After a video package hyping tonight's main event - or, at least what fans believed the main event would be - an old school Survivors match is what we get to kick things off: The Godfather, D'Lo Brown, and The Headbangers taking on The Acolytes and The Dudley Boys. I don't believe the Dudleys had been in the WWE very long at this point, so they're clearly spotlighted even in a losing effort. With the talent involved, this wasn't going to be a good match, but its passable because they keep it moving and things never grind to a halt. The Godfather was much more over in Detroit - and, truthfully, basically anywhere and everywhere - than he was with me sitting at home as, even at age 15, I thought his gimmick was one-note, low brow sexist fluff...plus, at the end of the day, we're still talking about Kama/Papa Shango here only now he got to do even less in the ring. My own distaste for the Godfather gimmick aside, this really isn't too bad of an opener. I was a bit surprised that the Dudleys didn't get over, but this did build the upcoming rivalry between the Dudleys and the Acolytes that would run for several months on-and-off (if I'm not mistaken). (2.5/5)
Kurt Angle has his debut match against Sean Stasiak next. The pre-match video package for Angle is excellent stuff and reminds me why it was so clear that this guy was going to be absolutely despised - there's just something so insincere and unlikable about him simply just stating facts about his success. I was surprised that Angle's first opponent was Stasiak, not exactly know as a super-worker and maybe only a few short years ahead of Angle in terms of in-ring experience by this point. The crowd chanted "Let's Go Red Wings" at one point, clearly not at all into watching Angle and Stasiak mat wrestle. At one point, Angle stops the match to grab a mic and tell the fans to stop booing him. Angle eventually finishes Stasiak off with the Olympic Slam, but this was more back-and-forth than I remember it being as Stasiak got plenty of offense in. This wasn't a good match, but it was an important one in WWE history and was a big deal when it happened. Within a few weeks of this, Angle became one of the hottest characters in the sport and, to this day, I don't think there's any wrestler who truly had a better rookie year - not Brock, not Rousey, not anyone. (2/5)
Another (meaningless) Survivors match follows - Val Venis, Mark Henry, Gangrel, and Steve Blackman vs. The British Bulldog and the Mean Street Posse. I completely forgot that the Bulldog was ever even remotely associated with Shane's Posse and definitely thought Gangrel was out of the company by this point (he somehow stayed in the company till 01' and then was re-hired but never used in the mid-00s???). Anyway, the Mean Street Posse are all awful and this is years before Mark Henry was even halfway-decent himself. Steve Blackman always came off as awkward in the ring to me and Bulldog had zero credibility at this point after his worthless WCW run. This wasn't the worst match on this card, which is a problem because really nothing on a pay-per-view should even be this bad. (0.5/5)
Things go from bad to outright horrendous as we get an "instant elimination" 4-on-4 battle between Mae Young, The Fabulous Moolah, Tori and Debra and their opponents, Ivory, Terri Runnels, Jacqueline, and Luna. This is a trainwreck and, watching it, I just felt bad for most everyone involved. Terri and Debra weren't trained wrestlers and had no business being in the ring. Tori, Luna, Jacqueline, and Ivory were trained wrestlers but none were ever really given the opportunity to do anything resembling the type of action we get from women's wrestlers today. Moolah and Mae were both in their 80s by this point, right? They were brought out just for Lawler to make dinosaur jokes or gross sex jokes. Awful, unfunny, somehow more boring than anything under 5 minutes should be. (0/5)
XPac vs. Kane is next - a match I wasn't particularly excited for but what was pleasantly surprised by...for at least the first few minutes. XPac attacks before the bell rings, which kicks the match off in the right gear. Maybe because he knew he only had to put in about 6 minutes of work, Kane moves much faster than he usually did, taking a big bump from the top rope to the outside early on and eating a bunch of XPac's stiff kicks to the chest. He clotheslines the post, but ultimately regains control over his much smaller opponent until the Road Dogg comes in and prevents him from getting the 3 off of a chokeslam. It is at this point that the match turns into a schmozz and Triple H shows up and clocks Kane with the WWE Championship to cause the DQ. Torrie runs down the aisle but ends up getting kicked in the face by XPac. That draws a huge reaction. For what this was, I was entertained. Short, sweet, all good stuff, nothing unnecessary or slow. Knowing what we know now about this show, though, I have to wonder whether they should've maybe added a minute or two to this match because the action was good and, at other times, things really seemed to drag as the performers had to fill time. (3/5)
Backstage, The Rock and Triple H come to blows for no real reason...or at least none that had presented itself yet...
Back in the ring, Big Show went 1-on-4 against Big Bossman, Prince Albert, Viscera, and Mideon. Show had been feuding with Bossman, a rivalry that, on paper, sounds like it would've been absolutely awful but was actually one of the more entertaining storylines going on at the time due to Bossman's incredible heel work and the depths he'd go to terrorize the World's Largest Athlete. Extra half-point for re-airing the segments when Bossman read his condolence card about Big Show's father and then showed up at the funeral, dragging the casket off by hooking it up to his car. Big Show was set to have the Blue Meanie and Kaientai as his partners, but he destroyed them in the locker room before the match because he wanted to take out the heels all by himself. Once the bell rang, Show destroyed 3-out-of-4 of his opponents in remarkably quick fashion and got big pops for all his work, but Big Bossman ran off before he got the same. This has to be the shortest Survivors match in history, right? It went less than 2 minutes and Big Show looked dominant in it, which served its purpose. (1.5/5)
Backstage, Steve Austin is about to give an interview when Triple H shows up and they start brawling too. What was Triple H's gameplan here? Anger the two guys he's fighting later on just as a mind game? Austin chases Triple H t the parking lot but can't find him. And then, in one of the most memorable angles in Attitude Era history, Austin gets hit by a car! The announcers treat it super serious and the next 5-10 minutes are spent watching Austin get attended to by a bunch of EMS workers, Jim Ross, and all the McMahons.
The Intercontinental Championship is on the line as Chris Jericho challenges Chyna (who was seconded by Miss Kitty). Chyna was the babyface, but Jericho has a noticeable and very loud segment of the audience backing him. In some ways, Chyna became a victim of her own success as, against certain heels, the crowds loved to root for her...until the act became repetitive and Chyna's mystique evaporated from her limitations as a wrestler and a promo became more and more obvious. To make matters worse for Chyna, Jericho, even as a heel, was beloved by many "smart" fans who believed him to be one of the most entertaining wrestlers on the roster and basically got babyface reactions from his very first night. With all that stacked against them, though, Jericho clearly wanted to prove he could carry Chyna to the best match of her career through sheer force of will and, while I'd have to watch a bunch more Chyna matches than I really want to to be 100% positive, he probably succeeded here. Jericho dominates on offense, but he's also a bit of a bastard, calling Chyna a "bitch" and really laying in some of his kicks. Its a much more physical contest than I expected and it ends up making Chyna a sympathetic figure - not a role she played much. Jericho's treatment of Miss Kitty also draws some good heat as Jericho really did everything he could to make himself come across as a bully. This match goes a few minutes over 10 but felt like a real war and a high-stakes match (not only because it was for the Intercontinental Championship but because Jericho had also claimed that, if he lost, he'd get a sex change). The finish didn't look too great, but Chyna's victory felt earned nonetheless and because she struck him with a low blow before hitting the pedigree from the top rope, Jericho didn't lose credibility by getting pinned. (3/5)
Backstage, Triple H and XPac explain to the McMahons that they were not behind Austin's attack (it would eventually be revealed that, actually, Triple H was behind it, but whatever). Triple H asks for reassurance that tonight's match is now 1-on-1 between him and The Rock.
In the ring, Too Cool and The Hollys take on Edge & Christian and The Hardys in a Survivors match. I forgot that during the Terri Invitational, both Edge & Christian and the Hardys were babyface acts, but I guess they were? I also thought the Hollys were babyfaces because Crash was so funny. Maybe they eventually became babyfaces? I also could've sworn that Too Cool were a "thing" as early as 97'/98', but, based on the commentary, their act had only just begun to be highlighted and they were still ostensibly months away from having Rikishi at their side? This match was just confusing as all hell in terms of understanding where the characters were. It was also surprising to hear this match not get very big reactions because the talents involved, a year later, were some of the most popular acts in the company. A match like this does help explain why that is, though - these guys put on a fireworks display with some of the sequences and spots here. Matt Hardy takes a NASTY sunset flip powerbomb on the floor that should've been treated like death the same way Austin getting hit by a car was. Jeff Hardy hits a 450 splash at one point and gets back body dropped over the top onto a bunch of guys on the floor too. The weakest offensive move might be Edge's spears, but everything else that is executed in this match is good-to-great. There's a bit of a lull in the match and, again, the crowd is just not there for these guys at this point, but the ingredients were certainly all there and its not surprising that, positioned properly, these teams and acts all got over with the crowds in time. From a sheer workrate perspective, this is the best match of the night, but the crowd indifference and a bit of an awkward stretch - were they possibly told to buy some time and didn't know exactly what to do to fill in the dots? - before the final eliminations prevent this from being the clear match of the night. (2.5/5)
The New Age Outlaws defended their WWE Tag Team Championships against Mick Foley and Al Snow in the next bout. The Outlaws were heels, but their catchphrases were still so over that the crowd cheered for them during their entrance, shouting along with all of Road Dogg's lines (except when he said he was going to shtup their mothers "doggystyle"). On the babyface side of things, Mick Foley had been shuffled down the card a bit after winning the SummerSlam main event (and the WWE Champinship), but with Austin out for the foreseeable future, he'd be shuffled right back up to the top by January. Al Snow had achieved his 15-minutes of national fame (or notoriety) when his action figure had been pulled off the shelves by Walmart for featuring what they perceived as a "decapitated head" (it was actually very obviously a mannequin head). I enjoyed the Outlaws/Foley match from SummerSlam 98' but this match offers none of those hardcore thrills, which is a shame because just making this a straight-up wrestling match means that its pretty dull and forgettable. Its laughable to hear JR and Lawler talk about the Outlaws being arguably the best tag team in WWE history when as soon as the bell rang, you could hear a cricket shit on a cotton ball. Not a good match at all. (1/5)
Main event time - The Rock vs. Triple H vs. Steve Austin's last minute replacement...The Big Show! The Big Show had not had a very strong run in the WWE up to this point, but this was an opportunity to give him a much-needed push in the right direction. Unfortunately, the WWE audience didn't get behind him to the level they needed to as a babyface. I wonder who else they considered for this spot or if they considered anybody else? Their choices were pretty slim. In hindsight, Test was there and actively involved in a feud with Triple H at the time (not that he was a main event level guy) and I could see Kane getting involved if they wanted to end the night with another big schmozz, but the Undertaker was nursing an injury (he wouldn't return full time for another 5-6 months), Kurt Angle wasn't established yet, and Chris Jericho was still locked in a separate feud with Chyna. Really, the only choice was Big Show. And the match itself isn't all that bad - in fact, its probably better than you remember it if you were a WWE fan at the time. It is very much a wild Attitude Era brawl, the action spilling outside of the ring fairly quickly and then all sorts of overbooking with the McMahons leading to the finish, but its physical and up-tempo for all of it. The Rock and Triple H take some serious bumps onto the floor and there's plenty of table wreckage to enjoy too. Both Rock and Triple H also did what was needed to put over Big Show as a huge threat and legit monster...though Big Show himself looked a bit uncomfortable and awkward in spots, which is unsurprising considering he was still just 3-4 years into his career at this point and his struggles to find his footing in the company had been widely publicized in the nascent "IWC." The Rock was the most over performer in the match and the crowd clearly wanted him to leave with the title, but with Austin out, its understandable why him not capturing the title was needed so that you could have him chase the title into WrestleMania. The Big Show's tearful post-match celebration felt forced and unnatural and the crowd didn't seem to care about it. Not a good way to end the night and another misstep in the booking of Big Show, who should've held the title high like a badass instead of an overemotional, sobbing softie. (2.5/5)
With only one real match in the above-average range (the X-Pac/Kane match is more of an angle anyway) and the crowd not caring about the only other really good bout (the Hardys/E&C/Hollys/Too Cool spotfest), Survivor Series 99' was a mess of a show that can't blame all its faults on Stone Cold's injury. Would the show have likely ended better with the advertised main event? Undoubtedly. Replacing Austin just wasn't possible. But the rest of this card is overloaded with matches that just aren't very good and, in most cases, feature talents who weren't very good wrestlers - including the Mean Street Posse, The Godfather, an over-the-hill Bulldog, a not-yet-ready-for-primetime Mark Henry, Ministry B-teamers like Mideon and Viscera, and most everyone involved in the Women's Survivors match. Then you also had certain acts that, while popular, really couldn't be depended on delivering great matches, such as the Outlaws. As a whole, this show felt like a bunch of episodes of RAW crammed together and not even good episodes of RAW at that. Somehow, though, this show eked by a 1.85-out-of-5 on the Kwang Scale when, before I crunched the numbers, I expected it to be closer to 1.5.
FINAL RATING - DUDleyville
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