WrestleMania 39 kicked off with The Miz and Snoop Dogg welcoming the crowd before we got the United States Championship match between Austin Theory and John Cena. In a cool moment, John Cena was brought onto stage by a number of children from the Make-a-Wish Foundation (Cena holds the record for wishes granted). It was hard not to notice Cena's age, his bald spot prominent, his tan non-existent, and his jorts looking even sillier on a man of 45. As for his wrestling, Cena looked as capable as ever. If anything, it was Theory's forced do-a-front-roll-into-a-dropkick offense that had me rolling my eyes at a time, the youngster needlessly showing off his agility when, listening to the crowd, it was the simpler stuff he did that drew the best reactions - from biting Cena to get out of an STFU to an old school sleeper (a move that, in classic Cena fashion, the Dr. of Thuganomics called loud enough for the mics to pick up). There was one sequence that looked a bit confused - an awkward clothesline into the corner transition that they repeated, but kudos to Cena's patience there as I'm not sure how many fans caught it (none in the arena seemed to). Cena got the blind victory, forcing Theory to tap with the referee out, but then ate Theory's finisher to lose clean in the middle of the ring. For what this was, it was good, but hardly great. I wouldn't call this a true "passing of the torch" as Cena had already done that a couple times over with Reigns, but just seeing Cena back in the ring was fun and a slowed-down Austin Theory, focused more on character work (as pedestrian and run-of-the-mill as it was), was a pleasant surprise. (3/5)
Titus O'Neill joined the commentary team to help call the next match: The Street Profits vs. Otis and Chad Gable vs. The January 6th...err Viking Raiders vs. Ricochet and Braun Strowman. Gable and Ricochet started out the match, which was smart booking because they're the smoothest workers of the lot. This led to a stand-off involving all 8 guys, the combatants erupting into a brawl that led to the Raiders getting a spotlight. I may not like their ignorance and I may not like their gimmick and I may find their shoulder-raising to be corny, but they've got some good offense. Strowman took them out but was then, in a ridiculous move, german suplexed by Chad Gable that got a massive response from the crowd to the point that when Dawkins shoved him off the top rope, he got booed for it. If its possible to turn someone babyface with one move, Chad Gable might've just been turned face. Moments later, Strowman nearly got the victory with a big move of his own, launching himself from the top wit a top rope splash onto Ivar for 2. Otis came in and hit a big bodyslam onto Strowman in another impressive show of strength before we got a series of cut-offs building to the requisite Tower of Doom spot. It was a doozy of one, though, and the crowd responded accordingly, nearly everyone getting taken out. Strowman was the last man standing so he did his run-around-the-ring Strowman Express thing, eventually getting cut off by a huge Dawkins shoulder tackle...only for Ricochet to come flying off the top with a Spanish Fly to the outside! Insane! Ricochet went for another back inside the ring but Dawkins got his knees up and held onto Ricochet across his own legs while his partner, Montez Ford, came off the top with a frog splash. Great finish there with the right team winning. This was too low-stakes to be "must see," but this was really, really fun from beginning to end with some remarkable spots. They knocked this one out of the park. (3.5/5)
Logan Paul came out on a zipline for his entrance but was upstaged by a much simpler entrance - Seth Rollins getting serenaded by the live crowd (whose singing - which was undoubtedly sweetened - was "conducted" by one of the conductors of the Los Angeles Philharmonic or something like that). Rollins' entrance gear looked like it was stolen from Missy Elliot's "Supa Dupa Fly" video while his in-ring attire paid homage to the most homoerotic era of Shawn Michaels' career. Once the bell rang, Paul had the upperhand early, landing his front-flip clothesline and then a series of big strikes to Rollins' body (as the commentators noted that Logan's hands are extra dangerous due to some sort of titanium reinforcement ala Lex Luger). Paul kept the pressure on with a brilliant standing moonsault and then a beautiful Russian Leg Sweep, Logan once again impressing with how fluid and smooth his offense is. Whether or not Logan practices every single second of his match, when the cameras are rolling, his execution looks as good as anybody's and that's all that matters. Rollins sold Logan's offense like death at times, only to hit his triumvirate of suicide dives. Its that turn-on-a-dime switcheroo between overselling and showing no fatigue that has always bugged me about Rollins. Paul cut him off with a huge right hand, essentially knocking him out cold, but couldn't capitalize in time to make the cover. Paul went for the Curb Stomp, but Rollins caught him with a sit-out powerbomb for 2 of his own. As Rollins prepped for a Curb Stomp, Paul got pulled out of harm's way by the Prime Energy Drink mascot - revealed to be Paul's business partner, KSI! I was expecting the mascot to be Jake Paul, but this worked. As KSI filmed, Paul went for a splash on Rollins through a table, but Seth pulled KSI onto the table in his place and then hit a huge pedigree in the middle of the ring...only to get 2! Rollins hit a rolling elbow and then another forearm to the back of Paul's neck, but got his Curb Stomp attempt thwarted by a GTS! Paul hit a frog splash but only got 2. Logan followed it up by attempting a coast-to-coast, but Rollins cut him off with a huge superkick and then hit the Curb Stomp to get the victory. Another really, really good match...but maybe just a couple hairs short of "must see" (though, I've always held a bit of an anti-Rollins bias). (3.5/5)
The Six-Woman Tag Match followed as Becky Lynch, Lita, and Trish Stratus took on Damage CTRL (Bayley, Io Skye, and Dakota Kai). As expected, this was one of the lesser bouts of the evening as Damage CTRL have been vanquished over and over again for months and there were zero stakes involved. Even with the low stakes and a rumored Lynch/Stratus match looming on the SummerSlam horizon, they couldn't get the W here despite having months and months of working as a unit. Lita was never a great in-ring performer, but she looked particularly awkward and slow here. It doesn't help that Skye and Kai have very little going on in terms of character work and haven't established much of a connection with the audience. Trish Stratus looked alright, but this wasn't Ricky Steamboat-at-WrestleMania XXV-level work. There was a time when I may have reviewed a women's wrestling match on a modified scale. For years, the women were given a max 7 minutes to tell a story, told not to try to "steal the show," saddled with sexist gimmicks and storylines, and then put in front of an audience that was indifferent at best and sometimes outright hostile. During those years, Trish and Lita and Mickie James and countless others being able to exceed expectations made their best matches all the more remarkable. It is awesome that this is no longer the case, but that also means that a match like this - which may have been considered good even 10 years ago - was really just a sub-average match in an above-average setting. (2/5)
One of the more anticipated matches of the evening followed - Rey Mysterio vs. Dominik Mysterio. Very rarely do I get swept up in the emotion of a match, but the Mysterios had me here from the pre-match video all the way to feel-good ending. Everything about this match was near-perfect or, at the very least, the best possible version of what could be accomplished considering that Dominick is still essentially just a few years out of training. I loved the multiple interactions that Dom had with his mother and sister on the outside, the interference from Finn Balor and Damien Priest (at one point, it seemed like several men in the audience were about to jump the railing), the inclusion of Bad Bunny and Snoop Dogg, Dom's outfit being a nod to the legendary Halloween Havoc 97' match between Rey and Eddie Guerrero, and, if the in-ring action may have seemed a bit underwhelming, you could count on Rey Mysterio to always include one insane spot (a reverse powerbomb counter that sent him face-first into the lowest turnbuckle and looked like it could've legitimately snapped his neck) to get a match over. The clear match of the night up to this point in the show and a tough act for anyone to follow, including on the next night. (4/5)
The SmackDown Women's Champion Charlotte Flair took on Rhea Ripley, who won the 2023 Women's Royal Rumble to earn this shot. As expected, Ripley, despite being one of the most despised women in recent history, still got cheered over Flair. If the Mysterios' match lacked the execution and physicality that one might've wanted, this one delivered it. Flair has been labeled as "over-pushed" and even unprofessional at times, but she's ever bit the Big Fight Worker as Cena, a terrific wrestler who carries herself with such unforced confidence that the criticisms fade away when the bell rings and she brings an intensity that very few competitors - male or female - can deliver. I was curious if Ripley would work this from "underneath" as they say, reverting to a more sympathetic underdog role, but she brought the fight to Charlotte and dominated the early going, barely acknowledging the fan support. Ripley hit an awesome german suplex for 2 and followed it up with some short-lines, the crowd eating it up until Flair retaliated with a back elbow. Flair, who looked to be in the best shape of her career, hit Ripley with a series of chops and then went to work, at least a portion of the crowd now cheering her on as she pulled moves out of her old man's playbook. Flair went for a splash but Ripley rolled through, attempting to counter it into a bodyslam and then a pumphandle, but ending up brought back down with a crushing DDT from the champ. Flair went for the Figure 8 but Ripley fought her off and nearly got the win with an inside cradle. The war raged on - and this really did feel like more of a war than any match before it - until Flair went for her moonsault only for Ripley to meet her at the top. Ripley's german suplex didn't look perfect (even on the replay it seemed like Flair did a backflip more than Ripley tossed her), but that's admittedly a nitpicky criticism for what was a huge moment. Flair kicked out at 2 and then regained control with a Natural Selection. Outside they went and Flair went for a shoulder tackle only to hit the steps. Back in the ring, Ripley nearly got the win with a cool atomic drop-into-a-face plant move. Ripley went for the Riptide again, but Flair hit a german suplex of her own. Flair hit another and then held on for a third, but got elbowed in the face. Ripley hit another and it looked like Flair was meant to land on her feet, but instead she landed face-first and nearly looked like she broke her neck. Flair hit the Big Boot...but again only got a 2 count. Flair looked like she may have legitimately broken her nose at this point but attempted a figure four. Ripley rolled to the apron but Flair booted her off to the floor and then went for her trademark (and nearly always botched) moonsault. This time she got all of it, though. Flair went for the figure four but Ripley kicked her off and into the ropes. Flair went for a spear but Ripley dodged it. Charlotte nearly hit the ref and Ripley took advantage, connected with a headbutt, and then hit the Riptide - but only got 2! Holy shit. That was a tremendous sequence and really seemed like it could've been the finish. Flair nearly stole it with an inside cradle, but Ripley kicked out again. Ripley applied her submission finish, but Flair wouldn't give up, eventually reaching the bottom rope to break the hold. Ripley nearly made contact with the ref and now it was Charlotte's turn to her finish - a spear in the middle of the ring...but it only gets 2! Goddamn. At this point, Flair was literally crying as her and Ripley traded blows, stiffing the hell out of each other. Flair got the Figure 8 applied, but Ripley grabbed the ropes! Many fans hate the melodrama, but this felt epic and earned to me. Back to the top rope they went, Flair attempting a slam but then driven face first into the post, which she treated like a gunshot. Ripley then delivered an absolute stunning Riptide off the second rope to win the SmackDown Women's Championship in one of the best matches I've seen in a long time. Flair's facial expression at the end - a teary smile - shouldn't have made it on-screen but, in a sense, Ripley continuing to "heel it up" was equally as awkward, one woman abandoning her character to bask in the afterglow of putting on an absolutely awesome match and the other opting to stay in-character even as it would've been totally justifiable for her to "break" and live in the moment. Still, from bell-to-bell, this was a terrific, terrific match. (4.5/5)
The Miz and Snoop Dogg were back in the ring to announce the attendance - 80,000+ - which led to an impromptu "match" between Pat McAfee and The Miz, with Miz initially refusing to compete until Snoop made it official. This was more of a comedy angle than anything, but it was fun and McAfee got to show off his athleticism (while Miz also got to do his shtick).
After a brief performance (extra brief for me because I fast forwarded through it) by Lil' Uzi Vert, it was main event time (at least for Night 1) - The Usos defending the SmackDown (and RAW?) Tag Team Championships against Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens. The crowd was very into this at the onset, but the fatigue of the night seemed to take a toll as the Usos took over early and started grinding down on Sami Zayn. The crowd came alive a bit when Owens came in and started cleaning house, but the Usos showed their experience. After a big Uso splash, Owens recovered and hit a cannonball in the corner, all four men now hitting some of their biggest hits (including a wild brainbuster on the apron by Zayn). Sami got 2 with an Uso Splash of his own onto Jimmy and the crowd erupted into an "Ole!" chant, but the Usos took over again after a nasty Jey superkick. After only getting a 2 from a spinning heel kick, the Usos delivered a series of superkicks that Zayn sold masterfully. Sami wouldn't quit, though, getting a shoulder up after stereo superkicks to the back of the head and then another shoulder up after stereo kicks to the side of the head. The Usos went for the 1-and-Done but Owens prevented it and took Jimmy to the outside. The Usos then put Owens through the announce table in a terrific spot and went back to work on Zayn, who could barely stand. They hit the 1-and-Done, but again Zayn kicked out! Essentially "Hulking Up" in a throwback to WrestleManias of yesteryear. From here we got some classic Bloodline melodrama as Jey slapped Zayn around in the corner. Jey followed it up with a Helluva Kick, but Zayn exploded with an Exploder! By this point, Owens had found his way onto the apron and Zayn got the tag, landing a pair of pop-up powerbombs on the champs. Zayn hit a Helluva Kick and Owens got the Stunner on Jey - but Jey kicked out! Great sequence there. Once all four men got up, a brawl ensued with Owens hitting a bunch of superkicks only to get hit with an equal amount himself. The Usos went for their trademark stereo splash, but Owens kicked out at 2, the crowd going wild. The Usos hit stereo superkicks on Owens in the corner and then looked for a 1-and-Done from the top rope, but Zayn stopped it, allow Owens to hit a suplex-like maneuver off the top. Zayn got the tag and hit a Helluva Kick...and then another onto Jey! Owens hit the Stunner onto Jay and Zayn, with the crowd going bananas, hit a third Helluva Kick onto Jey to get the win! A terrific, crowd-pleasing contest to end the night with both Zayn and Owen showing a ton of emotion and celebrating in a scene reminiscent of the big post-match moments of their heroes. (4/5)
Night 2 began with Brock Lesnar defeating Omos in under 10 minutes. This wasn't quite what every expected as Brock actually sold for the big man for the first little bit before vanquishing the giant with a series of German suplexes and then an F5. For what this was, it was fine, but it definitely didn't feel like a "big" moment or match for either guy. Its hard to rate something like this aside from saying that, for a WrestleMania match, it felt unworthy and trivial and I kinda think they would've been wise to utilize MVP a bit more here. (2/5)
Ronda Rousey and Shayna Baszler took on Shotzi Blackheart and Natalya, Liv Morgan and Raquel Rodriguez, and Chelsea Green and Sonya Deville in a multi-woman tag match that also felt a bit out of place and "thrown together." I'm not sure what to make of how the WWE has treated Rousey over the past few months, but the booking and build to this match certainly didn't make her seem like a star. This one could've played up Morgan and Rousey's history or even provided a spotlight to Raquel, who was absolutely awesome in the Rumble in January, but didn't even bother. There was good action in this match, but it didn't seem to serve any purpose and nobody came out of it looking like a bigger deal, even Rousey and Baszler, a pairing that, at one point, people thought could be worthy enough to carry main event feuds. This felt like a match that one would find in the midcard of a random episode of SmackDown rather than on a WrestleMania show. (2/5)
The Intercontinental Champion, GUNTHER, defended his title in a triple-threat against Sheamus and Drew McIntyre. Most fans expected this to be a brutal epic with loads and loads of wince-inducing chest chops and that is precisely what we got, though there was also some drama between Sheamus and McIntyre that heightened things, and I liked GUNTHER wisely allowing his combatants to obliterate each other in the closing stretch to allow himself the opportunity to get the sneaky win via a pair of his devastating powerbombs. What I didn't like was that, before that closing stretch, there were multiple times when this match turned into a singles match with one of the participants simply disappearing for minutes on end. I'm not sure a straight-up Gunter/Sheamus rematch or a McIntyre/Gunther title bout wouldn't have been preferable, but at least this provided variety to the show. I daresay they also leaned a little heavy on the false finishes despite how hard-hitting the action was. (3/5)
The RAW Women's Championship was on the line as Bianca Belair, whose entrance featured a dance crew known as the Divas of Compton, defended the title against Asuka. The crowd seemed a little disinterested at first, but once this got going, they woke up for the big spots and stiff exchanges. Asuka is such a great performer that it really is a shame that the outcome of this match never really seemed to be in question. Belair, meanwhile, continues to impress in every major match she has to, but it was noticeable that, by the end, the crowd was split a little. Her having the size advantage, the strength advantage, and coming in as the long-reigning champion almost made her the defacto "monster" that at least a portion of the audience wanted to see Asuka defeat. Any which way, I'm probably in the minority here, but I thought this was slightly better than the match that came before it. (3.5/5)
Things got weird during the next segment as The Miz and Snoop Dogg announced the night's attendance only for Snoop to welcome back the returning Shane McMahon. An impromptu Shane/Miz started, but in under two minutes, Shane seemed to have broken his ankle (or leg?) doing a leapfrog. Immediately, the ref started checking on him and The Miz had to buy time just pacing the ring. Snoop Dogg came in and knocked Miz out as Shane got helped out of the ring and the commentators tried to save things. It was a total mess, but it was also super entertaining. I'm not sure what Shane was thinking doing anything that would involve having to leave his feet considering his age, but knowing his limitations has never been Shane's strong suit. Snoop ended up saving the day a bit, though I do wonder if he was supposed to get the knockout punch on Miz (and drop the People's Elbow on him) all along. Whatever the case, I'm giving this an extra point just because of the absurdity of the entire scene. (+1)
Edge took on FInn Balor in the next bout, a Hell in a Cell Match that was preluded with a message from Russell Crowe and then the sound of Slayer's hellacious anthem "South of Heaven" (which I must admit was pretty sweet, but did make it even more obvious how stupid and untough Edge's actual music). Speaking of entrances, Balor came out in his Demon form, which seemed weird and out of character after the many months of him being the much more straight-forward "cool" heel Finn Balor. Balor's entrance also featured some awful slo-mo, smoke stick dancing that only the biggest nerd in your middle school could ever love. Anyway, onto the match...as the crowd chanted "We Want Tables" within the first three minutes, we got the first really cool moment of the match as Edge hit a dropkick onto Balor, who was trapped in the corner by a bunch of kendo sticks. This devolved into a weapons-filled, TLC-in-a-cage match from there with Balor getting busted open hardway at one point. The fact that Balor's face was covered in red facepaint made it a bit hard to tell just how bad the gash was, but the large splotches of blood on the mat made it clear that this was no little papercut. I wasn't expecting to like this match and was outright nervous about how long Edge was going to want to go - in the past, he's had a tendency to stretch his matches close to and even beyond the 30-minute mark - but the action was intense enough and the match was kept short enough for this to exceed my expectations. I've heard that Balor's injury caused this match to get cut short a few minutes as they had to pause the match to try to stop the bleeding at one point (which is a bit ridiculous in a match that is billed as being the most dangerous, violent match in all of WWE), but I doubt this would've been "better" if it had gone an additional 3-4 minutes and heaped extra scoops of false finishes or weapon shots as, by the end, both performers had played all their hits and it did feel like Edge had won a hard fought war of a match. (3/5)
Main event time - Cody Rhodes vs. Roman Reigns for the WWE and Universal Championships. What can be said about this match? It was a terrific match with one of the worst finishes in WrestleMania history. Cody Rhodes and Roman Reigns put on an epic, building the match slowly over the first 10-15 minutes with Romans mostly dominating, but Rhodes continuously fighting back. In this way, the match stood out from anything on this or the previous night's card. For the entirety of its 30+ minute runtime, the crowd was thoroughly engaged, very much in the corner of the challenger. I loved the old school vibe of the contest, but this wasn't some resthold-heavy slog as both guys delivered their offense with intensity. I loved Solo's interference early in the match, but would say that his involvement in the finish was a bit of an eyeroll. Should it not be standard protocol that when a wrestler is ejected from ringside by a referee that they are then essentially quarantined or kept under supervision so that they don't just simply walk back out? As predictable as it may have been, I also loved the involvement of the Usos late in the match and the way their interference led to not only getting taken out by the new champions, but that both Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens got to hit their own finishers on Roman Reigns. After Zayn's Helluva Kick, in particular, I'm fairly positive I've haven't bitten harder on a Roman Reigns false finish in the past 2 years. But then, minutes later, we got Solo doing a final run-in to help Reigns retain, a booking decision that felt like a huge punch-in-the-gut and still feels that way as I write this days later. It was the wrong call and there is no other valid side to the argument. Rhodes' loss deflated the crowd, but also cast a pall on the entire event, which was mostly excellent otherwise and featured at least a few potential Match of the Year candidates. (3.5/5)
With an overall Kwang Score of 3.27-out-of-5, WrestleMania XXXIX was a great show and maybe even a top 5 WrestleMania of all time. Its crazy to think that making the right booking decision could've given this show an even higher rating as the main event - as good as it was in the moment - is now a match that very few could ever or would ever revisit or ever need to see. Ultimately, one awful booking decision won't be enough to prevent this from being remembered as an overall strong two nights of wrestling as multiple matches - Dom vs. Rey, Rhea vs. Charlotte, Paul vs. Rollins, the Intercontinental Title Match, and the Tag Team Titles match - absolutely delivered, with the Hell in a Cell Match exceeding the expectations of many fans (like myself) who feared Edge and Balor may put on a dirge-like, self-conscious epic that would've felt tedious and over-the-top in the worst way (see Edge's match against Orton a few Manias ago). The Men's Tag Showcase and Asuka/Belair also over-delivered, neither match getting much post-show hype - though, again, the frustrating booking of Sunday's main event dominated most of the post-show discussion - but featured excellent performances from their participants across the board. With only two matches not being worth your time and an overall run-time of close to 8 hours, this show gets a...
FINAL RATING - Watch It (With Remote in Hand)
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