sean O'Haire promos), storyline advancement (the Michaels/Jericho sequences during the Rumble match), and fun sports-entertainment moments (Cena's raps, the return of The Undertaker). The rest of the show is a split between a trainwreck that you can't look away from and dreck that you'd fast forward through on a typical RAW episode. On the trainwreck side you get Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson attempting to put on a heated wrestling match when neither is capable of the simplest of maneuvers and Triple H trying laughably hard to prove his value by "carrying" Scott Steiner to a bloody, suplex-filled showdown (when, in reality, if they had stuck to a more traditional layout and less nuanced finish, it would've actually worked better). The dreck is what is left over (the non-match between Show and Lesnar and the instantly-forgettable Tag Titles bout). I can see Ruthless Aggression superfans calling this one of the best shows of that era, but I'm certainly not a member of that minority. Are you?
FINAL RATING - High Risk Maneuever
Hey - the matches of tonight may not be anything special, but we do get some great vignettes. This time its Sean O'Haire who breaks up the monotony with his fun Devil's Advocate gimmick. I'd love to see a guy like Austin Aries get similar spotlights prior to his debut on the main roster because a segment like this gets much more accomplished than a cold match in front of an indifferent audience. (+1)
The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line when Scott Steiner challenges Triple H. Scott Keith gave this negative stars. Dave Meltzer gave this one star. Me? I don't know...I mean, it's a bad match. The layout is questionable as Triple H fights from underneath so much that the crowd, which was 50/50 anyway (due to this being pretty much The Game's hometown), is definitely rooting for him by the end. At one point, Triple H bleeds needlessly and so gratuitously that it comes across as overreaching. Steiner sports a whale tail that would make Lita blush and he botches an underhook powerbomb. The finish draws huge boos from the crowd....but Flair's involvement is great, Triple H and Steiner sell for each other well, and the other dozen or so power moves that Steiner executes are crisp. If you think this is one of the worst matches on PPV ever, I'd draw your attention to some of the crap WCW put on their Battlebowl cards or basically just about every match on the InVasion pay-per-view. For a World Title match, this one underwhelms, but its not a slap-in-the-face insult the way so many other critics have described it. In fact, as Act II of a storyline, the finish (and post-match) makes total sense, even if the crowd wanted a clean ending. (2/5)
And on the opposite end of the spectrum we have the next bout - Kurt Angle defending the WWE Championship against Chris Benoit. At the time, this match was praised heavily - including earning near-masterpiece status from Dave Meltzer in the Wrestling Observer (he gave it a rare 4.75 stars) - and I must admit that, the first time I saw it (this would be in 06'/07'?), I believed it to be one of the best matches I'd ever seen, right up there with Bret vs. Perfect at SummerSlam 91', one of my go-to "Favorite Matches Ever" as a remarkably great match rife with emotion but never overdramatic or corny. The emotion is earned in this match through nothing more than wrestling. Subsequent viewings have taken some of the luster off the match - its one of those bouts that, on first viewing, feels much longer, like a true epic, but tends to get shorter every time I see it. Similarly, the post-match scene comes off as far more genuine when you don't see it coming after a lengthy commercial for the WWE Anthology CD. But these are small, slight criticisms. The timing, the counters and reversals, the struggle put into every submission, the way the crowd's interest and emotions are built up from a respectable rumble (no pun intended) to raucous ovations...this match is just undeniably terrific. Modern viewers unfamiliar with this match may see it as a harbinger of the "self-conscious epic" of today and may even criticize the sheer amount of high spots and "movez" - but I find that criticism invalid for this particular match. To me, Benoit and Angle (especially) had their fair share of matches with each other and others where they seemed more interested in proving how much they could do instead of telling a story, but this one actually seems edited to me, like they decided to purposely let their biggest spots breathe and didn't hesitate to take two extra breaths with their selling. For being, arguably, the quintessential match of both guys' WWE careers, I have no issues scoring this one high. 13 years later, it remains a must-see match, the execution flawless and the finish standing as one of the most definitive endings to a title fight ever. (4.5/5)
Main event time - the 2013 Royal Rumble kicks off with the arrival of our number one and number two entrants - Shawn Michaels and Chris J...Christian, rather. With the distraction in place, Jericho attacks the Showstopper from behind, bloodying him with a chair and tossing him as Chris Nowitski (the number 3 entrant) watches from outside. As a start to the Rumble, its an awesome, attention-grabbing sequence that is only strengthened by Jericho's strong work over the next 30+ minutes (save for one moment when, at least to these eyes, it looks like his feet do hit the ground during one of his many "skin the cat" moments). Elsewhere, we get a nice callback to the previous year's show when Undertaker and Maven share a moment and John Cena cutting an R-rated promo to the delight of the crowd (Batista also has a respectable showing in his first Rumble appearance). Unfortunately, what hurts the match is its lack of consequence beyond birthing the Michaels/Jericho feud and providing a storyline explanation for Brock Lesnar to compete for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 19. In fact, examining that card, one sees a plethora of names that don't appear anywhere on this show, specifically Steve Austin, The Rock, Vince McMahon, Hulk Hogan (3 out of 4 would appear at February's No Way Out show). While the finish was likely never in question to most fans in 2003, the lack of star power or even a single surprise entrant hurts the replay value considerably (throughout the match, Ross essentially admits to knowing every expected entrant [but not what number they drew], telegraphing the idea that there will be no shocking debuts or returns in this match beyond the advertised re-emergence of the Undertaker). A decent edition of the company's most popular annual speciality match, but far from worth revisiting. (3/5)
With a Kwang score of 2.75-out-of-5, the 2013 Royal Rumble is a one match show that is buoyed by a handful of good production choices (love those Nathan Jones and Sean O'Haire promos), storyline advancement (the Michaels/Jericho sequences during the Rumble match), and fun sports-entertainment moments (Cena's raps, the return of The Undertaker). The rest of the show is a split between a trainwreck that you can't look away from and dreck that you'd fast forward through on a typical RAW episode. On the trainwreck side you get Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson attempting to put on a heated wrestling match when neither is capable of the simplest of maneuvers and Triple H trying laughably hard to prove his value by "carrying" Scott Steiner to a bloody, suplex-filled showdown (when, in reality, if they had stuck to a more traditional layout and less nuanced finish, it would've actually worked better). The dreck is what is left over (the non-match between Show and Lesnar and the instantly-forgettable Tag Titles bout). I can see Ruthless Aggression superfans calling this one of the best shows of that era, but I'm certainly not a member of that minority. Are you?
FINAL RATING - High Risk Maneuever
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