After a short speech from Vince McMahon, a performance of "America The Beautiful" from someone I've never heard of, and a 40-minute rain delay broken up by off-the-cuff and not-so-great promos from everyone except Kevin Owens (whose promo was actually solid), it was time to start WrestleMania for real...
Hulk Hogan and Titus O'Neill came out to deliver the usual "Welcome To WrestleMania" speech that the hosts of these events always do. This was cringe-inducing stuff as Hogan, to me, just seems like a guy that needs to be remembered but not seen anymore in 2021. While one could argue that Hogan still had some nostalgia-based equity 5 years ago, 10 years ago, its been 20+ years since his nWo days and 30+ years since the Hulkamania Era and, maybe more importantly, more than a couple scandals. Titus O'Neill, meanwhile, is a guy that would seem like a bigger deal if he'd actually been used properly when he was a regular competitor (which, by the way, would have been keeping as a "hot tag" guy because, in that role, he was great). Seeing Hogan puts a sour look on my face and Titus is not now and has never been a relevant figure on TV. Things got better, though, as...
Bobby Lashley defended the WWE Championship against Drew McIntyre in the first match in front of a live audience in over 12 months. Watching this match, I wondered if Lashley and McIntyre had to rush through things a little bit, wrestling what could've been a 20+ minute match at a speed of 1.5 times that, just delivering big hit after big hit, including McIntyre launching himself over the top rope in Undertaker-esque fashion after Lashley dodged a Claymore. The hot crowd really helped things too, popping, oohing, and aahing for every transition. Certain things didn't quite come off as meaningful as they could've - submissions were rushed through (specifically Lashley's Full Nelson) and some of the more remarkable throws were almost shrugged off when they could've been sold for longer - but in terms of delivering action, these two guys left nothing out. The finish was a legit shocker too, with Lashley applying in the Hurt Lock and then, despite McIntyre nearly rolling out of it, maintaining control and eventually "passing out" from the pain. This was a really strong opener with an unexpected ending that felt legit and got the right sort of negative reaction from the crowd. Good match, good booking, would watch again. (3/5)
A Tag Team Turmoil match followed to determine the number one contenders for the WWE Women's Tag Team Championships. Naomi and Lana started things off against Billie Kaye and Carmella. A match like this is not necessarily designed to deliver "the goods" in terms of great 'rasslin' so I'm not going to judge it too harshly, but I do think the pairings left much to be desired. Kaye had a much better partner in Peyton Royce, Carmella had a much better act going with Reginald as a singles competitor, and Lana would be better used in a non-wrestling role (or wrestling very rarely in a payoff to a hot storyline). Things got a touch better when the Riott Squad joined in, Ruby and Liv Morgan giving a taste of what a genuine tag team should be. I liked their tandem offense and Riott was clearly "the glue" of the moments that followed, the Squad outlasting Kay and Carmella and, soon after, Dana Brooke and Mandy Rose (whose matching gear, make-up, and hair is a definite step in the right direction into building up their partnership as not just a one-night deal). At this point, Natalya and Tamina showed up and bested the Squad after a couple minutes of unremarkable action. This wasn't a "Mania-worthy" match in the slightest, but I can understand why it was on the card, especially considering how important it was for these athletes to finally get back in front of a live crowd. I do think the wrong team won, though, as Nia and Baszler vs. the Riott Squad could've been a real "sleeper" of a match that got Ruby and Liv over the hump and on the track back to relevancy. (1.5/5)
Cesaro took on Seth Rollins next in a match that was hyped as "the biggest match of Cesaro's career," which is more sad than anything if it were true - which I'm not 100% convinced it is. But, as Cole mentioned, this was Cesaro's first singles match on a WrestleMania so there is at least a little bit of truth in it. Anyway, Cesaro came storming out of the gate trying to apply the Giant Swing, but Rollins cut him off by going after Cesaro's arm. Rollins has taken to calling himself the new Mr. WrestleMania, a moniker I'd disagree with despite Rollins having put on more than a handful of my favorite matches of the year despite my general indifference to his character. Like Lashley/McIntyre, parts of this match seemed like it was being wrestled in fast forward, neither guy giving anything breathing time to their opponent. Cesaro latched on the Swing fairly early, but could only swing him 9 times before his arm proved too weak and he had to apply the Sharpshooter (which Rollins escaped by clinging to the ropes). The crowd wanted to see it again, but Cesaro went for the Neutralizer instead. Rollins back-body dropped him out, but Cesaro landed on his feet (in an incredible act of agility) only to get caught by a flying knee to the head and then a corkscrew spinning splash for 2. Again, as much as I tend to dislike Rollins - especially as a babyface - I got to give him credit as he matched Cesaro counter-for-counter and didn't overrely on signature spots. Cesaro delivered the Neutralizer, but Rollins kicked out at 2, forcing Cesaro to attempt another one - only for Rollins to hit the pedigree for another nearfall. I would've liked to see Rollins get more devious and heelish after this, but aside from mocking Cesaro and clubbing him in the back of the head (and then delivering the move he reportedly stole from Low Ki), Rollins went for the Curb Stomp only to eat an uppercut and then an absolutely insane maneuever called the UFO that got a huge reaction from the crowd. Cesaro re-applied the Giant Swing and then hit the Neutralizer to get the clean win in a crowd-pleasing moment. I wouldn't call this an all-time great match or anything, but it definitely delivered what it needed to and gave the crowd what they wanted. Good stuff. (3/5)
The RAW Tag Team Championships were on the line next as AJ Styles and Omos challenged The New Day. This is one of those matches where there wasn't any particular moment that made it great - in fact, I could see AJ Styles Superfans even being offended at how this former World Champion was positioned as the weaker half of his team despite Omos being 100% unproven - but these 4 men knocked this match out of the ballpark. Though it was clearly designed to be a showcase for Omos, from the beginning to end there were minor details that made it clear that there was actual thought put into how to get this story over (and how to build to potential future clashes). Big E came out to a huge ovation to welcome his New Day stablemates (the commentators considered this a "reunion" but the New Day members themselves have been quick to assert at every opportunity that they have never actually "split" and are just separated by brand), which got the crowd on their feet. Once the bell rang, AJ and Kofi showed off some underrated chemistry. Its a shame these two didn't get an extended feud when Kofi was champion because they work well together. New Day controlled for awhile and got in some crowd-pleasing signature offense until the tide shifted and Omos finally got his minutes. Nobody is going to confuse Omos' rookie year abilities for Kurt Angle's, but he didn't need to do much to make a big impression and it was clear that Kofi and Xavier had no problem making him look good (which they did). This match was a simple story to tell, but we'v seen it done with far worse results. Again, the Kofi superfans out there were likely saddened to see him get "jobbed out," but when someone does such a fine job of it and Omos did come across as a legit threat who nobody could prepare for, it still works for me (much like how The Giant used to bury all sorts of guys in WCW but eventually became more "beatable" over the years). Another above-average contest.(3/5)
The cage came down for the next match - Shane McMahon vs. Braun Strowman. I've been openly negative about this feud since it began and nothing about this match or either man's performance changed anything about it aside from maybe having more sympathy for Strowman. There have been times in the past when I've enjoyed Shane McMahon's antics, but it almost always comes when he's paired up with someone that I'm invested in - from matches and angles with his own family in the 90s and early 00s to great wrestlers like Kurt Angle and AJ Styles to even personal favorites like The Miz. But Shane McMahon bullying the Monster Among Men for no apparent reason? It just didn't hook me. Part of that is because, even after watching the pre-match video, it remains unclear why Shane wanted to bully Strowman anyway. Its not like Strowman has been presented as anti-Authoritarian or anti-McMahon. Its not like he accidentally crushed Shane's car, which could've been a fun way to kickstart the rivalry. The match itself wasn't a total trainwreck or anything and I am glad that it went relatively quickly rather than trying to come off as a more important match than it really was, but it still seemed like a perfunctory exercise designed to just put a McMahon on the card and watch them take a big bump (which wasn't all that impressive compared to the dozens of times we've seen Shane McMahon do something unprecedented). An extra half-point for the spot where Braun ripped the side of the cage off the hinges, which I'm not sure I've seen before. Also something I'm not sure I've seen before? A cage match where you can win by climbing out, walking through the door, or pinfall. (2/5)
After an unremarkable Hall of Fame Recognition segment, Bad Bunny and Damien Priest took on The Miz and John Morrison. I think this match suffered from a few things, at least for m - first, by this point, the show had been "on" for 3+ hours, even if all that time had not necessarily been filled with wrestling. Plus, of that 3+ hours, we'd already seen quite a few big matches - including a WWE Championship match, two very different tag team matches, two separate "Welcome" segments from Vince and then Hogan and Titus...Second, this match reminded me of the type of match we saw the Mysterios and Rollins/Murphy do earlier in the year, only now it was Bad Bunny playing the role of the "trainee" who can somehow perform ridiculous moves (see also the Adam Cole/Pat McAfee match). Third, it ran 20+ minutes, just far too long for a celebrity match involving a celebrity I have no connection to. Of course, these opinions were not necessarily held by the bulk of the crowd - who was hugely into this match from beginning to end, clearly loved Bad Bunny's miraculous performance, and seemingly did not have get the same "I saw this done better 9 months ago" feeling that I did. This match wasn't designed for me, but I could never trash a match that was obviously very over with the live crowd and had many on the internet singing its praises too. (3/5)
Night 1 concluded with the SmackDown Women's Champion Sasha Banks defending the title against Bianca Belair. I was expecting this to be a great match and I'm not sure it quite lived up to the hype I had built up for it in my mind, but that's not to say it wasn't good or even, arguably, the match of the night. Its just that it didn't quite reach the level of awesomeness that it could've. My number one complaint would arguably be how lost in the moment Bianca Belair was, her facial expressions and psychology just not at all the right tone for this sort of match. Belair doesn't have the confidence yet to come out and deliver anything but her signature entrance - likely because that's what she's been instructed to do - but coming into a WrestleMania main event for the top prize of the SD Women's Division? Her demeanor should have been icy and focused, not all smiles. That's not to say she couldn't still do a little bit of her trademark routine, but the intensity wasn't there and, when the bell rang, and her eyes welled up, it only further made it clear that the Bianca was almost getting worked by the moment rather than being the one working the moment. Once the match got going, Belair and Sasha delivered some very nice sequences, though some were a touch too cutesy for me, the layout seeming to be all about fitting in Belair power spots that sometimes required Banks to limit her resistance and struggle in glaring ways. At the same time, at other moments, usually when Banks was in control, she showed that she really might be the best women's wrestler in company history at this point - brilliant transitions and counters and cut-offs, innovative offense, daredevil dives, it was an all-time showing out of Banks, a match where she showed she doesn't just have Eddie Guerrero in her, she also has a bit of Bret Hart in 96'-97', the fighting champion whose not necessarily heel but isn't trying to impress with flashiness when what matters most is holding onto her championship. I liked the clean finish too, especially the role that Belair's braid came into play. If this doesn't lead to a Hair vs. Hair match, I would be surprised and disappointed. (3.5/5)
WrestleMania Night 2 began with Titus and Hogan coming out dressed as pirates. It was...something.
I was surprised that the next match opened the showed, though - Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt. I had been hoping for months that we would see a Firefly Funhouse match like the one we got last year with Cena, but for whatever reason, the WWE opted to not do a cinematic match here. Before the bell rang, Alexa Bliss made her way down the aisle and cranked a giant Jack-in-the-Box that "opened" with a rising Bray Wyatt looking leaner and meaner than ever. Wyatt came flying off the box with a clothesline and then delivered a chokeslam to take control early. The fight went outside the ring from here and Orton attempted his usual side slam onto the table only to have Wyatt apply the Mandible Claw. Orton was able to hit the DDT off the second rope, but The Fiend "no sold" it. Ugh. Orton hit another one moments later and this one had more effect. Orton followed it up with more stomps and strikes, but Wyatt basically just shrugged this off too. Orton then hit a third hanging DDT and Wyatt looked fairly beaten down. Orton went for an RKO, but Wyatt countered it with another Mandible Claw and a Sister Abigal attempt. As Wyatt looked to his finisher, though, Alexa Bliss rose out of the Jack-in-the-Box "bleeding" the black goo. This distraction allowed Orton to hit the RKO and get the clean win! I'm not sure what the hell this match was meant to accomplish or even deliver. After the match, Wyatt stared at Bliss and then the lights went out and everything disappeared. This was a meaningless mess that wasn't entertaining at any point, a real misfire. I guess at least it didn't go too long? (1/5)
The Women's Tag Team Titles match followed - Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler defending against Natalya and Tamina. The crowd was more into this than I was in that they actually popped for the big spots and the Tamina/Jax staredown. As anyone could predict, the best moments of the match involved Shayna. I'm not as down on Nia or Natalya as others, but I wouldn't put this match on for someone looking to see any of their best work. I'm not sure why this went longer than the Orton/Wyatt match but it did and it didn't need to. The action wasn't terrible, but there were some cringey moments including a very telegraphed crossbody spot, overdramatic trash talking from Nia, and one of the worst bodyslams I've ever seen a professional wrestler deliver. It almost seems like a rib that they gave these women so much time. Another DUD. (1/5)
Thankfully, Sami Zayn was up next to take on Kevin Owens with Logan Paul as Zayn's special guest. Owens hit a pop-up powerbomb right after the bell, shocking Zayn and the live crowd. Zayn hit some incredible offense, including a suplex on the apron and then a Michinoku Driver, while Owens also popped the crowd with an awesome package facebuster/neckbreaker thing. Zayn wouldn't stay down, though, hitting 2 Exploders into the corner and then a third in the center of the ring (followed by a brainbuster) for a nearfall. Zayn hit some nasty punches in the corner and looked for a superplex, but Owens countered it with a fisherman drop back into the ring. Again, though, Zayn cut Owens off, delivering a ridiculous Helluva Kick. He went for another, but Owens caught him with a series of superkicks and then a Stunner to get the W. After the match, Logan Paul checked on Sami and congratulated Owens, which set Zayn off. After Sami left the ring, Paul raised Owens hand only to end up eating a Stunner. A good-not-great match that seemed like it was shoehorned onto this show and worked just because Zayn and Owens have such natural chemistry. (3/5)
Backstage, Matt Riddle ran into The Great Khali and then RVD, who shilled his new rolling papers, on his way to the ring to defend his United States Championship against Sheamus. Its hard for me to enjoy Matt Riddle's matches knowing how much of a real-life creep he is but at least there is some enjoyment to be had in watching him get tossed around and stiffed a bit by Sheamus. Riddle eventually hit some solid offense - a suplex off the top rope and then a Jackhammer moments later. One of the best spots of the match, though, came from Sheamus, who struck Riddle with a crazy knee to the head as Riddle somersaulted into the ring. Sheamus followed it with an Alabama Slam for 2 and went for one of his signature moves on the apron only to get belly-to-back suplexed and hit with a wild corkscrew moonsault on the floor. Riddle hit a twisting senton back in the ring for another nearfall and then applied an armbar, but Sheamus used his strength to powerbomb out of it. Sheamus went for a cover, but Riddle turned it into another submission. Man, why did Riddle have to reveal himself to be a douchebag? The physicality and craziness continued as Sheamus went for a White Noise off the top rope but botched it and made it just a normal White Noise instead. Sheamus went for a Brogue Kick soon after, but missed it. Riddle went for a springboard moonsault - but Sheamus caught him with the boot! Damn, that was NASTY. As much as I don't like Riddle, this was a very, very good match. (3.5/5)
The Intercontinental Championship was on the line in a Nigerian Drum Match between Big E and Apollo Crews. Both men grabbed kendo sticks to start things off, trading shots before Big E took over and Crews had to escape to the outside. I liked their match at Fastlane so I wasn't surprised at the natural chemistry they showed off here, nor was I surprised that these two were able to take a somewhat silly gimmick and make it actually feel dangerous by not holding back with the weapon shots (and not actually relying all that much on the actual drums and cymbals that were positioned around the ring). Big E hit his huge spear to the outside and looked to be in control, but when Big E looked like he might follow it up with a slam onto the steps, Crews hit a fireman's carry on the ring apron (a move that probably would've gotten an even bigger reaction if we hadn't just seen multiple similar moves in the Owens/Sami match). Crews attempted to basically murder Big E with the steps, but Big E dodged before they hit and ended up catching Crews with an uranage off the apron onto the steel steps! Big E set up a table in the ring, which gave Apollo time to recoup. Back in the ring, Crews reversed the tide with a heel kick and then laid into Big E with a series of kendo stick shots. Crew went for a frog splash, but Big E rolled out of the way and Crews went through the table. Big E hit his Big Ending finisher, but before he could make the count, a "mystery man" - actually Dabbo Kato (now going under the name Commander Azeez), who actually appeared in multiple RAW Underground segments in October that Michael seemingly forgot all about - came in and assaulted Big E before dragging Crews onto him. This match was heading into very good, arguably "must see" territory, but the finish prevents it from being that. Still, what we did get was very, very good stuff and I'm still on board for future matches between these two. (3/5)
After a lengthy, lengthy "break" that featured multiple video recaps and another welcoming of Hall of Fame inductees, it was time for Asuka to defend the RAW Women's Championship against Rhea Ripley (who was screamed to the ring by an absolutely atrocious singer named Ash Costello). This match started off fairly hot but then seemed to lose the crowd a bit as it went on, which might be the perfect metaphor for Ripley's WWE run. They regained the audience's attention when Ripley hit an awesome dropkick that sent Asuka off the top rope and to the floor, but the Empress fought back, eventually drilling Ripley to the floor with a DDT off the apron! Damn. That's a ridiculous spot that would've been used as a way to end a career or put a wrestler on the injury list in years past. Back in the ring, Ripley and Asuka traded submissions, Ripley eventually swinging Asuka into the corner to escape an arm bar. Ripley followed it up with a big suplex from the bottom rope, an impressive show of strength, and then applied a waistlock that Asuka countered into an armbar and then the Asuka Lock. Ripley almost got pinned, though, so she released the hold and then delivered a number of big kicks only for Ripley to dodge one off the ropes and hit a not-so-great-looking Riptide to get the clean W. The pieces and parts were there to make this a good match, maybe even a great one, but the crowd just didn't seem super invested and I'm not sure there wasn't a better story to be told with Ripley losing here and then turning fully heel to get the title later on. (3/5)
After the annual Legends-Beat-Up-A-Heel segment (this year's edition featured The Bellas throwing Bayley down the ramp), it was time for our Night 2 main event - Roman Reigns defending the Universal Championships against Edge and Daniel Bryan. Right from the get go, with Jey Uso interfering on Reigns' behalf, this one set a tone of being all about wild violence than actually building a story with the usual heightening of action. While that may seem like a criticism, in this instance, it worked. Rather than being a showcase match for any individual performer, each participant had moments to shine even if there was only one point - towards the end, when Edge was able to hit his Spear on both of his opponents - when I believed Reigns' reign as champion was in jeopardy. Like the previous night's main event, there were a handful of moments when overt cooperation took me out of the match, but that doesn't mean this wasn't very, very good and the clear Match of the Night. It also didn't help that the camera cutting and zooms were on overload, even as it was clear that the three wrestlers were trying their best to give certain moments time to breathe. A strong main event with a finish that left a lasting impression and, to me at least, seems like a perfect way to send-off both Bryan and Edge for a little while. (3.5/5)
With a Kwang Score of 2.64-out-of-5, WrestleMania XXXVII will probably be remembered more for its historical importance than it will for any particular match. While both nights' main events were near-classics, they didn't quite get there for me. Bryan/Edge/Reigns was good but I never truly believed Reigns' title was going to change hands nor was I fan of the production of the match itself, which featured multiple dizzying cuts. Belair/Banks was equally good, but had moments of clear choreography that took it out of believability and, like the triple threat, production and agent choices that bugged me. Other highlights of the show included Rollins/Cesaro, a very fun Big E/Crews match, and a Matt Riddle match that was almost good enough to make me forget how much I loathe his on and off-screen character. Bad Bunny impressed and Omos impressed, but I'd give most the accolades to the men they shared a ring with as The New Day, AJ Styles, and The Miz more than carried their end. Lowlights included Rhea Ripley's atrocious entrance, both Women's Tag Matches, and the largely irrelevant and forgettable Shane McMahon/Braun Strowman cage match. Still, having a live crowd helped tremendously and probably bumped many of these matches up at least a half-point. With a run time of over 6 hours, it would be impossible to recommend this entire show.
FINAL RATING - Watch It...With Remote in Hand
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