Cyber Sunday 2006 begins with Umaga taking on Kane. Dang. The other potential candidates - Chris Benoit and The Sandman - would have been way more up my alley, but Kane was the most popular of the three (for reasons I'll never understand) so he got the vote. I will admit to underestimating Umaga when he debuted and thinking he was just a "Samoa Joe rip-off," but in hindsight, he was a considerably different character and the only thing they really had in common was that they were big Samoans who hit hard. This match didn't go longer than 10 minutes, which was about the right amount of time for these two monsters. There were some good moments - including Umaga hitting a Samoan Drop on Kane to cut him off at one point - but this was nothing special. (2.5/5)
Next up - a Tornado Tag Match featuring the teams of The Highlanders, Viscera and Charlie Haas, Cryme Tyme, and Trevor Murdoch and Lance Cade. The tag team scene in both WWE today might be kinda thin, but hey, at least its a "quality not quantity" situation compared to the teams that were around in 2006. The entrances might've been longer than the actual match, which was kind of like a mini-battle royal that ended with a pinfall (in this case, Cryme Tyme "stealing" a victory from Murdoch and Cade over one of the Highlanders), as this went under 5 minutes according to Cagematch. A point for this not going too long and for the effort of everyone involved, but this was pointless and didn't put anybody over. If you're going to run a match like this with teams like this, you might as well put somebody over strong and, considering their history and their future, Murdoch and Cade absolutely should've gotten that rub. Regardless, even without the questionable booking, this was not good. (1/5)
We get your typical DX reunion backstage segment with Shawn playing the older, computer illiterate dummy and Triple H doing his straight man bit. Shawn ends up superkicking a random employee. I didn't like this stuff back then and I still don't like it now.
Jeff Hardy defended his Intercontinental Championship against Carlito in the next match (with Carlito getting the nod over Johnny "Nitro" Morrison and Shelton Benjamin, who were both heels). Hardy and Carlito were given loads of time, but this match just didn't click for me. Hardy was much more popular than Carlito, who was also way better as a heel anyway. This one had a real stop-and-start vibe to it, with certain stretches being noticeably slow and kinda boring. The commentators tried to sell this match as a "war," but I'm not sure anybody in the arena believed Carlito had any real chance of winning at any point. To make matters worse, some of the big spots they went for - like Hardy running the guardrail only to get caught with a Carlito dropkick - just didn't look good (even if, in theory, this could've been a remarkable spot). As neither Carlito or Hardy were ever known for their execution, I commend them for taking some big swings in this match, but ultimately, a swing-and-a-miss doesn't put points on the scoreboard. (1.5/5)
After a lengthy video package and your usual pre-match shenanigans, Triple H and Shawn Michaels (aka DegenerationX) took on Rated RKO (Edge and Randy Orton) with Eric Bischoff voted in as the special guest referee. The fact that Bischoff got voted in over Vince McMahon is a dead giveaway that all this voting nonsense was a complete work, by the way. This is a good-not-great tag match that is very formulaic in its approach and, at this point, Orton and Edge had not really gelled as a tag team, very much wrestling like this two singles guys. The match gets interesting once Bischoff gets taken out. With Orton out, one would expect the babyfaces to get the visual pin, but its actually Orton who hits the RKO on Triple H and seems to have him beaten...only for The Cerebral Assassin to kick out at 2 once the new ref shows up. I wish they would've had the new referee take one more beat before making the count because it definitely played like Triple H had kicked out of the RKO. Orton goes for a second RKO moments later but Triple H shoves him off and he eats a Sweet Chin Music! The faces make the cover, but before the referee can make the 3 count, Bischoff pulls him out to huge heel heat. This leads to Michaels leaving the ring and getting in the face of Bischoff, leading to Edge striking him in the head with a chair shot. Edge goes into the ring, but Triple H catches him and nearly ends the match with a pedigree only for Orton to strike him with a chairshot to the back. The Viper connects with an RKO and this match is over. This was the right conclusion to the match, but obviously not a "feud ender." I'd consider this above average just because of how hot the crowd was, but this was far from the best work these four ever did. (3/5)
Lita vs. Mickie James for the vacant WWE Women's Championship was next. This was a "lumberjill" match featuring every other diva on the roster on the outside and was, as one may have expected, not very good at all. At times even actively bad. Lita was considered "good" in the late 90s because she was the only woman on the roster who could actually perform moonsaults, but by this point, she'd been pretty exposed. Mickie James was asked to work a miracle and while James' resume is much better than Lita's, you can only do so much when you're carrying a woman who hadn't ever really been a regular in-ring worker to begin with (I'd wager that, match-for-match, she probably trails Trish by 50+ matches). This goes 8 minutes, which is a respectable amount of time on a card like this, but the wrong woman won because there was no chance of Lita having great matches after this. A half-point for the effort. (0.5/5)
Next up - another stinker: The Spirit Squad defending the World Tag Team Championships against Ric Flair and...his voted-in partner..."Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Piper was clearly the most popular of the three legends in the running (Dusty Rhodes and Sgt. Slaughter being the other two), but he may have also been, by this point, the least capable of actually performing in the ring and looked pale, bloated, and not exactly excited to be in the ring. Its hard to imagine that Flair would last for another couple years after this in the WWE and then go on to wrestle as recently as 2022. Kenny Doane was supposed to be the breakout member of the Squad, but it ended up being Dolph Ziggler (under a completely different gimmick). This match goes even shorter than the Women's Championship match and is even less good. There is literally nothing about this 10-minute match/segment that I would consider worth watching. (0/5)
After a backstage segment involving John Cena and King Booker, the respective champions of the RAW and SmackDown brands, as well as Ron Simmons, its time for our main event...the aforementioned Cena and Booker taking on ECW World Champion Big Show in a triple threat match dubbed the "Champion of Champions" match. The producers really seemed to be stretching this show - maybe because they had to cut some of the worser matches short? - as the intros and hullaboo take up a good 4-5 minutes when, really, this match didn't need all that much pomp and circumstance. Before the match starts, it is announced that King Booker's World Heavyweight Championship will be the one on the line based on the vote, which puts a huge bullseye on him. Booker begs Cena to help him retain the title, but Cena knocks him out and then goes at it with Big Show, who was actually in the midst of one of my favorite runs of his as the Extreme Giant. Speaking of Big Show, he controls early, taking out both Booker and Cena with slams and strikes. Booker T and Cena are thus forced to team up a bit, clobbering the ECW Champion with rights and lefts and eventually knocking him onto the arena floor. This leads to a brief-but-good Cena/Booker segment before Big Show knocks Cena out on the outside with a big clothesline. Show grabs the steel steps, but before he can use them, Cena catches him with a low dropkick and Show's head goes into them! Back in the ring, Booker connects with a Bookend but only gets a 2 count. He hits his trademark savat kick but Cena won't stay down. They trade blows and Booker hotshots him across the top rope before delivering another thrust kick for 2. Booker hits a sideslam for yet another nearfall. Cena rallies, though, connecting with a belly-to-belly for a nearfall of his own. People talk about Cena's "PWG years" as the time when he would bust out random moves, but he and Booker go deep into their wells here and the wrestling is uniformly solid even without any Code Reds or springboard stunners. Cena attempts a splash at one point that looks ugly as sin, but the fact that its performed so poorly actually works because its not something he routinely does. Booker goes for the Hangover, but Cena counters with an attempt at the F-U only for Booker to escape and hit a DDT after all for another 2 count. Cena attempts an STFU moments later, but Booker gets to the ropes and the match continues with Big Show still inexplicably incapacitated on the outside. Cena hits a vertical suplex for yet another nearfall, further cementing how driven he is to win the World Heavyweight Championship, but Booker catches him with a back body drop before heading up to the top himself. I'm not sure what Booker was going for but Cena caught him and looked to be working towards a superplex. Big Show comes back in the ring and puts Cena on his shoulders, allowing Booker to knock them both out with a huge dropkick from the top. Maybe not the most innovative spot ever, but that absolutely worked. Booker goes to cover Show, but the Giant tosses him aside with tremendous force, sending him flying through the air. Cena and Booker go for a double suplex, but Big Show counters with a suplex of his own, taking the match back over. Big Show hits a big splash in the corner and then a double shoulder tackle, this match stretching considerably longer than I thought it would. Big Show hits a chokeslam on Booker and then a nasty spear/shoulderblock on Cena that sends him rolling to the arena floor. Outside the ring, Big Show shoves Cena's head into a table, but before he can finish him, Cena fights back and sends him face-first into the post. Back in the ring, Cena looks to have all the momentum and half the crowd boos the heck out of him as he goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Before he can land it, though, Big Show distracts him with a chair - only for Cena to kick it right into his head! Cena looks to have the match one but now its Sharmell's turn to interfere. Cena ends up hitting Sharmell with a huge F-5 and then applies an STFU to Booker, but the ref is too busy dealing with Sharmell to see that Booker is nearly about to tap (but doesn't). And then, in a ridiculous twist, Kevin Federline - Britney Spears' ex-husband - shows up, breaks up the STFU, and allows for Booker to strike Cena with the World Heavyweight Champion and steal the W. Wow, I totally forgot about that fuck finish. I will say, though, this was a pretty good match and the chemistry between Booker and Cena was especially good (I'm surprised they never really had these guys feud extensively). (3/5)
I'm actually surprised this earned a Kwang Score as high as it did - 1.64-out-of-5 - because there is very little (close to nothing) worth recommending unless you are a John Cena completist or a huge fan of the Rated RKO/DX feud. You know its probably not a very good wrestling show when the biggest highlight might be the appearance of a D-list celebrity. I'm tempted to give this a rating of "High Risk Maneuver," but I really can't imagine a scenario in which I'd ever recommend any of this show to anyone, even if there are two slightly above-average matches on the card.
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
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