Our opening contest pitted CM Punk against all three members of The Shield in a handicap match. This match is somewhat notorious as it became one of the focal points of CM Punk's infamous post-WWE interview on former best friend Colt Cabana's Art of Wrestling podcast months later. According to Punk, Vince McMahon pitched the concept of the match to Punk as an effort to placate him at a time when he was noticeably peeved with the company (Punk thought the notion of him winning a 3-on-1 match against three guys who were getting a massive push was stupid) but also made sure to note that he wanted Roman Reigns to come out of the match looking particularly strong. Despite these somewhat contradictory marching orders, Punk and The Shield manage to make things work for the most part. An unconvincing "eye injury" keeps Reigns out of the match and essentially makes things 2-on-1 for the finishing stretch, which makes the pill of Punk beating three men single-handed easier to swallow. As other reviewers have said, this was about as good as a match like this could be as Punk had good chemistry with everyone and the crowd was very much behind him. The execution of the finish was well done too. (3/5)
Next up - AJ Lee defending the WWE Divas Championship against Natalya. This match was built up over several months and, compared to most women's matches of this era, was actually given a fair amount of time at 6+ minutes (in 2023, most women's titles matches go beyond 10). Unfortunately, this match just didn't click with me and certainly didn't wow the live crowd either. It was more hard-hitting and technical and "serious" than the type of matches that the WWE would routinely present from their women's division, but that doesn't necessarily make it very engaging or interesting to watch. This is the type of match that you want to exceed your expectations because both women are capable performers who were arguably among the best workers on the women's wrestlers on the roster at the time, but it doesn't quite get there for some reason. (2/5)
The Intercontinental Championship was on the line next as Big E defended against Damien Sandow. A rather generic match built from maybe the most generic transition in wrestling history (a guy shoulder-tackling the post), I have grown to really not like Damien Sandow - a guy who is maybe a nice dude and was pretty funny on I Think You Should Leave, but really underwhelms me once the bell rings. He has some natural charisma, but I find my mind wandering whenever I watch one of his matches, uninterested and often waiting for things to just wrap up. Maybe its the the thin "better than you" gimmick? The uninspired look? Meanwhile, while Big E would eventually become one of my favorites of the past decade, he's still inside his shell here a bit and had not yet connected all the dots to get himself over as a the lovable, fun powerhouse babyface that could get an entire arena behind him. I kinda wish this had been more of a squash and less of a back-and-forth match, but, at the time, I believe there was still some optimism about Sandow breaking out which is why it wasn't a dominant win for E. Nothing special here, but not totally offensive. (2/5)
The WWE Tag Team Championships were on the line as Goldust and Cody Rhodes defended the straps in a 4-way match against The Real Americans, Big Show & Rey Mysterio, and Rybaxel (Ryback & Curtis Axel). Unsurprisingly, Rybaxel got eliminated first and Goldust was the MVP of the match. Goldust might be one of the most underrated workers in wrestling history just because not enough people put him in the top 10 - but this guy's longevity, multiple successful gimmicks, and multiple "comebacks" are unparalleled. The Real Americans - particularly Cesaro - were actually over as babyfaces, more than likely because they had a cool catchphrase and the Cesaro Swing is a 100% babyface move. Overall, a good match, but not a great one. Mysterio and Show were a good pairing, but after being such a key figure in the Authority storyline, I'm not sure I understood why Big Show was seemingly right back on the midcard hamster wheel competing against the Rhodes Brothers who, if I remember correctly, he was in a very clear alliance with just a few weeks prior (in fact, didn't he help them beat The Shield for the titles and keep their jobs???). Not a ton to say about this match, just kinda there. (2.5/5)
R-Truth took on Brodus Clay in the next match. Clay was in the midst of a heel turn at this point, breaking off from the Funkadactyls and "Sweet T" (aka Lord Tensai, aka Matt Bloom with a hip-hop inspired moniker). R-Truth was backed up by Xavier Woods. This match went 6 minutes and they weren't good or interesting. Not much else to say about this aside from, in my research, I found that Brodus Clay completed his heel turn the next night on Raw and then basically lost to everyone he had been feuding with/involved with over the next several weeks. I'm guessing he appeared at the Rumble the next month, but I'm not 100% on that. 6 months later, he was out of the company after, based on his Wikipedia, a short stint in NXT where I'm guessing they were hoping to get him a bit smoother and more dynamic in the ring as, despite undeniable size and a unique look and even some charisma, he was just not fun or interesting to watch once the bell rang. (1/5)
The next match - Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz - was much better than the loud and audible "boring" chants would lead you to believe. These two brought the intensity and really tried to have a hard fought match, but The Miz was not appreciated at all at this time so the live crowd just wouldn't give him any sort of response. Kofi was even less over than The Miz, nowhere near as beloved as he would become when The New Day basically saved his (and Woods' and Big E's careers). Again, watch this match with the sound off and you are going to see some really good work - this felt like a real personal fight between two guys who genuinely hated each other - but the live audience shits all over it because they didn't buy into the animosity and intensity shown by the two characters, neither of whom were known for having that "second gear" yet. (2/5)
A second 3-on-1 match follows as Daniel Bryan takes on all three members of the Wyatt Family - Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, and Erick Rowan. If the Punk/Shield match was worked smartly but maybe had the wrong ending, this one is arguably the best 3-on-1 handicap match I've ever seen. From beginning to end, Bryan takes the fight to the Wyatts, going after his much larger opponents with stiff kicks and explosive high-flying offense. He is a whirling dervish in the ring and the crowd is red hot for him. What pushes this past the Shield match from earlier is that the story, while simple, is much more effective as the juxtaposition of characters - the undersized underdog vs. the dark monsters - makes for a funner, more chaotic match. That chaos is particularly useful because, if the match were worked straight - like some of the Shield/Punk was - Bryan really wouldn't stand a chance. There are also some specifically cool moments as Bray Wyatt busts out the horror movie-inspired crab walk (which draws "That was creepy!" chants from the Houston crowd) and I loved Bryan's selling throughout and his plancha to the outside. This is just a great 12-minute match that furthered a story without sacrificing anyone's overness. (3.5/5)
Main event time - John Cena vs. Randy Orton in a WWE Championship/World Heavyweight Championship title unification fought under TLC rules. Cena and Orton have had a ton of matches over the years, but I'm not sure I've ever truly loved one. Their match at Bragging Rights 2009 - an Anything Goes Ironman Match - is often cited as their best and I only gave that a 3.5 on the Kwang Meter, while this match had a bit of reputation for being a bit cold due to the fact that, in 2013, there simply was no hotter babyface than Daniel Bryan and one could even argue that CM Punk was as over as Cena was. Meanwhile, Orton is...well, Orton. Orton has always been a crisp worker with great timing, a natural heel with innate charisma and a good sense of "old school pacing." However, this deliberate style - much like that of his mentor Triple H - doesn't always result in the most riveting matches and Orton, years later, became a much more exciting worker when he was allowed to cut loose a bit and have more fun, RKOing out of nowhere and playing to the crowd as a tweener/babyface that relishes in punishing his opponents as a cocky badass. He is not that Orton yet here and so the match doesn't feel like anything fresh. There are good spots throughout, but nothing as incredible as what Cena did with Edge 7-8 years earlier. Neither guy is known for their high-flying, so we don't get any crazy dives. The final spot of the match looks incredibly painful, but one suspects that Cena - who gets pulled off the top of a ladder and into a table shoulder-first - was meant to actually crash through the furniture, leaving it in splinters, rather than just taking a very awkward (and probably much more painful) landing. The crowd was into this match, but you can hear, especially early on, a smattering of "Daniel Bryan" chants coming through. The Houston crowd isn't dead or indifferent, but one does have to wonder if this match wouldn't be more well-regarded had it occurred at a time when there was more interest in these performers, both of whom were guys that some of the audience had undoubtedly tired of. (3/5)
I wouldn't call this a "notorious" show because, 10 years later, few remember it - but this was certainly a controversial show at the time as Daniel Bryan was the most popular guy on the roster, CM Punk wasn't far behind, and yet neither guy was being positioned at the top of the card. Meanwhile, Cena and Orton's popularity in large parts of the "IWC" had taken a serious hit as both veterans were seen as the "corporate choices" being pushed down the fans' throats. This was undeniably true and had been true since at least 2005, but by 2013, Cena and Orton really had accomplished all there was to accomplish in the company, their acts coming off as stale and staid in comparison to what Bryan and CM Punk had been doing for the past year. It is this huge grey cloud of fan cynicism that covers this otherwise solid show, keeping the main event from ever really working and making so many of the other matches seem inconsequential and safe. I mean, why bother investing in some of these characters and performers when, ultimately, Vince is going to promote lame acts like The Great Khali and Brodus Clay over guys like Ziggler or Evan Bourne or Heath Slater, guys who were on the main roster and capable of putting on much better matches than the aforementioned monsters. With a Kwang Score of 2.38-out-of-5, the 2013 edition of Tables, Ladders, and Chairs isn't a total slog - the 3-on-1 matches are surprisingly good-to-great, The Miz/Kofi match deserved a more enthusiastic reception, and the main event is fine - but the rest of the card is a bit dull.
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
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