The Road Dogg's tag partner, "Mr. Ass" Billy Gunn takes on Ken Shamrock for his Intercontinental Championship next. On one hand, the fact that this show starts with three consecutive DX matches is ridiculous and shows some real laziness in booking, but, on the other hand, at this point in time, DX were the most over babyfaces on the roster not named Austin or Foley. Anyway, I wish this had just been a dominant ass-kicking by Shamrock, but he was never really allowed to do that despite being more legitimate as a fighter than anyone else on the roster. Instead, him and Gunn have a relatively straight-forward back-and-forth match that involves some ref shenanigans and a run-in by Val Venis, who was also tangentially involved in this because of his relationship with Ken's kayfabe sister Ryan Shamrock. The right guy wins, but if I recall correctly, Billy Gunn ended up with the Intercontinental Championship not too long after this. (2/5)
As mentioned in the previous paragraph, the WWE opted to have the third member of DX, X-Pac, compete next, defending his European Championship against Gangrel. This was just a poor layout for a show as, despite the style differences between Road Dogg, Gunn, and X-Pac, they all did similar shtick around this time. This was arguably the best match-up of the three, but it felt like filler because, as far as I recall, there was no real storyline here. I was legit shocked to read that Gangrel was still working in the WWE through 99' and 2000 as I thought he was released once Edge and Christian (and then the Hardy Boyz) dropped him in late 99'. Like Essa Rios, it looks like a bunch of his screentime in the end there was on Jakked. Whatever. Not a bad match, though there is a botched pinfall where Teddy Long clearly makes the 3 count but the match continues and the small portion of the crowd paying attention gives him shit for it. X-Pac wins in under 6 minutes, making this seem more like a TV match than something PPV worthy. (2/5)
After some words from DX backstage, Shane McMahon made his way down the aisle to welcome "the next WWE Women's Champion" Luna Vachon as she challenges Sable in a strap match. Sable was not a trained wrestler so Luna has to carry this one entirely and does a decent enough job with it, though this isn't as good as the Marc Mero/Sable match I reviewed some months back. The match doesn't overstay its welcome, but you can tell that nobody involved really wants to be doing it either. Luna seems a bit unmotivated - maybe because her role here is so one-dimensional as the "not hot" one? Maybe there was some jealousy/anger over Sable being so prominently featured despite not actually being a trained wrestler? Maybe Sable's ego was running wild backstage and Luna didn't want to appease her? Maybe I misread this one, but it just seems like Luna had more fun when she was paired with Goldust and the Oddities and their "otherness" was actually celebrated while Sable, who would leave the company not so soon after, is clearly not super comfortable even working a match. Not a good outing for either performer, but I guess its at least kept short? (1/5)
Next up: one of the most historic and horrific matches in WWE history, The Rock vs. Mankind in an I Quit Match for Mankind's WWE Championship. Its difficult to write about this match in 2022 as it is the type of match that no major company would put on, not because its bloody, not because its violent, but because it features over a dozen unprotected chair shots to the head. It is remarkable that Mick Foley didn't suffer a traumatic brain injury here. The first 3/4s of the match are good, straight-up brawling and, considering some of the bumps and spots that they deliver and the crowd's huge reactions, it really makes the final 4-5 minutes harder to watch. If you take those unprotected chair shots out of this match, you have a very good Attitude Era match - arguably a "must watch" match on its own just because of the chemistry between Foley and The Rock, who puts in a performance that cemented his status as maybe the best heel working at the time. But Foley wasn't happy with just delivering a good match at this point. He wanted to deliver something that most fans had never seen before, a match that was as hardcore and violent and cringe-inducing as anything that had ever been done in a WWE or any American ring ever. He succeeds and it is a gruesome sight to behold as Foley, handcuffed, somehow takes one skull-crushing chair shot after another. I'd have to double-check his book, but I believe Foley's only issue with The Rock's work was one of the final chair shots, which The Rock delivers with Foley's back turned to him (giving Foley no real warning that it was coming). Was it unprofessional? Absolutely...but, then again, this level of barbarism is kinda what Foley had clearly wanted to happen. The Rock gets trigger-happy, but as Foley admits, he's the one that gave him the loaded gun and agreed to having himself handcuffed to eliminate any chance he had of protecting himself. So how does one rate a match like this? Is it "must see"? Is it a "masterpiece" of masochism? What about the cheap finish that involved The Rock essentially just signalling someone in the back to cue up a recording of Foley saying "I quit" from a previous interview while Foley clearly lies half dead on the ground? It would be insulting to not appreciate Foley's sacrifice here, or how hot the crowd is for all of this, how pitch-perfect The Rock's heel act is from beginning to end, and the emotional weight of a match like this. This is a match that one can not watch without having a visceral response to, even if that response is ugly and negative. For those reasons, I'd consider a "must watch." Thankfully, there is only one of these matches in WWE history, but that quality, that "singularness" is also what makes it a match that every wrestling fan old enough to appreciate what they're watching and what Foley put his body through should definitely see at least once. (4/5)
Main event time - the 1999 edition of the Royal Rumble. As had been hyped all night long, the match begins with Steve Austin and Vince McMahon as #1 and #2 (I forget who was which), Stone Cold stomping a mudhole in Vince's ass as the crowd went wild. Golga of the Oddities came in at #3 but was almost immediately eliminated by Austin. Golga was played by John Tenta, who was out of the company before the end of the year and sadly passe away in 2006 (but who is also something of a personal favorite of mine now that I've gone back and seen just how much presence and charisma he brought to his matches even if he doesn't have the glowing resume of a Vader or Bam Bam Bigelow). McMahon uses Golga's appearance as a distraction and runs off with Austin in hot pursuit...which kinda kills the Rumble match itself as Austin, the biggest star in the match, and Vince, the biggest heel in the match, aren't around the next little while (Austin is beaten up and pushed into an ambulance and Vince joins the commentary team). In there absence, we get a parade of guys that essentially had no chance of winning the Rumble anyway: Edge, Legion of Doom-era Droz, Billy Gunn, Steve Blackman, Tiger Ali Singh... There are occasional cool moments that advance some of the company's major storylines at the time - Kane getting into with a bunch of orderlies (if I recall correctly, Vince McMahon had ordered for Kane to be taken to an institution on Raw), The Undertaker and his Ministry of Darkness abducting Mabel (he would become known as Viscera soon after), Chyna eliminating Mark Henry. The final four is a complete letdown, though, as not having Kane or Undertaker around really made it obvious that either Austin was winning or there was going to be some sort of screwy finish. The latter is what we get as Austin manages to eliminate Bossman, D'Lo Brown, and Owen Hart but, due to a distraction from The Rock, Vince McMahon ends up dumping Austin over the top to win the match. In terms of progressing a storyline, this was an effective way to further the Austin/Vince storyline, but it really didn't do much for anyone else. It also didn't make a ton of sense that members of McMahon's Corporation didn't team up throughout the match; having Bossman, Shamrock, and Test as the final 3 would've added some drama that was definitely needed by the end of this match. With too many boring stretches and not enough stars, this was not a Royal Rumble I'd ever bother revisiting. (1.5/5)
Regarded by many as one of the worst Rumbles ever, this show is also undeniably one of the most memorable Rumbles ever. The WWE Championship match is legendary for its brutality, but if you can get past the ultra-violence, Mick Foley and The Rock's performances are undeniably brilliant and the match is, for better or worse, essential viewing for any WWE fan (though, maybe not the young ones). The Rumble match itself is certainly in the conversation of the worst ever, though I could hear the argument that, from a storyline perspective, it did everything it needed to in order to build towards the next pay-per-view (St. Valentine's Day Massacre) and, ultimately, WrestleMania XV, while still placing one more hurdle in front of Austin. With a Kwang Score of 2.08-out-of-5, this is a one-match show (for those that can stomach watching someone eat a dozen unprotected chairshots to the head) and not much else to recommend checking out.
FINAL RATING - High Risk Maneuver
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