WrestleMania XXIX begins with a video package about Hurricane Sandy, which had leveled the New York/New Jersey shores in the fall of 2012, roughly 5 months before this event, which was promoted as a bit of a homecoming for the WWE.
Opening the show wrestling-wise was Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show vs. The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins). The Shield was known for having great 6-man tags upon their debut but this was nothing special. The finish came when Orton "went into business for himself" and stole the hot tag from Big Show only to end up losing the match because The Shield was able to work as a cohesive unit and the veterans couldn't keep it together. This story would've worked better if Orton was a full-fledged heel, but he wasn't (neither was Sheamus or Big Show), so you have the right pieces in the wrong places as Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show were not massively over as babyfaces and The Shield were still fairly new on the scene. After the match, Big Show clocks both Sheamus and Orton with his Knockout Punch to keep that move strong. Not terrible, but definitely not the "hot opener" that one might've expected considering the talent level. (2/5)
After a video package hyping the night's main event, its time for one of the more notorious matches in recent WrestleMania history: Mark Henry vs. Ryback. Coming into this match, Ryback was no longer undefeated, but he'd also only really lost due to interference from The Shield and other shenanigans. Henry, meanwhile, had only semi-recently returned after a 9 month absense in which he had famously dominated the world of power lifting (again). Ryback and Henry don't have great chemistry. I think Henry, for as good as his Hall of Pain run was, was still never a guy that could "carry" another worker and Ryback, well, his best matches were built around short bursts of awesome, big impact power moves (not dissimilar to the wrestlers he was often compared to: Goldberg and the Ultimate Warrior). What makes this mostly unremarkable match famous, though, is the finish - which saw Ryback fail to hit his Shell Shock finisher, crumble to the mat, and then eat a pin. This was a head-scratcher moment in 2013 as many expected Ryback to be in line for a fairly big push and him delivering the Shell Shock to Mark Henry seemed like a natural "WrestleMania moment" for Ryback to enjoy and build from. Instead, Ryback loses - which is the headline - and ends up hitting Henry with the Shell Shock after the match, which is kinda like kissing your sister and doesn't really count. Ryback would turn heel soon after this - if not the next night if I remember correctly - but this loss really hurt him. (2/5)
The next match is another one that is more interesting than good - Daniel Bryan and Kane (aka Team Hell No) vs. Dolph Ziggler and Big E (with AJ Lee in tow) for the World Tag Team Championships. The crowd was into this as Daniel Bryan was getting the "No" and "Yes" chants over strong and, by the summer, would be the most universally beloved babyface in at least 5-6 years. What's interesting is that, despite being known for his amazing in-ring skill, it was this partnership with Kane - which didn't result in all that many great matches that one could point to (really, just the matches against The Shield spring to mind) - that helped bring him to that next level in term of widespread appeal. This match is fairly pedestrian and goes under 10 minutes, but Big E gets some moments to shine and Ziggler showcase some good chemistry (I've also, for some reason, always felt like Ziggler and Kane had surprisingly good matches together, mostly because, if nothing else, Kane is good at being a "base" for bump machines like Dolph). Average match that benefits from an enthusiastic crowd. (2.5/5)
And again its time for another somewhat infamous match - Chris Jericho vs. Fandango. Since this match happened, Jericho has pointed to this match as the moment when he knew where he stood with Vince and that he, at least initially, felt unappreciated being put in the position of working with (and putting over) a newcomer with such a lame gimmick. Still, you couldn't really tell just by watching this match, which is much, much better than it probably has any right to be. Jericho hits a Codebreaker early but can't capitalize, this match sprinkled with all sorts of moments like that when Jericho seems to have the match won but Fandango squirms his way out of losing the match. Fandango hits his finisher - a top rope legdrop - but Jericho kicks out. That would've felt "bigger" if this being Fandango's finisher was established (which I don't think it was at the time). Jericho kept going for the Walls of Jericho, but Fandango eventually rolled him up to get the upset victory in a little under 10 minutes. Jericho once again proved himself a real pro here, more than holding up his end of the match and putting Fandango over - if not as an equal, at least as a guy with enough tricks up his sleeve to catch a multi-time World Champion slipping. (3/5)
Before the next match, we get yet another video highlighting tonight's main event - this has to be at least the third - and it is not short. I can't imagine the live crowd enjoying all this downtime between matches or the next segment: P. Diddy's mini-concert. Ugh. I'm not down on Puff Daddy at all, but in 2013, he wasn't super relevant and, based on the audience response, I'm not sure this was a crowd full of fans that wanted to hear him go through a medley of hits from almost two decades earlier.
The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line next - Alberto Del Rio defending against Jack Swagger. The build-up for this match was all about Swagger's "All-American American" gimmick and having Zeb Colter as his mouthpiece. Its actually pretty crazy how much this gimmick ended up becoming practically mainstream Republican views less than a decade later as Colter's not-so-veiled racist rantings are eerily similar to the talking points used by Trump and his supporters. Before the match, Colter cuts a promo that includes some unkind thoughts about much of the NY/NJ population and its non-English speakers (he even throws in a taunt against people who Yiddish just to make sure to hit every ethnicity possible). Still, this feels very much like a US Title feud more than a World Heavyweight Championship because Swagger was definitely not a true main eventer and, despite all his accolades, Alberto Del Rio never really reached the level of popularity a top babyface should have nor did he ever stand out as a true top heel. This match just doesn't have any sort of Big Fight Feel that a World Heavyweight Championship match should have (in fact, I'd argue that Fandango/Jericho felt like a bigger deal). Case in point - the loud "We Want Ziggler" chants audible within the first 5-6 minutes of what was clearly meant to be a heat-generating feud designed to give Del Rio a huge symbolic victory over capital-R Racists. Del Rio and Swagger tried their best, but this match was a mostly forgettable affair that went less than 13 minutes. (2.5/5)
Arguably the best match of the night follows - CM Punk vs. The Undertaker. This is one of those matches where the outcome is never really in question and, even though it has been said that Punk lobbied hard to end the streak (which I don't think was ever even considered or that Punk ever believed it possible), the fun is in seeing if Punk can manage to make you think he might win. I don't think he ever does at any point, even after he knocks Taker in the back of the head with the urn, but there's still something rewarding from just seeing Punk in full asshole/dickhead heel mode. Some have argued that Punk didn't act cowardly enough at times, but I like his brash cockiness and think it plays into the story they built perfectly. Punk truly believes and acts like he has the Undertaker suffering from mental anguish, that he has gotten under his skin, that he has humanized the Deadman in a way that no other WrestleMania challenger ever has, that with Paul Bearer gone (he had passed away roughly a month before this show), the Undertaker was no longer the mythical Phenom he once was. And so why wouldn't CM Punk come in ready to win? After some extravagant entrances - a not-so-great sounding Living Colour played Punk in while Undertaker had one of his usual iconic entrances - the action starts with Punk slapping Taker in the face in a show of utter disrespect that gets a huge reaction. The big reactions continue, though not necessarily as the WWE probably liked, with the audience engaging in dueling CM Punk/Undertaker chants. The fight goes to the outside and this really is a fight more than a technical wrestling match, which is unsurprising and fits the storyline. I like the little details in this match, including Undertaker's menacing stare at referee Mike Chioda anytime he tries to reign this match in and Paul Heyman's running commentary from the outside, speaking loud and clear to Punk about how, with every nearfall, he is that much closer to making history. Punk mocked the Phenom a bit by attempting an Old School but got crotched for it and Undertaker looked like he wanted to hit his dive, but got distracted. That was a smart tease. Punk had a bit of a rally here but, again, it never really felt like he was going to score the win - especially without some shenanigans. Instead, the match actually became a bit more about Punk surviving some of the Deadman's biggest moves, including a powerful chokeslam, a Hell's Gate submission, and a Tombstone Piledriver! Less impressive was a table spot that didn't end up causing the table to break, which seemed like what they were going for. The finish came when Punk finally hit his GTS but Undertaker kicked out and hit another Tombstone. There was also a ref bump and an urn shot in there, but again, none of it made me feel like Punk might win. The people I know who were in attendance for this match universally described it as the Match of the Night which is cool because not only does that tell you what the atmosphere was, but its also notable because so many of the cool subtle moments I like from this match couldn't have possibly been enjoyed live. I wouldn't call this an all-time great match or even necessarily in the top 4-5 Undertaker Mania matches (those would probably be vs. Edge, vs. Shawn, vs. Flair, and, if I'm being 100% honest, vs. AJ) but it might be in that #6 spot considering how much I really hated Triple H in the 2010s (their match at one of the other Manias - 18? 19? - is only one I remember really digging). (4/5)
Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H is the next match. I must admit to coming into this match with very low expectations. I really disliked Triple H during this era as his feuds and booking felt even more self-serving than in the earlier 2000s. Meanwhile, Brock Lesnar's first year in the company had been booked in confusing fashion as he'd lost his first major match in the company (against John Cena) and, while he'd beaten Triple H at SummerSlam, it was all but guaranteed that he would lose here (as Triple H had put his career on the line and, in 2013/14, it was obvious that Triple H wasn't going anywhere). Like so many Triple H matches, I begrudgingly have to admit that I liked it. He takes a ton of bumps, makes Lesnar look like a million bucks, and must rely on interference - from Shawn Michaels, of course - to eventually best the Beast. Its still a shame that Lesnar has to basically play down his own toughness and credibility to get this match over, but such is life when the son-in-law of the owner of the company is also one of the few true capital-S Superstars on the roster. I wouldn't consider this "must see" but its an above-average contest and, with a better, more meaningful finish (like the right guy winning), it could've been. (3.5/5)
Main event time - The Rock defending the WWE Championship against John Cena in a match built up as "Cena's Redemption" (which made the finish fairly predictable, though, to be fair, there were still rumors at the time that Cena might lose or cheat to win and turn heel in front of what was expected to be a hostile crowd at WrestleMania or the next night on RAW). A year before this, The Rock defeated John Cena when Cena got cocky and went for a People's Elbow. I haven't rewatched this match since the night of the event, but I don't recall it being a particularly great match on a show that was not particularly great either. This match isn't great either. The star power is there and the crowd is into it because of that - at first, at least - but there's nothing to this match beyond that star power. The callbacks to the previous year's match make this like a Hollywood sequel that has nothing new to say or do with its characters, who also, maybe most shockingly, can't seem to keep their own characters straight. Cena should come into this match with deadly focus, especially considering that showboating is what arguably cost him the match the previous year, but he can't seem to help himself from soaking in the moment and playing to the audience and, even if that is part of the mind games he's supposedly playing with The Rock, it muddies the story of the match into what is sometimes referred to as "Video Game"-style wrestling, where lengthy signature taunts destroy a match's competitive credibility. The Rock, meanwhile, works this match like Hogan worked the one against him at WrestleMania XVIII - but it falls flat because the audience never really turns on him the way that the Toronto crowd ended up rallying behind the Hulkster. (3/5)
With a Kwang Score of 2.81-out-of-5, WrestleMania XXIX is a better show than its harshest critics would ever admit. Nobody outright "shits the bed." Fandango/Jericho is better than it should be, Punk/Taker is one of the Deadman's best WrestleMania matches, and, despite its finish, even Triple H/Lesnar is a more-than-solid match. Unfortunately, the main event did nothing for me beyond the inherent star power it offered. There is a noticeable lack of diversity in match styles and spectacle caused by the card lacking any women's matches, any celebrity bouts, or any big stipulation match (ladders, cages, etc.). The finishes for all three main events were predictable and played out exactly as fans expected, a missed opportunity to do something special and maybe create a bigger star out of Lesnar or Punk in particular (a mistake they'd course-correct for the next year by having Lesnar end the Deadman's Streak and Daniel Bryan defeat all three members of Evolution). With a runtime close to 4 hours, there's no reason to watch this whole thing, but there is enjoyment to be had...with remote in hand.
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
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